Chapter 24 #3
I almost laid a hand on his arm, but I tightened my grip on myself instead. Ignoring the dejected look in his eyes made me feel like I was being mean.
“And my parents. They don’t understand what happened, and I’m not sure how to explain it to them. They love you too, Hailey. You’ve been like a daughter to them.”
I shook my head. “I can’t help you with them anymore. You need to tell them to stop calling me.” In the past week, they’d left more messages than Neil had.
“They just want to help! They see how wrecked I am without you. I need you, Hailey.”
Once, hearing those words would have been enough. “You don’t.”
“I do!” Neil took a step forward, and I flinched back, making him freeze. “Seriously? You act as if I’m going to hit you or something. When did I ever hit you?”
I swallowed. “It’s not that.”
“I know I messed up that morning, but you messed up, too. You were with him!” He waved back at Jack, who had pushed off the bumper, hovering a step toward us.
Meeting Jack’s eyes let the knot in my stomach loosen again. I looked back at Neil. “You were with a lot more people than I was.”
“Is that what this is about?” Neil sighed. “It’s not my fault fewer of your hookups worked out. I can give you more passes if that’ll help. I won’t do anything with anyone else, but I can help you meet up with a few new guys if that makes you feel better.”
The thought of being with a stranger made me shudder. “No. I’m not doing that. I’m not coming back to you, Neil.”
His jaw tightened, the muscle in his cheek flexing. “You’re really willing to throw away all our years together? It’s only been a couple of weeks, Hailey. We can still fix this.”
“I don’t want to fix it,” I admitted. “I don’t want to be with you.”
“Stop saying that!” Neil threw up his hands, and I flinched, stumbling back a step, my heart racing. “You’re doing it again! You’re acting like I—”
Jack was suddenly with me, his hands resting on my shoulders.
Neil jerked back, his eyes looking nervous.
“You need to quit yelling at her,” Jack told Neil. “Right now.”
Neil swallowed, taking another step back.
Jack bent to my ear. “You can be done here. You don’t have to keep talking to him.”
The last of my tension faded away as I leaned into Jack. “I think that might be best. We’re going to go, Neil.”
“No!” Neil shouted, an echo of his first reaction when we’d broken up, and I winced. He didn’t keep repeating ‘no’ this time, more words falling out in a frantic stream instead. “I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry, Hailey. I messed up that morning. I know I did, but I was just so desperate to show you—”
“You don’t know,” I interrupted, watching his eyebrows pull together in confusion. “You were about to make excuses again. To tell me it wasn’t that bad. It was. I can’t be with you anymore. I don’t trust you. You broke that.”
“Just let me fix it,” he begged.
“You can’t fix it.” Jack’s warmth seeped into my skin, steadying my voice.
“You can’t. Not after what you said. Not after what you did to my records.
” My eyes burned. “You knew they were the only thing I had from the Millers. You knew how important they were to me. How long did it take you to break them all?”
“I didn’t—”
“Don’t lie! I know it was you.” My hands trembled, and I reached up to touch Jack’s hands on my shoulders. “How could you have done that? Someone who loved me wouldn’t have done that to me.”
Neil began to cry. “I do love you, Hailey. I swear I do.”
I watched the tears drip down his face, blinking my own back. “That’s not the kind of love I want. I deserve better.”
“You deserve?” Neil wiped at his face. “Look what you’ve done to me! You hurt me first. So I hurt you back.” He smiled, his eyes suddenly dry. “You held the Millers up on such a damn pedestal. How did it feel, finding those precious records in pieces?”
Jack made a sound in his throat, beginning to release me, but I tightened my hands on his, keeping them on my shoulders. I stared at the man laughing in front of me, laughing at my pain. “Neil…” I breathed out, seeing him, finally seeing the real him. The memory of who I thought he was shattered.
“Did you cry? I bet you did. I wish I could have seen your face.”
My throat burned. “Let’s go,” I choked out, relieved when Jack followed me without a word, his presence at my back creating a welcome barrier between me and the person I never really knew.
My eyes blurred. I couldn’t drive if I was crying. I needed to push it away for now, choking on the held back sob.
“Give me your keys,” Jack murmured, his hands on my shoulders guiding me toward the passenger side of my car.
“How long did it take? Is that what you asked?” Neil shouted after me.
I glanced at him, and his smile grew wider as he looked at the tears on my face.
“Not as long as you’re thinking. You know why? I’ve been breaking those records for years. You never knew, did you? I kept waiting for you to find one. When was the last time you even played one? But you loved the Millers so much, didn’t you?”
Jack pulled open the passenger door, urging me inside.
“But your truck,” I choked out, my breath hitching.
“I’m driving you home.” Jack’s jaw was tight as he held down his hand for my keys.
My hand trembled as I passed them to him.
Jack was in the driver’s seat quickly. Neil continued to shout, but it was only a thrumming noise in my already pounding head. I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to see him while Jack backed out of the driveway.
Despite my efforts, my crying filled the car on the drive back to my apartment. I kept the sobs muffled by my hand as tears dripped from my tightly shut eyes. By the time Jack parked, I was down to sniffles, but my body had started to shake.
Jack came around, undoing my seat belt and pulling me out of the car and into his arms. “I’ve got you,” he murmured, carrying me to my apartment.
I pressed my aching face against his chest, the soft warmth of his T-shirt soothing.
Soon we were on the couch together, and I was cuddled up against him, my arms limp around his neck as his hands rubbed soothing paths up and down my back. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” he murmured against my hair.
I’d stopped crying somewhere along the way. My head still pounded, and I could hear Neil’s laughter in my mind. I drew in a shaky breath, pushed off Jack’s chest, and pressed my fingers to my puffy cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m such a mess.”
“You’re not a mess.” Jack’s arm slid over the back of the couch as he shifted closer to me.
“You don’t have to stay,” I said, but then I remembered. “Oh no. You left your truck there. I’m not sure if Neil—” My hands fell to my lap, and I forced my next breath to be slow and deep. “We shouldn’t leave it there.”
“Sean’s already picking it up for me. He’ll be here soon.”
“You called Sean?” Of course he had. Who else would be better to call?
“I couldn’t have gone back to that house without—” Jack broke off, grimacing.
“He was awful, wasn’t he?” I whispered, swallowing. “It’s so confusing. One second he’s begging me to forgive him, saying he loves me, and then…” I shook my head, wincing. “What does it say about me that I didn’t see it? Twenty years, and I only saw what I wanted to see.”
“People like that, they don’t always start like that.” Jack shifted my hair behind my ear, stroking my cheek. “They often show the best of themselves. And you’re someone who already tries to see the good in people. That’s all it says about you.”
I searched his eyes, only seeing warmth and kindness.
So much kindness. If he wasn’t careful, I was going to latch on and never let go.
“I’m sorry. First my mom, then Neil… After all that, you shouldn’t have to deal with me, too.
” I pushed his hand away, scrambling up from the couch.
“I’ll make you some coffee, but when Sean gets here, you should probably go.
You’ve had to see enough of my drama today. ”
“Hailey.” Jack grabbed my hand. “This isn’t me ‘dealing with you.’ I care about you. I want to be here. There’s nowhere else I want to be.”
My lips trembled as I stared down at his hand. “But I’m such a mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re hurt.” He squeezed my hand. “If you want to be alone, I’ll leave, but I don’t think that’s what you want. I think you want exactly what we were doing. If that’s true, come back here so I can hold you.”
I shifted a step closer, my knees bumping his on the couch. “Are you sure it’s not too much?” I asked.
“It’s not too much,” he said, tugging on my hand.
I settled against him again, and his arms wrapped around me. His heart thumped steady and strong beneath my ear as I slipped my arms around to his back. “Will you tell me? If I ever get to be too much?”
He let out a breath, his hands rubbing circles on my back. “I will, but it’s not going to happen. You’re not weak like you’re thinking. You were so strong today.”
I shook my head against his chest. “I cried all over you.”
“You were sucker punched by two people who should have loved you, and you stood up to them. Yes, they hurt you, but you were the one taking steps to stop it from happening again.”
“You were there, too. It was easier with you there.” Jack was the one who was amazing, not me.
“You don’t understand how hard it was for me not to bundle you up and take you away from them. I was there as moral support and to keep you physically safe, but you were the one standing up for yourself.”
“I don’t feel strong,” I mumbled.
“Because you don’t see yourself the way I do. If you want to change anything about yourself, you can work on changing that.”
I closed my eyes, breathing him in. “I like having you here like this. Too much.”
“And I like being here. Probably a bit too much.”
I let out a hiccupping laugh, relaxing against him.
My heart had slowed by the time Jack’s phone vibrated, and he pulled it out. “Sean’s here. You okay if he lets himself in?”
I’d given Sean a spare key to my apartment, just in case. “Yeah,” I murmured, much too content right where I was.
When the door opened, my eyelids rose to see Sean’s worried expression. “Hey, honey. Heard you had a shitty day.”
I snorted, sitting up a little straighter, but not pulling away from Jack. “Understatement,” I murmured.
Sean moved over to the couch, settling in on my other side, his hand already rubbing my shoulder.
Jack made a sound in his throat. “What the hell, Sean? Weren’t you the one to lecture me?”
“Had to. Couldn’t let you bust up those musician hands our girl likes so much.”
Confused, I shifted back enough to follow Jack’s gaze to Sean’s hand on my shoulder. Seeing his cut knuckles, I caught his hand before he could pull it away. “You didn’t, Sean.”
“Don’t worry about it. He’s in your past for good now, isn’t he?”
“I hope so. That’s what I want.” I released his hand. “That doesn’t make hitting him right.”
“It was just a tap. You were right. He ran away crying right away.”
I winced, remembering the times when Neil had been bullied back when we were kids. “You shouldn’t have hit him.”
“He shouldn’t have been saying what he said,” Sean countered. I opened my mouth but shut it again when Sean shook his head. “Not repeating it. Just know, he had it coming. Now, time for some more snuggling.” He pulled me into his side, resting his chin on top of my head.
Jack pulled my legs over his lap, his hand resting on my knee, the slide of his thumb sending tingles through me.
“What about food?” Sean asked. “Have you eaten today, honey?”
I pressed a hand over my stomach, which was more than empty. “I might be a little hungry.”
“Good. Jack can order in some more of his gross pizza.”
“Pineapple isn’t gross,” Jack defended, taking out his phone.
“Make sure you double up on the cheesy bread and dips,” Sean told him. “Our girl liked those the most.”
Every time he called me that, I felt a flutter inside. “Um…”
Sean wrapped an arm around the top of my chest, holding me close. “Don’t go getting any ideas. You’ve been on an emotional roller coaster today. Jack and I thought you could use some friends tonight.”
I relaxed against him. “How did you figure out I like dipping cheesy bread the best?”
“You’re not so hard to figure out,” Sean murmured, kissing the top of my head.
“Order placed. Thirty minutes.” Jack tucked his phone away again. “Did you want me to find a documentary for us?”
I shook my head, my chest feeling tight. “I hate that Neil was right.”
Sean’s arm tightened. “No, honey. No way he got a damn thing right.”
Jack’s thumb stroked my knee again. “Are you thinking about the records?”
I nodded, bumping Sean’s chin. “I should have been listening to them all the time. I wanted to. He made it seem—” I blew out a breath. “I shouldn’t have decided not to just because he didn’t seem to like it. I like them.”
“What if we put one on now?” Jack asked. “I can pick one out, if you want.”
“No. I want to pick.” I pulled away from them to stand. The record I’d been listening to this morning, one Jack had picked out, was still on the player. I put it back in the sleeve, my hands going to one of the others we’d picked up yesterday.
“This was Mrs. Miller’s favorite,” I admitted, moving the needle into place.
When I turned back to the couch, I could almost picture the older couple there, cuddled up together as Mr. Miller teased his wife about her taste in music.
I settled between the guys again, resting back on Jack this time, his arms coming around me.
The moment felt just right. A bolt of longing slid inside me, a longing to be ready to give Jack an answer soon.