Chapter 17
The Worst Saturday
Iunlocked the bathroom when I heard raised voices at the front of the house. I hadn’t even noticed Sean had hung up. Taking a deep breath, I moved into the bedroom doorway.
“You’re going to let me in to see her,” Sean told Neil.
I hadn’t fully processed how much bigger Sean was than Neil, but seeing them that close together made me remember why Sean was so good at being the bouncer at the bar.
With his tattoos, broad chest, muscled arms, and thick beard, he looked intimidating, no matter how much I knew I could trust him.
Neil let go of the front door, backing away.
Sean moved into the house, spotting me hovering in the bedroom doorway. He approached me slowly, his hand pointing to where I cradled my wrist against my chest.
“What’s going on with this?” He reached out for my wrist, careful to cup it with his hand as he gripped my forearm.
“I fell,” I said, trying not to flinch.
Sean’s eyes narrowed. He flicked a look back at Neil.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Neil snapped. “She just told you she fell.”
“He didn’t—” I broke off, remembering the press of Neil’s body against mine as he kissed me. “I fell,” I repeated numbly.
“All right,” Sean agreed, but he didn’t look happy. “Still, looks like you’re in pain. Let’s go get it checked out.”
“Is that what you called him for?” Neil asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I would have taken you. I’m your boyfriend. I should take you.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want you to,” Sean said. “How the hell did she fall anyway? I don’t see any steps.”
Neil and I went quiet, with Neil looking away.
“That’s what I thought.” Sean released my arm, his voice softening. “Go get your shoes, honey.”
“They’re by the door.” It was the first time I was glad of that fact.
Neil followed us back to the entrance, with Sean between us. “Are you serious right now, Hailey? First the bartender, and now you’re involved with this guy, too?”
“Only on Fridays,” Sean told him. “I thought that was allowed. The whole hall pass thing.” He crouched to help me slip on my shoes, keeping an eye on Neil as he did.
“Today’s Saturday!” Neil shouted, his face turning red. He tried to come closer, and Sean pulled me to my feet, shifting me behind him. Neil peered around Sean’s bulk, barely managing to catch my eye. “Don’t leave with him,” he pleaded with me.
“It hurts, Neil,” I said, looking away. “I’m just going to get it looked at.”
“I’ll take you. I said I’ll take you,” Neil said.
“Back off,” Sean told him. “She already chose me, and she doesn’t need to deal with this shit right now, not with her in pain, and especially not after what happened last night.”
“Last night?” Neil frowned, looking at Sean and then back at me. “What happened last night?”
My shoulders curled in as I continued to cradle my wrist against my chest.
“That you don’t know says enough. Come on, Hailey.” Sean pulled the door open, keeping his body as a shield while I slipped out.
“Hailey!” Neil called, but Sean shut the door in his face.
Sean drove a black Chevy Tahoe. He opened the passenger door, helping me get the seat belt secured before moving around to the driver’s side. He turned on the vehicle, scowling toward the front door. “You two have a fight?”
My throat grew tight. “Sort of. He didn’t like that I stayed over at Jack’s.”
“You were crying. On the phone with me, you were crying a lot. He hurt you?”
“Not… not like you’re thinking,” I said softly.
“How then?” he asked, his hand tightening on the gearshift.
I lowered my wrist to rest on my thighs. “He tried to—” I choked on the word. As bad as that was, it was what he’d said after that had broken something. Knowing he’d never been the person I thought had upset me most. “It’s complicated.”
“Right.” Sean shifted into reverse, backing out of the driveway. “Probably best I get us out of here. The urge to go back inside and punch him in the face is really strong.”
“Don’t do that. I just felt overwhelmed. I need to think, but my mind keeps spinning.”
“Maybe I can help unspin it. You can talk to me, Hailey, whenever you’re ready. For now, let’s get that wrist seen to, yeah?”
“I don’t think it’s broken,” I said, my head leaning back against the headrest as I closed my eyes.
“We’ll let the experts decide that,” Sean said.
He let me slip into silence, exhaustion making me doze.
The urgent care clinic he took me to didn’t have a wait.
After seeing me, the nurse led me back to the waiting room with a wrist wrap on and a list of instructions, including icing it and elevation.
The waiting room was still empty, with the opaque window to the receptionist area closed. The seats were upholstered in a swirl of tragic colors, though primarily blue. Sean didn’t stand up. He patted the chair beside him.
I lowered into the chair, giving in to the temptation to tilt my head and rest it against his arm.
“How’s the wrist?” he asked.
“It’s a mild sprain. The wrap is to keep it immobilized for a couple of weeks, and I’ve got a list of things to help.” I fluttered the paper.
Sean took it from me, reading it over. “You ready to tell me what was going on when you fell?”
“He was upset with me about staying at the bar. Not just because overnights are against the rules, but because I was with Jack. He thinks I have feelings for him.” I took a breath. “He’s not wrong,” I confessed in a whisper.
Sean hummed in his throat. “I figured as much. Jack is hard not to like.”
“We almost kissed,” I blurted out.
“Just almost?” Sean asked. “That guy has way too much self-control.”
“He said he wanted to, but then we didn’t. Things felt off after. I was still a little upset when I got home, and I kind of pushed back when Neil got mad. I mean, he’s been doing overnights, too.”
“You didn’t explain about the guy trying to follow you?”
“I tried, but he wasn’t listening. He started in on how his sleeping with other people was to get better at sex for me. He wanted to prove it worked, that he was better.” My uninjured hand curled over the wrap, the scratch of the material helping me to settle.
Sean’s arm tensed against me.
“It was like that night back at the bar. He only kissed me, just like that time, but it didn’t feel like Neil at all. I couldn’t help but remember, and I panicked and ended up falling when I tried to get away.”
“Fuck, Hailey.” Sean’s hand shook as he rested it over mine in my lap.
“He stopped. He didn’t even get to my zipper or anything, not like that time, so it really was just a kiss.”
“No. It was worse than a stranger doing it. You love him, and he did that. No wonder you were crying.” His hand cupped mine, careful not to squeeze.
My eyes grew hot. “I don’t think I do,” I whispered. “I don’t think I love him anymore.”
Sean’s head tilted against mine. “That’s not on you. He broke what you had.”
I shook my head, bumping his ear. “That wasn’t Neil. He felt like a stranger, and then the things he said…” I let out a breath. “I was in love with a person who didn’t exist.”
“You’re just someone who sees the best in people. That’s not a bad thing.”
“I think I knew something was wrong. He was right to complain. I stopped sleeping with him months ago, but it wasn’t just about the sex.
When I talked to Jack last night, he was so—” I let out a choked sound as I remembered him offering to be there while I dealt with my mother.
“That’s what I was missing. It was a small thing, wanting to be there for me, but I needed it.
I thought I had it with Neil. Back during those times my parents got sober and I had to stay with them, I wasn’t allowed to see the Millers, but my parents had to let me go to school, so I’d see Neil.
He was my constant. I needed that. That’s why I chose him over Logan, even though I really wanted to be with Logan instead.
I couldn’t lose Neil. Even if he’s not who I think, I’m not sure I can leave him.
” My body shook. “I’m scared to. I’m so scared. ”
“Hey. It’s okay. Come here.” Sean scooped me up, pulling me onto his lap, his arms curling around me as my head fit on his shoulder. I stared up at the tiled ceiling, my eyes blurry.
“I’m also scared to stay.” The tears flowed again. I should have run out of them; I’d been crying so much. “What if he—I don’t think I can stay. But I can’t leave. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do.”
“I think you do. I think you called me because you know what the next step is.” His beard tickled my cheek as he pulled me in tighter. “It’s normal to be scared. This is the unknown. That’s a scary thing.”
“I’m not sure I can do this.” The words weren’t much more than a rasp. Jack had called me strong. I wasn’t.
“Not alone, but you’re not alone. I can be there with you.”
“That’s too much. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking. After what you told me, Hailey, I don’t trust that man alone with you. Can you tell me you’d really feel comfortable alone with him after he tried to rape you?”
Hearing it said out loud made me flinch in his arms. “That’s not what happened.” I heard the echo of Neil’s voice in the words.
Sean pulled me away from him, turning me so he could look at my face. “Isn’t it?”
My lips trembled. “He’s been frustrated. It’s been months. I keep saying no.”
Sean held my gaze. “Exactly. You said no.”
My breath shuddered as I pulled it in. The lightheadedness wasn’t going away. My head dipped forward. “You’ll be there?”
He pulled me closer, our foreheads touching. “I’ll be there.”
I nodded against him, closing my eyes. We sat like that until my breathing slowed. Standing up took effort. He held my good hand as he led me back to the Tahoe.
“You’re not going to hit him, right? Neil wouldn’t be able to fight back. He’s not like that.”
Sean’s eyes grew hard as he helped me buckle in. “No promises.”