CHAPTER 3
MIKEY
Sometimes I felt like I had two people living inside me.
One was the jester, a clown that the world saw.
And the other, a ruined demon, breathing poison down my neck, ready to pounce from the darkest pits of my soul.
The side that I tried every single second of my life to keep buried.
A hard-waged battle I kept under the wraps of my troubled skin.
Silent murmurs greeted me as I entered Emmie’s TV room.
My eyes immediately found her among everyone else.
They always did.
No matter how hard I tried, it was one battle I could never win.
Especially now that she lived across the hall.
It took everything in me not to storm in there every single night and fuck her senseless.
She was the cruelest temptation that would hold me hostage for life.
I watched her delicate face resting on E’s lap while her pillowy-pink lips pouted as she snored away.
She was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen in my entire ruinous existence.
Yet it was a sight as illicit as the sun seeing the moon.
“Fuck, she’s knocked out, huh?” Emmie grinned, peering at his sister from over E’s shoulder.
“Shush.” E’s warm browns glinted with a motherly gaze as she threaded her fingers through Lily’s thick black hair.
“Yes, ma’am,” Emmie grumbled like a pussy-whipped fool as he buried his face in her neck, leaving behind soft kisses.
“Jay, stop.” She swatted him, which made that fucker barely move an inch.
She was the only person who called him Jay. And damn, did that fucker like it.
But my eyes trailed back once again to the sleeping form on the floor.
“Why is she sleeping down there?” My voice cut through the room.
Two heads snapped in my direction.
One pair of eyes gleamed with a knowing smile, while the other was a pair of storming blues that held me in a dead stare.
“She was tired, so I asked her to lie down for a while, and she was out in seconds.” E’s soft voice carried through the room.
I nodded. My feet strode toward them against my own will, and I couldn’t help but lower myself to the floor.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Emmie’s voice steeled out. My hands froze from sliding behind her neck.
I forced a nonchalant smile through my lips. “Putting your sister to bed, you fucker. You don’t want her to wake up feeling like she has a broken neck, do you?” I scoffed, continuing to gather her in my arms.
“You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll take care of her,” he interjected, trying to pull her away from me.
Lily rolled over, nuzzling her face on my chest as she mumbled something. “See, she even chose me.” I grinned, to which his lips pulled into a tight line as he glared at me.
“Jay.” E placed a soft hand on his shoulder. “Mikey will make sure she gets home. Plus, they live across the hallway from each other. Leave him be.”
His gaze softened as he peered at her, but it took him a long moment before he nodded. “Fine. But any funny business and you won’t see the light of day, asshole.”
E’s smiling face slid back to me, gesturing for me to get out of there. I gave her a quick wink, which earned me a shout of obscenities from the caveman she called her boyfriend.
I quickly dashed out of the room with the precious cargo sleeping in my arms.
And I couldn’t take my fucking eyes off her.
Lily was and always would be the only one who made my heart thunder.
Forbidden as the fruit in Hades’ Garden.
A fruit that I could only see yet never claim as mine. Each passing day became a constant struggle.
I sighed to myself as I punched in the code to her apartment, a code I could recite in my sleep.
7777777
Seven times the number seven, her favorite series of numbers .
Lily was obsessed with Japanese culture, and ever since she started watching her first anime when she was six, she had never gone back. I still recalled how her indigo-violet eyes gleamed when she told me the legend of shichifukujin, the seven lucky goods of fortune, and I hung on every single word out of her lips. Back in those days, we used to be best friends. She followed me everywhere and looked at me like I painted her sky blue.
But all that was long gone now.
Dead.
And it should be because there was no room for Lily in my life, and there never would be.
I kicked the door closed with my feet as I carried her through her dark apartment. Everything in sight was black, from the couches to the walls and even the curtains. The only contrast was all the manga papers stuck on her walls. A smile tugged my lips at the open sketch pads and coffee mugs littering the counter. Lily never cleaned up after herself. She was one of the messiest people I knew.
I didn’t stop as I headed straight to her bedroom, knowing exactly where it was even though she had never invited me inside. I might have invited myself in on numerous occasions to get a glimpse of her life. God, she’d have my bones if only she knew I was in her home without her knowledge.
I carefully placed her under her Akatsuki cloud sheet and tucked it over her. My eyes scanned her beautiful face, her eyes fluttering while her chest pillowed deeply in slumber.
Fuck, she was breathtaking.
I slowly shook out of it and unzipped the chunky boots off her feet. She shivered the tiniest bit, so I quickly slid the blankets back over her feet. Her hands curled in a fist as she held them up by her chest.
I couldn’t help the tug in the corner of my lips. She always did that, but a slight pinch narrowed my left eye as I watched her. She hasn’t woken up even the slightest. She must be fucking wiped out from her internship.
However, I always watched her, and never in my life had I seen her this depleted. She’s been acting weird lately. It made me wonder if something else was going on with her.
Maybe she was stressed because of work. Lily had been dreaming of working in Grisha ever since she figured out that her sketches could make it on screen, so it makes sense that she was working extra hard for it.
I took one last glance at the woman who brought an ounce of light to my life before I turned.
Because I was unwilling to shroud her in the ever-flowing darkness that consumed me even for an extra second.
Good night, little mouse.
LILY
I yawned awake, blinking my eyes open. Fuck. Was it possible to wake from a fully rested sleep yet feel so fucking weary to the bones? Because that was exactly how I felt.
I stretched my hands over my head, feeling the knots in my muscles unwind as I moved about. Fuck, that felt good.
I frowned as I took in my attire. I was still wearing my black jeans and sweater from yesterday, not the usual hoodie I wore to sleep. My eyes landed on the neatly kept boots on the side of my bed. I never placed them like that.
What the hell was going on? How the hell did I end up here? The last thing I remembered was falling asleep on Evy’s lap, and that was in Emmie’s penthouse.
I slid my confused self out of bed and ambled down to the bathroom to draw myself a bath. I let the steaming water fill the tub while I headed out to the kitchen.
My feet stilled on the doorway between my bedroom and the combined living room and kitchen. I couldn’t believe my eyes. My apartment was squeaky clean. The mugs that always lined my coffee table were washed and dried on the rack. My sketch pads were closed and arranged on my bookshelf, and even my haphazard throw was tidily folded on the couch.
Who the fuck did all this? Did Emmie or Evy take pity on me and clean up my apartment? I made a quick note to clarify that later. I had more important things to worry about now.
Like me.
The first thing I did as soon as I woke up was jump into the pool. The smell of chlorine was like caffeine to my system, but that activity was a big no now.
I sighed out a sad exhale as I stumbled to make myself a cup of ceremonial matcha. The whole process of making it grounded me. It made me feel grateful for even the smallest things in my life.
A small smile played on my lips as I whisked in the matcha and the hot water with the chasen till it frothed on top, wafting the room in a fresh, earthy smell. I poured it into a traditional chawan tea bowl hand-painted with crimson Sakura leaves .
I brought my cup to the bath while I stripped out of my clothes and sank into the warmth. A groan slipped from my lips as the heat seeped into my pores, doing wonders for my tired fibers.
I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling. As much as I tried not to think about it, somewhere in my hazy state of mind was the constant thought of my imminent doom. How could I not?
I had always been a wallflower, quiet and moody, but I dreamed big.
Now all that sank into nothing.
Dr. Karlfield said I had a tumor in my heart muscles. Rhabomyoscarcoma, he called it. It wasn’t the kind you would operate on and get fixed; it was complex and aggressive, and the chance of surviving was less than nothing.
So I either lived the next six months in peace the way I wanted it, or suffered through endless treatments with a slight chance of survival.
The more I thought about it, the clearer it became. I knew I was taking the cowardly way out, but at least I had some semblance of control over how I wanted my last days to be.
A ring went through the room, interrupting my thought-riddled mind.
My wet fingers grabbed my phone, which I had left by the bath. I frowned as I flicked through the unread message.
Unknown number- Hey, Lily. This is Jack, I hope Riana mentioned me. I’m sending you the address of the gallery if you still want to make it. It’s opening at noon today. I hope I get to see you there :)
Fuck, I totally forgot about my conversation with Riana yesterday .
Lily- Hey, Jack. That sounds good. Look forward to seeing you as well.
Not a minute passed by when my phone pinged again.
Jack- Amazing. Sending you the location, see you.
I sighed, slipping deeper into the bath. I guess now I had a date to get ready for.
It was a rare sunny morning in New York City, not that I cared much about what weather wrecked the city today. I felt indifferent whether it rained or shined or snowed.
I decided on a black Isadora dress from Free People and paired it with my go-to Dr. Martens.
I painted my lips in dark mauve pink and brushed down my smooth black hair till it fell softly onto my shoulders. I was able to achieve perfect barely there matte-black wing liners on my eyes that actually matched each other. Years of practicing a steady hand did come in handy. I ran a light drag of dull gray shadow on my underline, but it was barely noticeable. I only added it because it made my eyes pop. I swirled through some pomade on my thick brows and pinched my cheeks for some color.
I stared back at my violet-blue eyes, glowing pale skin, and shoulder-length black hair.
There, I looked good enough for a sick girl.
I parked my black Toyota MK4 down a curb in West Village and shot a quick text to Jack saying that I was right outside as I slid out of the car.
A man who looked exactly like the picture that Riana showed approached me with a huge smile. “Hey, you must be Lily.” He was dressed in pressed straight slacks and a navy pullover. With his straight nose, low-effort style, and the Rolex on his wrist, he screamed old money.
“Yes,” I mumbled. The fresh scent of his aftershave hit as he greeted me with a hug.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Lily,” Jack said, his brown eyes gazing at me. “Wow, your eyes. I’ve never seen that shade before.”
A faint touch of pink blushed my cheeks. I actually got that a lot about my eyes. “Thanks.”
I smiled as he led the way to a two-story around the corner. The chatter from the street quieted as we entered the wide hallway.
The inside was dark wood and marble, with gleaming low ceilings with hanging greenery, and full-length glass windows showing off the quaint little street outside with mellow background music playing on the speakers.
“This place looks incredible,” I said, as we walked farther down to an entryway that led to the main part of the gallery. People milled about with flutes of champagne, oohing over the pieces. The display was all abstract and modern art.
“Thank you. I got to design it for my friend, so it holds a special place. It’s actually his work they are featuring today. Do you know Howard Marks?”
“No, can’t say I know much about modern art.”
Jack slid me a frown. “Is that so? Riana told me you were a fan, so I assumed.”
I shook my head. “I mean, I do love art, but not this kind.” I waved a hand. “I mean no offense.”
“Well, Riana told me you worked with her, so the kind of art would be manga, I guess. ”
I smiled. “Yes, manga/anime. That’s my favorite.”
“I wish I’d known that before.” He gave me a weary smile. “Riana told me you were begging to see this opening but couldn’t get a ticket.”
“What?” My eyes widened. “No. She told me your date was canceled last minute and asked me to fill in.”
We both stared at each other as understanding dawned on us.
“She set us up,” we both said at the same time before bursting out in laughter.
“Sorry about my cousin. She’s a bit…umm.”
“Nosy,” I suggested, cocking a brow.
“Yes.” He chuckled. “She loves playing matchmaker.”
“But she’s a sweetheart, though.”
“I know.” His gaze softened as he led me farther and greeted some of his friends.
“So what’s your story?” I asked. “Why did you plan to move to New York?”
“Do you want the fake made-up story or the truth?”
“Definitely the truth.”
“My girlfriend, or should I say my ex, Lola, and I had a falling out. She wanted to move to New York for work, but I was against it and was a bit of an ass about it. She is it for me, and now I regret the way I handled things, but I hope I can change that.”
“Is that why you moved here? To win her back.”
“Hopefully.”
“That’s romantic. I hope it works out for you both.”
“Now.” He gave me a pointed stare with a smile dancing on his lips. “It’s only fair I know your story. ”
I laughed. “There’s nothing much to say.”
“That can’t be true.”
“It kinda is. I grew up in Bellevue my whole life. Went to Washington State. Landed my dream internship, and here I am.”
“I’m sure there’s a lot more than that. But wait.” He glanced at me quizzically. “Isn’t Bellevue the town where that famous band is from?”
“Umm, yeah.” I flushed, shrugging. “I might be the lead singer’s sister.”
“Whoa.” His eyes rounded. “I never expected that.”
“Are you a fan?”
He shifted his feet, rubbing his arms. “Umm, no, actually. I’m not much for rock music. I’m more into the classics. Sorry about that.”
“I’m not going to hold your taste against you,” I added dryly, which made him laugh.
“Did you always want to be an artist?”
I nodded, smiling. “Yes, ever since my mom handed me a crayon so she could cook in peace.”
He chuckled. “Why anime style, though?”
I stilled. I couldn’t stop the memory from thirteen years ago flashing through my mind.
“So they are all drawings?” An eleven-year-old Mikey questioned, peering at the characters fighting on the screen.
“Duh.” I rolled my eyes. “The man on Tubey told me that they hand draw them and there are like more than a thousand paintings inside.” I shifted my attention back to the golden-yellow strands I was trying to create. I was drawing a silly version of Mikey eating sand. I giggled to myself. He looked like a dork .
“It’s not Tubey, it’s YouTube,” he quipped, leaning over to look at my notepad. “Is that me?”
“Yes,” I mumbled.
“It’s good. Maybe you should draw them one day.”
“Who?” I frowned to see him pointing at the TV.
“Them.” He pointed at the TV. “You watch it all the time. Maybe you can draw them when you grow up.” He shrugged, the space between his brows wrinkled as he focused on the show, following the words on the subtitles.
My eyes grew wide as I shifted my gaze between the show and him when a little butterfly weaved its way up my heart. I realized that it was excitement.
“Do you really think I can do that? Draw an anime?” I asked in an awe-filled whisper.
He shrugged, casting me a glance. “Yes, little mouse. You can do anything.”
My eyes grew wider, and I jumped up. “Now, I know what I want to be when I grow up.”
He shook his head, smiling. “Let me guess. An anime artist?”
“Yes.” I beamed at him, my mind made up. I was going to make anime when I grew up.
“Lily, hey.” Jack waved a hand in front of my face, trying to bring me back to the present.
“Sorry. I spaced out for a second there. To answer your question, I always loved watching anime as a kid and loved to doodle all the time, so a friend…” I swallowed at the sudden ache at calling him my friend. “Suggested that I combine them, and the rest is history.”
“I guess from the expression on your face, they were more than just a friend. ”
Sadness washed over me. “Not anymore.”
Jack’s face fell. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s okay.” I mustered a smile.
The rest of the afternoon went by more pleasantly than I thought. Jack was a really good person, and I actually enjoyed his company and witty personality.
“I really had a great time with you, Lily.” Jack’s lip tugged into a smile as he gathered me in his warm embrace to bid me goodbye.
“Me too,” I replied, suddenly feeling shy as we parted.
“Err, I know it’s too much of me to ask you this, but would you pretend to be my date?” Jack had a hopeful look in his eyes as he regarded me.
I was taken aback by his question. “Pretend?”
“Just for the night, though. For a dinner next week. Umm, Lola’s going to be there, and I heard she was bringing someone. I know bringing a girl isn’t going to help much, but I have to show her she is the only girl in my heart.”
I nodded, smiling. “Anything to help.” It wasn’t like I had much to do.
He grinned. “Thank you so fucking much. I’ll text you.”
“Okay,” I replied
He opened my car door as I slid inside my car, waving as I swerved off.
On the way home, my mind drifted to the green-eyed monster that had haunted me since I was eight.
Like always.