30. Tara
I wrap myself up in my third blanket, letting the quickly fading scent of Charlie and Jesse hit my nose. Neither of them had been here in a week, yet their scents still lingered on a few of my things still.
Without that, I was sure I would have gone crazy by now. Being away from either of them at first just felt like I missed them to a terribly strong degree. That quickly turned into feeling like one of my appendages was gone. I hadn’t left my bed in days, barely able to move. I’d piled all of my pillows–even my couch cushions–around me until I had a nest of everything cozy in my apartment. Luckily I was a collector of cozy, so I was very prepared.
The credits rolled to another movie I’d let autoplay. I had no idea what it was about, but the company was nice. Inky curled up next to me as she had been the whole week, probably sensing something was off. I pet behind her ears and she purred loudly, sounding like the world's cutest motorboat.
I pulled out my phone. Charlie had been texting me since I left. He tried to come over a few times, but I insisted I needed space–no matter how much it felt like it might kill me.
Everything just felt so… messed up. I couldn’t believe Charlie lied to me all of that time. And not to mention the fact that he didn’t even call me. He had my number and did nothing but watch my streams behind his fake profile. Did he think all of the money would make up for that? I couldn’t be sure, but I knew I needed to sort through what it all meant.
Especially because it felt a little hypocritical, considering our lie to Jesse. I just… couldn’t imagine hurting him, especially after we bonded. We were trying to protect them, and now it felt like it made an even bigger mess of things. Just thinking about it all made me want to crawl into a cave and never come out.
Not only Charlie had he been texting me, but he had been sending me things too. At first it was a bit annoying. I was trying to stay mad while getting showered with gifts. But on the second day he had chocolates sent to me. It was an array, with different kinds of bonbons and filled chocolates. They were all really good, but the blueberry filled one in particular was amazing, and I needed more.
I went to order some and my eyes widened at the price. Why was this chocolate so, so expensive? In my anger at my inability to get it, I messaged Charlie and demanded a box of them.
My Alpha - Yes mistress
The message had made me warm all over, and sure enough a few hours later they were at my door. After that the urge to text him my every want became exhilarating. He ordered me breakfast, lunch and dinner, not to mention any snacks I needed.
Yesterday I told him I wanted new sweatpants. I was mostly joking, but sure enough a few hours later four entire sweatsuits showed up, all in different shades of purple. I was sad that none of them smelled like him, but he did just order, so that made sense.
So now I was walking around in my lavender sweatsuit, playing with the necklace I was stuck wearing forever. Though it did warm me to think it came from Charlie, even if he was deceiving me.
I looked down at it, glittering brightly even in the low light of the quickly fading day. That reminded me it was almost dinner time, and I had been craving pizza all day.
Tara - I want pizza from Minelli’s. Mushrooms and peppers please.
My Alpha - Yes babygirl. Anything else?
I thought about it for a moment and went back to look through the menu.
Tara - Garlic knots please. And a cannoli.
My Alpha - Will be there soon :)
My stomach heated. I loved that it felt like I had anything I wanted at my fingertips, just at the request of Charlie.
Tara - What if I said I wanted a brand new Nexium gaming PC?
My Alpha - I probably couldn’t get that same day, but it could be done.
God that was hot.
Tara - and you’d just buy it?
It took him a moment to answer. I was worried I’d pushed too far, asked for too much, but he did eventually respond.
My Alpha - Anything you need babygirl, I’ll get it for you.
Fuck this man was too hot for his own good. I put my phone face down on the bed and flopped back, staring at my whirling ceiling fan. The next movie–whatever it was–played in the background but I barely heard it. I had no idea how I was going to fix everything. After thinking about it for a few days, my anger towards Charlie lessened. Yeah, it was fucked up for him to pretend he wasn’t literally my whale, but he wasn’t like the typical alpha, which was something I loved about him.
One of the many things I loved about him.
And then there was Jesse. He’d been silent. I’d been waiting for him to respond, texting every morning and every evening, but it was dead. They weren’t even streaming. I supposed I wasn’t either, but at least then I’d be able to see them. I got so desperate by day three I messaged Indigo, who had talked to them and confirmed they were okay. It’s why I hadn’t just gone over there myself yet. Though every one of my instincts screamed at me to go, I didn’t want to push them and make it worse. So here I sat, listening to some dramatic family drama scene and the whirl of my ceiling fan.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed before there was a knock on the door. Pizza finally. I hoped that maybe some food would quell some of the irritation I was starting to feel settle in.
I padded across the floor to the front door, Inky trailing close behind, almost tripping me a few times. I opened the door and looked down, expecting my pizza to be sitting there. Instead, I was staring at nice sneakers. His scent hit my nose before I could even look up and see Charlie standing there, pizza in hand. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked. Part of me wanted to slam the door in his face. The other part of me wanted to pull him in and slam my lips to his.
“I just want to say I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you or deceive you as Glitch.”
“Then what was it meant to do? You never reached out, not once.” In part, that hurt worse.
“I know. Can I come inside and we can talk?”
Could he? I looked behind me, thinking about it. “I did bring pizza and cannolis,” he said as he waved the box.
The smell of pizza was intriguing, and I was hungry.
I pushed the door open slightly and gestured for him to come in. He did so quickly, as if he thought I might change my mind before he could get through. I shut the door behind him and when I turned back he was nowhere to be seen.
I was about to call out for him before I heard the clanking of dishes. Charlie appeared moments later carrying the box of pizza, now stacked with plates. He glanced at my cushionless couch and raised his brows in question.
“In the bedroom,” I said.
He nodded in understanding. “Want to eat in there?”
“Yeah.” Charlie let us that way, pausing when he got to the door. “You been nesting babygirl?”
“A bit,” I admitted.
He set the pizza box on the edge of the bed and rearranged so there was space for both of us to sit. I slid in and he slid next to me, I could tell he was trying to keep a respectful distance, but with everything else on the bed that was near impossible. He grabbed the stack of plates and opened the box, the steam rising up, filling the air with its cheesy, bread-y goodness.
A couple slices were plopped on my plate along with a cannoli before Charlie passed it to me.
I took it, pulling one of the slices away, creating the most satisfying cheese pull before lowering it into my mouth. Moaning as it hit my tongue. God they always had the best pizza.
When I looked over at Charlie he had his own piece halfway to his mouth, paused and looking at me.
“What?” I asked.
He swallowed, glancing away. “Nothing.”
I smirked. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
He chewed, obviously thinking on his words. “I’m really sorry I lied about being Glitch.”
I sighed. “I just don’t know why you did.”
“I know I’m not the typical alpha. Sure I’m large and look like one, but I know I don’t act like one. I never have. Cameo even told me before I went into the heat hotel I needed to ‘alpha up’ more or less. And there you seemed like you liked that. So after, every time I thought about messaging you, I could only think that I wasn’t good enough for you. That was a charade I could put on during heat, but otherwise, I wasn’t sure I could.
“Then one day I was scrolling through SLK’d at Cam’s recommendation, and saw you. It took me a little while to convince myself it was you, but I couldn’t mistake you anywhere.”
I flushed a bit at that, but he continued. “I obviously created myself under an alias, but that’s when I realized I really could be anyone I wanted. I could be the alpha you needed, because I wasn’t Charlie. I was Glitch. And you seemed to really like him, so I just… never stopped.”
What he said made sense to me, and I could understand his thought process, but it simply wasn’t true. “Though I… found myself fond of Glitch in some ways, it wasn’t because of the dominance you showed, or the ‘alpha’ of it all. I mean, the fin-domming will always be hot to me, but that’s just it. Those were the moments I enjoyed most. It might not have been clear in the sex fueled haze, but being with you made me realized I liked domming.”
He blinked. “Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Before that my only real experience had been alone, or on camera and there I just sort of did whatever anyone else wanted, but nothing felt as good as when I got on top of you, tkI don’t remember what happens. And after most streams I come home and dom the fuck out of Jesse, because that’s the kind of release I truly crave.”
I could tell he wanted to ask something he was worried about. “But you feel that way even from your alpha?”
I smirked. “Yeah. I do.”
He sighed. “That… makes me feel better. I just want to be the alpha you need.”
I set both of our plates aside before moving into his lap. “You are. You’re the alpha we both need.”
His arms draped around me and he pulled me close, breath shuttering. “Thank you babygirl.”
We sat in a comfortable silence like that, just enjoying each other. His scent had already begun to infiltrate my room, exactly the way it should have been.
“Have you talked to Jesse?” I asked.
“No,” he said, sounding equally as distraught about it as I did. “But I had someone deliver some of his favorite tea, and he signed for it, so he’s at least alive.
I couldn’t help huffing a small laugh at the ways he tried to keep up with them.
“I talked to Indy. He said they’re fine.”
“That’s good. I don’t think I know him.”
I nodded. “He’s a newer friend, one Jesse found through streaming.”
“I see.” Charlie reached over me to grab one of our plates and put it in my lap. He picked up one of the slices and held it up for me. I took a bite, the pizza now a bit cold but still yummy. He brought that same slice to his own lips, having his own bite.
“I think we should talk to him,” he said.
I shook my head. “I think they want their space.”
“I know, but that space won’t fix it. Jesse will take space until the end of time.”
I thought about that as he fed me another slice. Jesse and I had never really had a serious fight before this, so I had no idea how he processed these things.
“I just don’t want to push him before he’s ready.”
“I get that,” Charlie agreed. “Maybe text?”
I side glanced at him. “You think I didn’t try that already?”
He huffed. “Fair enough. Well then go there. The worse he can do is slam the door in your face, when I’m sure they won’t.”
I leaned further against him. “I’ll think about it.”