Chapter 8 Marcus
Walking into my former home brings a pang to my heart.
I spent so many years here… There’s a sense of nostalgia, even if my soul clambers to be back at the O’Connel mansion, which I’ve begun to think of as “ours”, despite it not being De Luca territory.
At least, the conversations I’ve had with Keegan have kept me from going crazy.
It’s been a balm for both Carter and me.
While I have my orders, there is one thing I need to do.
And while my Sir will understand, and has already given his approval, there’s a major part of me that worries about me doing it.
Still, I can’t be so close to him and not stop to see him.
I’m not Antonio. I can’t turn my back, not even if my best friend thinks I should.
As I turn into the medical wing, Dr. Ranlen greets me. She points to a room, but I shake my head. I’m not here for Keegan quite yet. With a dawning expression, and a tightening of her lips, she gestures for me to come closer.
“Do not upset him right now. He’s still…delicate. While Lio being kidnapped has brought him back to a certain degree, at least to the point I’m no longer having to monitor him quite so closely, he’s still…different.”
The flash of concern on her face worries me, but I nod my reassurance. After all, I’m probably the least likely to cause issues. I’m surprised Tennant hasn’t made it out of his bed and over to Il Padrone’s room to kill him. Hopefully, the thought just hasn’t crossed his mind.
She takes me further down the hallway, before stopping outside a partially open door. Shifting her weight from one leg to the other, she hesitates before knocking. Only when I hear Il Padrone’s voice does she back away and tilt her head toward the door.
She must have noticed my shock at his voice. It’s not nearly as strong and commanding as it used to be. Laying a hand on my arm, she squeezes it in acknowledgment of the situation before walking away. Pushing my shoulders back and standing straight, I open the door and walk in.
I thought I was prepared. Keegan’s warning about Il Padrone being different has been pressed into my mind, but somehow, I wasn’t expecting this.
The man sitting up in the hospital bed looks several years older, and if I didn’t have the history I have with him, I’d never believe this to be the mighty Il Padrone.
Fuck. Everything about him screams lost.
As I swallow, hoping to wet my suddenly dry throat, I step closer to him, hopefully hiding my shock. I can’t find any words, but thankfully, he steps in first.
“Marcus. I was going to contact you. I’ve been waiting for access to a phone.” There’s a ghost of a smile on his face—or more accurately, what I think is an attempt at a potential smile. Fuck. Is he a prisoner here? It would make sense, but it grates on me that he doesn’t even have a phone.
“Was there something you needed, Padrone?” I incline my head, needing to give him the level of respect that he’s always earned from me in the past.
He shudders, shaking his head almost frantically. Raising a hand, he stalls me as I go to back away. “Please. I’m not Il Padrone anymore.”
I’m powerless to his plea. I know Keegan warned me, but fuck. It’s like being thrown into the ocean in the middle of a storm—I can’t find my bearings. Taking a deep breath, I slowly reply, “How would you like to be addressed?”
With a frown, he gives a partial shrug. “Allesandro is fine…but—and I know I have no right to ask this—if you ever feel comfortable addressing me as Sandro, it would be an honor.”
I struggle not to drop my jaw. Using his first name seems impossible enough, but a nickname?
From the way he shifts his gaze elsewhere, it appears he understands just how much he’s asking of me.
It’s…uncomfortable. He’s my former Master, my former Boss, my savior, and the man I’ve held in high esteem for more years than I care to count. The idea of being friends…
I clear my throat, trying to speak carefully so Dr. Ranlen doesn’t kill me. “Then I’ll call you Allesandro, at least, for now.”
He meets my eyes, and this time, there’s a certain amount of peace there that makes me relax.
It’s hard to let go of weapons, and what is a reputation but a weapon designed to protect the person carrying it?
I can’t imagine what he must be going through, shedding the Il Padrone persona, but I make a silent vow to be there for him as he does it.
It takes a strong man to shed falsehoods, and I’ll walk beside him while he does it, and perhaps… perhaps we can find a balance together.
“I wanted to say how very proud I am of you,” he says softly.
“All of my former Boys have truly shined since leaving the Martelli Family. I may not have done much good in my life, and I may have gone about it completely wrong, but you Boys are the one thing I’m proud of.
You were my War, and I know you’ll serve Carter well.
Cutting into my resources…that was the perfect strategy.
I am not sure what will become of the Martellis, but thank you for the time you did give me.
I didn’t deserve it, but I’m thankful for it all the same, even if this Family does not survive.
I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, and everyone. ”
Fuck. I’m not sure how much of this I can take. I stumble over to the chair beside him and sit down. I reach out and grasp his hand, even though it feels awkward, as I stare at him.
“Allesandro…I will not devalue your apology. I’ll accept it in the spirit it’s meant, but…
you were a good Master. You saved my life.
You taught me more about strategy than I ever thought possible.
You gave me freedom, and even when I used that to betray you, you didn’t turn your back on me.
And…you tried to protect my angel. What happened to her was not your fault, nor mine.
But while I was giving into the blackmail and betraying you, you stepped in to try and protect her.
I…fuck. I accept you not wanting to be Il Padrone, but please, please know that to me, you were a good Boss, and I have no regrets in following you. ”
Allesandro’s eyes become misty, but he holds steady. Huskily, he says, “Thank you. And…I asked Keegan if I could be of help with finding Emilio and Roman. I know he was going to talk to Carter about it, but…I want to let you know, I am at your command. Any time.”
He squeezes my hand once more before letting go, and I merely nod, unable to force anything else out.
Fuck. These emotions are screwing with my head.
I stand up and try to smile, but I doubt it works.
It feels wrong to turn my back and walk away, but that’s what I do.
I escape. I can’t handle the overwhelming feeling of loss anymore.
He may mean it as a sign of respect, but to me?
It’s…not. I can’t fathom this change in him.
And while I understand it, and hell, even approve of it, I can’t shake the feeling that I'm missing the leader I knew.
Dr. Ranlen is still working on charts when I step out, and it only takes one look before she sighs and holds open her arms. I walk right into them, knowing she hates hugs, but selfishly needing it.
We stay in an embrace for a few minutes, not saying a word.
Just two people who knew Il Padrone at his greatest, and are seeing him at his lowest, holding each other up.
She eases out of my arms and touches my cheek.
“Why don’t you go see my brother? He’ll help. This may be a confusing time for us all, but…it’ll get better. And once we get Lio back…”
I realize then that we’re both pinning our hopes on a young man who's gone through so much in life, and I wince in shame. But neither of us knows how to do anything else. For now, I decide she’s right. It’s time to see Keegan.
Everything may be a kaleidoscope of confusion right now, but he’s the one thing that always holds me steady.
Thank fuck I was sent here to help escort Tennant and him back home.
We’re not taking any chances, but really, I think I’m the one who needs the help now.
That conversation will haunt me…far more than any memories of the playroom, or even the ash taste of betrayal.
Seeing the strongest man I know turn into…
that. I cringe and stumble toward Keegan, my desperate need pulling me there.
Thank fuck I have someone to ground me. I only wish I could give that to Allesandro as well.