21. Azrael
TWENTY-ONE
AZRAEL
H earing him say he wanted to join me gave me new hope that we would be okay. That we would make it work. That he wanted to make it work despite everything. And I did too. I wanted to be with him. I needed him. And I was going to do everything to figure it out.
“I hope Max is going to be okay. Everyone, really,” he said as we took our seats on the plane.
“Everyone will be fine. They’ve got Penny, your parents, Jake, and Madison.”
“I know.” He sighed, and his face mask fluttered. “It’s just…I’ve never left before. Max has been with me every single day since I was sixteen.”
I put my hand on top of his and gave it a big squeeze.
“Thank you, again, for doing this. I know how hard this was for you.”
His smile shone through the mask and brightened his whole face. He was so beautiful, and I was so lucky to have found him. I didn’t know how it was possible to not have found any guy attractive before him, but in a way, it was kinda poetic that the first guy I did was also the one I was meant to be with.
Maybe there was something in the Mayberry Holm water, and I, for one, was grateful for it.
“It’s the least I could do,” he answered, and I grabbed his head to plant a kiss on his temple.
The air hosts started doing their pre-flight checks. Before I knew it the plane was on the move and I made the sign of the cross. Soon the plane was in the air. Duke slept on my shoulder for most of it, only waking to eat and drink before cozying back up to me. The feel of him beside me brought me almost to tears.
I’d never had this before, had this kind of closeness to someone I was dating. Especially not after only a month of knowing each other. It was always so awkward and unsure, still getting to know each other’s idiosyncrasies and character. But everything was easy with Duke. It was easy kissing him, easy being with him, easy hugging him, easy wanting him.
I just hoped he felt the same.
“Wakey-wakey.” I shook him gently and whispered against his forehead, kissing it for good measure until he stirred and stretched his arms.
“Are we there yet?” He yawned.
“Come on. They’ll be waiting for us,” I said and stood from my seat, offering him my hand.
“They?”
I chuckled and led him forward, out of the plane.
I spotted them as soon as we stepped past the security line, huddled at the front of the line that had formed with all the people waiting for their loved ones.
Lola was the first to exclaim and throw herself into my arms, followed by my mom and dad. Remi was last.
“Hey! The cock came home to roost at long last!” he shouted in my ear.
“You’re an idiot.” I shoved him and turned to find everyone had formed a circle around me, leaving Duke well outside of it. “Oh, guys, I didn’t come alone.”
I parted Mom and Dad and beckoned Duke forward. He took slow, shy steps and waved at everyone.
“This is Duke, the guy who runs the shelter. Duke, this Nanay, Tatay, and Lola.”
Mom shook his hand. “Just call me Maria. And this is Isko. Lola is Lola for everyone.”
Duke nodded, and Remi coughed behind me.
“What?” I asked.
“What about me? Am I not getting introduced?”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed my little brother by the back of the neck.
“Duke, this little shit is Remiel. Ignore him at all costs.” Duke laughed but still shook Remi’s hand.
“Wow. I don’t think I’ve heard him swear before. He must really hate you,” he said.
Remi smirked.
“The feeling’s super mutual.”
Mom and Dad groaned, and Lola clapped her hands and had us follow her outside to the car.
“I thought you weren’t getting back until June,” Mom said once we were all inside and Dad set off.
“Yeah, that was the plan, but…it changed.” I exchanged a glance with Duke and braced myself. “I need to tell you guys something, and I need you to be calm.”
Dad looked at me through the rearview mirror and frowned.
“What is it, Anak?”
I took a deep breath. Duke’s fingers brushed against mine. Even that little gesture of support felt so great, so grand.
“Well…I…it turns out I have a son.”
As expected, everyone raised their voice in shock and bewilderment. I waited for them to calm down or, at the very least, be quieter before I told them the rest of the story. By the time I was done, Dad had already changed course from Altadena to Chula Vista, where Ava used to live.
It wasn’t half an hour from when we landed that we stopped in front of a single-story house and everyone went unusually somber.
“This is it,” I said.
“This is it,” Duke repeated after me. “Ready?”
I nodded, and he opened the door.
I stepped onto the sidewalk, and the rest of the family joined me in staring at the house that held…the newest member of the Reyes family.
My heart thumped, my breathing got deep and slow, and my fingers went…numb.
This was getting real. Realer by the minute as I walked up to the porch and realer as I knocked on the door with everyone standing around me. I almost choked when a woman answered and smiled at me with sad eyes.
“You must be Azrael,” she said.
“Stella?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Come on in.” She stepped aside and ushered us into her living room. A fan stood in the corner blowing hot air into the room and a selection of baby toys were scattered around the floor and couches.
My knees buckled, but I held strong, steadying myself and trying to remember to breathe. Constantly trying to remember to breathe. Why was my body giving up on me all of a sudden?
“Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? Soda?”
I shook my head and looked around.
“Is he…is he here?”
Stella nodded. “He’s sleeping, but you can follow me this way.”
I followed her as she walked out of the living room and to the end of the hallway, where a door was ajar. She stood to the side as I opened the door and zeroed in on the bassinet.
My heart pumped faster and louder the closer I got and the quieter I tried to be. He was there, inside the bassinet, eyes closed, hands up on his sides, a tuft of black hair falling like a fringe in front of his forehead, his blue sleeper rising and falling with each breath.
He looked like an angel. A tiny little angel.
My eyes were wet before I even knew what was happening, but I quickly wiped the tears off my face to save them from falling on him.
I leaned in closer, smelling baby powder and the sweet scent that seemed to linger on all babies, and watched him stir.
His hands moved to his eyes as he blinked and stretched his legs. When he noticed me, he smiled and cooed.
My neck tightened. My mouth dried. I was frozen in place, staring at the most wonderful creature I’d ever seen and trying not to break down.
How can I be so happy and so sad at the same time?
I managed to lift my hand and place it in the bassinet, and he immediately wrapped his hand around my pointer finger, sending shivers up my arm and nape.
He was real.
He didn’t feel real. None of this had felt real. Not until that moment.
“Hi,” I said to him.
He smiled again, and my heart melted right there on the spot.
That’s my son.
Fuck!
That’s my son!
I moved my finger up and down. His laughter was a piece of music that soothed the parts of my soul still on edge and set me in motion.
I put both hands under him and lifted him into my arms as a fresh stream of tears ran down my cheeks. He stared at me with big, wide eyes as if I were his whole world.
I was.
And now, he was mine too. Forever after. I knew it. I knew it with every fiber of my being. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for this little boy I’d just met.
I kissed his forehead before I turned around and showed him to everyone standing outside the door.
“Everyone,” I said. “Meet Noah.”
Duke gasped. His hand flew to his mouth and his eyes turned red instantly.
“Wh—” I started when he backed away and ran. Ran down the hallway and out of the house.
“Duke!” I called out.
The sudden noise made Noah cry.
“Duke!” I repeated, trying to soothe my baby boy while following after Duke.
Noah’s cry intensified. Remi put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me.
“I’ll go check on him,” he said, and all I could do was watch, hoping Duke was okay and wondering what had happened.