Chapter 29
I walked slowly back to the campsite, exhausted. Back to the Brasserie, where Felix was setting up tables.
I watched him as he lifted down chairs with Yves, the early morning sun shining on his hair, making it look even more golden than it was.
He looked beautiful. And I thought about taking a photo to capture this moment.
The way he smiled at something Yves said.
And then he pushed his hair back. A habit now so familiar that it made me smile.
‘Margot!’ Felix walked over. ‘You were surfing?’ I nodded, and he looked at me with concern. ‘But not alone?’
Felix left the words in the air for me to elaborate.
I shook my head. ‘Not alone. With Delphine. She’s training me for La Vague d’Or qualifier.’
‘You are staying for La Vague d’Or?’ Felix’s brown eyes lit up.
‘I don’t know yet. I don’t know what I’m doing. But it felt good, getting back in the water.’
‘You are very brave, Margot. But I cannot say that I am not worried.’ He pushed his hair from his face.
But he didn’t make me justify my choices.
‘Promise me that you will be careful?’
‘I promise.’
‘And I am happy, of course, that you might stay,’ he added.
‘I want to. I mean, I haven’t worked anything out. And I might not qualify anyway.’ The prospect of staying in France was a total pipe dream, but one I let take over my thoughts.
Felix waved away my negativity. ‘That is not what Delphine said last week. She said she cannot even be jealous because you are so good.’ He raised his eyebrows, and I wanted to kiss him.
But I didn’t. After last night with my sisters, my feelings for Felix were confused.
It was beautiful, what we had. Supportive, safe, comfortable. But was it more than that? Really?
‘She really said that?’ My heart swelled.
He nodded. ‘And I told you she had a problem with la jalousie.’ He laughed. ‘So maybe I will not have to say goodbye?’ Felix reached for my hand, raised it to his mouth and kissed my knuckles gently, brown eyes still on me.
‘I’m not ready to say goodbye to France,’ I said, scanning the Brasserie, the trees, the sun that burst through the branches, then I watched Felix’s expression drop.
‘And you, obviously, I am not ready to say goodbye to you,’ I added.
And the side of his mouth curled into a smile.
‘But I will have to qualify first. And I will have to convince my parents that I need to stay.’ Saying it out loud sent waves of excitement through me, making it impossible to deny that this was something I really wanted to do.
‘You know, Lili’s parents rent out a room in their home, for students. I think that someone left recently so they might have space.’ Felix raised his eyebrows.
‘Really?’ My whole body fizzed with excitement. The possibility of staying here, in France. It was intoxicating.
‘Would you like me to ask? And you will need a job if you are going to stay. I will speak to Yves, and we will speak to Lili. I think it is an excellent plan.’ Felix smiled, genuinely happy.
And then, despite everything, I kissed him.
The excitement at the prospect of staying in France, of competing in a surf competition, of training with Delphine, of spending more time with Felix.
All of it. He kissed me back like he always did.
Slow, gentle, safe, wanted. I chose not to think about everything else.
The fact I hadn’t told my parents, or my feelings about Antoine. I just put it all out of my head.
‘Yuck,’ called Delphine, who’d just shown up to work with still-wet hair.
I broke away and laughed. ‘Here, take these for your family.’ Delphine handed me a paper bag filled with pastries.
‘You can tell them that you left early to get breakfast. Not to have illegal surf lessons on the beach.’ She winked at me.
I licked my lips. ‘Thank you!’
‘They are not for you. For you is something healthy,’ Delphine said seriously. ‘Give them to your sisters.’
‘Ugh,’ I complained and savoured the smell of the pastry. The least I could do if I didn’t get to eat any.
‘Felix, are you coming to South Cove tonight?’ Delphine asked.
‘South Cove …’ he said apprehensively.
She nodded and he stepped back slightly before running his hand through his hair.
‘You are going?’ Felix asked me.
‘Yeah,’ I said.
‘Maybe it is time, Felix.’ Delphine’s words were more gentle than I’d ever heard from her before. ‘And tonight is …’ She cut herself short.
I watched him contemplate what she was saying. But I couldn’t bear the fear on his face.
‘Or I can stay with you, and we can hang out here instead?’ I offered.
Felix inhaled. ‘I do not think I am ready to go back to the beach.’
I reached over and squeezed his hand, and he found my eyes.
I nodded, then stood on my toes and kissed his cheek, breathing him in as I did. The calming lavender and vanilla sending peace through my veins.
‘Do not forget our training later. Five p.m.,’ Delphine said.
‘I won’t,’ I replied, then took the forbidden pastries back to the mobile home.
Rue and Wren cheered when they saw me walking down the dusty path with a paper bag. They were still in pyjamas.
Rue grabbed it from me and looked inside.
‘I want the apple one,’ she said.
Reluctantly, I handed them over.
‘Where were you this morning?’ Dad asked as he walked outside to us with a coffee.
‘I was just at the Brasserie getting breakfast.’ I grinned. And I’m not sure if he believed me or not, but I was wearing my own T-shirt instead of Antoine’s rash vest and my hair was pretty much dry again from the morning sun.
‘I’ve been practising my paddling, Margot,’ Rue said, and showed me her best cupped fist paddle through the air.
‘Brilliant!’ I replied.
‘Rue, we talked about the surfing,’ Dad said gently.
‘You talked about it,’ Rue said sulkily.
‘Dad said we can’t do lessons any more,’ said Wren sadly.
And it would have been so easy for me to agree. Because the last thing I wanted was to see Antoine. But Wren’s expression broke something in me. It just wasn’t fair.
‘Dad, come on. I will be there. Nothing will happen. It’s different to me going out on my own. They’ll have at least two adults watching them at all times.
I could tell he was wavering when he didn’t immediately shut it down. He used to find it really hard to say no to me, but he found it even harder to say no to Rue.
‘Please, Dad,’ she begged.
‘Please, Dad,’ I repeated.
‘Fine. But seriously, Margot, you watch them like a hawk and if anything happens to either of the girls – anything – that’s it. No more surfing.’
Rue and Wren cheered, and I saluted Dad before we sat at the table and I enviously watched them eat my pastries.
On our way back to the beach, Wren spotted Felix, who was untying an apron from round his waist.
‘Felix! Felix!’ Rue shouted. Loudly. Shamelessly.
He looked up, smiled and walked over to us.
‘I’ve been drawing this morning with my new colours,’ Wren said, beaming.
‘That is fantastic!’ Felix smiled and she leaned into my side.
‘Come with us to our surf lesson!’ Rue tugged on his hand.
‘Oh no, I do not really go to the beach,’ said Felix cautiously.
‘Why not?’ Rue pushed.
‘Rue! Felix, we’ll see you later? I will anyway.’ I pulled Rue away, but she turned back towards Felix.
‘Please?’ she begged. ‘You can see how good we are at surfing. Mostly me. I’m really good.’ She grinned extra hard. And I mouthed ‘sorry’ at Felix, who was clearly trying really hard to think of a way to say no.
‘OK,’ he said.
I noticed Delphine flick her head towards us when he agreed.
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, feeling bad for letting Rue pressure him. But in my defence, I didn’t actually have any control over Rue. Getting Rue to do what you wanted required thought, time and a lot of reverse psychology.
‘Yes. I will be OK,’ he said. But the look on his face said otherwise.