9. Duke
NINE
DUKE
“ D ukey-duke! Why didn’t you tell me your volunteer is a Filipino god?” Penny walked into the examination room, and I rolled my eyes, returning my attention to the computer screen.
“He’s not my Filipino god,” I snorted.
“She didn’t say I was. She said I was your volunteer.” His voice cut clean through the room—and through me—like a butcher knife, and I choked on my own saliva like the graceful doctor I was.
“Hm…projecting much?”
I was too busy coughing—and blushing—from the utter embarrassment to acknowledge my sister’s comment, and what would you know, Azrael walked across the room to pat me on the back and offer me a glass of water.
What a gentleman.
And as if I needed more reasons to get the hots for him.
Which was exactly why I didn’t need him touching me. Or him being sweet. Or even looking at me. In fact, sharing the same room and breathing the same air was bad too.
But what could I possibly do when he was here to help me with this sanctuary business?
And with my virginity business, if he was to be believed.
Oh yeah, I didn’t forget about that. How could I? Would you if a literal…Filipino god, as Penny accurately put it, asked to be the one to deflower you as if it were the most natural thing in the world?
Yeah, I didn’t think so.
So you see my predicament.
And yeah, I can hear you saying that’s not really a predicament, more like a wish come true, but hey, I’m allowed to be a drama queen. I’m dying for fuck’s sake.
“Are you okay?” Azrael asked, and I took the water cup from him, trying to cover my face with it, but it wasn’t big enough for me and my shameful thoughts.
“He’s fine. He’s just not used to being caught with his pants around his ankles.”
I threw a death glare at Penny, but she simply smiled at me like a sweet, innocent angel.
“Will you please shut up?”
She ignored me, of course. Typical.
“I see you met my nightmare of a sister.”
I avoided looking Azrael in the eyes, preferring his chest instead. Which wasn’t my brightest idea, considering he was built like a literal god. So I coughed again and turned my attention to his hair. Yeah. His hair was far less dangerous.
And, of course, now all I can think about is combing my fingers through his hair as he licks my neck. Fuck. My. Life.
“Nightmare? She’s an absolute joy.”
Did that mean he liked Penny? Not liked as a friend. Like, liked liked. As a woman. He was straight, after all. Why wouldn’t he like my sister? She was pretty. And good company.
I groaned. I didn’t mean to.
For crying out loud. Keep it together, Duke.
“What? What happened?”
“Don’t mind my brother. He hates my guts on the best of days.” Penny crossed the room and put her hands on my shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze.
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Azrael said, and I dared to look him in the eyes.
Damn, why would I do that ?
They were just as beautiful, perfect, and kind as I remembered. And now they’d imprinted in my memory stronger than before, and I would never be able to close my eyes without seeing his ever again.
Which is a very dangerous thing because I’m so close. Like sooo close to succumbing to his proposal and to him.
And if you’re wondering how close. Just imagine…how close each hair on your head is to the next one, and you’ll get a pretty accurate picture.
“Oh, but it is.” I forced a smile and patted my sister’s hand on my shoulder, who squeezed a little harder as if to make a point.
“Right,” he said, and his gaze moved from me to Penny and back to me.
Was he stuck for what to say? Did we make him uncomfortable? Was it because of what he asked to do to me, or…or because he liked Penny and wanted more alone time with her?
“Sorry, Azrael, do you mind? I need to kill this little shit,” Penny saved us from eternal silence, and Azrael nodded, his trademark smile making an appearance.
God. I didn’t even realize I’d missed those pearly whites until now.
Fuck.
My.
Life.
“Sure. I should get everyone their lunch before it goes cold.” He pointed his finger guns and shot us a couple of times before making his exit, leaving me alone with Penny.
“Holy shit, Duke!” She shoved me as soon as the door was shut.
“Ouch! What?”
“That did not hurt!” She rolled her eyes and put both hands on her hips.
“Did so! What was that for?”
She raised an eyebrow before she uttered another word.
“You mean to tell me you’ve had this hunk of a man in here for more than a minute, and you didn’t think to tell your sister?”
I grimaced.
“Don’t you think it’d be weird if I told my sister about all the hunks I meet?”
Penny’s jaw dropped.
“What about all the other hundred thousand hunks you’ve told me about?”
I shrugged.
It was true. Whenever I met a man I’d climb like a tree, I did shoot her a message with a detailed description. So yeah. Busted, I guess. I was a sixteen-year-old girl.
“What can I say? I grew up.”
She blew raspberries at me.
“It was bound to happen someday.”
“Cut the crap, Duke.”
I shrugged again.
“Fine. I was busy. There. Happy?”
She opened her mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it because she admitted defeat. Way too easily.
Hmm…something smells funny in here, and it’s not the potent smell left behind from the very sick lab retriever I just examined.
“You should have called. If you needed help.” Her shoulders sagged, and she turned to tidy up the desk.
Yep. Something was definitely off here.
“It was all right. Nothing I couldn’t manage.”
Penny pursed her lips and nodded before she turned to look at me.
“Are you sure?”
I narrowed my eyes, but for the hundredth time, I was reminded I was no Jean Grey or Charles Xavier, and my telepathy skills were awfully nonexistent.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Penny’s gaze darted to the closed door, and she smirked.
“I don’t know. Maybe Azrael-slash-Filipino god-slash-volunteer is keeping you busy.”
I laughed out loud before I could help myself.
And not because it was funny but because it could have been true. Only it hadn’t happened because…because of me. Which was laughable in itself. Who could I tell that I’d been proposed to by a straight boy and little old whore me had refused? And who would believe me?
“Yeah, no. Azrael-slash-Filipino god-slash-volunteer is not keeping me busy. At least not with anything that doesn’t have to do with the sanctuary.”
“Shame,” she replied and bit her lip.
I nodded.
“What are you doing here? You’re off. Unless it’s Monday, and I’ve completely lost my mind.”
Which wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility with everything happening in my life at the moment.
“No. It’s not Monday. Still Friday, last time I checked.”
I sighed in relief and turned to the computer to check when my next appointment was due.
“It’s just…” she said before I barely even managed to maximize the appointment window.
I paused and turned to her, shaking my head as if saying, “What is it? Spill it.”
“I, um…ran into Holly this morning.”
I stopped breathing right there and then.
“Oh. Did you? How is Dr. Clarke?”
I turned my back to her and squeezed my eyes shut.
Please, God. Please, please, please. Please tell me Dr. Clarke didn’t open her yap to my sister.
“Why don’t you tell me?”
“How would I know?” I turned and looked at her, plastering an air of ignorance on my face the best I could.
Penny’s face went from snarky to serious, and she dropped to her knees, grabbed my hands, and searched my eyes.
“Duke. Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”
I opened my mouth. Tears ran down my face before I even spoke a word.
“It’s back—” was all I managed before I was enveloped in Penny’s arms.
“Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” She rubbed my back and repeated the same words over and over. She didn’t let go of me until my eyes ran dry and hers had turned red.
“I can’t believe she told you.” I shook my head and swallowed down another bout of tears.
“She didn’t, Duke. She’s a doctor ,” she said, giving me one of those are you serious right now looks.
“Then how?”
“I just bumped into her, and she asked me if you were feeling better. I thought maybe I was overreacting, maybe it was completely innocent, but something in my gut…” She pointed to her stomach and burst into more tears.
It was my turn to hug her.
This. This was the reason I hadn’t wanted to tell anyone. Especially my family. I’d already put them through so much. And Penny? She was an innocent kid the first time cancer struck our house and a little tween when it came rearing its ugly head a second time. I couldn’t even imagine how traumatized she’d been by seeing her brother shrivel a little more each day, over and over, in a never-ending cycle of tears and broken dreams.
I knew she had never touched a cigarette in her life, even at the age when it was fair game to experiment with substances. She followed a vegan diet and had her well-check visits religiously every year, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was the cause of all those things. Not that she was unhappy with her life. It just felt like she held back out of fear of suffering the same fate as her older brother.
“It’s going to be okay, Pen. I swear,” I whispered.
Even though I didn’t believe it—I didn’t believe it with any part of me—I said it with the conviction of someone who did.
I’d practiced it so much as a teen that it had become second nature.
Time to brush up on those skills. If I was going to protect her and everyone around me from the eventual, undeniable heartbreak.
I didn’t know if she believed me, but her shaking eased, and slowly, she unwrapped herself from me. Though she still held on to my hands as if they were her lifeline.
“Please don’t tell Mom and Dad.”
“What? What the hell, Duke? How can you not tell them? They need to know.”
I shook my head trying to keep it together.
“Why worry them for nothing?”
She gaped at me, but didn’t say anything as if she couldn’t believe what I was saying.
You and me both, sister.
Her eyes went shiny as fresh tears threatened to roll down her cheeks and I squeezed mine shut to stop myself from copying her. I really hated putting her through this.
“You know, Azrael asked to fuck me,” I told her.
Her eyes almost bulged out of her sockets.
“He what?”
I laughed and told her how I got caught red-handed. She got so invested in it that she forgot about the tears drying on her face and the pain I’d caused.
Mission accomplished.
“Okay, okay, okay. Hold up. Hold up. Why the fuck did you turn him down? Have you looked at him?”
I gave her my own version of the are you serious look, and she grimaced.
“Then why?”
I shrugged.
“Because he didn’t really mean it. He was just saying it to feel better.”
Penny snorted.
“Believe me, Dukey-duke. A straight guy doesn’t say that kind of shit if he doesn’t mean it. I knew I sensed a thing in here.”
“You sensed nothing. Stop making shit up.”
“I so did. There was a weird atmosphere between you two. I felt it in my bones.”
“Your bones need a check-up. I can’t sleep with him, Penny.” I sighed.
I so wished I could. But that was beside the point.
“Then do it for me.”
“What?” I choked. “That’s weird, Pen. I can’t believe you said that.”
“Dear God. You really are a prude. Tell me again, how does that work?”
“How does what work?”
“How can you be such a thirsty whore and a prude at the same time?”
I shook my head and let go of her hands.
“I’m not a prude. But even if he did mean it, Pen, I can’t sleep with him. It would complicate things. Besides the fact he wouldn’t even know what he’d be doing. And…”
“And?”
“And…” I shrugged.
“Sounds to me like you’re trying to find excuses not to do it when you’ve already made up your mind.”
I pursed my lips but didn’t say anything.
Was she right? Had I already made up my mind.
No, I’m legit asking you because I have no idea.
“He would be quite a guy for a first.”
Penny clapped her hands as if I’d just admitted she was right. So maybe she was.
“Go. Go now.”
“Go where?” I asked.
“Go tell him you’ll do it.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Yes, you are. Now. Before you overthink it and change your mind.”
“I’m not going to do it, Penny. I’ve got work to do.”
Penny sighed and stood, ironing out her jeans with her hands.
“Hm…I would think you, of all people, would know.”
“Know what?” I asked.
“That there’s no time like the present.”