Chapter 9 Carter
Alone in my hospital room for the first time since waking up, I feel…
adrift. And useless. Stuck in the stupid bed due to my injuries, the only thing I can do to help is give out orders.
The bodyguard in me, the instinct that had me shoving Marcus out of the way and taking those bullets so he didn’t…
rejects being unable to be on the ground searching for my son and fellow Boss.
But, I also know the Families need me to help guide them, more than they need a fucking martyr. As much as I don’t think I’m the right person for the job, I also know that every single person on my side disagrees. I’m not alone, even though I’m lonely as hell without Marcus and Keegan at my side.
Who knew those two would become so important to me in such a short period of time.
At first, I just wanted to help. Cole gave me a distraction when my world was crashing down around me, and then I fell in love with him, because how could you not love him?
He’s sweet, smart, and such a good kid. He’s what made me want to give being a father another shot.
Fuck, I want to be his father. But, I’m terrified to take that next step with my friends.
I told them I love them, but I didn’t stress that I’m in love with them.
I don’t know when my feelings changed, when they went from friends—family—to more, but they have, and as worried as I am that I’ll fuck it up, because my marriage just fell apart, I want them as well.
I don’t know if they’ll want me, broken as I am, but being part of their lives will be enough. It has to be.
Though, it’s also why I’m worried that they’re both at the Martelli house, near not only Allesandro, but Cristian as well.
I don’t want Marcus to get hurt again. I know how much he cares for Allesandro still—it’s partly why I voted yes on letting him live.
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare the shit out of me to have him so close to his former Master.
Still, I have to trust him and Keegan both.
Trust. That word brings me back to Cristian. Who I thought trusted me, not only with his heart, but his son’s as well. Look how wrong I was. The fact he was already accusing me of sleeping with Marcus and Keegan when we were just friends…it worries me that he’ll be a dick to them because he’s hurt.
Giving back my ring, ending our marriage…
it was the right thing to do, for a lot of reasons.
He broke me when he denied my paternal rights to Roman, but we haven’t been okay for a long time.
If we were, I have to believe he wouldn’t have hurt me so deeply.
Couples fight, they say things they don’t mean, but you don’t tear someone you love to their lowest point and then keep digging the knife in.
The man I loved—love still, because I don’t think I’ll ever not love him—wouldn’t have said the things he did after the Bosses’ meeting.
He would have apologized, and asked for forgiveness he doesn’t deserve.
Instead, he made everything worse, and showed that maybe we really are done this time.
The pain of losing something that meant the world to me for so long is crushing, and it rivals the physical pain of my injuries.
There’s a knock on my closed door, and I force myself to take a deep breath, pretending I have my shit together so no one worries—there are more important things for everyone to do than worry about me.
“Come in,” I call out when I am at least a little steadier than before.
The door opens and Jude enters the room, followed by Benjamin, Leandro, and Doc.
It’s still surreal to be the one getting updates and issuing orders, or contemplating their plans of action, but I am my father’s son.
If the years by Cristian’s side have taught me anything, it’s how to run a Family.
Georgio can at least be devastated by the knowledge that I’ve finally stepped into the shoes he and Julian never wanted me to fill.
Though, knowing my father, he’d be proud I am using Cristian’s unintentional teachings as well.
Georgio may not have wanted his bastard in charge, but he was never one to pass up an opportunity either.
“How’s Hollis?” I ask both Doc and Jude.
“Limited duty until I say so,” Doc replies carefully. “If Roman and Emilio weren’t missing, I’d have pulled him completely, but I know better than to think he’d sit on the sidelines while we search for his lovers. I’m sourcing a therapist for him though, he doesn’t get a choice this time.”
Jude’s lips tighten into a thin line, but that’s the only outward display of emotion. He leans against the wall, his pale green eyes hard and his face blank as he listens to Doc.
“I can do the work on my own,” Leandro speaks up. “But I think the whole ‘trying to avoid burnout or a breakdown’ applies to me as well.”
Doc shoots him a look. “It does. Both of you are on my shit list for how many hours you’ve been putting in. Hollis just gets the worst of it this time around. I am going to closely monitor him for a while, and pull him away every few hours for a break, even if he fights me.”
“He won’t,” Jude says firmly. “Well, he will, but Ten and I will help you there. Hol is…not okay, and he hasn’t been for a while. Too many things have happened that are out of his control, the video was the final straw.”
“How’d they even know where to send it?” I ask.
“Hollis keeps his inbox open on the darkweb because he still takes jobs sometimes. People know who he’s protected by, so they know better than to screw him over.
That they know how to find him tells us they’re comfortable navigating those sites.
It could lead us to them with time and a little patience.
Neither of which we have right now, but H and I are working on it.
They’ve routed their IP through a handful of countries, but I’m hoping to replicate that series and see if I can’t find a pattern of similar addresses or lines they might have used for other things. ”
“Such as hiring assassins…” I muse.
“Yep,” Leandro agrees. “Might not lead anywhere, but I’m going to try anyway.
There weren’t any distinct markers in the video we were sent, so I can’t track them that way.
Though, they were in a house, I think, rather than a warehouse.
H is pressing his contacts for any leads they might have on the Senator and Cecily.
If they have properties not in their names, or anything that might be in the son’s name, we’ll find it. ”
“Good. Thank you.” I take a long, slow breath, wincing slightly as the wound in my chest aches. “Has anyone else seen the video?”
“Soren and I have,” Doc says. “Leandro wanted an opinion on Emilio’s…state. We agree with him and Hollis that something isn’t right. I hate to think what they’re pumping into him, but…I think it’s safe to assume he was drugged.”
Benjamin curses. “I want to see it.”
“No,” Doc says. “You don’t…it’s…no. The less people who do, the better.”
“I’m his Second, I have a right to—”
“No,” I speak over him, backing Doc up. “I haven’t even seen it. Whatever happened, you don’t need to watch it in order to know it’s traumatic, and something Lio isn’t going to want everyone to see. You can support him without watching.”
“You really don’t want to see it,” Leandro says.
His tone is soft, but his eyes are hard as he looks at Benjamin.
It’s as if he’s pulling on how he knows he should act, but is having a hard time displaying the emotion.
Which…is concerning, as the mimic is very, very good at showing what he wants you to see.
“If you care so much about helping your Boss, you’ll accept that some things are private, and be prepared to listen should he need to talk about it.
But watching isn’t going to help you understand what happened any more than his own words and feelings about the incident will. ”
Benjamin glares at Leandro, but doesn’t protest. I don’t have the time or inclination to ask about what’s going on between the two of them.
Leandro is who he is, and though he’s good at pretending, he only really interacts with Roman, Hollis, and Tennant.
Everyone else, he is disinterested in, so his open dislike of Benjamin is…
well, hopefully, Benjamin is smart enough to stay out of his way.
“I’ve prescribed some meds for Hollis. They're not a cure or anything, but they should help manage his anxiety more. Between those, and limiting his working hours for a little bit, and the therapist I will drag him to by his dick if need be, he’ll hopefully be more stable soon enough.
Roman and Emilio being found will be what ultimately helps, and Tennant returning today, but for now, it’s what I’ve got to work with. ”
“Thank you, Doc,” Jude replies, and this time, emotion shows in his tone.
“I…” He pauses and runs a hand through his curls, before signing, “I feel fucking useless without Ten. We all rely on Tennant to keep us steady, on Roman to bring love into our relationship, and Hollis to hold us all together. It was a rough night, but I held him through it, and the meds seemed to help him finally fall into actual sleep, so, thank you.”
“It’s my job, but I’m glad he’s resting. He pushes himself too hard, which doesn’t help, but we’ll take care of him,” Doc assures the younger man.
“I’ll help, too,” Benjamin says. “Tennant is injured, and I know you’re busy with Roman gone. I respect Hollis, so…anything I can do, I will.”
Jude studies Benjamin for a long moment, before giving him a clipped nod and a signed thank you.
Leandro scoffs, but doesn’t say anything.
“If there’s nothing else, I’ll be back to check on you later.
I need to check-in with Jayden and Ignacio—fucker almost hurt himself when he heard Roman had been taken, then I need to talk to Hollis about therapy.
I also need to review Dr. Ranlen’s notes from today on Keegan and Tennant, so I’m up to speed for when they get here later. ”
“I’m fine, thank you for the update, Doc.”
“Thank me by not getting hurt anymore.”
I laugh a little. “I’ll get right on that.”
Doc rolls his eyes and goes to leave the room, only a knock on the door stops him. He glances at me and I give a nod, so he opens it. One of Leandro’s guards stands outside the room, an apologetic look on his face.
“Sorry for the interruption, but there’s an officer who says he has information on Omar Campbell—the Jamaican gang leader—and he’d like permission to speak with whoever’s in charge.”
I let the guard’s words sink in for a moment, before glancing at Jude and Benjamin. “Go speak with him. I don’t want cops this deep in the house and, well, I’m not exactly fit for company.”
A muscle in Jude’s jaw tics before he locks down his expression, once again becoming nothing more than a blank mask.
He’s hard to read on a good day, due to his family training him to hide, and his own brand of sociopathy, so I can’t even begin to guess what’s going through his head, but with Keegan gone, I trust him to be my Voice.
Benjamin, too. After all, they’re both Seconds to the Council, and Tennant’s lovers.
They have more stake in this new development than anyone else.
“Here.” Leandro hands a tablet over to Jude. “Just press this button once you’re in the room with him, and it’ll scan and start copying his phone.”
“Will it be enough for you to remotely access it?” I ask.
“Most people don’t have the level of encryption on their phones that will prevent me from that, but you never know with these fuckers. Either way, we should hopefully get something from it.”
“Okay, go. I trust you two to validate the legitimacy of his claims, but I want it all brought back to me before anyone makes a move.”
“Of course, Antonio still owes Hollis for the trackers, he’s not going to make that mistake again…this week.” Jude smiles a little at the thought of his Boy’s antics.
I huff a laugh, ignoring the pain that rushes through me. “Good. Now, don’t keep him waiting too long.”
Jude and Benjamin leave, and Leandro follows, I’m assuming to head to his office, so he can not only start breaking into the cop’s phone, but to listen into the conversation. I should probably be worried about how he has the entire house bugged, but right now, it’ll serve in our favor.
“I’ve changed my mind,” Doc says, moving over to the small sink in the corner of the room. “I’ll check you first, then go meet with Jayden.”
“I’m fine.”
“Right, so you normally wince just sitting up in bed.”
Sighing, I try to relax as Doc puts on a pair of gloves and comes over to examine me. I know being as tense as I am isn’t helping, not so soon after being injured, but I’d like anyone else in my position to say they weren’t stressed.
My son is gone, his lover is in a bad headspace, and everyone is looking to me for guidance…stressed isn’t strong enough of a word.
As Doc pokes and prods at me, grumbling unfavorable words under his breath, I close my eyes, and try to push the short meeting out of my head.
Instead, I let thoughts of the two men who own my heart take over.
A different type of worry fills me, but at least this one might have a happy ending… hopefully.
Tonight, I tell myself. Tonight I’ll express my real feelings to them, because if being away from either of them for a day is any indication of how I feel, I need to get it out in the open. Maybe. God, please don't let them break my heart any more than it already is.