CHAPTER 32
LILY
As soon as I stated that I would go through with treatment, things started to happen in a blur.
It felt like so much was happening all at once.
Dr. Karlfield quickly assembled a team of doctors that he assured were the best in the country and had me go through a bunch of different tests to get a better picture of the progress of my disease.
Until then, he insisted that I remain admitted to the hospital, which soon became not my favorite place in the world with the constant beeping noise, the smell of alcohol, and despair in the air.
It’s been two whole days since then, and I’ve been picked and prodded in a thousand different ways. I was weary and exhausted at this point, but whatever drugs they were pumping me up with kept my symptoms at bay, so at least I was comfortable in that regard.
Today, Dr. Karlfield would finally discuss my results and the best possible options left for me, and to say I was scared was an understatement. There was one emotion I forced myself not to feel—hope .
Because it was more dangerous and deadly than the disease eating me from the inside out.
Mikey hadn’t left my side; not even for a single second. He was my constant rock, although he still didn’t say much or return to his playfulness, but at the same time, he also wasn’t distant and cold, so I took what I got.
“Do you need more water?” Mikey asked, a small smile playing on his lips.
“No.” I flattened my palm over my stomach. “I’m good.”
He nodded, tracing a finger along the red bruises over my veins where they drew countless vials of blood. “Does it hurt?” he mumbled.
“Not really. Nothing actually hurts.” I lifted a hand toward his unkempt hair and tucked the few strands falling over his eyes. “When was the last time you brushed your hair?”
He shrugged. “Don’t remember.”
“What happened to Miami?” I asked, curious. Two days passed and he was still wearing his dark gray joggers and black sweatshirt since that morning.
“Not important.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at his flat answer. “How did you end up first here anyway?”
“Found a flight that landed ten minutes before the jet.”
My eyes rounded. “Ten minutes?”
“Hmm.”
“That’s nothing.”
His eyes fixed on me with a stare. “Every second counts when your life is on the line, Lily. ”
I sighed. I didn’t know how to handle this version of him. It was like he was right here with me yet a thousand miles apart.
I didn’t have another moment to think as the door squeaked open, and Dr. Karlfield walked in, followed by my brother, who looked like he had aged a hundred years in the past two days.
It wasn’t long after the word got out about me that my parents, and Katy and Lan came rushing in equal parts angry and horrified. It took an hour for my mother and Katy to calm down, and it was only after Emmie assured them that I was going to be okay and the treatment was going to work.
Even a devastated Riana and Jack came in for a visit, bringing in Rio, Noah, and Jill from the office, who all insisted that I was strong and brave and would get through this and would be working with them in no time, but their eyes told me otherwise. I even faked a response suggesting of course I was.
It was like we all knew the imminent truth but didn’t want to admit it out loud.
“Good morning, Lily.” Dr. Karlfield’s voice redirected me away from my musings. “How are you doing?”
“Better as I can be.” I lifted a shoulder.
“Good.” He smiled, waving to my brother and Michael. “You better take a seat because this will take a while.”
“I’m fine,” they both replied at the same time.
Dr. Karlfield nodded, and a serious expression morphed on his face as he regarded me. “Lily, I got back all your results, and I should say it doesn’t look much better than the last time. The medication was able to slow some of the tumor growth around your heart, but it was aggressive to begin with, and it’s still covering most of your heart.”
I swallowed as the energy in the room sizzled like a live wire.
“I’ve reached out to one of my friends, Dr. Fredrikson, who specializes in rhabdomyosarcoma research. He is also an oncology surgeon, and he has agreed to perform your surgery. He has the best success rate in the country, and he is conducting a clinical trial for a newly approved drug. There isn’t much data, but one patient achieved a hundred percent remission and was cancer-free within six months.”
There it was, a slither of hope trying to strike a nail through my heart, but I willed my body to tone it down.
“That is if the surgery is successful,” he explained, mustering a smile. “I won’t lie to you and say this is in any way a breeze; it is a very complex procedure and comes with major risks and complications. But it is the first step.”
He spent the next thirty minutes explaining the carefully planned blueprints he had assigned for me over the next few months, that is, if I make it till then. Because the surgery was scheduled for the end of this week, according to him, the sooner we get the surgery done, the better the outcome.
“That was insightful,” I commented just as Dr. Karlfield left.
Both Emmie and Michael didn’t say a word but exchanged grim looks.
I guess this would be my new normal for the next four days .
Days later
“It’s a little purple box in my closet. Behind the boots.”
“I know,” Michael smirked. “And do you want to know how?”
I gave him a sharp look.
“Because.” Kiss. “You.” Kiss. “Told.” Kiss. “Me.” Kiss. “A.” Kiss. “Thousand.” Kiss. “Times.” Kiss “Already.”
I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my lips as I gazed at those greens filled with so much love, yet he didn’t utter those words out loud. Somewhere in these past four days, something in him shifted, and his old self was back again. I didn’t voice it out loud, but on the inside, I was grateful. I wanted a part of my Michael with me before I left for the surgery that would determine my life trajectory. Honestly, he made it feel like heaven on earth at least as much heaven as it could get inside this gloomy hospital room.
“But I have a feeling that you’re going to be discarding that little box by yourself.” He raised his brow, his eyes glimmering with mirth.
I rolled my eyes, ignoring his comment, although deep down, I did wish it was true. The box in question was a little something I curated over the past few months. They were just in case letters I wrote for everyone because I didn’t want to leave without telling them something.
“So guess what?” Mikey grinned.
“What?”
“We’re going to tick one wish off your bucket list. ”
I frowned. “How?” My surgery was going to start within an hour, and all that was left was going to Japan or getting my name credited on an anime and the last one which would be impossible given the situation. I don’t think any of that was possible, given the time.
“Surprise.” The grin never left his face as he leaped to his feet. “Wait for me.” And with that, he walked out the door just as my brother, E, Matty, Katy, Lan, and my parents entered the room. Their expression was rather grim compared to my playful boy.
But that was the thing about Michael I loved the most. He got me like no one else did. He was my person.
“What was that about?” I asked Emmie, as he and Mom approached me while Dad dejectedly settled himself on the stool beside my bed.
“No clue,” he replied absentmindedly. “How are you?”
“Fine.”
He inhaled, cupping my cheek. “I love you, little shit. You better make it out. I can’t handle Mom on my own.”
Mom’s eyes were glittering with unshed tears as she patted my hair. “My baby is going to be fine.”
I smiled at that.
“Oh, come on, don’t be depressive,” Katy announced, looking a whole lot worse than me with wisps of her blond hair all over the place, wearing an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt. “I did my research on Dr. Fredrikson. He’s the best. He’ll fix our Lily in no time.” Her lips curved into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “But I swear the next time you Jameson siblings scare me like this, I’m going to beat you both up.” She let out a shaky laugh .
But no one else did.
Evy sighed, exchanging worried eyes with Emmie and Katy. “I watched the anime you suggested.” She brought her attention to me. “We should watch it together once you get better,” she said, softly clasping my hand. My veiny, thin hand looked so small and pale in hers. “Now that you got me hooked, you have to come back soon so we can binge.”
I flashed her a watery smile that made her eyes pool with tears.
They were all coping in their own ways. It was an unfamiliar situation, but I was glad they all tried. I just loved them very, very much, and if I was dying today, I’d die happily knowing I had and will have all their love keeping me alive in their hearts.
Before anyone else could say anything, the door dashed open, and a grinning Michael walked in with an unfamiliar man behind him.
Was he the surprise?
“Michael,” I started, but he was right in my face in a second.
“Guess what we’re doing, little mouse?” he asked excitedly.
My eyes darted to the older-looking man watching us with a gentle smile. “I don’t know.”
Everyone around the room looked just as confused as me.
Michael leaned in so close that his lips brushed the tips of my ears. “We are getting married.”
“What!?” I shouted, my dying heart leaping to my throat.
At the same time, I heard my brother curse somewhere in the background, but that hardly mattered now .
“Yes.” His greens softened as his finger gripped my chin. “You are going to be Mrs. Lily DeClere. And I did pinky promise that one day I was going to marry you, so I guess that day is today.”
I gaped, flushing. “But I… But I don’t even know if you love me.”
His grin widened. “You’ll know when you make it out of the surgery.”
A sudden panic clawed my throat. “But what if I don’t...”
“Shush.” He held a soft finger to my lips. “You will.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.” His nose rested on mine as his eyes implored mine with unsaid love. “My girl is going to come back to me. There is no other reality I’ll accept.”
I couldn’t control the rush of hope that flooded my blood, and I didn’t stop it. What was the worst that could happen? I hoped to see yet another sunrise. With him.
“You’re crazy,” I whispered.
“I know.” He gave me a wide smile before pressing a soft kiss on my lips. “Now, we don’t have much time. Are you ready?”
“Yes.” I smiled so wide that my cheeks hurt.
He pulled back the man who announced himself as the minister commenced the ceremony.
Katy, Evy, and my mom were openly crying while Matty and Lan had a happy smile dancing on their face.
My dad and Emmie tried to appear somber but failed miserably. Their eyes shone with unshed tears, full of love.
It wasn’t long before we were asked to exchange rings .
“Fuck, didn’t think of that.” Mikey’s eyes flew around the room.
“It’s okay,” I reassured. “I’m not supposed to have any jewelry on me anyway.”
But Mikey wouldn’t have it. He grabbed a mask, tore the elastic ends on both sides, and handed one to me. He took the other one and carefully tied it around my ring finger. “With this ring, I take you, Lily Jameson, as my wife, now and forever.” His voice was thick with emotion as he placed a gentle kiss on my finger.
A single tear flowed out of my eye as I attempted the same on him, tying a much better bow than him. “And with this, I take you, Michael DeClere, as my husband,” I whispered, and his lips crashed on mine as the minister announced us man and wife, and the room erupted with cheers.
“I love you,” I breathed as we parted. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I know,” he stated simply.
“I can’t believe I married you with an elastic band.”
“Sorry.” He chuckled.
“I love it anyway,” I said, admiring the wonky bow on my finger. I never wanted to take it out.
Everyone gathered around me, congratulating and berating Mikey about his choice of ring. Right then and there, I was happy and also hopeful but mostly happy. Because no matter the circumstances, I was a very lucky girl .
MIKEY
They said life could change in a blink of an eye.
And mine certainly did.
One phone call and my entire life shifted on its axis.
I thought I knew pain before.
I thought I knew what suffering was.
But nothing compared to this.
It felt like someone clawed my heart right out of my chest and took it with her.
“She’s going to be okay.” Evy placed a soft hand on my shoulder.
I couldn’t even bring myself to nod as I stared at the lines on the lone wooden table in the waiting room. It’s been four hours since the surgery started, and every second felt like hell.
I heard her sigh as she dropped her head on my shoulder. “She will be,” she whispered with a tremble. Evy hadn’t left my side since they took her in, and I was grateful for her support. Emmie looked defeated as he sat across from us with his parents. The entire room was filled with restless energy, the helplessness evident. We’d all been in the same situation not too long ago, only this time the pain felt a thousand times worse.
I thought hell was something I was familiar with. I even called myself a monster and made my life a living hell by staying far away from her. But all that seemed insignificant now. The battles I’d been fighting all my life seemed negligible now.
Meaningless.
Without her .
To the point, I started to think, was it even worth it?
Was all this lost time even worth it?
When they told me she was sick, terror, unlike anything, held me stricken. I never imagined a world without my Lily, it felt lifeless. And now the chance of her even existing was hanging on a thin line.
I didn’t know how to feel.
It felt like I felt everything and nothing at all.
And when I found out she was giving up, and all this time she’d been lying to us, everything in me broke. Even though it soon changed, I still felt broken, knowing she was fighting for her life and there wasn’t anything I could do.
So I tried my best to keep her happy, knowing she would make it. There wasn’t any other thought I would allow to plague my mind. There wasn’t any other reality that I could accept or live in.
If she was gone, then I’d be gone too.
That was a promise.
If not, I made another promise.
I promised to let go of my past and be the man she deserved.
To never leave her side and never make her cry, I vowed.
I vowed that to my wife.