Chapter 16
Erik
I’d been way too careless about revealing my tentacles.
But they seemed to have a mind of their own where Sonny was concerned.
It was as though my octopus thought that, now we’d wrapped Sonny in our arms once, we could do it again whenever we wanted.
But we’d only let our tentacles touch him because he’s been in the water.
Now he was in bed, tucked up and meant to be sleeping.
I don’t know why I kept reaching them out to slide over his fair skin.
If I wasn’t careful, he’d wake up properly and notice that those tentacles he kept dreaming about were real.
Worse, Declan might get suspicious.
I couldn’t deny it if they accused me. What would I say?
Sweat broke out on my forehead and I took a deep, calming breath. I just needed to get through the rest of the day.
Declan came back into the room and sat on the couch, lowering himself carefully. It made me smile despite myself. He was such a good patient.
“How is he?”
“He’s sleeping much more calmly. I think his temperature is going down.”
“That’s great. He’ll probably be fine by morning.”
I’d been saying that every half an hour, it seemed, because Declan kept going in to check on Sonny. It was as though he couldn’t bear to take his eyes off Sonny, as though if he were out of sight, he might slide beneath the surface again.
I reached out a hand to rest on his shoulder. “Declan?”
“Yes?”
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Nothing.”
I made an annoyed sound in my throat.
“Try again,” I said. “You know me better than that.”
He sat very still for a moment and then he let out a breath. It seemed to deflate him, making his shoulders slump and his head fall forward.
“I think I understand now.”
“Understand what?”
“Why Sonny told me he loved me.”
I nearly snatched my hand away from his shoulder, reeling back.
I hadn’t heard him say that, and I’d heard almost everything they’d said.
I could hear Sonny muttering, though he hadn’t done that in a few hours (which was a good sign) and Declan talking to him in a low voice.
I hadn’t meant to listen in, it’s just my senses were really good and I couldn’t help but overhear.
As it was, I had to force my hand to remain still and not shake.
“Oh?” I said. It was the best I could do under the circumstances. I half wanted to cheer that finally Declan was getting his head out of his arse and getting together with the man he was in love with.
I half wanted to grab his head and kiss him, though, to get just one kiss before he was lost to me forever.
Declan nodded and I realised his head was still bowed, his shoulders still slumped. He didn’t look like a man who’d just been told the love of his life was in love with him.
“So what happened?” I prompted.
I waited while Declan inhaled a shaky breath, and then another.
“It was while I was in hospital. Just after the accident.”
Oh, that would explain why I hadn’t heard it.
Wait…
“But that was months ago,” I said.
“I know.” He slumped lower, and I had to bite my lip not to chide him about his posture. He would be cramped and off-balance when he stood up if he stayed like that for long.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you love Sonny back, don’t you?”
Declan nodded miserably. “Yeah. But I thought—”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
I gave his shoulder a little shake. “I told you that you don’t have to cut yourself off with me. Finish your sentence.”
“I thought he would stop.”
“Stop telling you?”
“Stop loving me.”
We stayed silent for a while as I tried to process that information. But no matter which way I looked at it, I couldn’t work out why Declan would think that. So I had to ask.
“Why would he stop loving you?”
“Because I’m disabled. He loved me before, when I was healthy and able-bodied. Then when I was in hospital, he panicked and told me how he felt. But then, he couldn’t keep loving me, could he?”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because.”
“Because…?”
He didn’t answer, though he opened his mouth as though he were about to speak.
I watched him, felt the pain and shame and longing rolling off him, the confusion and hurt.
I could smell his mingling scents and my hand tightened on his shoulder instinctively.
I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him, let my tentacles out to slide around his middle and over his thighs and pull him as close to me as he could get.
But that was what I wanted. What Declan needed was something different. Not soft cuddles.
I made my voice hard, the way I knew always shocked him. Sure enough, when I said, “You don’t have a reason,” he looked up at me, eyes wide in surprise.
“Ex-excuse me?”
“You were afraid, which is understandable, but you let your fear get in the way of your happiness. Of Sonny’s happiness. He said he loved you and you, what? Pretended not to hear him?”
I was pleased to see that Declan’s cheeks were heating with embarrassment. He nodded his head.
My voice grew harder. “You made Sonny’s choice for him. He wanted you, and you made his choice for him by denying him. If you weren’t interested in him, that would be different. But you do want him, you just cut him out to save your pride.”
“No, I—”
I raised my eyebrows as Declan’s eyes flashed with a challenge, ready for whatever he would throw at me. But he didn’t say anything else. The words dried up on his tongue and he lowered his head in shame.
I actually felt my tentacles ripple out of my sides, undulating against my skin as they wanted to break out and touch. I stiffened in my seat, trying to keep them under control.
“I thought he felt sorry for me. That he wanted to tell me he loved me before I died. Only then I didn’t die.”
“You don’t think that now?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“That’s good,” I said. “What changed your mind?”
“I-I love him. And I want to tell him. Even though you said he’ll be okay, I—”
Leaning closer to him, I ducked my head so I could meet his lowered eyes. “Yes?”
“I’m afraid. I thought I’d lost him.”
Finally, I gave in to my instinct and slid my arm around his shoulder, pulling him close to me. I had to adjust my body so I was at an awkward angle, rather than dragging him down to my height. I still had to keep my tentacles pressed tightly inside me, but holding Declan in my arms was heaven.
I ran my hands over his back, soothing him.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “He’s here. I’m so proud of you.”
“You are? Why?”
I nearly chuckled at the astonishment I heard in his voice. Instead, I answered. “I’m proud of you because admitting what you want is hard. Putting yourself out there is hard. And you’re working through a lot of stuff.”
Declan leaned into me, his hands snuck up my chest to grab at my shirt, as though he were afraid I’d pull back before he was ready for me to let go. If only he knew how much I wanted to wind myself around him and never let go.
“I thought I’d lost you, too,” he whispered.
“I’m here.”
I’d meant to reassure him that I was going to be here to support him, that I was safe and well, but everything flew out of my head when Declan twisted round to face me and pressed his lips against mine.
They were warm and soft, and his kiss was gentle. He moved those lips against my own, encouraging me with soft kisses to kiss him back.
For a moment, I forgot everything and fell into that kiss. My arms tightened around him, pressing our bodies closer together and parting my lips to invite him inside.
His tongue slid into my mouth, moving against my own. Heat burned in my belly and spread through my body, making me want to press this man back against the couch and straddle him, tug his boxers out of the way and finally get my hands on his dick.
I realised suddenly how far gone I was and pulled back.
Declan’s eyes were glazed over and his lips were pink and shiny, parted slightly. It took all my self-restraint not to dive back in and kiss him again, taste those lips.
Then he blinked at me, seeming to blink himself back to reality. I saw the moment he realised what we’d done. His eyes went wide and he sat bolt upright.
“Sorry,” he cried, “I’m sorry.”
I pretty much had to hold him down, my hands on his shoulders, to stop him from scrambling off the couch but I knew by now that, when Declan was overwhelmed, he bolted. I needed him to process this. Even if it was embarrassing for the both of us.
And even if I wanted to inch my body slightly closer. It wouldn’t take much, to move my body basically into his lap.
“I’m not sorry,” I said.
“You’re not?”
I took a breath and held it for a second, summoning up the courage to do what I’d told Declan he needed to do. Tell the truth. Admit what he wants.
“No, I’m not sorry. I’ve wanted to kiss you for ages.”
He could not have looked more shocked if he’d tried.
“Even with my—”
He gestured down at his leg.
“Your limb difference is part of who you are now, Declan. And it doesn’t change how much I want you.”
He leaned forward and took my lips again.
I was a weak man because I leaned into that kiss, squirming around to straddle him and press our groins together.
I was wearing my usual jogging bottoms, casual and easy to move in, and Declan still hadn’t put his jeans back on.
His bare legs were beneath me, only the thin cotton of his boxers in my way.
I was consumed with the need to come against him, grinding down onto his erection.
He felt so good, his body big against mine, getting stronger as we worked on his muscles again together.
I was nearly there, about to come in my pants when I heard a sound from next door.
In the bedroom, Sonny gave a faint moan.
It was as effective as plunging into the icy water to cool my need.
I yanked my head back and scrambled off Declan’s lap. I stood there, panting, my dick pointing straight at him through my trousers, a little wet patch at the head.
Declan’s eyes were fixed on it for ages.
Sonny moaned again and I wondered if he were in pain. We really needed to check.
Then I realised that Declan hadn’t heard him. He licked his lips and raised his eyes slowly up my body to my face. Those flushed cheeks were so gorgeous and the dark pupils were doing things to me, making me want to climb straight back into his lap.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked.
“No. You were amazing. And I really want you. But you’re not in the right frame of mind to make this choice. You’re upset about Sonny and feeling vulnerable.”
His cheeks flushed darker and he glanced at the closed bedroom door.
I could see the indecision on his face. Whatever he felt for me, even if it was real desire, was nothing compared to what he felt for Sonny. They had years of being together, a history I could never have. And he loved Sonny. This was their time to be together.
“I’m very interested in you, Declan. But I know you and Sonny can work this out. I’m not going to stand in your way.”
Stepping backwards, I inhaled deeply, hating the fact that I could smell Declan’s arousal, rich and spicy.
I gestured at my crotch, and regretted it when Declan’s eyes followed my hands and my dick twitched under his scrutiny.
“I’d better go and change my trousers. I’ll check on Sonny while I’m there.”
As calmly as I could, I walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind me. At least I could shut out the smell of Declan’s lust, even if what I wanted was to inhale it forever.
The bedroom was filled with Sonny’s scent, a blend of his dreams and stale air.
I cracked open a window to let some fresh air into the room and then went to stand by the bed and look down at him.
He was frowning in his sleep, his head moving from side to side restlessly.
His skin was warm and I hoped I’d done the right thing by not trying to pile the blankets over him.
As I walked round the other side of the bed to reach the chest of drawers with my clothes in, I stepped on the creaking floorboard and Sonny made a sound, partially waking.
“Declan?”
“He’s just outside,” I reassured him in a low voice.
“Declan… love you… love…”
My chest tightened. Why did I have to meet these two men just when they were working out their shit and getting together?
“Hold me… please…”
I looked over my shoulder. Sonny’s eyes seemed to be fixed on me, but they were too bright. I wasn’t sure he could really see me.
Easing down onto the bed, I stroked a hand across his forehead. “I’m here. You’re safe now.”
His hand fought free of the blankets, pushing them down his body out of the way. He grabbed my wrist, clutching hold of me.
“Don’t let go.”
“I won’t,” I said. “I’ve got you.”
I stroked his forehead again, holding his other hand with my free one. And his face cleared and his breathing evened out and that was when I realised that two of my tentacles had extended and reached for him, sliding over his stomach and winding around his chest and upper arm.
Why did I suddenly have such difficulty keeping control? I’d never lost control before, never given myself away.
I began to withdraw them but Sonny grunted and that frown came back.
“Tighter,” he demanded. “Hold me.”
I know he was probably sleeping, probably dreaming, maybe even dreaming of falling through that ice and the feel of my tentacles dragging him to the surface. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to disobey him.
Those bright eyes opened and tried to focus on my face, blinking. “You’re so pretty,” he mumbled.
I held him tighter, wrapping my tentacles around him and wondering whether the pleasure I smelled was from his dream.