Eighteen
The night had gone really well. Better than he hoped. When Jill, Lainey, and Presley had come back in after sharing wine on the back patio, there’d been a lightness to Jilly he hadn’t experienced so far. Like she’d come to some conclusion and was content. The way she looked at him from across the room as they’d pulled out board games and set up teams was enough to make his mind wander about what decisions she might have made.
He wanted to be one of them. His mom held his arm as he walked her to the houseboat. Twinkle lights hung over the entrance to the docks that surrounded the homes.
“You’re really talented, Levi.” His mom stopped walking and looked up at him. There was a soft breeze coming off the water that made them sway in a barely noticeable way. If a person were used to it. He noticed and was happy, once again, that he’d taken the apartment over Pete’s.
“Thanks, Mom. That means a lot to me. I’m really happy to be home. Even though…” he said, his voice trailing off as he looked down the lane his parents’ home was on.
His mom patted his arm. “Do you remember being seventeen and full of dreams, sweetie?”
Levi looked down at his mom, aware of music in the distance. Sunday night in Tourist Lane brought a lot of locals who shopped and ate or just strolled in the park.
“I do.”
His mom nodded. She was aging well. There were subtle lines and creases on her face and her hands were weathered but she took care of herself. He’d missed her when he was gone and liked that he could check in on her, on them, frequently now.
“Your dad had dreams, too, honey. When you were born, he really put his all into the business. And when we couldn’t have more babies, he was okay with it because we had you.”
A stitch lodged in Levi’s side. He hadn’t thought about his parents having or wanting more children. Being an only child had been okay with him. He’d had Gray and Beckett and a lot of other friends. He’d never felt lonely or left out. He wondered how Ollie felt about being an only child. Or if Jillian wanted more children.
His mom squeezed his arm, getting his attention again. “I wanted more and was sad for a long time, but as you grew, you had so many friends, I didn’t have to worry about you being alone. It’s hard when you put your whole heart into something and then it goes a different way. Even if he shouldn’t have, your dad did that with you, thinking you’d be his partner. It wasn’t just that he lost that, but you went away and he felt like he lost you. ”
Levi’s mouth went dry. He nudged them forward because the emotions swirling inside of him were too strong to stand still. “I didn’t move across the world, Mom. I tried to come home to visit, asked you guys to visit.”
“I know, honey. And you did what you were meant to do. I’m not saying any of this to make you feel guilty. Just trying to help you understand. And I did visit! Two summers in a row. I was and still am very proud of the man you’ve become, Levi. Your father will come around. Just give him some time. He might be scared to get his hopes up about you staying.”
Nodding, Levi bent and kissed his mom’s head. “I’m staying, Mom.” For more reasons than he’d originally expected.
When they got to the houseboat, the door opened before his mom could take the first step up onto the little platform entryway. Anderson stepped out of the doorway, tucking a strand of brown hair behind their ear, smiling when they saw Levi and his mom.
“Hey, guys. How was dinner?” They held a dented old-school red toolbox.
“It was lovely. What are you doing here, Anderson?” His mom stepped back so Anderson could exit as Levi’s dad shuffled to the doorway.
“You’re home earlier than I thought,” his dad said, a soft smile for his mom.
“What are you doing here, Anderson?” Levi asked, looking back and forth between Smile’s go-to for any problem big or small and his own dad.
“Your dad just needed some help with a leaky faucet. Couldn’t get down there to check it out.” Anderson stepped onto the dock, their expression neutral.
“You knew I was dropping Mom off. You could have asked me,” Levi said, stepping away from his mom.
“It’s not a big deal,” his dad said, moving so his mom could enter the house.
“Levi,” his mom said.
Levi shook his head. “No. I just…” He cut himself off, not wanting to say things in anger. He scrubbed both hands through his hair and let out a deep sigh.
“You’d ask anyone before me. I’m sorry if I hurt you, Dad. But I was a kid, focused on making his dreams come true. You’re an adult who has ignored my apologies, shown absolutely no remorse over not supporting my move home, and shut me out purposefully. You win. I’ll leave you alone. You made a life that didn’t include me even though that was never my intention. I won’t try to force my way in anymore.”
“Levi, please. Don’t say that,” his mom said.
“I didn’t mean to step on any toes, Levi,” Anderson said, shuffling in the awkward aftermath of Levi’s words.
Levi shoved his hands in his pockets. “Not your fault, Anderson. You didn’t. I did.”
He heard his mom’s whispered anger toward his dad but didn’t hear his dad’s gruff response. Levi hurried off the dock and went back to his apartment, ignoring his mom’s phone call. He’d smooth things out with her later, but it was time for him to admit that the tear between him and his dad might be too jagged to patch back up.
When he let himself into his apartment, he stood by the doorway, staring at the space. It was bigger than he’d expected, but that could be the lack of furniture. Pete had lent him a television and said it was fine to use the couch.
Throwing his house keys on the counter, he opened the fridge, grabbed a beer, and popped the top, taking a long drink.
“You can’t control everything. You wanted a life here, start building it,” he told himself.
He’d had a few of his boxes brought over from the storage unit he rented. He needed to order a bed, some linens, unpack the stuff for his kitchen. He needed to focus on something other than the past.
Telling himself that, he nearly laughed at the irony when the first box he opened had his high school yearbooks.
Taking two of them and his beer, he went over to the surprisingly comfortable couch that was too long for the space and sat down. He set his beer on the floor and flipped through, seeing old signatures, photographs of him, classmates he remembered and couldn’t recall for the life of him.
His fingers traced over a picture of him and Beckett smiling like idiots for the camera. Despite how small Smile was, there were two schools. One went from kindergarten to eighth grade, and the other, on the far end of the island, went from ninth to twelfth. Which meant running across pictures of Jilly, too. He found one of her sitting with her back to a tree, a book in hand, smiling up at something Beckett was saying. Beckett was doing something—probably showing off for some girl he’d had a crush on—and Jillian was waving him away with a grin on her pretty face.
She’d been part of his life for so long, he’d taken it for granted. Or just hadn’t thought about it. She’d been at every one of their basketball and volleyball games, making signs when they’d made the finals. She baked cookies and left them for Beckett and his friends so when they all rolled into the Kellers’ kitchen after practices, they had something to eat.
Levi continued to flip through the pages, nostalgia and a bit of regret twisting his stomach into knots. There was nothing wrong with going away. But he shouldn’t have stayed away. He shouldn’t have avoided coming home—which he had to admit, he’d done a fair bit—just to sidestep conflict. Conflict was part of life. He shouldn’t have let so much time go in between, because the people he cared for, all of them, had carried on with their lives. It was his own fault he had to find a way to fit into who they were now. He was the outsider.
But he didn’t want to be.
Setting the yearbooks on a cushion, he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed the number before he could change his mind.
“Hello?” Jillian’s voice was hushed and, whether she meant it to be or not, sexy.
“Hi. Were you asleep?” Guilt cramped his gut.
She laughed. “No. But I came into my room to grab my book, and Ollie is.”
Right. She had a kid. He hadn’t thought about wanting a family. In truth, he compartmentalized his life, focused on work most of the time. Now that he was home, he realized how many of those compartments were empty. Ollie was a cool kid and Levi could see little pieces of Jillian in her actions and the way she spoke. Instead of making him wary that he wanted a woman with a kid, it only made him more certain.
“You didn’t answer me tonight,” Levi said quietly.
“I guess I thought the answer was obvious,” she said, her voice still low.
He wished she were right beside him. “I don’t want to take anything for granted.” No more assumptions. They hurt.
“Yes, Levi. I’ll go on a date with you.”
Levi smiled, the rest of his stress and uncertainty slipping away. He’d focus on what he could control and that would include showing Jillian how very good they could be together. If he were still a na?ve teenager or a hopeful romantic, he’d even say they were meant to be.