CHAPTER 26
“Is he going to keep sending you that?” Gabe inquired, a sly smile dancing on his face.
“Apparently so,” I mumbled as I carried the huge bouquet of pink peonies that I could barely lift to the kitchen while I tried to look for a place to set it.
The plain brown counters and my cream-colored kitchen and living room were now in shades of pink.
Pink peonies in various arrangements started arriving the day after he left. Each with its own personalized note.
Today’s one said. Flower 306 out of 2230, I like how you always lick your lips after each sip of your coffee. I’m mad I missed it for the past six years.
He was sending flowers for every single day he missed with me over the past six years, and although I appreciated the gesture, it was getting on my nerves.
I sighed, shooting him a text.
Evy–Stop sending me flowers. I have no space, and my apartment smells like a flower shop.
“Gabe, can you take some of these away?” I asked as I dropped myself on the couch by Lily’s feet. She was snoring face down, tired after a long day at work.
“Nope.” Gabe grinned, showing off his new teeth. “Those are for you.”
“At this point, I could start an online side business.” I squeezed my eyes as I leaned back on the couch. I’d been feeling melancholic since that night, like a watchtower on a lone cliff shrouded by a foggy mist that never seemed to go away. I couldn’t seem to shake it off.
“Emmie’s not going to stop,” Katy added softly, who has also been stuck in her own form of melancholy. The spark that always seemed present in her eyes has somehow faded.
She sobbed in my arms earlier this week, telling me how sorry she was despite me telling her it was never her fault. And it was my decision to go through with it.
She was also sad that she didn’t see White’s true colors early on and trusted her like a sister. She blamed herself and had been working nonstop since then.
Like now, she and Gabe had been brainstorming ideas for the launch event, and since Gabe’s dream was to become an event planner, he jumped on the opportunity. Gabe and Katy hit it off right away since they were like birds of a feather— both outspoken, loud, and social. Everything Lily and I were not.
“I hope he stops,” I muttered.
“Evy, come on, he’s so sweet. I wish someone would send me flowers like that. Oh, and what did today’s note say!?” Gabe chirped. I could hear the excitement in his voice.
“Nothing,” I groaned in sweet relief as I rolled my head on the couch cushion. I was sore everywhere, including my fucked-up knee, which was bothering me again.
“You liar.” I felt his hand swat my thigh.
My eyes darted open. “Gabe, I think Katy needs you.”
Katy was currently in an old sweat set, her hair gathered in a messy bun, her face free of any makeup, and a pencil held between her teeth as she peered at a paper in front of her.
In all my years, I’d never seen her like that. God, she must be truly affected by all this.
It was quite bizarre and unexpected.
Gabe rolled his eyes. “I don’t think she needs me. Look at her, she’s busy working out the seating arrangement. But you.” He pointed his finger at me. “Don’t try to change the subject. Tell me, don’t you want him back in your life?”
I heaved the air stuck in my lungs. “I do want him,” I admitted truthfully. “But I’m scared. My mind’s a complete mess. This constant push-and-pull game that Jay and I have been playing these past few months has worn me out. I don’t even know what I want anymore.”
Katy lifted her eyes from the chart. “It’s understandable. You take your time and decide what’s best for you, Evy. It’s not both your fault and time creates distance, especially when being in love as a teenager is different from when you are an adult. Sometimes love alone is not enough.”
I nodded. “You’re right. I don’t even know what he wants anymore.”
Gabe frowned. “What do you mean? Of course, he wants you back because he loves you. Also maybe to fuck your brains out.” He raised his brow, clicking his tongue.
“I don’t think he loves me. He hated me less than a month ago but fell out of love for me years ago. Just because he knows the whole truth now doesn’t mean he snaps back in love with me.”
“Yeah, I know, but who knows, maybe he never fell out of love for you. He just thinks he did. Things will be different this time, you can’t keep thinking about these past few months. If you’re going to start something, it will be built on trust and mutual respect, not on fears and doubts.”
I curled up on my side, leaning my head against my fist. “But he didn’t believe me and took her side.” I knew I was petty because he didn’t know anything, but it twisted the serrated dagger deep in my heart.
“Emmie did that to protect you, Evy.” Softness shined from Katy’s eyes.
Lines took over my forehead. “I don’t understand.”
“He went to her to make sure she doesn’t press charges, and she won’t speak to the media about this. Also, because he was furious at her, not you. He didn’t want you there with her, so he asked Mikey to take you away.”
“Oh,” I simply said. I hadn’t even thought about that. Knowing that bitch, she would’ve made a media debacle out of it, and I would’ve ended up in a jail cell for destroying her face. I was sure she has something up her sleeve and was waiting for the right time. Though Jay was more powerful now, it scared me to think about what she would pull.
“See.” Gabe waved his hand around. “He still loves you or at least he likes you. To be honest, you’ve been smiling a lot ever since he came back into your life. And you haven’t smiled like that in the years that I’ve known you, Evy. He makes you sad, but he also makes you the happiest, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.”
Maybe Gabe was right. I knew he was. But if I get my heart broken again, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to be me again. I was a distant version of the person I once was; all this loss and pain had ruined me. And if it happened again, I would go back to being that lost girl six years ago; only this time, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to bounce back again.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled, pulling out my laptop. I was done talking about him today. I had work to do, and I was excited about that despite my bad mood. I loved writing for the blog and had weekly submissions, which kept my mind occupied from running a few thousand miles per hour.
Gabe heaved out a heavy sigh but turned his attention back to Katy, and soon, they started to discuss the event.
It was well over an hour of us working when Lily finally yawned back to life, stretching out her body.
“What time is it?” she muttered in her groggy sleepy voice.
“A bit after eight,” I answered, glancing at the bottom of my laptop screen.
Lily cursed as she jumped to her feet and immediately groaned from the sudden change of gravity. It took her a minute to find her equilibrium. “I have sketches to finish by tomorrow morning.” She rushed off to her bag that she dropped by the door and dug around for her graphic pad, mumbling to herself as she slid in beside me.
She gave Strawberry a pat who followed her on her little journey to the door like she needed protection or something. That girl was getting too spoiled by everyone lately. But damn, we all loved her. She was adorable, and now it was my turn.
I closed my ancient laptop, putting it off to the side while I tapped my thigh. And Strawberry doesn’t have to be told twice as she jumped up on me. She licked my face while I cooed and rubbed her behind her ears.
I hugged her close to me while she settled on my lap, sighing happily.
“I’m done.” Katy rolled out her hands above her head. “Let’s finish the rest tomorrow. How about food now? Lots of food?”
Gabe agreed as he plopped back on the floor. “Yeah, the hors d’ouveres can wait. I want food, real food. The greasier, the better.”
“I know the perfect place.” Katy’s nose scrunched up in concentration as she fiddled with her phone. The dark circles under her eyes struck harshly against the bright phone light.
“Katy, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you found the person who tried to leak the news while we were on tour?”
“What?” Her eyes dashed to mine as she sighed heavily. “No. We couldn’t trace it back. Whoever did it was pretty good.” A soft look shined in her eyes. “I’m sorry I accused you like that. This has been going on for a while now, and it was pretty obvious it wasn’t you, I had no idea what the fuck was I thinking. It’s just.” She hesitated, inhaling visibly. “I’ve been so stressed lately. There’s a lot going on in my life. I know it’s no excuse, but I’m really sorry.”
My heart tightened. Something told me that she was deeply affected by something we didn’t know about. Not sure what it was. I knew Katy, although a social butterfly, was very tight-lipped when she wanted to be. “It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.”
She nodded gratefully before refocusing her gaze back on the phone.
A loud thud sounded through the apartment, going straight to my heart. Who the fuck was it at this time?
The thud repeated in a uniform motion.
Gabe immediately sprang to his fee. “I’ll go get it,” he announced, trotting off to the door. Katy peered back, frowning while Lily didn’t even look up from her pad. Her hair was a complete mess at this point based on the number of times she’d run her fingers through it in the past minutes.
I didn’t realize an internship was this tuff on her. But then, I knew she would ace it.
My focus slid back to Gabe as he held the door open, and I watched wide-eyed as Mikey, Matt, and Jay sauntered in like they owned the place.
My heart leaped in my chest when I met his eyes, but I quickly darted my gaze away.
“We brought food. A lot of it and a little bit of everything,” Mikey declared, grinning as he gestured to the dozen bags that the boys were holding.
“Exactly what I was looking for,” Katy muttered while she grabbed one from Matt’s hand, dug her hand inside, and slid out a fry. She moaned when the salt hit her and immediately went in for another one or a few. Poor Katy, she must be so stressed with everything that’d been going on. I knew she binged whenever she was feeling low. But Katy loved food either way, so I was glad she was eating at least.
Lily finally dragged her eyes from her sketches, following Mikey’s every move. It was still a cold war between them. The sudden shift in their friendship was all because of him. I knew at this point Lily was tired of searching for an answer or holding on to the hope for her unrequited love.
I swore I was going to throw a party when these two finally got together. I couldn’t wait for them to be a couple.
Katy snatched another bag from Matt’s hand, who, at this stage, dropped them all to her while he eased in on the chair, jutting out his chin to me. “E.”
“Hey, Matt.” I gave him a small smile.
Mikey squeezed between me and the armrest, pushing me toward Lily while he settled on my left.
I groaned, swatting him on his shoulder as I adjusted my position between them both. There was so much space in the middle, though I knew very well why he didn’t want the center seat.
I could feel Lily glare at him but quickly turned back to her work, scratching her head in frustration one more time.
Jay graciously sank his body down on the floor between Katy and Gabe, his back turned to the TV, but his eyes right across mine.
Fuck me.
What kind of punishment was this?
The traitorous one in my lap instantly hopped off me and went to his side. A wide grin took over his face while he gave her some love.
I couldn’t believe her.
“Can I post on my social media page that I’m having dinner with rock stars?” Gabe clapped, a gleam covering his eyes.
“No,” I said.
At the same time, Jay said, “Yes.”
My eyes dashed to him again, and I spared him a glance before I pointed an accusatory finger at Gabe, who was already in the process of taking pictures. “It’s my apartment, my rules. I want none of this out. You better put that phone away or I’m knocking your new teeth off.”
“Evy,” Gabe moaned. “You’re Debbie Downer.”
“Thank you,” I replied sarcastically.
Mikey slid his arm over my shoulders, pulling me over to this side. “Damn, E! When did you get so aggressive?”
I rolled my eyes as I elbowed his ribs. “Shut up.”
My chest heated with awareness. I knew his eyes were on me, but I didn’t dare look up. I concentrated on my enchiladas like they would somehow answer all the questions deep diving into my head.
“Though I’m thankful for the food,” Katy muttered, leaning back after ravishing two burgers and a box of fires. “Why are you guys here again?”
“We thought we’d stop by to see our favorite girls.” A sly grin played on Mikey’s lips.
Lily’s hand stilled on her stylus, but her eyes remained downcast. It lasted for a second before she went back to her drawings, mumbling something out of frustration.
And even though the asshole played it off, Mikey’s eyes were on her the entire time. The tightness around the corner of his eyes suggested he was worried about her.
It felt awkward to sit between their weird tension, but most of all, the unease heightened as I tried so hard to avoid the eye contact of the person sitting in front of me.
I couldn’t believe I was reduced to feeling like this inside my own fucking apartment.
“You all enjoy. I’m going to hit the sack,” I mumbled as I pushed myself up. I’d had enough of sitting here feeling like tiny little insects were constantly buzzing in the middle of my chest.
“Can I join too?” Mikey lifted a brow suggestively. “I would love to hit the sack with you, E.”
I rolled my eyes as I gave him a hard smack on the back of his head, while I mumbled a quick goodbye and darted out of there.
Fuck, finally. I sighed happily as I slid off my bra and got into a comfy sleep shirt.
The loud bantering outside my door was still going on in full swing but it didn’t bother me. I loved that the people who I called my family were in my home. It somehow made me feel safe and not so alone anymore.
A rattle sounded on my bedroom door before it creaked open.
I knew he wasn’t going to give up that easily.
Jay crept inside my room as quietly as a fading flame in the dead of the night. “Hey,” he mumbled, meeting my eyes.
“What if I was indecent? You can’t just barge in here without knocking,” I whisper-shouted although I had no idea why.
A smile tugged his lips. “I’ve seen every inch of you. I don’t think I would mind seeing you indecent.”
Heat blazed my heart, flushing my cheeks pink. “It’s not about that. It’s about respecting my privacy.”
“Fine, sorry.” He lifted his shoulder. The gleam in his eyes told me he wasn’t sorry at all.
I bit my lips, suppressing a sigh. “What are you doing here?”
In a stride, he was right before me. “I came to see you,” he said softly in an endearing voice that was making me feel all sorts of ways that I didn’t know whether I liked or not. “You looked sad, and I missed you.”
I was sad, and I did miss him, but I did not admit it.
“That’s not a good enough reason,” I muttered.
He traced the depths of my soul with his bright blues that seemed darker from the moonlight streaming through the escaped curtains. “It’s a good enough reason for me.”
“It still doesn’t matter. You need to leave.”
He tucked a soft strand behind my ear. “How are you?” he asked, completely ignoring my command.
I shrugged. “Fine.”
“That means you’re not fine at all.”
“What are you? My mood reader?”
“I think I can read you very well, sweetheart. I know exactly what’s going on in there.” He tapped a finger to my head.
I flicked him away in frustration as I met his gaze. “Yet you can’t seem to read me when I screamed at the top of my lungs the real reason that we broke up all those years ago.”
All the light died from his eyes and an instant look of remorse and guilt replaced it. “I know, I’m sorry.” His throat worked in a visible swallow.
It made me feel like crap for snapping at him. “I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I’m just so confused. It’s hard. I don’t know how to deal with all this.” My words caught in my throat.
He leaned lower and circled his arms around my waist. “I know, it’s hard for me too. I can’t seem to stop blaming myself. The guilt is eating me alive, Evelyn.”
I sighed in his arms, pressing my cheek to his chest. “You’ve got nothing to be guilty about. Neither of us is to blame. It’s just all a weird turn of events and it may be hard now, but one day, I hope it’ll make sense. I hope one day I’ll wake up and know exactly why it all happened the way it did.”
He smoothed his palm to the back of my head as he tightened his grip around me. “I hope so too.”
We stood like that for minutes.
We weren’t sure why, but all we knew was that it felt good.
I reluctantly pulled back because I was really tired and needed to sleep. “I’m going to crash now. I’m really sleepy.”
He ran his thumb over my cheek. “Can I stay till you fall asleep?”
I swallowed as I nodded turning back to get settled in.
A spark lit in my chest as I felt him get beside me inside the covers, his body merely an inch away from mine. “Pink bunny sheets, uh?”
I couldn’t help the chuckle that burst out of me as I darted my eyes to his. “It’s the same question you asked me ten years ago.”
A nostalgic smile crept across his face as he turned on his side, facing me. “See.” He twirled my hair that was resting on my chest around his finger. “Somethings haven’t changed.”
I shook my head, the smile never leaving my face as my heavy eyelids watched the dancing moonlight on my ceiling.
“Sleep,” he whispered, softly as he linked his fingers with mine and placed our hands on the center of my chest.
I nodded as I drifted off. The last thing I remembered was that my hand clutched his harder.
I breathed deeply, confusion masking its way up to my brain as the smell of wood and clean sea water hit me.
What? Where was I?
It felt like a furnace was digging a hole in the center of my cheek.
“Shh, girl. Mommy is still sleeping,” said a deep rumble that somehow vibrated my entire torso. It was followed by a quiet bark and then silence.
Soft, strong strokes pressed down my scalp, adding to the sleepiness on my lids.
I slowly squeezed my eyes open, and the rays of sunlight glared into my eyes. It took a few blinks to get used to it. My nose scrunched as my eyes met the hard rock underneath me, it was painted with deep intricate scales that looked like a shadow.
It took me a moment to remember the events of last night.
Fuck.
Jay was here when I fell asleep.
And it dawned on me that I was all over him, and he was shirtless.
When the fuck did he lose his shirt?
I scrambled to get my bearings as I tried to get off him. But he held me tight, my wiggling moments made something hard poke on the inside of my thighs.
Fuck, I knew exactly what that was.
“Stop squirming around,” he groaned.
I propped onto my elbows as I met his gaze. “What are you still doing here?” And God, he looked so beautiful this early in the morning that I was actually jealous. I was sure I looked like a raccoon but look at him. Even though his hair was out of place, it only added to his charm. And he was looking at me like he wanted to ravish me.
The wetness in my core only seemed to drench my sleep shorts from all this.
Oh God, what kind of cruelty was this?
He grinned, a shimmer of gleam covering his eyes.
Fuck, he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I wiggled harder. “Let me go, I have no idea why you’re keeping me hostage.”
He smirked. “Oh, you know why.” Both his hands gripped my ass.
My breathing hitched as I stilled. “What are you doing?” I mumbled as I felt his hands creep down the underside of my shorts, smoothing over my bare skin.
“Unwinding you,” he whispered like a promise as he pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose.
“You can’t,” I muttered my voice meek, barely a protest as my hips tend to move on their own accord.
I groaned as one of his hands sneaked it was way inside my shorts, his fingers inching closer to the wetness dripping over my fold.
“Jay,” I gasped, burying my head in his neck.
“Shh, you’ll feel good.”
My lips caught onto the skin of his neck as I moaned in delight as his fingers swirled over my wetness.
Ever so slightly he circled my clit, stroking and rubbing all the way down my slit, carefully avoiding the parts that wanted his touch.
“Please, Jay. It’s too much.” I bit the flesh of his neck whirling my tongue as I tasted him.
He glided his two long fingers inside my aching pussy. I moaned out a deep groan as he stroked me in hard and fast. He plummeted his fingers deep hitting the spot that made my toes curl. He knew exactly how to fuck me with his fingers.
“Yes, Evelyn just like that. Grind your pussy around my fingers.” He kept up with his strokes while his thumb flicked my clit.
It was like a light bulb deep inside me splintered into a million little pieces. I screamed his name while he didn’t slow his pace. “Yes, sweetheart. Let go, for me.”
My vision was blinded as I rode wave after wave of pleasure that tremulously shook me down to my soul.
My eyes blinked close as I fought to catch my breath, my entire body feeling deliciously exhausted. God, that was so good.
And fuck, I needed it.
A shiver ran down my body as he pulled his fingers away. I watched with hooded eyes as he closed his mouth around them, licking away every bit of my dripping wetness.
It only made the flush running through my entire body deepen.
“Hey,” he whispered, brushing away the wet strands of hair sticking to my face.
“Hi,” I croaked, my mouth dry. I needed water now.
He pressed a long kiss on my forehead as he slowly maneuvered me down the bed, flicking away the sheets from my heated body.
“Here drink this.” He handed me a bottle of cool water.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, chugging the sweetness down my throat.
He laughed as he watched me.
“Enough,” I muttered, passing it off to him.
The heat from my body finally cooled down. I sighed happily, I cuddled closer to the sheets. Every bone in my body felt so relaxed, and I wanted to go back to sleep.
Jay slid over to his side, bringing my body closer to him. We couldn’t escape our lips touching as we slowly kissed each other, savoring the moment like we had all the time in the world.
Who knew? Maybe we did.
“You okay?” he asked, smiling as we parted.
“Hmm,” I mumbled as I wrapped my arms around him, nuzzling my face into his neck.
“Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up,” he muttered, pressing soft kisses along my shoulder.
“Hmm,” I mumbled again as my body gave way to sleep.
I didn’t care about all our problems and fears. I didn’t care about constant doubts and the reasons we shouldn’t be together.
At the moment, he was all I needed.
And I was all he needed too.