Chapter Fifty-Two
Allie
As soon as we walk into the bar, Lainey jumps up from her stool, throws her hands up and says, “About damn time you got here!”
Harper shakes her head and stands beside her. “She’s had a few shots already, rough day at school.”
Lainey skips towards us, her cardigan flying out to her sides, and wraps me in a hug. “Hi Lainey.”
“Hi Al! Sorry. I’m a hugger, you’ll get used to it. Harper did,” Lainey says, before moving to hug Lo as Harper and Leo join us.
“Hey Allie. I didn’t get a chance to say this at Thanksgiving and know now that I do not get sappy, but I am really happy you and Lo worked things out. You had an uphill battle and I don’t know if I could have been as brave as you.”
I stare at her for a moment, shocked. “Thanks Harper. I’m glad Lo has you.”
Harper tosses her arm around my shoulder and whispers, “We are happy to have you. All of us. We may have just met, but anyone important to Lo is important to me.”
“Same to you Harper. Thank you. It means the world.”
“Hi Allie, good to see you again,” Leo says, pulling me into a hug.
I’m about to respond when Logan excitedly shouts behind us, “Everyone meet Harrison!”
Harrison waves and everyone introduces themselves as Leo leads us all over to the bar for a round of shots.
Logan bumps her shoulder next to mine and clinks her glass with mine. “Love you, Al.”
“Love ya to Lo.”
Tipping the shot glasses back, the alcohol burns as it slides down my throat. “Dammit. It’s been a while since I did shots.”
Harrison shakes his head and laughs. “Come on, Al. Let’s show them how we used to do it back in Florida.”
“No, thank you. I will not be passing out on the bar and neither will you. You promised us only two shots and plenty of dancing since you had to drive back to the city tonight.”
“Fineeee. I’ll be good, but next time y’all better find me a cozy bed to sleep in somewhere because it’s been a rough year and I could use a good ole fashion blackout.”
“AMEN!” Lainey and Harper echo behind him.
“Alright, ladies, so this was a specific request from the boss man himself,” Leo says, giving us all a sly look before bending down behind the bar. Seconds later, he pops up with a big smile on his face, holding two microphones. “Any volunteers or do we need to draw straws?”
I look down the line of people surrounding me. If you would have told me last year, I would be having a night out with Logan, Harrison, and these incredible people that I’ve met through my beautiful Storm, I would have told you to keep dreaming. And standing here now, seeing it all play out in front of me, I can’t help thinking about how incredibly grateful and happy I am that I took this path in life, even if it was hell getting here.
Standing from my stool, I drop my over the shoulder bag on the bar, hike up my high waisted pants and adjust my cropped sweater before tossing back a shot and snatching the microphone from Leo.
“Hell ya Al! Who’s with her?”
Logan jumps up, snatches the mic, and drags me over to the mini-stage in the corner of the bar.
“What will it be, ladies?” Leo asks.
Lainey points to the iPad in Leo’s hand and he hands it over, but not before sending us a sneaky look.
Logan and I both look at each other and shrug.
A wave of nervousness hits me, but it’s quickly gone as soon as ‘Can’t Fight the Moonlight’ by LeAnn Rhimes filters through the bar.
Logan and I look at each other and hesitate for a moment before bursting out laughing and singing the song at the top of our lungs.
The songs start to bleed into each other, all of us taking turns singing anything from Taylor Swift to Backstreet Boys, with Harper shocking us all by perfectly rapping the lyrics to Super Bass.
Even long after the alcohol stops flowing, we don’t stop dancing and singing.
TAP TAP.
The music stops and we all look over to Harrison standing on the stage, microphone in hand and clearly a little tipsy. “This next song is for the two girls that fucked my life up,” Harrison pauses, all of us confused, but then he burst out laughing, “IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!”
All American Rejects, Gives You Hell filters through the speakers and we all burst out singing along with Harrison.
This is what freedom and forgiveness look like, and I freaking love it.
Walking out of The Handle, Logan, Lainey, Harper, and Harrison right behind me, I clutch my side to ease the ache from laughing so hard.
For the first time in a very long time, I was able to let go. I finally felt an ounce of freedom and even felt a small piece of my former self slip back into place. I know I will never truly be back to the girl I once was, but that’s not a bad thing.
“Get home safe, ladies! Text me when you get to wherever you are calling home tonight!” Leo shouts from inside the bar.
“Bye Lee! Miss me!” Lainey says, giggling and looping her arm through Harper’s. Logan skips over to me and hops on my back. Luckily, I catch her slightly intoxicated big butt and we both erupt in a fit of laughter.
Harrison shakes his head like he’s fed up with our antics, but we all know he loves it. “Bye crazy girls. I’ll see y’all later.” He crosses the street to his truck that is parked in front of The Handle, and we all wave as he drives off.
Harper releases Lainey’s arm and runs up the road to the lamppost, hooks her arm around it, and swings her body around it. As she makes her third trip around, she starts singing at the top of her lungs, “Burnin’ Up” by the Jonas Brothers.
Logan tightens her arms around me, giving me a squeeze, then jumps down. I catch her arm so she doesn’t fall on her face, then take out my phone to record H and now Lainey, who has her phone out with the flashlight, acting like she is at a concert.
Logan and I completely lose our shit and fall onto the bench in front of the closed flower shop to enjoy the chaos.
Soon we are all singing at the top of our lungs and I’m shocked that we haven’t had someone come out and tell us to be quiet. I know Grayson can hear us because I saw his head pop up from his client, and judging by the smile and shake of his head, he doesn’t care.
Logan leans her head on my shoulder and we continue watching Lainey and H, singing along with whatever playlist H has on inside her head.
I relax further into the bench and pull the sleeves of Landon’s sweatshirt, which I stole from his truck this morning, down my arms.
“I’m happy to see a smile on your face again, Al. Thank you for allowing me the chance to be in your life again to see it,” Logan says quietly, almost in a whisper.
I lean my head down to hers and wrap my free arm around her to give her a hug the best I can. “Thank you for giving me the time and space I needed. I know it was hard. For both of us. But the strongest relationships are often the ones that have had to climb Everest to get to there.”
Logan’s hand goes to her face and I know she is sweeping away a tear, but I let her be. It’s been a journey and I am just happy to be surrounded by an amazing group of people.
I owe so much of it to this amazing group of friends I’ve met here in Cliff Haven. They have surrounded me on days where I fall back inside my mind.
Without them, I wouldn’t be here watching Lainey and Harper square dancing in the middle of the quiet street, laughing my ass off with the girl who is like my sister.
I know I wouldn’t be here without the other half of my damaged soul. Landon Parker Hayes is my sunshine on a cloudy day. He is my life raft on the days where I can’t keep my head above water. He is my best friend. Now that we have both been home for months, we have grown so much individually and together since the beginning of the year. And I can most certainly say I love this man with every piece of myself.
I just hope that I can break down that last wall soon and tell him.
Speaking of Landon, he rounds the corner of the building and stops in his tracks to take in the scene in front of me.
Before I can catch up to what I’m doing, I’m out of my seat and running at him. A smile spreads across his face and he opens his arms just in time for me to jump into them. Wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, I hug him and feel his laughter vibrate against my chest.
His arms wind gently around my waist, and he hugs me tightly against him. His shoulders relax as he buries his face in my neck.
“Fuck’s sake! When did we transport into some romcom movie?” I hear Harper say in a sarcastic tone.
Not bothering to turn around and face them, I bury my face into Landon’s neck, breathing in his warm cinnamon and smokey scent.
“Stop! They are so cute! Don’t listen to them, Al! That was adorable!” Lainey yells back.
Landon huffs a laugh and tightens his arms for a brief second. I slide down and stay tucked into his side. His arm goes around my waist, his hand resting on my hip. Turning my head, I gaze up at him and his dark blues meet mine.
The sound of the girl’s laughter fades away as Landon’s forehead goes to rest atop of mine, our eyes locked in a silent embrace.
A smile spreads across my face at the overwhelming sense of safety and what feels like love radiating off of us. But as his face morphs to return the gesture, I notice something is slightly off.
He must catch on that his mask doesn’t fool me anymore and places a gentle kiss on the top of my head before standing back to his full height.
Keeping me locked against his hip, he says, “Hi Bluebird. Did you have fun?”
I nod and search his eyes for a hint of what’s wrong. My mind immediately goes to the absolute worst things.
Did he relapse? Did something happen to his dad? Did a mission go wrong?
Is he no longer feeling the same way and is about to tell me that the invisible string between us is gone?
I am about to ask him when Grayson steps onto the sidewalk, Noah and Willow right behind him. Logan stumbles over to him, rises on her tiptoes, and kisses him. She pulls away quickly and plasters herself to his front. His arms wind around her and he runs his hand up and down her back.
“Hi Pretty Girl,” he says and Logan buries her face in his chest as Willow plasters her fluffy body against their legs.
Lainey skips over to Noah, who lifts his shirt to show her his fresh tattoo. Noah looks in my direction, smiles, and says, “Al! Come see my new ink!”
Reluctantly, I rid my mind of everything going on with Landon and walk over to a now shirtless Noah.
Quickly, we are all gathered around him as he and Gray tell the story of why Noah now has a shark stretching up his ribs.
Landon steps closer to me and brushes his pinky against mine. I turn to look up at him and see he is no longer hiding.
Something is definitely wrong.
“Alright. We are heading out. This one promised me a hike tomorrow and if she doesn’t get enough sleep, her and the fluff ball will be cranky the entire time.” Grayson says, still running a hand down Lo’s back.
Logan shrugs and starts walking towards her Jeep parked in front of The Needle. She doesn’t get very far before Gray is tossing her over his shoulder and placing her in the passenger side of the car.
“Let me go check on Leo and then I will bring you girls home. Lan. I assume you will take care of this one.” Noah says, wiggling his finger at me and sticking his tongue out.
Without looking up, I can see Landon roll his eyes before saying, “Yes, dumbass. Text me when you get home. I really don’t want to hear from Lachlan that he can’t find Lainey.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Love ya too.”
We watch as they all walk back into The Handle and as soon as the doors shut, I turn to face Landon.
I stare up at him and try to search for what’s wrong. He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes and his hand brushes against my arm.
Taking matters into my own hands, I guide his arms to wrap around me and send him a questioning look.
What is going on in my beautifully broken man’s head?
The longer he stands here, not saying anything, I can’t help but run through all the worst-case scenarios.
“Hey. Stop.”
My eyes snap up to his. I didn’t even realize they had drifted to stare off into the distance.
I go to speak, but he stops me. “Stop. I can hear the wheels turning in your head.”
Sighing, I lean against him. “What’s wrong?”
His chest rises as he takes a deep breath. “Want to take a walk with me?”
Taking a step back, I search his face.
Why won’t he tell me? What is going on?
Landon locks his pinky with mine, pulling me back to his chest. “Don’t go there. We are okay. I’m not going anywhere. Nothing happened. I just want to take a walk with my best friend. It was a…” He stops to scrub his hand down his face, his pinky still latched in mine.
He tries to continue, but he can’t seem to find the words.
I remind myself of the reassurances he just gave me and rid all the anxiety and voices telling me to panic.
Taking a step back, I watch as his eyebrows hit his forehead and his grip tightens, refusing to let me go. He glances down at our hands and back up at me.
“Lead the way Storm. I will be here every step of the way.”
His shoulders sink in relief, and he tugs me back against his side.
Together, we walk side by side. Him leading the way and me following silently right beside him.
Just like he promised to always be by my side and be my constant in this world of chaos, I made the same promise to him. And this is my moment to prove that my commitment rings true to my beautiful storm.
I let him lead me down the dark and quiet roads of Cliff Haven and bask in the moment. I am here, alone, letting a man lead me to an unknown location, and I don’t have a single ounce of fear in my body. All I care about is getting to wherever Landon is leading me and letting him know he has someone to lean on.
We walk for a few minutes until the playground comes into view. The street lights illuminate the area and Landon guides us to sit down on one of the benches at the far end of the playground that overlooks the river.
He lets my hand go and I sit on the bench, turn sideways and pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and resting my chin atop.
Landon sits close, his leg touching my foot, and his arm stretches out to rest on the back of the bench. I watch as he stares out at the river flowing steadily by us. The sound of the river mixes with the light breeze rustling the leaves on the trees surrounding the park, creating the most peaceful and serene moment.
I don’t rush him. I don’t beg him to talk. I allow him to sit and take all the time he needs to find the words to express what is bothering him.
Only when I notice his hands start to have the slightest shake, do I reach out and run my finger up and down his arm. I watch as his body tenses, then relaxes after a few passes of my finger.
Slowly, his head turns and his gaze locks with mine. My hand moves to his face and I cup the side of his cheek, my thumb running through his trimmed beard. His eyes flutter closed and his head leans into my hand; his body sagging against the back of the bench.
I stare at this beautiful man in front of me. I can’t help but think how lucky I am that he was the one sent to rescue me from New York. Maybe fate was on my side this entire time and I just didn’t realize it until some of the darkness faded away and saw that my light was here this entire time. Even if he had a dark cloud raging above him.
“Storm,” I say quietly, to not scare him. I desperately want to show him I can be his shoulder to lean on, just like he is for me. As much as I don’t want to push him, I don’t want him to feel like he is fighting this battle alone.
His eyes flutter open, and a smile spreads across his eyes as they focus on me.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi beautiful.”
Butterflies fill my stomach and the words I was going to say completely disappear.
Damn this man and his ability to speak to me without saying a single word. Then when he does say something, he leaves me speechless with a simple phrase.
Taking a deep breath, I swallow the nerves and say, “I never want to push you to talk, but I just want you to know I am always here. Whatever is going on inside your mind, you don’t have to fight it alone. You were there for me when I didn’t even know I needed you, and I want you to do the same.”
“I know Bluebird,” he says, sounding exhausted and almost defeated.
He starts to talk, but I stop him. “Before you say it’s nothing or you don’t want to bother me. Please talk to me, Landon. I can tell something is eating at you and I hate it. Let me be here for you. Please.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “I want to tell you everything that is screaming inside my head right now, but I—”
“Storm…”
I search his eyes, trying to find a hint of what is tearing him apart so badly, but I can’t.
“I don’t want to cry, Bluebird.” His voice cracks and my heart breaks.
Moving my hand from his face, I reach for his hand and intertwine our pinkies. With the simple raise of my eyebrows, he continues.
“I don’t want to cry. All I have done for the last few months is fight. I’ve fought every day to be the man that you deserve. But at night when the world quiets and the sky darkens, all I want to do is let it all out. But I’m afraid to. Because I know the moment I do, I won’t stop. And I can’t do that because I want to be strong for you, Bluebird. But—”
“Stop,” I say softly.
He tries to continue, but I lean forward and place a kiss on his forehead. When I lean back, I know he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.
Taking a deep breath, I wait for him to lock his eyes with mine, and say, “Showing emotion doesn’t make your strength diminish. It actually shows a different version of it. It shows while you are strong beyond belief, you are also fearless. It shows that you are not afraid to be vulnerable.
“Vulnerability is hard. But just like you are my rock, let me be yours. Let me be the shoulder you cry on, my brave Storm. Let it all out. Because I promise you, I will not see weakness. I will see a strong, beautiful, vulnerable man. One that is the perfect missing link to my seemingly broken soul.”
And as the last words leave my lips, his head drops to mine and I feel the first tear hit my cheek.