Chapter 11 Lily
LILY
My mom knocked on the door before she let herself inside. “I made your favorite, sweet potato casserole.”
“Thanks. Not really hungry, though.”
“You haven’t been hungry in a week, sweetheart.
” She placed the casserole on the dining table, which was now clean because she’d spruced up the place a couple of times.
Did the dirty dishes in the kitchen, brought me meat and produce that I didn’t touch, let the maids in so they could change my linens and keep the place… habitable.
I’d hardly left this couch, sitting in the corner of it and becoming one with the fabric. “It’s only been a week?” It felt like a month. Every night I slept, I dreamed Callum was there with me, looking at me with that tear-soaked face.
I’d never loved someone so much and despised them at the same time.
“Why don’t we go into the village and have dinner?”
“Ugh. No.”
“You need to eat, Lily,” she said more sternly. “You don’t want your body to atrophy the way your father’s did.”
“Not really the same thing.”
She came around the couch to give me that hard stare. “Maybe not to you, but it is to the rest of us.”
I sighed. “Guess that’s fair.”
“Come on, I’ll set the table.” She left my sight to get to work in the kitchen, to put two plates on the surface and some utensils.
I showered once every few days but wore the same casual clothes around the house. I still had one of the shirts Callum used to wear all the time, but I couldn’t bring myself to either wear it or toss it out.
She served the casserole onto my plate, the sweet potatoes mixed with the crunch of pecans and brown sugar.
I took a bite and loved the flavor, but my appetite never came.
We ate in silence, and my mind drifted somewhere else as if my mother wasn’t even there.
“Do you know how he’s doing?” I didn’t even know where he was.
I didn’t know where he slept at night. He hadn’t tried to come see me, and I hadn’t tried to contact him.
“I think the same as you, sweetheart.”
I felt bad, like I was the one who’d caused all this pain when I hadn’t. “You think? Or you know?”
“Your father stopped by to see him. Described him as…an empty vessel.”
Was I the worst person in the world to be comforted by his misery? That I wasn’t crazy for being out-of-my-mind depressed? “Where is he?”
“He was staying at an inn in the village.”
“I’m glad he’s okay.”
“Your father gifted him a piece of land. One of the vineyards that’s started to fall into disrepair since there’s no heir to claim it.”
“Callum?” I asked in slight surprise.
“I was just as surprised.”
“I expected Dad to yell at him, not gift him property.”
“I think your dad has taken a liking to him, although he’s never shared why.”
I turned back to the casserole and took a few more bites.
“You don’t see it working, sweetheart?”
Tears welled in my eyes when I thought about it.
“I—I don’t know. I still love him…obviously.
But this isn’t about love. It’s about forgiveness.
And I’m not sure if I can forgive him for all the pain, destruction, and suffering he caused.
Just knowing Dad almost died because of him makes it hard to look at him. ”
My brother dragged me outside, almost literally, and forced me onto a bench under the oak tree. “There. Not so bad, right?” He sat beside me and pointed into the distance. “Look at that view. Never gets old.”
Sunrises and sunsets meant nothing to me nowadays.
Hawk sat there with me in silence, just existing with me, like getting me out of the house was the win. “Doing okay? Mom said you downed that casserole pretty hard.”
“Because she forced me.”
“She dunked your face in it?”
“No. But she stared at me.”
“Stared at you?” he asked as he cocked an eyebrow. “And that was enough?”
“Come on, you know the look she gives. It’s scarier than Dad’s sometimes.”
“I wouldn’t know,” he said. “Neither of them ever gets mad at me, so…”
I elbowed him in the side.
He playfully gasped for air as he cringed. “Aaannnddd there she is.”
I rolled my eyes, feeling the first moment of joy in over a week.
He looked at the sunset again, the cool evening breeze moving through our hair. He didn’t ask me about Callum or how I was doing. It seemed like his intention was just to distract me. “Want to head to the pub and play a round?”
“Not really in the mood to gamble.”
“You’ll probably still kick everyone’s ass.”
“Or I’ll lose every hand because I can’t focus.”
“You could talk to a couple girls for me.”
“Do you need me to talk to girls for you?” I asked suspiciously. “Because you never needed help before.”
“Look, I’m just trying to spend time with you and snap you out of this sadness. Is there something you’d like to do?”
“I don’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve been out on the sea.”
“You want to go sailing?” he asked.
I shrugged. “We could catch lunch and fry it ourselves.”
He looked out over the horizon again. “If that’s what you want to do, I’m in.”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
We stared at the Great Sea before us, slowly watching the light leave our land inch by inch, the ocean growing darker. The air started to get cooler, the torches flickering in the wind.
My brother spoke again without looking at me. “You’re going to be okay, Lily.”
My brother and I caught a couple sea bass before we took them to my villa and cleaned them on the kitchen counter. Then we fried the fish with lemon juice and herbs and vegetables and ate it over a bed of rice.
It was the first time I’d actually had an appetite, because sailing was a lot of work.
“Pretty good,” he said between bites.
“Yeah, the lemon really brightens it up.”
“I’ve never cared for fish, but this is pretty damn good.”
“Thanks.”
We finished our meal then washed it down with wine, but the second that was done, the crippling depression came back. The last nice meal I’d had was with Callum, when he’d made that pot roast for us and kissed me when I walked into the kitchen.
My brother seemed to know where my thoughts had ventured. “You love the guy, right?”
My eyes moved to his again. It was such a stupid question, I didn’t even answer it.
“Because, despite what he did, I know he loves you.”
I looked away again.
“They say love is always enough.”
“Dad told you what he did?”
He nodded.
“It’s pretty hard for me to look past. I’m surprised you don’t feel the same way.”
“No, it’s definitely hard for me. The fact that Dad almost died…all the shit we had to go through. But it’s easy to forget all the reasons I should hate him when I see how miserable you are.”
“I’m miserable because he hurt me.”
“And because he’s not here.”
A knock sounded on the door. “It’s Dad.”
“It’s open,” Hawk called over his shoulder.
Dad let himself inside, his shoulders and arms looking thicker than normal in the clothing he wore. Ever since he’d begun to feel better, he’d started to train again and to regain the muscle he’d lost. “Smells good in here.”
“We just finished lunch,” Hawk said. “But there’s extra in the pan.”
Dad wordlessly wandered into my kitchen and served himself the last fish that was sitting there before he returned to the table. “Mind if I speak to your sister alone?”
“Of course.” Hawk rose from his seat and left his dirty plate behind. “See you, Sunieth.”
I smiled slightly. “See you, brother.”
He let himself out, and Dad took the place where he’d just been sitting, pushing the dirty plate to the side before he sliced into the fish and took a bite. “You prepared this well.”
“Exactly how you taught me.”
“I think it tastes better because it has a woman’s touch.” He took a few more bites, the plate full of the flavorful sauce we’d added to it. He seemed to be done with it, even though half the fish remained, because he wiped his hands on the linen napkin before he looked at me. “How are you?”
I shrugged. “The same.”
His hands came together with his elbows on the table.
“Mom said you gave him a vineyard or something.” I let the accusation escape in my tone, feeling somewhat betrayed by my own father for taking a liking to Callum after he betrayed me.
He seemed to pick up on the tone because he said, “He doesn’t have anything, Lily.
He’s a mortal man with no relatives and no occupation, alive again four hundred years after his death.
He can’t overhunt in the forest and affect the dragons’ food supply, and he can’t live in an inn.
” He rubbed his knuckles. “I thought you would be happy that I helped him.”
“I am. I just…”
He continued his hard stare.
“I thought you would be harder on him after he hurt me.”
“If you saw him with your own eyes, I think you would understand why I’ve chosen a different approach.”
My stomach tightened at the thought of his anguish. “If you gave him a vineyard, then you must think this won’t work.”
“It doesn’t mean that,” he said. “I just think it might take a while.”
“You think I should forgive him.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I said.”
“Well, I’m asking you, then.”
“I already told you it’s your decision. The three of us will support whatever you decide.”
I dropped my gaze and looked at the bottle of wine on the table.
My father continued to stare at me.
“I would really appreciate your guidance in this, Dad. You made your opinion of our love very explicit before. You’re never one to shy away from saying exactly what you think when you think it. But now, you won’t communicate with me.”
“Because this is your choice—”
“I care about your opinion.”
He gave a lengthy sigh as he looked elsewhere for a moment.
“A relationship will never work unless you forgive their sins and pardon their pasts. If you can’t do that, love won’t be enough.
And I think the depravity of his deceit is so intense that it’s not something you can forgive in a week or two—or even months.
You don’t have to decide what to do right this second, Lily.
He’s not going anywhere. Take your time. ”
“You didn’t really answer my question.”