12. Azrael
TWELVE
AZRAEL
“ W ell, look who remembered we exist,” Mom said, frowning at me through the screen.
“I know, Nanay. I’m sorry. I meant to call sooner, but it’s been hectic.”
“Not too hectic to call your nanay, surely.”
“I texted!” I knew it wasn’t an excuse, and I’d pay for my radio silence with lots of guilt trips and hugs when I was back, but there was nothing I could have done.
It wasn’t just that I’d been busy settling in and trying to convince Duke I was the right person to take his virginity. Work at the sanctuary was hard. It was long, strenuous hours. Nothing I wasn’t used to, of course, but it still ate up a lot of energy. But it was also extremely rewarding. To have an animal trust me and approach me, to take food from my hands when they hadn’t done it before due to their previous homes… To simply revel in a thousand licks and headbutts of creatures so complicated but so easy to love.
“You texted? You texted? Anak, next time I see you, I’m gonna whoop your ass.”
A young, East-Asian man with pink hair and bright eyes who went by the name of Hwan chuckled as he approached the table with my order of Thai bubble tea and Korean pancakes.
“Sorry,” I mouthed, and he brushed me off.
“Asian parents are all the same. You should see my halmeoni when I forget to visit,” he whispered back, and I turned to Mom on the phone.
“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I’ll do better from now on.”
Hwan gave me a thumbs-up and returned to the bar. I wasted no time sipping the bubble tea while Mom went on another tirade about how I should have been doing better from the start.
“So…what kind of job are you doing over there?” she asked when she was done and I was halfway through my tea.
I propped up my phone on the table and dug into my pancakes as I told her about the sanctuary, the animals, and Clover.
And about Duke.
Duke. Who I’d kissed last night. Who I’d done more than kiss last night.
I ran after him when he fled with his tail between his legs, but no matter what I said, he wouldn’t open the door. Regardless, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. About what we’d done. About what I’d done. About the fact that I’d tasted his…
It was a new experience, for sure. Which probably explained why I’d gotten next to no sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I returned to our intimate moment on the couch.
I didn’t know what else it could be. What else it could mean. I’d never been interested in guys in my twenty-nine years on this planet. There was no way I was interested in him.
Yeah. It was just the fact that it was a new experience. That was all. It had shocked me, and I was still feeling the effects. That had to be it.
“Anak, that’s a lot of work to do for free,” Mom said after a while. Naturally, I hadn’t told her about the exact nature of the job I was doing for Wyatt or the job I’d done last night after dark.
“But I need to do it, Nanay. It…it’s my duty.”
“You’re too good, Anak. Too good.”
“There’s no such thing, Nanay.”
We hung up, and I finished my pancakes before opening the folder on the table. I’d managed to put it together last night when I gave up on trying to sleep and snuck it out of the house for my lunch break while Duke had been busy with clients.
I didn’t know if he was avoiding me or if it was just that busy on Mondays. I didn’t know which I’d prefer, to be honest. Not until this weight on my mind eased and I could tell what was going on inside my head. Maybe it had been a mistake to offer to hook up with Duke. Perhaps a huge mistake. I still wanted to help him with the sanctuary, of course, but maybe I’d broken something between us.
I would have gone to Pastor Antonia this morning, but…I didn’t want to share my sin with anyone. Not until I’d decided what kind of sin it even was.
“Did you calm the storm?” Hwan asked as he cleared my table and gave it a quick wipe to get rid of crumbs.
“Can you ever calm an Asian mother?” I asked.
“Fair point. How many apologies for your infraction?”
I shrugged. “She’ll probably have forgotten it by tomorrow.”
“And by forgotten, you mean she’ll have buried it deep because she cares more about you than your wrongdoings?”
“And she’ll find something new to be upset about.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You mean you’ll find something else to do wrong that will justify her being upset?”
“Hey! Who’s side are you on?”
It was rare that I got along with a stranger so fast, but for some reason, it seemed to happen with everyone around here. First Duke, then his sister, the pastor, and now Hwan, the bubble tea boy who’d stolen my teammate’s heart.
“I’m on the side that won’t get me whooped.” He chuckled and put his hand on my bubble tea cup. “Done with that?”
I put my hand on his to stop him when I heard the dry cough behind me. Both Hwan and I turned to look at the bar, where I found none other than Officer Grumpy-Pants. My tall, dark, and somewhat handsome ex-teammate who’d settled here last year.
“Hey, Parker. What’s wrong?”
He didn’t reply. Just stared at my hand, still connected with Hwan’s. I pulled it back like it was on fire.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t worry, sweetie. He’s just possessive, is all.”
“Then I’m sorry to you too,” I told Hwan.
“Sorry? What for? I love it,” he answered.
“Whatever floats your boat, dude.”
Hwan laughed.
“Did you just dude me? Are you trying to convince me you’re straight?”
“What? No? What?”
Hwan grimaced at my fumble, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
He was kidding. Obviously. Just because I’d done what I’d done last night didn’t mean people could read it on my face or in my thoughts. I was just being paranoid.
“Very convincing.” Hwan smirked and retreated back to the bar, only to be replaced by Parker standing in front of me.
I looked up at him slowly and then outside.
“Wyatt said to pretend like we don’t know each other,” I told him.
“You’re in our shop. You’re my customer,” he grumbled.
“Okay.” I nodded. “Is this about touching your boy?—”
“No, it isn’t about you touching my boyfriend, but while we’re on the subject…” He lowered his tone and stared me right in the eyes. “Keep your hands to yourself, okay?”
I nodded and swallowed a knot that had formed in my throat under his scrutiny.
“Nothing to be afraid of from me. I’m straight.”
Hwan let out a puff of air from behind the bar, and when I dared to glance at him, he was laughing.
I didn’t know I’d said that was funny.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought until I met him,” Parker said.
“Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah. Turns out I was repressing my homosexuality all this time.”
“And it took a fabulous bubble tea guy to drag it out of him,” Hwan shouted. A couple of other patrons turned to look at Hwan. He just waved and flashed them a smile.
“Huh. You don’t say!” I stared at my teammate and tried to make sense of it.
How could someone spend their entire lives thinking they were one thing and suddenly realize they’re not because of one person? That didn’t make any sense. Was that what was happening to me?
I’d been with women before. Plenty of them. And I’d enjoyed every second. It was what I craved when I was alone and horny at night. It was what I fantasized about. How could all that be fake? Was I repressing something? It didn’t feel like I was.
But then what?
“Yeah,” Parker huffed. “That’s why I don’t trust no man or woman around my man. Am I clear?”
“As water,” I answered.
Parker closed his eyes as if in appreciation, then glanced down at the table.
“What is that?”
“Oh.” I looked around, but thankfully, there weren’t many prying eyes. Not that I could risk it. But I did lower my voice when I answered. “I compiled some invoices from the sanctuary to go through and figure out what’s happening with the payments.”
“What do you mean?” Parker crossed his arms, which made his chest look even bigger.
“Well, if this is really a money-laundering operation, then surely the inflated invoices aren’t just for show. The money must be going somewhere. If it isn’t going to the companies that issued the invoices, where does it go?”
He raised an eyebrow.
“You think you can figure that out?”
“Why? Do you think I’m stupid?”
He shook his head.
“No, but this is complicated stuff. If you need help?—”
“Wyatt said?—”
“I don’t care what Wyatt said. We can keep quiet without isolating you and throwing you off the deep end.”
“What are you saying?” I never remembered Parker being particularly friendly. He was usually down on his feelings. But then again, he’d always been a team player when it mattered. And he’d saved our lives more times than I could count.
“I’m saying we’re here for you. You know Slade is good with numbers and computers. Maybe he can help. You don’t have to do this alone. If we have to figure out a way to not be seen together, that’s fine, but you’re not supposed to do this all by yourself.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I…you’re right. I’ll call Slade later and see if he can meet me. If I don’t make sense of this in the next…” I looked at my watch and cursed. “I’m late.”
I shot up and went through my pockets, trying to find my cash.
“It’s fine,” Parker said. “Go.”
“I can’t.”
“Listen to my Mother Parker, Azi. It’s all good. This one’s on the house,” Hwan said, approaching his boyfriend and hugging him.
“Azi?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah. Would you rather I call you Az? Because I can and will.”
Parker grumbled.
“You will not.”
“What?” I asked. “Are you afraid your boyfriend will look at my Az and come running?”
Hwan pursed his lips in pretend contemplation, but when his eyes started to wander, Parker grabbed his face and turned him back to him.
“Look at my Az . Now!” he said, and I laughed.
“You two are funny,” I said. “Are you sure about the check?”
Hwan smiled and slapped Parker’s ass, which made the grump smile with satisfaction.
“Yeah. Get out of here.”
I thanked them and got into my car, rushing back to the sanctuary.
Whether or not what I did yesterday caused friction between Duke and me, I wouldn’t slack off and leave him alone to handle everything.
I was a man of my word.
No matter what was happening between us, I would be there for him.
I stopped as soon as I entered the house and found Duke smiling, surrounded by three tiny creatures. Three tiny creatures in colorful pajamas.
“What are these?” I asked.
Duke’s smile didn’t fade when he looked up at me. I didn’t know if he’d put what happened last night behind us or if he simply couldn’t resist smiling in the presence of animals, but either way, I was happy. It warmed my heart.
“Pygmy goats,” he exclaimed.
I looked at the creatures, and they turned to me. One of them wandered off from Duke and came to touch my hand.
It was the cutest thing ever. It looked like a goat, sure, but a baby one. Or a miniature. It maahed and headbutted my arm. The goat did it again until I realized it wanted to be petted. So I obliged.
“Wh-what are they doing here? What happened?”
“Someone was breeding them illegally and without a proper license, so they had to remove them,” Duke said.
“I didn’t know you needed special licensing.”
“You sure do. And we have it, so we get to look after them.”
The other two goats came up to me, so I made sure to share my head scratches to avoid more headbutts. The room filled with happy bleats. Even Max’s tail was wagging from his bed.
“Do you have a place for them outside? Need me to build something?” I was itching to use my muscles, to make something with my hands. To prove useful and important around here.
And to make sense of the thoughts in my head.
“We’ll get to that. But they’re still babies and need constant attention, so…”
“They’re staying in the house?”
“They sure are.” Duke walked to the coffee table, picked up two baby bottles, and tsked, making the goats rush back to him to have their milk fix.
“I’ll make a plan, and we can go through it before I start,” I said.
Duke nodded, but his attention was entirely on the goats trying to feed off him. Somehow he managed to hold two bottles with one hand and took the third bottle from the table so no one was left out, and his smile deepened as the goats sucked on the teats just like human babies.
There was something about this picture: watching Duke and the pygmy goats in cute pajamas being tended to and cared for with the warmth he so naturally radiated. It was a great picture. It was a wonderful picture.
Duke glanced up and gave me a shy smile before he looked back at the babies, making my heart skip a beat.
It wasn’t a strange beat. Or an alien one. Or a scary one.
It was a cozy feeling that spread from my heart to the rest of my body, limbs, and brain.
I didn’t know what it was, what was making me feel this way, or what it meant, but in that moment I knew.
I knew that I liked him. And there was nothing scary about that.
I didn’t like men. I just liked Duke. And Duke was Duke. And if liking him was wrong, then…maybe I didn’t want to be right.