Chapter 19 Devora
Devora
Iswatted at the gnat buzzing next to my ear, and a loud sigh across from me made me open my eyes.
“What, am I doing it wrong again?” I asked.
“The fact that you have to ask means yes, you’re probably doing something wrong,” Nox’s voice came from behind me.
I craned my neck to shoot him a glare. “Why are you still here?”
He shrugged. “Curiosity.”
Rolling my eyes, I faced Thecae again and squared my shoulders.
He’d brought me to the far north edge of the training grounds and had me sit in a circle of dark, swirling shadows that he’d conjured, with the sun quickly setting to our right.
Nox had followed us and took up a spot on a barrel right behind me.
I could feel his annoying stare on my back the entire time.
For half an hour, Thecae and I just sat there with our eyes closed, breathing. I had no idea what this had to do with shadow wielding, but evidently, I was even doing this wrong, if Thecae’s constant sighs were any indication.
“I thought I was supposed to be learning magic,” I grumbled under my breath as I closed my eyes again.
Thecae grunted, a sound I knew almost as well as his sighs. “Do you give a child a broadsword and say, ‘Here, go fight your enemy’?”
“Why am I always the child in everyone’s scenarios?”
This time, a rumble of laughter escaped him.
“The answer is, of course you don’t. You start small.
Short wooden swords, then blunt ends, until one day, they’re ready to handle something real.
Something dangerous. Something that could hurt themselves and others.
Your shadows are no different. If wielded correctly, they can be destructive weapons.
You’re nowhere near ready for that, girl. ”
I cracked an eye open. “Then how could I possibly learn any of this in eight days?”
“Don’t worry about that yet. We’re starting with the mind. You must quiet your mind so you can listen to the shadows. Feel them. Let them in and understand them before you control them, as you seem so intent on.”
I scrunched my brow. “Listen to them?”
He nodded. “Close your eyes.” I snapped them shut.
“Take deep breaths. Empty your mind of everything else. Fear, rage, hope, doubt, yearning. Let it all slip away with each breath. Feel the weight spreading from your shoulders and into your chest, down to your hands, your legs, your feet. Once all the noise in your head is quiet, listen.”
I did what he said. I shoved away my exasperation and tried to imagine all of my thoughts being siphoned out as I took several breaths.
At first, it felt pointless. Childish. Especially with Nox’s weighted stare of expectation on me.
But I pushed that aside too. I let it go with my next exhale.
My shoulders fell. The clink of steel on steel and distant voices of the training grounds faded into silence.
And then…I heard it.
Soft murmurs, barely distinguishable at first. Like wind whistling through trees or fabric sliding over skin.
The sound morphed into a deep, rough voice, one that almost sounded like Thecae’s.
It wasn’t words, more like…like whispers from the shadows in the circle around us, and when I concentrated harder, I could almost feel them.
Feel their emotions. Fragments of memories, of desires and fears and pain weaving into a sound.
A song my subconscious mind could understand, even though the rational part of my brain told me it wasn’t possible.
I sucked in a breath. “I can feel you. Your shadows. Are you doing that?”
“They have a stronger presence because my magic is stronger. But it’s a good sign that you can tell they’re mine.
Most can’t decipher that on their first try.
” A hint of pride bloomed in me at Thecae’s words.
“Dig deeper. Try to put mine to the side and find your own. Our magic is tied to our emotions.”
Well, that was a dangerous game. My emotions weren’t something I particularly enjoyed sifting through. I liked to hide them with an ill-timed joke, perhaps a sarcastic comment.
I was afraid of what I’d find if I got too close.
But this wasn’t just about me anymore. This was for all those innocent lives Scarven was ruining, all the people he’d hurt. People like Everett and Nox’s sister.
I shifted in the circle and tried to shove the whispers of Thecae’s shadows into a small corner of my mind. To pick out something different. Something mine.
There was nothing.
It was blank. I could still only feel him and his strange, foreign shadows curling at the edges. My hands were balled so tightly in my lap that my nails left crescent-shaped indentations in the skin.
“This isn’t working,” I mumbled.
“You’re trying to force it.”
I made an annoyed sound in the back of my throat. “You said to dig deeper. How else am I supposed to do that without forcing it?”
He let out a hum. “You’re right. This approach won’t work for you. You’re too…aggressive.”
Nox scoffed behind us. I ignored him.
“But until you can center yourself, your shadows won’t respond,” Thecae continued. He turned to his right and nodded through one of the windows leading to the covered perimeter. A trainee rushed out with a long, shallow basin of water and set it in the middle of our shadow circle.
“Tell me what you see,” Thecae instructed, motioning to the water.
I got up on my knees and peered into the basin. My own blue-green eyes stared back at me, framed in black-rimmed glasses. Thick red hair rested in a bun at the top of my head, with loose strands brushing my cheeks.
“I just see—”
I stopped myself. A shadow appeared at the very edge of the water. Deep gray mixed with black as it swirled, almost as if the ends of it were playing with the reflection of my hair.
“Are those your shadows again?” I asked Thecae.
“No.” I didn’t have to look up to hear the smile in his voice.
Mine, something whispered.
My shadows curled in on themselves, exploring the water. The ends of one tendril wiggled across like it was trying to leap out at me. But when I looked down at my body, there was nothing there.
“It’s enchanted water,” Thecae explained.
“It shows your magic, even if it’s not visible to the naked eye.
Those are yours, Miss Sephorne.” I jolted at the name.
“If there was ever any doubt of the power you possess, let go of it. Your shadows are a part of you whether or not you can see them. They’re simply waiting. ”
“For what?”
“For you.”
He went quiet, letting me gaze at my shadows. A smile quirked one end of my mouth as I watched them. Small ribbons twisted together and floated beneath the reflection of my neck, while more billowed like clouds by my ears. I could almost feel them. Extensions of myself, in a way.
I reached out a finger to touch the surface of the water, and it rippled to the edge of the basin.
The shadows disappeared.
“It’s alright, Miss Sephorne,” Thecae said gently when I deflated and rocked back on my heels. “We have time.”
No, we don’t, I thought.
“I think that’s enough for this evening,” he continued. He rose to his feet and dusted his knees off, then held out a hand to me. “Would you like to come to the Noctus Vigil tonight?”
I took his hand and stood. “What’s that?”
“A ritual we have every full moon to honor our dead. It’s held in the nearest town, just outside the training grounds. All our trainers and trainees will be attending.” He paused. “Many there knew your parents, Devora. I think they would like to get to know you.”
The thought made my heart clench. I was desperate for any scrap of my past. Any scrap of my parents, of the life they lived—the life I could have lived, if they hadn’t tried to escape.
Nox appeared at my side. Thecae shook his hand and said, “You’re welcome to join us, of course.”
“Thank you. We’ll think about it,” Nox said.
Thecae told us where to meet him and strode back toward the perimeter of the base.
I was about to follow him when Nox lowered his voice. “Are you sure going tonight is the best idea?”
I furrowed my brow. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“We don’t know these people. It may not be wise to get too close to them.”
I pursed my lips. This man just couldn’t agree with me on anything. “Look, I’m doing what you want—I’m learning my magic so I can help you take down Scarven. You’re the one who said I could find out about my family while we’re here.”
He rubbed his jaw. “We already know what happened to your family, Devora. What good will this do?”
My neck and cheeks heated. “I just found out they died, Nox. I want to know how they lived. I want to go where they went, talk to their friends, see the province I was born in. Why are you trying to take this away from me?”
“Always so defensive, darling,” he said with a low growl that both warmed my chest and ignited my anger.
“It’s hard not to be when I know how much you all dislike me.”
He let out a breath and closed his eyes. “It’s not that I want to take anything away from you,” he said slowly. “But sometimes we’re better off staying in the dark. Sometimes not knowing hurts less than the truth.”
I examined him carefully. Beneath the standoffishness, he actually seemed…concerned. For me.
That was new.
“Maybe that’s the difference between you and me,” I said. “You have the luxury of choosing to be in the dark. I was forced there. I have to know, Nox. Even if the truth hurts.”
“Fine,” he said, lips thinning into a straight line. “Then I’m coming with you.”