Chapter 17
Sonny
Iwoke, feeling gross and sweaty. My mouth was dry but somehow I was sure I could taste pond water in it anyway. Yuk.
It took a few seconds for me to work out that I wasn’t too hot. I’d been burning for what felt like endless hours, my head pounding.
And the dreams. Those had been weird.
I turned my head the other way, hoping to cool my suddenly hot cheek against the cool pillow, and saw Declan sitting beside me. He was looking directly at me and it only then occurred to me that I must look awful. I raised my hand and scrubbed at my face.
His voice was deep and rich. “How do you feel?”
“Better, thanks.”
He reached out and grasped my hand, his fingers curling around mine in a warm embrace.
“I’m glad. I was worried about you.”
I nodded, my throat growing tight. I remembered what it had been like for me, when Declan had been lying in hospital. Those had been the most awful moments of my life.
A little fever was nothing like it.
“I’m all better,” I reassured him, and it barely came out squeaky at all.
There was a creak by the door and Erik walked into the bedroom. He came round the other side of the bed and looked down at me. I hated that he looked so pretty and I felt so gross. I wanted him to think I was pretty, too.
And, no, I didn’t want to explore whether I was trying to scare him away from Declan or impress him.
“You look much better,” he said.
Oh, the irony.
“I feel better, if a bit sticky and sweaty.”
They looked at me for a second, and in that moment, I felt a flash of memory, mixed up with dreams of an ocean and long tentacles.
I was sure one or other of these men had been sitting with me the whole time.
“Can I have a shower?”
Declan said, “Of course,” and smiled at me. Was that smile strained?
Erik, however, said, “I don’t think a shower is a good idea.”
He must have seen how quickly my face fell at the prospect of staying all smelly and covered in pond scum, because he added, “You can have a bath. That way, you won’t have to stand up.”
“I feel fine.”
“You haven’t actually moved yet,” he pointed out. He was using a calm, no-nonsense tone of voice and it made me feel squirmy and weird inside. I wasn’t sure whether I liked it or not.
Declan squeezed my fingers and I realised he hadn’t let me go yet. That was nice. I felt a bit better, then, like I’d been grounded all that time and not realised it.
“Erik’s very safety-conscious.”
Erik shrugged a bit sheepishly. “It comes with the job, I suppose. I’d rather you had a bath, and that way of you’re dizzy or light-headed, you can’t fall over. And it’ll be nice for you to relax in hot water.”
I got the impression that Erik was used to reasoning with his clients as though they were toddlers throwing a tantrum, and I didn’t want to be the toddler. So I very grown-up-ly acquiesced.
As I was about to haul myself out of bed, on Declan’s side, and I didn’t mean anything by that, either, only his side was nearer the door, Erik suddenly appeared out of nowhere and wrapped a towel around my middle.
And that was when I realised I was naked.
“I’m naked!”
It wasn’t the most witty thing I’d ever said, but it was a shock, to look down at myself and realise I had no clothes on when the last thing I really remembered with any clarity was skating on the lake, at which point I was very much dressed.
“Yes, we had to take your clothes off – they were soaked through with icy water. Staying in those was a sure way to catch hypothermia.”
“Oh.”
I took hold of the towel and pulled it slightly higher, over my chest.
Declan cleared his throat. “I’ll leave you to have your bath.”
With that, he stood and walked out of the bedroom. I noticed he didn’t have his prosthetic on and he was walking with one crutch, hopping on it every other step.
More to the point, he didn’t have any trousers on.
I hadn’t seen Declan’s bare legs since the accident. In hospital, they’d been covered by the white sheet and, when any doctors or nurses were going to check on him or dress the wound, he’d stayed silent while the medical staff sent me to stand outside the cubicle with the curtain drawn between us.
I’d never seen his stump before.
The light was too dim for me to make out any details, but the fact he’d been sat beside me without covering it up was… strangely nice.
Erik let Declan leave before saying, “I’ll show you the bathroom.”
I followed him next door and he started the bath running while he got out toiletries, including a spare toothbrush. “Luckily, I bought a pack of four so I have spares.” He then walked out the door and, just before he closed it, said, “Don’t lock this. Just in case you need either of us.”
Slowly, I climbed into the bath. I felt ridiculous but I was glad to sit down. Just walking from the bedroom had made my muscles tired and I sank down into the warm water and breathed out a sigh of relief.
After I turned the taps off, I lay in the water, just soaking and letting the warm water soothe me. Then I slipped down, took a deep breath and pulled my head under the water.
A flash of memory made me jolt. My limbs shot out of their own accord, thrashing in the bath. I hit my elbow hard on the side of the bath and banged my foot against the metal tap and rose from the water spluttering and gasping for air.
That was air I was breathing. I wasn’t under water. This wasn’t the lake.
While I gulped in the humid air, the door opened and Erik hurried in, a worried frown on his forehead.
“Are you okay? I heard you shout.”
I dropped my hands to my crotch, covering my modesty, though it was probably too late for that.
“Um, yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
Doing exactly what I didn’t want him to, he came further into the room and shut the door behind him. He grabbed another towel from the airing cupboard and dropped it on the floor, mopping up the water that had sloshed over the side of the bath as I’d thrashed about.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
Erik lifted the towel and dropped it in the washing hamper with an air of finality.
“Don’t be. I should have realised this wouldn’t be a good experience for you. You shouldn’t be here alone.” He knelt by the side of the bath, bringing his head level with mine. “Do you mind if I stay?”
“I’m naked,” I said. Clearly I couldn’t think of anything original to say.
Erik shrugged. “I see all sorts of nearly-naked bodies at work.”
“Declan’s?” I couldn’t help myself.
He met my eyes, holding my gaze. I knew then that he knew. Knew everything. That I was in love with Declan. That I wanted to tell Declan. That I was scared Declan would reject me.
His eyes were so kind, though, and his voice was soft. “Yes, I see Declan’s body at work. My job is to study people’s movement. It’s very impersonal.”
I wasn’t sure whether to believe him. Maybe it was impersonal for all the other clients he had, but there was something between him and Declan. I’d seen it. I’d sensed it. I’d heard it in Declan’s voice for months and hated it.
“Sit up and I’ll wash your hair. That way you won’t need to duck under the water.”
I obeyed automatically and only as Erik was rubbing shampoo into my hair did I realised that I hadn’t protested at all. His in-charge voice had worked, clearly.
And his fingers were so strong, digging into my scalp with just the right pressure. I wanted to moan with the sensation, but restrained myself. I did close my eyes, though, and revelled in the feeling. Well, I didn’t want to get shampoo in my eyes, did I?
“Here comes the water to rinse.”
Warm water washed over my head and down my back. Erik was holding a cloth up to my forehead to stop it running into my eyes, and it was such a thoughtful little gesture.
“Do you usually wash people?”
“No. Just you.”
He finished rinsing my hair and pulled the cloth away. I turned to look at him, not realising how close he was, and met his eyes. His face was smooth, his lips plumper than average, and his creamy skin was flawless.
“Did I call you pretty?” I asked.
“Yes. You were delirious, though. I know you didn’t mean it.”
“I meant it. I just hoped I hadn’t said it out loud.”
“I can’t forget it,” he said.
“Shame.”
Erik gave me a half smile. “I don’t think it’s a shame. Is there anything wrong with you thinking I’m attractive?”
I didn’t have an answer for that, other than I was in love with Declan and had come here this Christmas to tell him that.
Finding someone else attractive was inconvenient.
I didn’t like to tell him he was inconvenient, though.
And I didn’t want to tell him that I was going to confess to Declan, either.
Just in case he did it first. If he did, I was sure Declan would kiss him and then I’d have lost them both forever.
No, wait, I meant I’d have lost Declan forever. I wasn’t here for Erik.
When he helped me out of the bath and wrapped a fresh towel around me, drying me gently, I had to admit he was sweet, though. Annoyingly sweet. I didn’t want my chest to glow warmly like that for Erik.