Thirty-three
Levi paid close attention as Ollie showed him how to navigate the list-generating app specifically designed to make meal planning and online shopping easier.
Sitting at the countertop on a stool, holding a bowl of sliced apples drizzled with a cinnamon glaze he’d whipped up, she grinned at him, a large gap in her smile.
“See? Easy. Chef Shane likes to write everything down but this is easier. I showed my gramma and she loves it.”
Levi squeezed her shoulder, surprised by the easy surge of affection he felt for this kid. “You’re really smart, Ollie. This is going to make my life easier. Thank you.”
Before Ollie could respond, Jilly pushed through the dining room door. Speaking of surges, it was like his entire body short-circuited. Fuck. He was so in love with her.
“Mom,” Ollie said, hurrying off the stool with a slice of apple. “Try this. Levi made the drizzle overtop. It’s so yummy.”
When Jillian didn’t take it, Ollie took a huge bite. Jilly’s smile was tight and nowhere near the wattage she naturally gave her kid. Something was up.
“Hey,” he said, walking over to greet her.
Her gaze was shiny and remote. “Ollie, it’s time to go. Say goodbye.”
“Are we going to the museum?” She hurried over and wrapped her little arms around Levi as much as she could.
Levi returned the mini-hug but couldn’t take his attention from the strange way Jillian watched them both.
“See you later, Levi.” She hurried through the swinging door.
Levi closed the gap between him and Jillian, pulling her close. “Are you okay?”
He leaned in to kiss her but she turned her face, so he brushed her cheek. Alarm bells went off inside of him, sending a buzz of uncertainty over his skin.
Jilly stepped back.
“What’s going on, honey? You’re worrying me.”
“My parents are selling their house,” she said, her tone flat.
“Shit. I’m sorry.”
“I went to see Andrew.” Her tone was every bit as empty.
“What?” He froze. Even his breath went cold.
“My ex.”
What the fuck was going on? “I know who he is, Jillian.” The better explanation would be why she went to see him and hadn’t said anything.
His tone seemed to snap her out of her strange state. “He wanted to get back together. He’s been bugging me for weeks to see Ollie and I went to see him today to tell him it’s not going to happen.”
Because he needed something to do with his hands, he shoved them in his pockets with so much force he was surprised he didn’t rip the seams. “And you didn’t think to mention to me that you were taking off for the day to meet up with your ex-husband ?” Or that he’d been bothering her for weeks while Levi was busy falling in love with her and her kid.
She met his gaze, and for the first time since he’d come home, he couldn’t read her thoughts. Jillian was so often an open book with her emotions. It made it easier to fall for her. But now, she was shutting him out completely.
“I didn’t think to. I’m sorry. But it doesn’t matter. Everything is changing and I don’t like things being up in the air.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. “What’s up in the air? You’re not getting back together with him.” There was no way.
The immediate disgust on her face assured him he was right even before she spoke. “Of course not. I told you I don’t love him. I’m not sure I ever really knew him. But no. This isn’t about him.”
“What’s not about him, Jillian?” What was she trying to say? His gut cramped with intuition.
“Everything, all of it, I feel like my life is spinning out of control. It’s too much. I think there’s too much going on for us to keep going down this road.”
Yanking his hands from his pockets, he turned and paced the room, stopping behind the counter and then pinning her with his stare. “Everything is wonderful between us. I told you I was falling in love with you and you didn’t say it back but it’s there. I know it is. Then you turn around, go see your asshole ex, who, by the way, you most definitely should have told me was bothering you, then you come here and break up with me? What the hell, Jillian?”
Something between anger and sorrow clashed in her eyes. “I can’t make it all work, Levi. It’s too much. It’s too scary and too uncertain. I need to know I’m doing what’s best for Ollie. I need to find a place to live. We’re going to work together and I can’t have her falling deeper for you when we have no idea where this will lead.”
He started to interrupt but she took a step closer and cut him off, her gaze so full of sadness it nearly took him out at the knees.
“I was married. That’s supposed to be forever and it wasn’t, and while I’m happy I didn’t stay with him, it’s proof that there aren’t any guarantees. My job is to protect Ollie, emotionally and physically. She doesn’t need the kind of upheaval in her life that would come from us breaking up farther down the line. What if we moved in together and then it happened? It would devastate her. I don’t even know how to tell her we have to move. It’s too much. She cares about you. This way, nothing is jeopardized.”
Levi’s body shook, tiny little tremors rooting him to the spot. “You’re right.”
“I am?” She whispered the words, her eyes shining with tears.
He nodded, gripping the edge of the counter with his fingers until his knuckles went white. “Nothing jeopardized. No risk in walking away. Saving Ollie from possibly facing disappointment and hurt later in life. Sure. That’s one way to look at it. Another is that you’re being a coward.”
“What?” The color drained from her face.
“You’re in love with me. I’m in love with you and I love your kid, Jillian. You can say you’re protecting her but what you’re doing is showing her that when it comes time to fight for what you really want, you should hide away behind excuses. But guess what? It won’t stop Ollie from ever being hurt or disappointed in life. That’s going to happen because that’s life. All it will do is show her that when she had the chance for real happiness, her mom was too afraid to take the leap. Then it’ll make her wonder if she should live her life that way.”
“Don’t you dare tell me about raising a kid. You know nothing about taking care of anyone but yourself. You and Beckett had no right to decide between you where my kid went today. She’s not yours. She’s mine. My whole life revolves around her and you wouldn’t know anything about that. I can’t let people pop in and out of her life when they decide it’s convenient.” Her voice rose and her hand shook when she pointed at him.
“Mom,” Ollie yelled, standing in a little gap between the partially opened swinging door. “Why are you yelling at Levi?”
“Why is anyone yelling?” Gray asked, pushing the door open all the way, a hand on Ollie’s shoulder. He looked back and forth between Levi and Jill. “What the hell is going on?” Ollie started to speak but Grayson sent her a quick glance, brows arched. “I know I said ‘hell,’ Ollie. It’s warranted.” He looked back at them. “Jilly?”
“I can’t do this. There’s too much to do.” Jilly turned and looked at Gray. “My car is at the docks, full of supplies. Ollie and I will walk home.” She handed him the keys and tried to push past him.
“I don’t want to go home,” Ollie said, folding her arms across her chest.
“It’s time to go,” Jill said.
Grayson took the keys. “Jilly, you shouldn’t drive the boat when you’re upset like this.”
Pushing her hands into her hair, she shook her head in frustration. “Everyone needs to stop making decisions for me. Ollie, it’s time to go. Go. ”
“I don’t want to!” Ollie yelled back, tears trickling down her cheeks.
Jilly’s back went rigid. “Olivia Anne Keller, move it. Now. ”
Ollie stomped away. “You’re mean.”
Jilly started to follow but Grayson grabbed her arm. “I’ll drive you.”
She shook him off. “I don’t need you to.”
Grayson stood taller, and though Levi was all for Jillian being independent and doing whatever she needed to do despite what just happened, he was relieved her brother didn’t take no for an answer.
“You’re not yourself. I’m not asking. I’m driving you. Levi, I’ll talk to you later.”
With that, both of them left and Levi nearly collapsed onto the countertop. Looking around the kitchen, he couldn’t tie together the threads of what just happened. Everything had collapsed like a poorly constructed soufflé but there was absolutely no reason for it. What the hell had just happened? His chest and stomach heaved like waves in a storm. He needed to go after her. There were two boats here, weren’t there? Nothing made sense. Grabbing his keys and phone, he hurried out of the lodge, flying through the lobby and out the door. Maybe he could catch them. He couldn’t lose her. Them. This shouldn’t be happening. He ran down to the dock, but stopped just before it, shocked to see his dad tying his boat up there.
“Hey. Gray asked me to come over and look at the dock. I didn’t get a chance the other day and figured a quick boat ride would help me sleep better tonight. What the hell’s wrong with you?” His dad walked toward him.
“You can’t work on the dock,” Levi said. And he couldn’t deal with this right now.
His dad’s chest puffed up. “Didn’t say I was going to. I’m assessing it, and I asked what the hell is wrong with you.”
Levi gripped either side of his head, yanking on his own hair. “Everything. Everything is fucking wrong. Jillian just broke up with me and she gave me reasons but it doesn’t make sense. There’s too much good between us not to work through the hard stuff. I don’t know what to do.”
His dad moved forward more quickly than Levi expected, pulled on one of his arms until Levi dropped both of them, then squeezed his shoulder. “All right. All right. Just breathe now. You’ll figure it out. Come on now. Calm yourself down.”
He hadn’t even realized he was still shaking or that he’d been yelling. His dad’s surprisingly soothing voice shocked the calm into him.
“Dad. I can’t lose her. I love her. I love her so much.”
His dad nodded. “I know, son. It’s going to be okay.”
Levi shook his head. “You can’t know that. How can you say that?”
His dad stepped closer, put both hands on Levi’s shoulders, and met his gaze. “I know it. You’ll find a way, Levi. You always do. It’ll be okay. Now just take a breath. I’ve never met anyone who went after what they wanted the way that you do. Give her some space and get yourself sorted. It’ll be okay.”
He realized he was copying his dad taking deep breaths like when he was a kid and he’d get too worked up over a sporting event. It was one of those tricky parenting things that had you doing what they wanted with no instruction whatsoever.
Levi closed his eyes and let the pain wash over him. When he opened them, his dad dropped his hands but kept looking at him, his gaze steady and sure.
“It’ll be okay.”
Levi nodded. He didn’t know if he believed it, but he wanted to.
“Come on. Let’s take a look at this dock. I’ll write up an estimate and you can do the work. I’ll send one of my guys out to help you. I can spare one.”
“I took a full-time job at the lodge,” he said, falling into step beside his dad, bracing for his dad’s frustration.
“I know. Your mother told me. Guess you better get things sorted with your girl or that’s going to be awkward,” his dad said.
A bark of laughter burst from Levi painfully. “You’re not wrong.”
He just had no idea how to do that.