CHAPTER 31
SIERRA
It was a cold, dark morning, the skies in various shades of plump gray clouds that were ready to wash over our little town.
Like me, an emotional bubble that could burst anytime.
I walked to the little park near my house, where I promised I would meet Matty. I only had to round the corner to find him. His tall, brooding presence was hard not to notice. He was leaning against the fence, cross-legged, his hands deep inside the pockets of his black bomber jacket.
I just wanted to stand there and keep looking at the sharp lines of his face and the brooding glint in his eyes, and commit it all to a sacred place inside my head.
As if he sensed my presence, he looked up, and his lips pulled into a wide smile as his eyes met mine.
And my heart thundered the way it only did for him.
“Sierra,” he breathed, and in two beats of a second, he was right in my face, lifting me into his arms as he took my lips in a kiss that left me breathless.
“Hey, firecracker,” he said softly, and I couldn’t help but smile at that.
“God, I missed you so fucking much,” he grumbled, kissing my lips once again, and I gave it my all, kissing him like he was my last dying breath.
His hands were still loosely draped over me when he finally set me to the ground, and in the distance, I saw lightning flash through the clouds, followed by a loud crackle of thunder, and it felt like a wake-up call from our moment of bliss.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, immediately noticing the fall of my smile.
I took a deep breath before my eyes dragged to his. “I called you here because I wanted to tell you something.”
He nodded grimly.
“I’m not coming back. To New York, I’m not coming back. I’ve made the decision to stay here,” I explained.
There was a slight tick in his jaw as he regarded me. “Did you decide, or did your mom decide?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I mustered a smile. “It’s for the best.”
“So what, you are going to give up on your finals? Something you worked so fucking hard on, Sierra?” He pinned me with a reprimanding glare. “You’re going to let your team down? The people who have stayed by your side through thick and thin.”
Each question out of his mouth felt like a nail to my pre-booked coffin, and I didn’t even have it in me to cry. I felt so cold on the inside.
“Yes, I won’t be making it to the finals.”
I waited—waited for the disappointment to shine in his eyes just like my parents did when I did something they didn’t agree but it never came. Instead, they softened, and that made me want to cry.
“Sierra,” he said softly, his lone finger grazing on my cheek. “I know you. I know you more than you think. And I know this is something your parents want you to do. You come alive when you’re up there playing your games, firecracker. Don’t let them dim it.”
A single warm, salty tear trickled down my cheek.
Why was everyone in my life saying the same damn thing?
It felt like I was being pulled in three different directions all at once.
My parents. My game. My Matty.
And the fear of disappointing them once again made me choose my parents or more like what they chose for me.
“I can’t do this anymore, Matty. I can’t be with you anymore,” I whispered, and I saw something break in his eyes. And that right about killed me.
“You’re breaking up with me?” he scoffed in disbelief.
I swallowed. “Yes.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You’re utterly foolish if you think I’m going to let you ever get away from me, Sierra.”
I didn’t think of that.
“Look, Matty,” I steeled my tone, locking eyes with him. “This isn’t something that my parents are making me do. This is something I decided. I’m going to be in Iona, and you’re going to be in New York, and that’s just not going to work out for me.”
“Fine, I’ll move to Iona.”
My eyes widened. “You can’t do that.”
“I can do anything.”
“But I don’t want you.”
“Oh, you want me alright.” He smirked, leaning so close that his nose touched mine, and all the air leaked out of my lungs. “If I sneak my hand between your thighs and dip my finger inside your pussy I would find you dripping wet for me, firecracker.”
I gasped, and for a moment, I lost myself in his eyes as desire scorched my cold insides, but it didn’t last long when all my doubts and fears returned.
I pressed a hand to his chest with force and stepped back, creating a good distance, and when he took a step forward, I screamed, “Stop.”
But he didn’t listen.
“If you really respect me, you would stop,” I blurted, and that made him halt, all the lightness leaving his eyes, and so did mine.
“Look, I might be attracted to you,” I continued, trying hard to keep my eyes on his so he would believe my lies. “You’re handsome and hot, and who wouldn’t be attracted to that, but that doesn’t mean anything. Anything at all, and you need to respect my wish when I say I don’t want this anymore.”
The last notes of my words hung like a gloomy cloud.
And his entire face fell.
“You really think that?” he asked, with so much vulnerability in his tone that it made my heart hurt. “You just wanted me because of the way I look? Because I’m just some celebrity you are obsessed with?”
What was he talking about? But I went with it. “Maybe,” I muttered, not breaking eye contact. And the expression on his face was something I wouldn’t forget for the rest of my life. It was going to haunt my every single night.
His eyes died, like I killed every essence of his being that kept him alive.
“You don’t want me anymore?” he whispered, his voice holding so much pain.
I want you more than anything in this world, Matty.
“Yes,” I lied.
It took a long, long minute while he kept staring at me before he nodded stiffly. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Sierra. I just wish that for once you would choose yourself and what you really want. I…I.” His dead eyes softened. “I had the best time of my life with you, firecracker. I’ll never forget you as long as I shall live.” He took one last longing look at me before he disappeared to his car and drove away, not lingering an extra second.
And just as his car disappeared down the road, a cold drop of rain fell on my face, mingling with the warm, salty tears drenching my cheeks.
I didn’t know how long I stood there in a standstill as I broke my own heart with my own fist.
Because he had it.
Matty Evans had my heart, and he just took it with him.
And I let him.
The entire time I stood there, I kept thinking how I never got to ask him why he called me his firecracker.
And now I never will.