Chapter 4 Grayson
Chapter 4
Grayson
Dinner that night was a disaster. My mom’s pad thai turned out so spicy it was inedible. As I watched Paige and Reed’s girlfriend, Violet, nervously shuffle their food around their plates, I couldn’t help but feel bad they had been subjected to it too. I knew they were trying to be polite but, like the rest of us, they’d stopped eating after the first mouthful. My dad tried his best to insist the meal was fine, but he only made it three bites before his eyes started watering so badly he had to excuse himself from the table. The moment he reached the kitchen, I heard him gulping and gurgling water straight from the sink.
“I think you broke Dad.” Cammie smirked in Mom’s direction.
“Don’t be silly. Your father’s fine.” She flinched though as Dad started spluttering and making a loud hacking noise. He sounded like Stanley, choking on a furball.
“He doesn’t sound fine . . .” Reed said.
“I think he just coughed up a lung,” Cammie added.
“Probably because dinner was spicier than Mom’s dirty books,” Parker joked.
Reed thumped him on the arm while Cammie groaned. Violet and Paige glanced at each other and tried their best not to laugh. My mom was a saint because she didn’t seem the least bit ruffled by my younger brother.
“Oh, I hope it wasn’t that spicy!” she gasped as she glanced in the direction of the kitchen, guilt flickering in her gaze. “Although, maybe it did have a little too much kick,” she admitted .
“A little?” Everyone at the table responded in unison. Well, everyone except Paige and Violet, who were both still heroically trying to continue with their meal.
“I think it’s got a nice zing to it,” Paige said.
“Yeah, I don’t mind food that packs a bit of a punch,” Violet added with a smile.
“Well, Mom really went straight for the knockout blow with this dish,” Parker said. “One hit and you’re on the floor.”
“I was just trying to make it more flavorful,” Mom tried to explain. “But I might have gone a bit heavy with the chilies. I don’t want to make anyone sick, so I’ll get us some takeout just to be safe.”
We all exhaled with relief.
“Can someone clear the plates while I order the food?”
I quickly jumped up to help and Reed did the same.
My dad looked up as we entered the kitchen, his eyes still watering from his valiant attempts at eating dinner. “Take my advice, boys,” he said as he sipped on a glass of milk. “I love your mother, but marry a girl who can cook.”
Memories of Paige’s muffins immediately filled my head and I couldn’t help but glance back toward the dining room. I could see her through the open doors, where she was laughing lightly at something Violet had said. All I could think was that I’d happily put up with terrible cooking every night for the rest of my life if it meant I could be with Paige.
“Or I could just become a great cook myself,” I said, turning back to my dad .
Reed gave me a knowing look, which I ignored.
“Always a safer bet,” my dad agreed. “And last time you made something for us, it wasn’t too bad...”
“Not sure either of us will get much time in the kitchen come next year,” Reed replied. “Did you see Ryker lost again today?”
My dad winced as he nodded in reply. “They’re not having a good season. You two will certainly have your work cut out for you. I bet Coach Mercer can’t wait for you guys to join the team.”
I remained silent as my dad and brother continued to discuss the Raiders. I couldn’t afford to think as far ahead as next year, because I might not be joining the team at all if my knee didn’t improve. Ryker’s legendary hockey coach, Mack Mercer, was coming to Ransom in two weeks to watch Reed and me play and then have us sign our letters of intent, committing us to four years at Ryker University. It was a whole big thing, including a formal presentation at the school and interviews with local media and everything. I blinked the image from my mind. I just had to focus on making it to signing day in one piece.
We managed to survive the rest of dinner without problem, although Cammie took the meal as an opportunity to lay down ground rules for Paige sleeping in her room. My sister seemed mostly concerned about losing sleep. She had a figure-skating competition coming up and was training with a new partner, which meant she had a lot of early starts.
Paige had happily nodded along with all of Cammie’s stipulations, until my sister told her she wasn’t allowed to snore.
“How do I know if I snore or not?” Paige whispered to Violet, the moment Cammie turned away.
“I’m not sure...” Violet replied. “But I have a feeling you’ll know by tomorrow morning.”
The girls both grimaced and then shared a laugh. While Violet and Reed had only recently started dating, she and Paige were becoming fast friends. But the two of them had been so engrossed in conversation this evening, Paige had hardly said a word to me. Come to think of it, she hadn’t even looked my way.
I got the unfamiliar feeling she was genuinely annoyed with me. Surely she wasn’t actually pissed I’d made fun of her killer muffins? I thought we’d just been messing around. This was why I should never try to be funny.
My suspicions only grew stronger when she joined me in my room after dinner to work on our homework. She had a test tomorrow, so I was quizzing her using a set of cue cards she’d meticulously written out. She was mostly quiet, keeping our conversation firmly on the quiz. Paige was famously easy to distract, especially while studying, so I kept waiting for her to laugh about my mom’s cooking or gush over how cute Reed and Violet were together. She hadn’t even mentioned Cammie’s stringent rules yet. All she wanted to talk about was homework. It wasn’t like her, and I hated every moment of it.
I finally lay the cue cards down on the floor. “Something’s up with you.”
“Nothing’s up with me.” She refused to meet my eyes as she responded, which only confirmed my fears .
“I know you, Paige. You’re taking this test way too seriously.”
“It’s important,” she replied, picking up the cards and flicking through them. “You never know when you’re going to need to reel off a list of facts about cumulonimbus clouds and atmospheric pressure systems.” She was reading directly off the cards, so it was safe to assume she hadn’t been very focused on the study session.
“It’s a geography test on storms, Paige. And there’s nothing you hate more than storms.”
“Most people don’t like storms. They’re scary and they cover up the stars... I wish this test was on astronomy. I’ve always thought people don’t spend enough time stargazing.”
I knew she was trying to change the subject, and she was still avoiding my searching gaze. “Something is clearly up with you.”
She fell quiet.
“Are you still annoyed I made fun of you for being a mouse killer?”
“Actually, I’ve decided I prefer the term ‘unwitting mouse assassin.’”
I chuckled quietly, but she didn’t even notice, keeping her eyes locked on her cue cards. There was no way I could let this drop now. “You might as well spill. You’re staying here now, so I can just bug you for an explanation for the next two weeks straight.”
She finally glanced up, but it was only to shoot me a glare.
“Come on, Pidge . . .”
“Don’t call me that,” she grumbled. Using my nickname for Paige was always a surefire way to win her over in situations like this, and she knew it. I’d been calling her the same thing ever since we first met as kids. We were only seven, but even then I’d been so struck by how pretty she was, I could barely speak. I went to say her name, but I was so nervous I stumbled over it. Ten years later, I was still pretending it had been on purpose .
“You know if something’s bothering you, you can talk to me, right?” I wasn’t the kind of guy people usually chose to unload their feelings onto. Probably because I didn’t tend to sugarcoat my responses.
“It’s just...” She was still frowning down at the cue cards in her hands but slowly let them drop to the floor. I waited patiently for her to continue, but she was quiet for so long I thought she might not respond at all. Then she suddenly looked up at me. “I want to be kissed.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“I want to be kissed.” She said it a little slower, as if she was trying to make sure I heard. I stared back at her, still unsure if I’d understood correctly.
“You know, kissing?” she finally added, looking at me like I’d taken too many pucks to the head. “Two sets of lips meeting? Maybe a little tongue...”
“Yeah, okay, I know what kissing is.”
“Well, good. Because I’ve never kissed anyone, and I need your help with my first time...”
“Uh, like, now?” Was I too young to go into cardiac arrest? Because the way my heart was pounding couldn’t be healthy.
“You wanted to talk about what’s bothering me,” she said. “So, let’s talk about it.”
I rubbed a hand down my face as the reality of her words hit. Of course she didn’t want to kiss me . She only wanted my advice. And that meant she wanted to kiss somebody else. I was already regretting starting this conversation and wondering who I was going to have to murder.
“No guy will go near me...” she continued, and my eyes shot straight up to hers.
“Why?” I growled. “What’s wrong with them?” I might not like the thought of Paige dating or kissing anyone, but the idea that a guy couldn’t see how amazing she was made me see red.
“That.” She pointed at me. “That’s the problem.”
“Me?” I mimicked the way she was pointing directly at my chest.
“You’re scaring guys off.”
“No, I’m not.” At least, I didn’t think I was. There were a few guys over the years who’d taken an interest in Paige, but they were mostly total players who weren’t nearly good enough for her. I hadn’t told them they couldn’t ask her out. Not exactly. I’d just warned that they’d have to answer to me if they broke her heart.
Okay, yeah, maybe I was scaring them off.
“Think about it,” she continued. “Almost every guy at school is terrified of you. You just have to look at them the wrong way and they run in the other direction.”
“I can’t help it if some people have weak dispositions...”
She folded her arms across her chest as she stared me down.
“Fine.” I quickly caved under her icy glare. “You may have come up in conversation with one or two guys at school.”
“And . . .”
“And, I just made it clear that if they ever hurt you, then I’d hurt them.”
“Grayson!”
“What? I didn’t think that would stop them from asking you out!” I mean, maybe a part of me had hoped that would be the result, but I couldn’t let her know that.
“So, you’re telling me the reason I’ve never been asked out—the reason I’ve never been on a date or been kissed—is because you’ve been intimidating any boy who even tried to approach me?”
Guilt formed a heavy knot in my throat as she spoke. It wasn’t often Paige got truly angry, but her eyes were flaring, and her hands had formed small fists at her side. If I didn’t feel so bad, I’d be smiling at how cute she looked.
“Paige, I never meant for that to happen...”
She lifted a hand, cutting me off. “I’m not graduating high school having never even kissed a guy. You’re going to help me fix this.”
“Fix this? How?” Confusion and anxiety were starting to pile on top of the guilt. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know where she was going with this. Paige and I rarely talked about relationship-type stuff, and when we did, I became only too aware of just how one-sided my feelings for her were.
“I need you to back off and play nice,” she said.
I’d never really grasped the concept of playing nice, but I couldn’t say no to Paige. I’d do anything to make her happy. And if this was what she wanted, then I was going to do it. Even if I knew it would slowly kill me inside.
“Okay, I can do that. I’ll play nice.”
She folded her arms over her chest, eyeing me closely. “You mean it?”
“Of course I mean it. Damn it, Paige, you know I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”
It took a moment before she slowly released a breath. “I know you wouldn’t, Gray.” She tucked a loose strand of her short, dark hair behind her ear. “I can’t imagine there were a heap of guys jumping at the opportunity to kiss me anyway.”
“Paige, any guy would be lucky to kiss you.” They’d also be lucky to be alive, thanks to Paige’s new decree that I couldn’t threaten them anymore. This was going to be tougher than I thought.
“You’re my best friend. You have to say that.”
It was because I was her best friend that I shouldn’t.
“So, why the sudden interest in this?” I asked. “Is there a guy in particular or...”
“No!” she quickly replied. “No guy.”
A surge of relief washed over me.
“Then why the urgency?”
She shrugged. “It’s on my list.”
“Your list? Like your bucket list?”
“Yeah.”
“Kissing is on your bucket list?”
She laughed at my shock. “That’s what I said.”
I was suddenly wishing I’d asked to inspect her list more closely before now, and slightly terrified about what else might be on it. This was a stark departure from candle making or knitting mittens.
“That seems like a bad reason to want to kiss someone.”
“I can’t think of a better one. It’s on my list because I want it to happen. And it’s high time it did. Maybe now there’s a chance that it actually will.”
Guilt tightened my chest once again as she reminded me I was to blame for this.
“I’m just saying this isn’t the kind of thing you should rush,” I added. “Obviously, it’s okay if you want it to happen soon, but you don’t have to kiss the first guy you see either.”
Although, while I was sitting right in front of her, perhaps that wasn’t the worst idea.
“Parker made it sound like no big deal.”
“You talked to Parker about this?”
She smirked at the outrage on my face. “It wasn’t exactly by choice,” she admitted. “Parker accidentally saw my list, and he had a lot of thoughts about my lack of kissing experience.”
Not for the first time, I wanted to kill my younger brother. “You should never listen to Parker.”
“But I think he might be right. I need to get out there and be more proactive. Just having you play nice might not be enough to change anything. Maybe you could start talking me up too. You know, put in a good word for me around the guys at school. Kind of like my wingman...”
“Uh...” Just tell her no. Two little letters. One word. Easy. Why couldn’t I say it?
“Please?” She blinked her big brown eyes up at me.
“Don’t make that face,” I grumbled. “You know you get your way when you make that face.”
“So, you’ll help?”
“You know I’ll always help you,” I replied. “With whatever you need.”
“Thank you. Thank you!” she squeaked as she threw herself into my arms. These moments were the best and worst part of my day. Paige always smelled sweet, like the candies she was constantly sneaking. And she fit so perfectly in my arms, it was like she was made for them. I closed my eyes, wishing for the millionth time that things were different. That I was the kind of guy who deserved Paige. That she returned my feelings. That I was selfish enough to risk our friendship and show her how great it would be if we were something more.
She grinned up at me as she pulled back. “And I bet you thought me staying here was going to be boring. Look how fun I’ve just made things for us.”
“Yeah, sounds great. I can’t wait.”
She laughed and swatted a hand against my chest. “I’ll see you in the morning. Provided I survive the night with Cammie. I’m a little scared I may not make it.”
I struggled not to chuckle. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“You may laugh, Grayson Darling. But if your sister takes me out, you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”
I watched her leave, and the room felt so much emptier. I wasn’t worried about Paige disappearing from my life because my sister was a little unhinged. But I was concerned about her leaving me for another guy. I was scared of losing her, even though she wasn’t mine. Any idiot could see how incredible Paige was, and if word got out she was searching for someone to kiss, there would be a line of guys a mile long volunteering to help.
I wanted to be at the front of that line, but how could I when I knew she didn’t want me there? She wanted me to be her wingman; to be a supportive friend. So, I was going to have to keep on pretending that was enough. What other choice did I have?