Chapter 28
The next morning, I woke at five thirty. I was extra quiet, tiptoeing around and leaving doors slightly open.
The sky was a soft blue-grey when I walked to the beach, and I knew it wouldn’t be long until the sunrise was burning golden on the horizon.
I looked down to the hut, squinting to see if Antoine was there.
And he was. Just standing there, staring out at the ocean in a way that had become so familiar.
I turned and jogged the other way, towards the beach café, looking for Delphine.
‘Margot, you should have saved your energy for the actual run,’ Delphine said with a hint of a smile when she saw me.
I’d forgotten how hard it was to run on sand, and I was already out of breath. ‘Our run?! We’re not going in the water?’
‘Pas encore. Not yet,’ Delphine said, stretching her quads. ‘We will run. Every morning. What do you think? You are in?’ Delphine barely waited for me to nod. ‘Good. We go.’
I took off my sliders like Delphine had and we ran up the beach.
‘You have good stamina,’ Delphine remarked on our way back. And I smiled, even though I was gasping for breath and my lungs were burning. It wasn’t until we got to the space in front of the beach café that I managed to speak.
‘I was a swimmer,’ I reminded her.
‘Yes. Of course. This makes sense.’ Delphine pulled off her T-shirt and put on a rash vest.
‘Delphine?’ I said, still out of breath. ‘Do you have a spare vest?’
‘You can borrow one of Antoine’s.’ Delphine reached down into her rucksack and pulled out a top. She threw it at me and the scent of it caught me by surprise. Spicy, salty, Antoine. I held it to my chest before I pulled it over my head, breathing him in as I did.
‘That looks good on you.’ Delphine nodded in approval, and I looked down at the rash vest that fell over my bikini like a dress.
‘Thanks,’ I said, smiling.
‘Alors, allons-y.’ Delphine grabbed her board. ‘I brought you another board. I thought that maybe you would not want to use the same board as before …?’
Delphine’s words trailed off into the air as I took the board from her. An unexpected lurch in my stomach shocked me as I touched it.
‘You are OK?’ Delphine asked as we walked towards the water.
I nodded. ‘I’m ready.’ I want this.
‘We do it then.’ Delphine smiled, and I followed her into the ocean. The last time I’d been here this early I’d almost drowned. The water splashed round my waist. Déjà vu as we walked a bit deeper. I could feel Delphine’s eyes on me as my heart began to race.
‘It is OK if you want to stop,’ she said.
I shook my head. ‘No. I need to do this.’ And with that, I jumped on to my board, paddling out and showing the water that I wouldn’t let fear win.
We surfed wave after wave, and Delphine was harsh but fair, critiquing my technique and making me do something repeatedly until I got it right.
When we took a break, taking turns to dive deep into the sparkling water, I decided to dig a bit more into her life.
‘So, tell me about La Vague d’Or,’ I said. ‘What happened last year?’
‘I came fourth, by half a point. So I did not qualify for sponsorship last year. That’s it,’ Delphine said.
‘Oh, OK,’ I said, wondering if she would elaborate. I’d seen her surf – there was no way that there were three people better than her. She looked at me like she was deciding whether or not to share. Then she sighed.
‘One of the competitors was the daughter of the judge. The points went in her favour. But I cannot use that as an excuse for my whole life. I just need to train harder,’ Delphine said. I respected that. How she was trying to move on from a ready-made explanation as to why she didn’t make it.
‘No bullshit,’ I said.
And Delphine smiled. I don’t know why she didn’t smile more, because her whole face lit up. ‘Exactement,’ she replied, ‘no bullshit,’ and splashed me from her board. ‘You keep training like this and you will definitely be ready for La Vague d’Or.’
‘You really think so?’
‘I know it. Really.’ Delphine rolled her eyes and splashed me again, and my chest almost burst with pride. Coming from Delphine, this was huge. ‘Why else do you think I would be training you for the qualifier?’
‘La Vague D’Or … it’s in September?’ I asked.
‘Yes.’ Delphine nodded.
‘I mean, I’m supposed to be leaving soon, but …’ I said, thinking about the possibility.
‘But? You are eighteen, non?’ Delphine offered.
‘Ouais,’ I replied.
‘You can make your own decision,’ Delphine said, like it was simple. ‘But think about it. I think you will qualify. You are a natural.’ Then she paddled hard towards the shore and caught another wave, leaving me floating in salted bliss, imagining competing in a surf competition. Me?
I surfed another few waves then followed Delphine out of the water and we sat down, exhausted, on the sand.
‘I will see you back here later? Five p.m.? For strength work. And there is a barbecue tonight, at South Cove. You should come. All the hopefuls for La Vague d’Or will be there. And all the hope-less too.’ Delphine grinned, and I laughed in shock at her telling a joke.
‘I will come … but will Antoine be there?’
Delphine shrugged. ‘Bien s?r. But I will cover for you. If you are serious about this?’ She looked me in the eye as I squeezed salt water from my hair on to the sand.
‘I’m serious,’ I said without hesitation.
‘Bon. I will see you later. In the meantime, I need you to eat properly. Real food, a lot of protein.’
‘I remember. From swimming.’ I thought back to all the spaghetti, the Greek yoghurt, the eggs, the smoothies.
Delphine nodded briefly. ‘Good.’
‘Why are you doing this for me?’ I asked, genuinely curious. ‘Because I nearly drowned?’
Delphine exhaled. ‘Ah non, all surfers will have a scary experience.’
‘Then why?’ I pushed.
‘Your sister,’ she said, before pulling the rash vest over her head.
‘My sister?’ I repeated. Confused.
‘I have a cousin with la paralysie cérébrale. It is much more severe than Rue. It impressed me. How you are with her. How you do not treat her differently. It can be hard. And I understand that there is a difficult balance, so that you might not want to shine too brightly. A guilt maybe? I am not sure, but I have felt it too. And when someone saw potential in me, they trained me and let me focus on myself even though I had been raised to always put family first.’
‘I didn’t know –’
‘I did not tell you. And I am not saying that it is the same for you. But I thought that maybe, just in case, I would show you.’
I’d never thought about it that way. And I was overwhelmed with guilt then, because I hadn’t always put family first. Definitely not over the last year.
Before this holiday, it really had been so long since I’d spent any proper time with my sisters.
Had I ever? Ever since they were born, they kind of came as a package.
The kind of package that didn’t say my name on it, so I didn’t bother paying it any attention. Or tried not to.
But I was wrong. This holiday, in the confinement of a mobile home, seemed to hold up a magnifying glass to our lives, zeroing in on all our personalities. I remembered Antoine’s names for the girls.
Rue, la guerrière. That’s exactly what she was.
What she always had been. And Wren, le petit oiseau.
Watchful but cautious, startles easily, quiet except for when she’s in a safe space.
Which was why her laugh surprised me so much.
And the full-on hysterics that took over her entire body when Antoine made her laugh. He was a safe space for her.
And now, because of the surfing, we all had something to share.
But surfing had given me something else. Hope that I could really find myself again. After that detour. Maybe I hadn’t ruined my life with the shitty grades that would no doubt be waiting for me. Delphine had made me see that my life was just beginning.