30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Griffin's Beach Lex
"I t'll be any time now," Maggie says before walking out of the room.
Lex sits at the foot of the bed while Zane and Margaret lie on either side of Lane and hold her hands. The irony of the nurse handling Lane's end of life care having the same name as Zane's mom's nickname isn't lost on Lex. It almost feels like fate.
This is the first time Zane's been too preoccupied to shoot daggers at his sister since everything happened, but Lex hates the change. It means it's really the end. Even though she's sitting at Lane's feet, watching her fade in and out with the high doses of medication, it still doesn't feel real. This whole scene feels like a nightmare, and Lex just wishes she could wake up from it. Wake up back in Summerville. In her reality, Lucas and Hailey don't have a terrible home life, and neither has lost their parents. Everyone is happy and healthy.
Tears fall from Zane's eyes, and Lex wishes there was something she could do. Anything. It hurts her, no matter how shitty of a person he's been to her, to know that this is the second time he's done this. Held the hand of the most important woman in his life as she takes her final breaths. She has no idea how he's handling this as well as he is right now because she'd be a mess in his shoes. A bigger mess.
"I love you," Lane whispers, her eyes closed. "I'll always love you."
As she lies there, she looks like a doll. Her long lashes rest on her pale cheeks, and she's still beautiful. The only marks marring her otherwise almost serene look are the dark areas under her eyes from the exhaustion her body's been put through for so long now.
"I love you, too, baby," Zane says between sobs.
There's something about watching Drifter men, arguably some of the strongest men in the world, crying that punches Lex right in the gut. These men can fight to the death, lose limbs, and risk their lives daily without flinching, but the loss of a loved one brings them to their knees. It's their Achilles’ heel.
"Thanks for marrying me," Lane mumbles. "I know you didn't want to..."
"Shh," he says. "I'll do anything for you. You know that."
Her cheeks glisten under the dome light of the ceiling, and Lex realizes Lane's crying. She hadn't noticed it before, and her eyes flutter open to look at Margaret. She's fighting the disease and medication with everything she has left.
"You are the most beautiful little girl I could have ever hoped for. You were my dream come true, sweetheart."
"I love you, Mommy," Margaret says as she wraps her arm around Lane's waist and sobs against her shoulder. "I love you."
"I used to imagine... my life... and I always saw you. I knew I'd have you... even when they told me I couldn't... have kids. You were meant... for me. I'm so lucky... you chose me to be... your mom. You. Are. So. Special."
Margaret looks at Lex, and she reaches out to squeeze her niece's ankle. Nothing she could say would make any of this better, but she can give her what little comfort there is with a simple gesture.
"I'll never stop loving you, Lane," Zane whispers, his mouth next to her ear. "Never."
"Don't let your love... for me... stop you from"—she pauses and swallows, her eyes closing again—"opening up your heart again. I can't... bear the thought... of you alone... forever."
"I'm not alone. I have our daughter. The perfect mix of you and me," he says, his lip trembling as he takes a shaky breath.
Her fingers tap his hand, and she says, "Not the same."
"I have never loved anyone like I love you. And I never will."
Her breathing begins to slow, and Margaret looks at Lex with panic in her brown eyes. Lex wishes there was something she could do to make this easier for them. The fact Lane’s as lucid as she is despite everything is a miracle within itself, but only time can heal them. Even that sounds like a stretch right now.
"It's okay to go, Mommy," Margaret whispers, her face scrunching up as she tries to hold back her sobs and stay as strong as she can for her mom. "I love you, and I'll miss you every single day, but I don't want you to hurt anymore. I promise to take care of Daddy."
Lane’s head moves in a nod so slight that it's almost missed, but she doesn't respond. Lex knows it's really any moment now, and she slips out of the room to give the family their last few minutes together without her there. The moment she steps into the hall, she slides down the wall in silent sobs.
"How are you doing?" Maggie asks.
Shaking her head, Lex wipes her eyes. "How do I help them get through this?" she whispers. "That little girl is braver than she'll ever know, and I don't know how to help her. What can I possibly do to help ease losing her mother?"
"There isn't anything, dear," she says and sits down next to her. "Sometimes, all you can do is just be there and let her know she's not alone. Everyone always expects the bereaved to talk, but there aren't words to describe how it feels sometimes. Especially when it's the first time they're experiencing something this terrible. You're doing great."
The older woman places a hand on Lex's shoulder and sits with her as they wait. Maggie's been with them for the past couple of weeks, but she's taken up residence on the couch since the wedding. She's helped Lex take care of things, and Lex is grateful for her.
Griffin's Beach Felicity
F elicity walks up to the clubhouse, confused why there are so many motorcycles sitting outside. It's one in the afternoon, and many of them barely climb out of bed by this time.
Stepping inside, she sees the room packed with not only members but their families. Gavin sits with Hailey who holds Calla on her lap, and Lucas sits and plays some type of video game with Noah.
Gavin catches sight of her and walks up quickly. "Mom?"
"What's going on?"
"Lane. It's not long now," he says. "Lex is with Zane and Margaret at the house. I guess she really took a dive last night."
Her heart aches. It's been a week since the wedding. Lane has only been married one week.
"What are you doing here, Felicity?" Melanie asks, walking up and keeping her voice low.
Gavin gives her a warning look before walking back to sit with Hailey, and Felicity almost laughs. Of course, her son would pick the girl he's sleeping with over his mom. Not surprising, really.
Swallowing, Felicity lets out a calming breath. "I was looking for Lex, but no one was at the house."
"She doesn't need whatever you're about to lay on her, okay? She's going through it enough as it is."
"I know. I just want to talk. Promise."
She nods and looks around, keeping her voice low. "Lex feels terrible for outing your secrets like she did, but I gotta hand it to her. If I were her, I'd have shouted them from the rooftop the first night you came barreling in here saying she was a shit friend."
"I deserved it," Felicity agrees with a chuckle. "Say, what do you know about the teens they took in? Hailey and Lucas."
"Not much besides how terrible their home life was. Colt's the one who brought them home, not Lex, which tells you everything right there. Lucas is a good kid, and he's a good big brother. We both know Lex's soft spot for that, but Hailey's a little jaded. She's been through some shit, but Lex hasn't given details."
Memories of Lex being humiliated and tormented by Zane come flooding back. She may not have been quite as close with Lex for as long as Colt and Ky, but she’s seen more than enough to know Zane's an asshole. Always has been, and from the looks of it, always will be.
Ky walks over to them with concern in his eyes. "What's up?"
"I was looking for Lex," Felicity says.
He waits for Melanie to walk away with a warning glance before he lowers his voice and leads her away from the rest of the crowd. "She's with Lane."
"Gavin told me. You could have, you know. Told me."
"I didn't know if you'd want to be here with the rest of us while we wait. It's a morbid fucking thought as it is. All of us sitting around waiting for the call that she's dead."
"She was my friend," she whispers, her lip trembling.
This is what their relationship has come to. He wants to do whatever he can to keep her from feeling discomfort to the point of risking not letting her know her friend is dying. It's comforting while also painful.
"Your house was the next stop once we heard from Lex. I wouldn't have kept you from knowing she passed."
My house. Not our house.
Tears sting, and she looks at the wall, her estranged husband's body blocking her from everyone else. "She's been married a fucking week, Ky. She's a newlywed."
His hand reaches out and touches her shoulders, and she feels the storm inside her calm immediately. "I know," he says and blinks away his own tears.
"This feels like a bad dream."
"That's how life has felt for a while now," he says and locks eyes with her. "There's so much we can't control. No matter how much we want to, it's really up to whatever power you believe in."
She nods and wipes her eyes. "I know. Like the fact we're about to be grandparents before we reach forty."
"Our life took a few turns we hadn't anticipated, huh?" he says with a chuckle. "Why were you looking for Lex?"
"I need to talk to her. No fighting, just... talking."
His eyes widen. "Really?"
"I read more of Vicky's diaries. I read all of them, actually. What always bothered me was feeling like I never really knew her, and now I feel like I do. Far too late, but I learned a few things."
"Anything you want to share? I know how difficult your relationship with her was, and I know you really struggled with it after she died."
"She had schizophrenia, but she refused treatment. She chose to self-medicate instead, and that alone really put a few missing puzzle pieces into place for me."
He sighs. "Yeah, it kind of does. You never knew? Your parents kept it a secret all this time?"
"They don't know. But reading her entries, she really was the big sister I never knew I had."
Tilting his head, he narrows his eyes. "What do you mean?"
She laughs and looks at the ground. "She was not okay with anyone talking shit about me. It was one thing for Vicky to be a bitch to me, but no one else was allowed. She overheard Autumn saying something, and she wasn't happy."
"I'm kind of surprised she didn't fight Autumn."
"That's... She was kind of busy when it happened," she says and giggles as she remembers what Vicky wrote she was doing at the time. We'll talk about it later, but you're not the only not-yet Drifter Vicky was with."
"Really?"
Smirking, she nods. "Really." The gravity of what's to come weighs on her, and she looks up into his eyes. "I know Jennings kicked me out before, but—"
"Stay. You deserve to know with the rest of us. I'm sorry I didn't call you."
"Do you mind if I... stand with you?"
Ky gives her a small smile and nod before leading her over to where Gavin stands next to Hailey's chair. Felicity pulls him into a hug, the need to hold her children stronger than she's felt before.
"Mom, it's going to be okay," Gavin says. "We'll get through this."
"I'm sorry, Gavin," she whispers. "I'm going to do better."
He rubs her back as she sobs into his chest. "Mom?"
"I've been terrible lately. Lane was my friend, and I didn't even know she was sick."
"She didn't tell anyone, Felicity," Ky says and rests a hand on her shoulder. "That's not your fault."
"If I'd kept in better contact with her, I would've known. I would've seen it. There is always something that gets in the way of keeping in touch with people, and I should know better than most. My sister died in a strip club parking lot. Life is short, and I forgot that."
Hugging her tightly, Gavin says, "Life doesn't always turn out the way we think it will."
"That doesn't really comfort me, Gav," she says with a chuckle and pulls away. "I need to do better."
"We all do," Ky says. "And we will."
The look he gives her makes her shiver. Something she misses is the intensity in Ky's gaze. The one that tells her he wants her. Aside from the period of time he let his anger at his sister get the better of him, Felicity has never had to question whether her husband still desires her after all this time. It’s time she decides if her feelings of betrayal are worth walking away from Ky.
Before she can say anything to him, ringing silences the already otherwise quiet room. A strange situation in the main area of the clubhouse. It feels eerie, and she turns to see VP standing in the middle of everyone.
"It's Lex."
"Answer it," Colt says, walking over and pulling Calla into his arms.
The little girl must understand something important is happening, and she snuggles up to her dad and rests her head on his shoulder. He leans his head to rest against her forehead.
"Hey, Lex," VP says as he puts the phone on speaker.
Lex sighs before taking an audibly shaky breath. "Lane's gone. You need to come here, VP. Zane needs you."