Chapter 26
I stormed across the beach. But instead of turning down the lane towards the campsite, I kept walking, along the long sandy stretch I hadn’t explored before.
I gazed out at the water, at the surfers, and felt it again.
That magnetic pull to the ocean. This wasn’t something I could just give up now.
Not something that made me feel like that.
I couldn’t just give it up. I wouldn’t. I didn’t need Antoine. I kicked the sand.
I’d walked so far in my frustration that I didn’t recognize this part of the beach at all. There was a beach café down here, pedalos, banana boats. Maybe it was attached to another campsite. And I was about to turn round when I heard a voice say, ‘Margot!’
I spun round and looked towards the café, where I spotted Lili sitting with Delphine, both in sunglasses, at a little table.
Lili waved me over. And I was still so exasperated I considered pretending I hadn’t seen them, but then Delphine waved at me too and I found myself waving back.
They both stood up and greeted me with kisses to my cheeks.
‘Un café?’ Delphine asked, motioning for the waiter.
‘Un coca, s’il te plait,’ I said.
Delphine ordered for me and the waiter came back almost immediately with my Coke, setting it down in front of me.
‘Merci,’ I said.
‘How are you feeling?’ Lili asked, reaching over and touching my hand gently. ‘That was scary.’
‘I’m OK,’ I said. I watched them look at each other. ‘I’m a bit sore, but now I really want to get back in the water, and Antoine has just told me he won’t teach me any more.’
I squeezed the bottle of Coke as I took a drink.
Mum and Dad were trying to stop me surfing, Antoine was trying to stop me – it was ridiculous.
Lili was whispering something to Delphine and then they looked at me in pity.
‘Are you sure you want to keep on surfing?’ Lili asked. ‘After what happened?’
Her black curls were pulled into a bun on top of her head and I could see her whole face up close for the first time. Her features were soft, with rounded cheeks that made her look younger than she was. She reminded me of a doll with her delicate red lips.
‘I need to keep surfing,’ I said without thinking.
It was true, it was more than just wanting to surf.
I hadn’t cared about anything in my life for the last couple of years, not really, and now that I did, all those feelings I had when I was swimming – the rush of excitement, the pride of knowing how good I was – it was like a drug.
And it wasn’t just that. I knew who I was when I was swimming, like my life just made sense.
And I thought I’d lost that forever. Until I got on that board.
And I wanted more. I shook my head. ‘But Antoine has given up on me.’
Delphine looked me straight in the eye. ‘Non, he has not given up. He is scared. I have seen how he looks at you, Margot. You are not just a summer girl for him, and after that day, he is scared of you getting hurt. I know how he works.’
The way he looks at me … I had a sudden flutter of butterflies before the memory of what had just happened between us turned them all to dust.
‘I get that he’s worried,’ I said with a sigh, ‘but I made a mistake. Doesn’t everybody make mistakes? I’ve learned from it. I want to keep surfing … I have to.’ I took a drink of Coke, the sweet bubbles fighting with the bitterness in my throat.
Lili whispered something else to Delphine, who was just staring at me. Her brown eyes searched my face for something.
‘Do you want to know what I think?’ Delphine asked.
‘Sure,’ I said, with no idea what was coming. But I was broken anyway. Someone else telling me how much I’d messed up? Big deal.
‘I think you have real potential. Unpolished. But true potential –’
Lili cut in. ‘Delphine …’ It was like a warning, but Delphine continued.
‘I have watched you in the water. From the beginning. You read the waves better than students who have been learning for years.’
‘Antoine said that too.’ I shrugged.
‘Antoine is complicated. And you being here, it is more complicated than you know, but sometimes it is best to not think of these complications and to focus on what you really want. And what you really want is to surf, non?’
‘Yes,’ I said immediately. I noticed Lili looking between us with worry in her eyes.
Delphine nodded briefly. ‘The qualifier for La Vague d’Or is at the end of the week …’
Delphine let that hang in the air between us and Lili sighed and mumbled something in French.
‘The end of the week? It’s not long enough.’
‘What if I told you it is just as long as you need?’ Delphine didn’t break my gaze.
‘Delphine has helped a lot of people get ready for competitions.’ Lili touched Delphine’s hand supportively, like she’d abandoned any attempt to dissuade her.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked. I wanted her to spell it out to me, because in my head she was offering to coach me. And that was just too good to be true.
‘I think you should enter the qualifier,’ Delphine said matter-of-factly.
‘But Antoine sai–’
Delphine waved away my words. ‘Antoine is not the only coach in Biarritz. I will train you.’ Her eyes were filled with determination. And it was contagious.
‘Delphine trained me for my first competition,’ Lili added.
‘I could work with you every day this week. It would be intense, but you would be ready.’
And the butterflies were back. Thousands of them, colliding with each other in my stomach.
‘You think I can really do this?’ I looked at her for reassurance.
‘Listen. Margot. I did not like you at the beginning.’
‘Delphine!’ Lili looked horrified.
Delphine shrugged. ‘It is true. I thought you were just another tourist. One who would break the heart of Felix and one who treated surfing like a hobby. But I was wrong. I have really watched you …’
‘And?’ I asked.
‘You are different. You have natural ability. And the fact that you want to get back in the water after your accident? It tells me everything I need to know.’
‘Really?’ I asked, fishing.
‘You lack confidence and competition experience,’ she continued. ‘That is what I can give you.’
Emotion flooded my chest, making it hard to get the words out. ‘Thank you. So much.’ I pushed away thoughts of the disastrous last swimming gala.
Lili looked at me. ‘Now you will have something that is just yours. Something that is not about anyone else,’ Lili said.
Then Delphine’s steely gaze was back. ‘One week of intensive training. Dawn lessons, technique work, competition preparation, here, down the shore –’ Delphine pointed along the beach – ‘where Antoine doesn’t teach. You will be ready, whether he agrees or not.’
And behind the excitement, doubts crept in. ‘What if I fail?’
‘What if you do not?’ Lili smiled at me and a confidence surged in my stomach. I smiled back at her gratefully.
‘Even if you do fail,’ said Delphine, ‘which you will not if you listen to me, you will fail doing something that matters to you. And that is better than not trying at all.’
I nodded at her. She was right. And it was nice, this space in my head where it was just about surfing. Just about me, and what I could do.
‘Think about it tonight. If you decide to do it, then meet me at six a.m. tomorrow.’
Antoine’s time.
I pushed him out of my head and bit my lip in concentration, already imagining surfing in my first competition.
‘And, Margot?’ Delphine broke me out of my thoughts.
‘Yeah?’
‘Never let someone else’s fear decide your future,’ Delphine said. And I could tell that she really meant it.
The walk back to the campsite felt like breathing space. A chance to focus on myself. On surfing. And to make my remaining time in France about my own goals and dreams instead of the constant gnawing guilt I felt about the mess I’d found myself in.