CHAPTER 4
PAST
MIKEY- Age 10.
“You fucking bitch.” The familiar shout, then the smash of the empty beer bottle hitting the wall was followed by the cries of my mother.
My mind was stagnant, eyes fixed on the piling wood on the dirty floor of the closet. Tiny streams of sunlight speckled through the gap in the doorframe, carrying flecks of dust in the air.
Mama asked me to stay here, and she always did when that monster came.
Each tick of my heart blazed my gut, prodding my feet to get up and go out there. My soiled nails pinched my palms, drawing crimson half-moons.
I breathed deep through the urge that blinded me.
Mama asked me to take deep breaths whenever I felt like that, and under no circumstances was I ever supposed to come out.
But the impulse wouldn’t just die. All I wanted to do was storm out there and fight the monster that had been hurting Mama. I know he’s hurting her. I hear her silent cries every night when she thinks I’m sleeping.
An eerie silence filled the thin, dry walls.
But it didn’t last long. Like always, the screaming and the wailing started once again.
I curled my hands over my ears, begging for it to stop.
Stop forever.
“Michael,” whispered a sweet voice as warm sunlight bathed the closet.
I looked up. “Mama, is it over?”
Her lips pulled to a shaky smile as she dropped to the floor. “Yes, baby.” Her voice muffled as she pulled me into a tight hug, her bony hands clutching me hard.
“Mama, why do we have to live like this? Can’t we just run away from the monster?” I kept my voice low so only she could hear. I didn’t understand why we had to live with the monster.
She pulled back. Her green eyes, similar to mine, shimmered like liquid pools. “He’s not a monster, baby. He’s your dad, and he’s sick. We need to take care of him, okay?”
“But Mama.” I protested. “He hurts…” My words were cut off when she placed a weary finger on my lips.
“No, baby,” she said, mustering a stern voice. “Here. Why don’t you go buy yourself a treat and play at the park?” She handed me a five-dollar bill.
“But Mama, please.”
“No, Michael, listen to Mama, okay?” Her eyes held me in a pointed look like the one she gave me when I didn’t tidy up my room.
I nodded, gripping the worn-out note in my hand .
A small smile spread across her lips as she ruffled my hair.
That day, I didn’t go to the park close to the trailer. I was mad at Momma, mad at the monster living inside our home, so I walked far away.
I knew something was wrong in our house. Our next-door neighbor, Mr. Derick’s wife just gave birth to a little boy, and they seemed happy. The other day, he was smiling and playing with him. My daddy never played with me. He only seemed to get upset whenever he saw me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I just wanted to protect Mama from him.
I ended up in a playground that was far from where we lived. My stomach rumbled, and my mouth parched as sweat glided down my forehead. I didn’t want to waste the money Mama gave me—I was saving it. I never spent any of the money she gave me. I knew we didn’t have much and that money was important. I hoped if I saved enough of it, we could buy a house somewhere else, somewhere far, far away.
I sighed, lowering myself onto the empty swing, plunging my torn-out shoes into the sand as I rocked on it, a sullen creak cracking through the air with each swing.
“I know you. Your name is Michael.”
I twisted to the side, my hand gripping the chain as I locked eyes with the boy with dark hair, peering at me with curious eyes. Emerson, the boy in my class.
“Yes,” I mumbled.
A squeak cut to my ears. I twisted once again to watch him sink onto the swing beside me.
“You don’t usually play here?”
“No, I don’t. ”
He grinned, raising a brow, his blue eyes shining in the bright sunlight. “You don’t talk much, do you? I’ve seen you in school. You’re very quiet.”
I shrugged.
“Do you want to play?” He gestured to the football lying on the ground.
“No,” I muttered.
He let out an audible sigh. Long moments passed, and only the creak from our swings filled the empty park.
“My father hits my mom,” I blurted out, casting my eyes to him. “Is that normal? Does your daddy hit your mom too?” I didn’t know what came over me. Mama said never to tell anyone outside what was going on in our home.
I watched as his playful eyes coat with sadness. “No, it’s not normal. My daddy doesn’t do that.” He cleared his throat after a moment. “Does your father do that a lot?”
A dry wind rustled my dirty-blond hair. I could feel the sweat slipping away from my skin.
“I don’t know. Maybe. Mama says he’s sick. She never tells me he hurts her, but I can hear it. She has red marks under her sweater. I saw it once.”
He nodded. “Does he hit you too?”
“No, Mama always asks me to hide in the closet whenever he gets sick.”
“Can’t you tell an elder about it? My uncle can help you maybe. He is friends with Chief Marshal.”
“No.” My panicked eyes met his. “You can’t tell anyone. Mama told me I shouldn’t say this to anyone, or they will take her away from me. I don’t want my Mama to leave me alone. ”
Four lines caved his forehead, but he nodded. “Fine, I won’t tell anyone.”
A sigh of relief escaped my lips. “Thank you.”
“Do you want to hang out at my house? We can play video games.”
My brows furrowed. “I don’t know what video games are.”
A wide grin broadened his lips. “Well, come on.” He shot to his feet. “I can’t wait to show you.” He put his arm around my shoulder as he led the way. “Also, my mom is making pie today, so you’re in for a treat.”
I found myself smiling as we walked to his home.
“Mom, I’m home,” Emerson called out as we entered his huge white house. I’d never been inside a house this big before.
The sound of the TV blared through the room. I watched as three animated characters wearing ninja costumes hopped around tree branches, speaking a language I didn’t recognize. Two tiny feet dangled in the air. A little girl wearing a lilac frock was lying on her stomach on the floor, a mass of raven hair hiding her face as her small fingers doodled something on a piece of paper.
“Give me the TV remote, you little shit. It’s my turn now.” Emerson smacked her head as he dropped down on the couch, gesturing for me to come sit next to him.
But my feet stilled when her head shot up. Her brows pinched in a frown as she hurled a crayon at Emerson’s head. “You pig, I won’t give it to you. I’m watching Naruto .”
“Ouch, you’re not even watching it. You had your head down scribbling some shit, and you don’t even understand Japanese,” he screamed .
“I don’t care. I’m not giving you my remote.”
“You little shit.” He jumped on her, and I watched wide-eyed as the two of them wrestled, screaming and scratching each other for the remote. It was like a dog and a cat fighting in the streets.
I cleared my throat, not knowing what to do as I stood awkwardly in their front room.
Their heads pivoted in my direction, and the blood filling my heart stopped.
Violet eyes so dark yet so bright, with specks of indigo lining the outside, stared at me.
Red started to flush her face with each passing second while her eyes locked on me.
I’d never seen a girl more beautiful in all my life. She was so beautiful that I wanted to marry her one day.
“Sorry, Michael, I totally forgot you were here.” Emerson pulled away from her. “This annoying little shit is my sister, Lily.”
I swallowed as I nodded. “Hey, Lily.”
The red in her cheeks deepened, and it made my heart hammer a beat I didn’t recognize.
The Jameson household was fun. I felt more at home here than I did at my own house. I had been here for hours and didn’t really care if I got home late unless it was by nine at night. A time that Mama told me to always return home by.
“So are you like my brother’s best friend now?” I drew my eyes away from the little boy on the screen who wouldn’t stop eating noodles and screaming something that sounded like dattebayo . I did not know what that meant.
I lifted a shoulder. “Maybe. I only met him today. ”
A strand of raven hair fell over her eyes as she nodded. My fingers somehow itched to tuck it behind her ear.
“Can you be my best friend too?” Her eager eyes asked me.
A different feeling cramped my heart. I didn’t know what it was. “I guess so,” I mumbled.
“Yay.” She clapped, jumping on the couch. “All the girls in my school are weird, so I will let you be my best friend.”
I frowned, confused. Wasn’t she the one who asked me to be her friend?
“But if you want to be best friends with me, you have to watch anime,” she said in a serious tone that made me suppress my chuckle.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what that means.”
She gasped, her violet eyes widening in shock. “How can you not know about the greatest thing to ever exist on earth?”
I shrugged.
“Well, fine. You can still be my friend, but only if you promise to watch anime with me for the rest of my life.” She held out her tiny pinky finger.
A rare smile tugged at my lips as I fixed my pinky to her soft one. “I promise.”
PRESENT
MIKEY
“Babe, how about we go to my place tonight?”
“Not interested.” I threw away the hand sneaking its way up my fly as I downed the vodka down my throat .
The low thud of the club speakers filled the room, knocking inside the dull ache inside my head.
“Oh, come on, babe.” The hand clawed its way up to my shirt, and her slick perfume dove straight into my nose, putting a bad taste in my mouth.
The jester in me awakened. Fuck, who was I kidding? He was always awake, brimming over the surface, ready for everyone while it kept the demon at bay. “Babe.” I grinned. “It’s for your own good.” I leaned closer to whisper in her ear. “My doctor just called me yesterday. He said I might be showing signs of an STD, and we don’t want anything bad to happen to you, do we? But I’m up for it if you’re still game.”
She looked at me like she swallowed something bad and pulled away, shaky laughter bursting out of her. “Another day, maybe, Mike.” She fled from our table like she was on fire.
“That’s a first. You’ve never said no to pussy before,” Matt quipped, his eyes never straying from his phone that he’s been twiddling since the moment we arrived at the club.
These days, I wasn’t in the mood to party and get wasted. Drinking and fucking till daylight to forget those violet eyes seemed an impossible task.
My cock only strained in my jeans for her, like it since the day I found out that boys get a boner. Contrary to popular belief, I hadn’t fucked a girl in years. After my teenage self found out that no amount of fucking other women was going to make me forget her, I stopped altogether. I only paraded them to keep up my image of an airhead playboy.
It was important I did that.
My mind flashed back to the scene on the elevator the other day. Lily tried so hard to keep her cool when she saw me with another girl, but I could read the sadness in her violet eyes from a mile away. It felt like a burning rod to my heart, yet there wasn’t anything that I could do.
I had to keep her far away from me.
“Matty boy.” I raised my brow. “Your sister would have my head if she found out I gave someone an STD.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you don’t have an STD, you fucker.”
“Can we just get out of here? I’m bored.” A grin slipped across Emmie’s face. “Let’s go ruin my girl’s night.”
“E’s gonna punch you in the face if she sees you this soon. It’s only been an hour,” I added.
“I don’t care.” He jumped to his feet, still grinning. “She’s so fucking adorable when she gets mad. I can’t wait,” he said, walking out.
Matt rolled his eyes, still immersed in his phone as we followed Emmie. I acted like it was the last thing I wanted to do, but I’d gladly take any chance of seeing her.
Just as we entered his apartment, we ran into E, walking toward us from the kitchen with a frown. “Jay, why the fuck are you here?” Evy’s lips tightened in a firm line. “I told you we were having a girls’ night.”
But the expression on her face was only short-lived when Emmie swooped in and carried her away, to which she didn’t try so hard to protest. The only way those two liked to socialize was with each other. They were never the ones to linger around our group for long.
Matty and I exchanged knowing glances as we headed to the TV room .
Girly giggles and laughter spilled out of the room where Katy and Lily were speaking in hushed tones.
“OMG, Lily, I know of him. Jack Mathias is the grandson of the Mathias group. They own the biggest design firm in the country,” Katy said.
Who the fuck was Jack Mathias, and why the hell was he and my Lily being used in the same sentence?
My Lily?
What the fuck was I saying? She wasn’t mine, was she?
But did I want the complete opposite of that?
“Well, I didn’t know about that. But we’re going to a dinner this week.” Lily’s soft voice drifted out of the room.
The raging fury I kept buried inside me awakened in an instant. The screaming urge to rearrange Jack Mathias’s face beckoned me like thunder during a rainstorm.
Why the fuck was Lily dating? Wasn’t she supposed to be focused on her new job that she spent years dreaming about? I knew she dated a few losers in college, but they were never serious as far as I knew. I still wanted to go back in time and ruin every single motherfucker who put their hands on her.
My eyes landed on a pair of violets that were sneaking a glance at me, and a smirk formed on my lips when she quickly averted her gaze.
The brewing rage still simmered in me. I didn’t have the place to dictate what Lily did in her life, but somehow, thinking of her with another man made my vision red.
“Has Lan spoken to you?” Matt finally put his phone away while he questioned his sister .
Lan was the last member of our band, and he’d been with Katy for almost ten years now. While the rest of us decided to move to NYC, Lan and Katy stayed back in LA.
The tips of Katy’s ears turned red. “Yes,” she mumbled, not looking him in the eye.
It was clear as day that she was lying.
Matt frowned. “Katy, is something going on? You’ve been acting weird lately. I’m worried about you.”
“No,” she replied quickly. “I’m fine. We’re fine. Lan is probably on his bike touring somewhere.” A nervous laugh pulled out of her.
The spilled chocolate on her hoodie and chapped lips free of any color told me Katy was anything but fine.
Strawberry, Evy’s fluffy little golden retriever, scurried to my lap, trying to get my attention. She was spoiled by her mom and dad. I scratched her behind the ears, and she whined, nuzzling her face in my lap.
I felt the weight of those violet eyes once again, and they quickly darted away when my head snapped in her direction.
“Is it?” Matt narrowed his eyes. “I’ve been trying to call him. You would tell me if anything is going on, wouldn’t you, K?”
“Yes, of course, Matty. You don’t have to worry,” Katy said with a small smile as she leaped to her feet. “I’m gonna go home. It’s pretty late.”
Matt sighed. “I don’t understand why you’re out living with your friend when you have two floors of rooms with your family, K.”
The air turned thick as the two twins eyed each other.
Katy brushed it off with a nonchalant shrug. “Sophia is vacationing in the French Alps, so I have the whole place to myself. Don’t worry, I’m fine.” She kissed the side of his head as she hurried out, waving goodbye.
“She’s lying to me,” he mumbled, his expression grim.
Lily and I exhaled an audible sigh at the same time, which made her cheeks paint a tinge of pink.
“I’ll get going too. So much for girls’ night,” she said to no one as she walked over to Matty, hugging him from the side. “Don’t think too much. You know how Katy is. I’m sure it will turn out to be nothing in the end. Are you excited for the event this weekend?”
“Yeah, nervous, actually. I have to make a speech and all.” Matt grimaced.
A laugh broke out of her beautiful lips, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. If one thing was for certain, it was the fact that Matty hated to talk in front of people. He loved taking the back seat when it came to fame. He could walk out right now, and people wouldn’t even recognize him except for the crazy fans. He had his own diligent fan base, but they were more low-key and respectable.
The same couldn’t be said for Emmie, Lan, and me. The label literally milked our faces for any extra penny they could cash out. Thank God, that nightmare was over now that we were on our own.
Lily smiled softly. “I can’t wait to hear it,” she said, suppressing a yawn that pulled her lips. “I’m gonna go crash. One more day left of the weekend already.”
“Good night, Lily,” he said with a nod.
She completely ignored me as she slithered out of the room like I didn’t even exist. Guess I couldn’t really complain because I did the same to her .
“So you both are still not talking, huh?” Matt raised a brow, grinning slyly. “Heard she’s got a date.”
My jaw clenched, the boiling fury returning to my veins. “Fuck off, asshole.”
His grin deepened. “Your time is over, pretty boy. Someone is going to sweep her off her feet and make her forget that she was ever into you.”
My teeth almost gritted out of my mouth. “Shut the fuck up.” I steeled.
His eyes flickered, but he said softly, “Calm down, Mikey.”
He knew. Hell, even Emmie knew the real reason I stayed away from her—Why she couldn’t ever be mine.
Emmie would never let me share the same air as her in this lifetime, while Matty always prodded me to make a move on her. I can’t . I couldn’t.
Because I could never be the man she deserved.
And Lily deserved the world.
However, now I wasn’t sure the beast inside me would sit by the sidelines and watch her with another man because it was ready to pounce and show her the actual man who could make her scream till sunrise.