Chapter 17 Lily
LILY
Before Logan died, I would work out almost every day, either with him, or Max and Zack, and well it’s safe to say I haven’t done anything remotely close to working out since he died.
Cleaning my apartment, shopping, and taking myself on dates, is only going so far to looking after myself, and I know I need to take real steps toward getting myself better.
It’s been a week since I started the meds from Dr. Hollis, and after another successful therapy session with her yesterday, I am feeling more motivated than ever. So with that in mind, today I plan to start looking after my body again, by taking myself to Jace and Marcus’s gym in Black Hallows.
Putting on one of my new workout sets I bought, I slick my hair back into a neat bun and pack a small bag of necessities. Then I head to the kitchen, fill up my water bottle, and head down to the garage before I can change my mind.
The drive to Black Hallows is always a bit of a slog, taking anywhere from one to two hours depending on traffic, and by the time I pull up on the South Side outside the gym, it’s almost 8 p.m. I’m not surprised the lights are still on, Jace and Marcus always work late during the week, trying to offer as many classes as they can, but I know they should be done by now.
Parking my car, I grab my bag and head inside, only to be greeted by masculine laughs. I move further into the gym until I find the culprits. Jace has Marcus pinned to the mat beneath him, much to Marcus’s dismay, and a snort bubbles out of me, grabbing their attention.
Jace’s head snaps toward me. “Viper?” I can hear the surprise and confusion in his tone, and the distraction allows Marcus to flip him over and get the better of him.
“Thanks, Lils, that’s the first time I have got him on his back all day,” Marcus huffs, pushing up to his feet before offering Jace his hand and helping him up. “Good to see you,” he adds, and I see the slight note of confusion in his stare because he wasn’t expecting me.
“Yeah, you too,” I smile, because it really is good to see him. “How’s Elle and Cassie?” My question has guilt swirling inside of me, at how long it’s been since I have seen them, but his smile is instant.
“They’re as perfect as always, and it won’t be long until I’ve got another perfect girl,” he brags, his happiness almost making bile burn at the back of my throat.
I’d hate him if I weren’t so happy for him.
“I take it you’re not here to catch up though,” he adds in question, suddenly turning serious, as he looks between me and Jace.
“I mean, I am probably lacking in that area,” I joke, suddenly feeling awkward, before I clear my throat. “I was actually hoping one of you could spare an hour to work out.”
“Are Zack and Max busy?” Marcus asks instantly, frowning slightly, and I panic a little, before Jace slaps him on the back.
“Please, brother, we both know she wants to work out with her best friend,” he teases, tossing me a wink. “Don’t worry, I got this.” He pats his back firmly, pushing him toward the changing rooms, and they share a look, before Marcus nods.
“Yeah no worries,” he tells Jace, before looking back at me. “I’ll see you soon?” he asks, and even though I’m not sure when I will see him, I still nod.
Jace waits until Marcus has left before turning his focus back to me, and I raise my eyebrows in question. “So you’re my best friend now?”
“Of course I am, no one else would put up with your shitty attitude, and you did save my life once, it’s only fair.”
“That’s just sad for both of us,” I tease and he scoffs.
“Just go and dump your bag in one of the lockers so we can assess how lazy you have become in the last year,” he commands, and I smile before doing just that.
By the time I return, Marcus has gone home and Jace has locked up, and is now waiting for me on the mats.
He runs through a quick warmup with me, one that is already stealing the breath from my lungs, before we start with some basic fighting formations that I am more than used to.
However, despite being familiar with them all, my moves are shoddy at best, considering how out of practice I am.
“Fucking sloppy,” Jace curses, coming at me again and knocking me on my ass, before helping me back up.
We go round after round, each more disastrous than the last, and his insults only keep coming.
“Cash can punch harder than you and he’s five.
” Sweat is slick on my back, my muscles screaming in protest, but I don’t stop and neither do his barbs.
“Elle is nine months pregnant and she’s still faster than you. ”
At that I scoff. “That’s not fair, she’s faster than everyone,” I heave out, holding up my hand to signal for him to take a break. Thankfully he allows it, falling back and grabbing a bottle of water and passing it over to me. “Thanks.”
He watches me silently for a moment, letting me catch my breath, before he finally decides to interrogate me. “So, why are you really here?”
His question is expected, and maybe that’s why I’m here, because I know he will push me, like Max does, but in a different way.
“I feel empty without him,” I admit out loud for the first time. “We always came as a pair, you know, the twins, and now I’m just me.” He listens to me silently, and I know he knows my pain, it’s why I keep going. “I feel like I died, but I’m still here, and I have to start acting like it.”
Jace is already nodding in agreement, as his hand reaches out and closes around mine, squeezing gently.
“Those therapists really work that magic, don’t they?
” I laugh, nodding my head, dashing away an escaped tear, my body aching, but already feeling lighter from the workout and my admission.
“Now go home and get some rest, because I expect you back here at least twice a week.”
“Actually, is it okay if I stay a while? I could do with the quiet.” And the practice, I add on in my head, and he nods.
“Sure, we have a security system and alarm that links to all of our phones, and there is a panic room in the back, the code is Cassie’s birthday.” To most people his words might seem insane, but all they do is remind me how much shit we have all been through.
“Thanks, Jace, not just for this, but for…” I trail off, not really knowing what to say, but in true Jace Conrad style, he only shrugs.
“Ah, it’s nothing,” he replies, as if he isn’t one of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met. “Just text me when you get home okay?” Only when I nod in agreement does he move to leave, and I watch as he gathers his stuff, tidying a few bits away, before he heads home.
Once he’s gone, I let myself look around, truly taking in this place for the first time.
They had only just opened it a few months before Logan died, and though I came here a few times, they have made a lot of changes.
New equipment lines every wall, with framed pictures of what I can only presume are kids from their classes above all of them.
It makes me feel bittersweet to see the work they are doing here, the kids they are helping, kids that could have been me and Logan if the Roytons didn’t step in.
A few more tears threaten to fall, but I blink them away, moving to a set of small weights in the corner and testing them out until I find some that work.
Then I slowly go through the motions of my old arm workout, not pushing myself as hard as I once could, but enough to know it will hurt tomorrow.
Yet the pain is welcome, it’s a reminder I can still feel something, that I’m alive, something I have forgotten recently.
I’m so in the zone that I don’t hear someone else enter, not until they are across the gym and dumping their bag to the floor. Asher spots me at the same time I spot him, both of us freezing in surprise at each other’s presence.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were here.” He quickly grabs his bag and turns to flee, more than happy to leave me in peace, but I find myself dropping the weights and calling after him.
“Asher!” His name on my lips has him pausing. “You don’t have to go, I won’t bite. Plus, Jace says I’m too weak anyway,” I joke, aiming to lighten the tension now curling between us, but he remains quiet. “You obviously came here to work out, so just stay, please.”
It takes him a while before he nods slightly, still not saying anything, but slowly looking round before settling on the section of the gym that is furthest away from me.
A spot I’m sure he chose on purpose, and I try not to watch him as he begins to wrap up his knuckles, rolling his shoulders in preparation to hit the bags.
I focus back on my weights, trying not to let his presence bother me, but the sound of his fists against the bag are like lightning.
Each blow delivered with lethal speed and making a loud cracking sound, and I half wonder what brought him here so late.
Do his demons keep him awake too? He makes punch after punch, barely stopping for air, until his shirt is sweat-soaked and clinging to him, and he pauses to whip it off, before going right back to it.
Not realizing I am watching him, but his lack of shirt isn’t what has me staring.
No, it’s the litter of scars covering his torso.
I haven’t seen him shirtless since Elle and Marcus’s honeymoon, and the only scars he had then were the bullet wound courtesy of his father, and the odd one here and there.
Now though? Now they are everywhere, small, large, straight, jagged, one after the other, staining his skin like a map of destruction I can’t look away from.
Bile burns the back of my throat as I watch him go back to slamming his fists into the bag, my feet eating up the space between us before I can stop them.