Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
A fter I agreed to Ren's duet plan, he hadn't been able to stay for much longer. It turned out he'd skipped out on rehearsal time. He'd been acting odd for days and the guys were worried about him. Morris eventually got sick of his moping and threatened to smack him out of it if he didn't come and talk to me.
I'd been horrified to learn the mega-famous rock stars of Feral Silence had been privy to mine and Ren's 'lover's spat', as Kell had apparently been calling it. Ren reassured me they didn't know the details, just that the two of us had a fight.
Knowing why Ren had been so hurt, knowing that I'd inadvertently accused him of doing the same thing his parents did to him, I had to wonder: had Ren kept the details to himself for my sake, or was it because he didn't want his friends knowing why he was upset? How much had he told them about his past?
Before he'd left, Ren and I agreed on a time to meet up at his music company so we could get to work. He said he'd reserve one of the practice studios for us.
I hadn't been able to think about anything else for days. Sure, I could compose traditional cello pieces, but how in the world was I going to turn a rock song into a classical song? I'd never done anything like that before. I was worried about being a hindrance to Ren, that he would have to do all the work and I'd just be a useless lump sitting next to him.
I couldn't ask anybody, either, because I needed to keep my part-time job a secret from my professors and fellow students. I didn't want the students to find out I was secretly working with a famous rock star—that would bring me all kinds of unwanted attention. Several of my professors had already made comments about my lack of focus lately; I didn't want them to know I was spending my evenings and weekends working on rock music instead of studying or practicing.
A week later I woke up to a text from Ren with a good morning message and a reminder about our first day of work. I looked up the address to his music company's office, which, of course, was downtown. I really should have taken up the flute as a kid.
I got out of the shower to see another message from Ren asking if I was up and ready. He certainly seemed eager.
I'll be out the door in fifteen minutes, I wrote back.
Ren was aware I lived far from the downtown core, so he would know not to expect me for another hour or more depending on how delayed the buses were.
"It's pretty early for a date," Jen said with a grin. She was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal and watching me get ready.
"It's not a date. We're going to be working."
"Sure, sure. Working . Right."
I ignored her sly tone and pulled on my jacket, grabbed my cello and opened the front door of my apartment, ready to leave.
Ren was standing just outside the door with his hand up, ready to knock. I immediately stepped through and closed the door behind me. I didn't need Jen as an audience.
"What are you doing here?"
"We're carpooling." He grinned and took my cello case from my hands, hefting it over his back with the strap like it was a guitar. I never used the strap. It was too heavy for me to carry. I mostly just wheeled it around.
"Carpooling?"
"I figured, why make you take public transit the whole way down when we could just go together?"
"Ren, you live five minutes from your music building."
He shrugged. "I was in the neighborhood."
I was going to protest, but I liked the idea of hitching a ride downtown. I was sick and tired of buses and subways.
I half expected some fancy limo, but there was a simple black taxi waiting for us downstairs. Ren carried my cello the whole way. When we settled into the taxi, Ren immediately took my hand. I melted a little inside. How could I have thought for one moment he was some asshole playboy?
"I just need to warn you that there might be an entourage of people waiting for us."
"Entourage? Like, fans and stuff?"
Ren laughed. "No. It's the guys. They really wanted to meet you again."
"Oh." I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable. I'd only met Ren's friends for a few brief moments. How much did they know about me? How much had Ren told them? Despite all the rumors online, they seemed nice enough in person.
Nice isn't allowed in your vocabulary when talking about Feral Silence.
Natalie's words came back to me. Maybe I should try to think of another adjective to use. I wasn't sure sexy, arrogant, charming rock stars would appreciate being called nice , either.
I glanced down at the hand holding mine, Ren's thumb absentmindedly brushing over the back of my hand. I was overtaken with a phantom memory of those fingers gliding over my bare skin, brushing over my nipples, penetrating me in one smooth motion.
I could think of a million adjectives to describe Ren. Nice didn't even begin to come close anymore.
The drive was quick, even with rush hour traffic, which made me resent public transit even more. If I had the money, I would have bought a car.
When we arrived, Ren nodded to the pretty receptionist at the front desk of the building and led me to the elevators.
"Good, the guys aren't waiting for us. I told them I'd bring you around to say hi, so I guess they've decided not to overwhelm you all at once. You've already met Ailey, but I want to introduce you to Deena Malik, our manager."
The music company sprawled across a few floors of the tall office tower, but didn't own the whole thing. If Ren's company was rich enough to buy an entire high-rise downtown, I would have been too intimidated to walk into the place. As it was, I knew they were still considered an indie label even though their artists were becoming well known worldwide.
Ren popped his head into an office where a well-dressed woman in a power suit was working on a tablet. Her dark hair was tied back in a bun, but it didn't make her face look severe, just calm and no-nonsense.
"Hey, Deena. Sorry for interrupting, I wanted to introduce you to Ivy."
He didn't say 'my friend Ivy' or 'my girlfriend Ivy'. Just Ivy. Was I that infamous around here? How much did these people know about me?
I blushed when I thought about the 'g' word. We hadn't even had the 'what exactly are we' talk yet. Was Ren my boyfriend?
"It's nice to finally meet you, Ivy."
Ren's manager held out her perfectly manicured hand. I took it firmly, not wanting to give a limp handshake. I felt like I needed to impress this woman. She was someone important.
"Ren tells me you're going to be working together to compose a classical version of a Feral Silence song?"
"That's right."
"Have you chosen a song?"
"Uh." I couldn't even name a single Feral Silence song. "We haven't decided yet."
Deena just nodded. "Jayce's acoustic versions sell very well. From what I've heard, two artists as talented as you and Ren should be able to pull off something great."
As if I didn't put enough pressure on myself, now I had to worry about letting down Ren's manager. What if our song flopped? Would she be upset that I'd wasted his time?
"We're going to show Jayce how it's really done." Ren grinned and squeezed my hand. I forced a smile. I didn't want him to know how nervous I was. "C'mon, let's go meet the guys."
The rest of Feral Silence was in a rehearsal room sitting around and chatting. Well, their lead singer was chatting. The other two were listening to him with expressions of long-suffering patience, sprawled out comfortably on sofas and armchairs. The whole setup looked like a comfy living room, aside from the drum set and guitars everywhere. Morris was playing with a pair of drumsticks, spinning them around his fingers, flinging them up in the air and catching them, and all sorts of fancy tricks I'd expect from Feral Silence's accomplished drummer.
"…'Cause I really think if we're going to pull it off, we'll need to be more active online, you know? Ailey can only do so much, and now that she's also working on PR and communications, she has less time for all that social stuff. I mean, we could always hire another intern, but—" Kell wiggled his eyebrows at his band members. "—we all remember what happened the last time that happened. Hey Morris, you're single. What do you think about hiring another impressionable young woman? You could use a girl in your life."
"I'm not a cradle robber like Jayce."
Jayce gave Morris a sardonic look. "You shut your mouth. She's only a couple years younger than Ren."
"And he was naive and impressionable at her age." Morris' voice was flat, but I caught a hint of amusement underneath his words.
"We managed to corrupt him pretty nicely, if I do say so myself." Kell craned his head around to face the door and grinned, as if he knew we were standing there the whole time. "Speak of the devil."
"If anyone's corrupt, it's you, you heathen." Ren shook his head and laughed. "I promised I'd bring her around, so here's Ivy."
Jayce and Morris nodded their heads in greeting, Jayce lifting a hand to wave. Morris gave me a considering stare. His impressive bulk should have made it intimidating, like he was staring me down. I almost wanted to shrink back, but then the corner of one lip tilted up slightly and I relaxed.
"I hear you and Ren are going to try and one-up my acoustic songs." Jayce threw a smirk my way. "Good luck."
"It'll be skill, not luck." Ren shot back.
Kell got up from his spot on the sofa and stalked over with a wicked grin. "Ah, yes. The infamous Ivy." He scanned me up and down, deep blue eyes oddly piercing when combined with such an impish smile. I felt strangely exposed by that gaze, like he was staring at me with x-ray vision, examining me all the way down to my bones. It sent a shiver down my spine, and not in a good way. "Ren's told us surprisingly little about you, considering how much he talks about you." He reached out and tugged on a strand of my hair.
Ren punched Kell on the shoulder. "Quit it. I'm just showing Ivy around before we get to work."
"Ren's skipping out on us to do this side project, you know." Kell's hands were in his pockets, deceptively casual, and his voice was easygoing, but I sensed a weight behind his words. "He never misses rehearsal."
"Unlike a certain someone who thinks the world revolves around him," Morris drawled.
Kell just lifted his chin smugly.
"We're not touring again for another few months. You're just a slave driver." Ren put on an expression of exasperation, but I could see the affection behind it. "We're going to be in the room across the hall if you need me."
"Don't worry, we won't interrupt you kids. We wouldn't want to walk in on the two of you in a compromising position, after all."
I let out a small squeak and ducked my head, blushing.
"We're here to work ," Ren stressed. "We'll be composing."
"Is that what they're calling it these days?"
"Shut up, you ass." Ren laughed and pulled me out of the room, shutting the door in Kell's grinning face.
"Is he always like that?" I asked after a moment.
"Nah, this is tame. He probably didn't want to embarrass you. Well, not too much, anyway."
Ren brought me to a room identical to the one we just left, except it had a grand piano in the corner. Ren didn't sit on the piano bench. Instead, he took a seat on the sofa and gestured for me to sit next to him.
"I don't know how much you know about our music—" Ren began.
"Almost nothing."
"I figured as much. I've already picked out a few songs I'd like to try. Why don't we give them a listen and see if any resonate with you?"
I agreed. Ren picked up a remote from the coffee table and pressed a few buttons. Music began to play from speakers embedded in the walls.
The first song wasn't anything I recognized. I didn't know whether that was because they hadn't played it at their concert or whether all their songs had just blended together in my mind. It was fast-paced with a heavy, driving beat and rapid strumming.
"What do you think of that one?"
"It's nice."
Ren quirked a smile. "Not that one then."
"No, I mean it, it's nice!"
"I don't want just nice . I need a song that makes a connection with you. I want you to feel the song in your bones."
"I don't know if any of your songs will do that," I confessed. "The one I liked the best was your violin solo."
Ren shook his head. "I don't want to choose a song that already has classical instruments in it. Let's try another."
Ren played two more songs that were okay, but nothing special. I began to despair ever finding anything and was ready to just choose one at random. Luckily, Ren was patient.
Then the third song started and my breath caught.
It was almost the same as all the others, but this one had a lovely melody. Jayce and Kell's vocals harmonized in such a pleasing manner, I could practically feel myself drawing my bow across the strings to mimic that flawless sound. Most importantly, the deep thrumming of the bass almost punched me in the stomach.
"This one," I said after the song came to an end.
"Yeah? You like it?"
I nodded fervently. "There's something about this one. I don't know. It makes me… feel."
"It's called Out of the Darkness . I wrote it myself."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It's one of the first songs I ever wrote. The majority of it was composed only a few months after—" he faltered for a brief moment. "—after I moved to the city."
After he'd left home.
"Do you mind if I ask…" I trailed off.
Ren shrugged carefully and casually. "Ask away."
"What happened right after you left?"
"I took a bus to the city. I had the clothes on my back, my violin, and enough cash to last me about two weeks."
"How did you manage it?" I didn't think I'd be able to make it two days on my own in a big city at age eighteen.
"I stayed at youth hostels and paid by the night for the first week. I started looking for jobs, but, well, it's hard to get hired when you're a homeless eighteen-year-old. Then, one day, I walked passed a bar holding a sort of karaoke battle of the bands type thing. Anyone could get up and sing or play guitar or whatever. The prize money wasn't a lot, but it would help."
"So you won?"
Ren barked out a laugh. "God, no. Can you imagine? There I was at some dank bar full of bikers and gang members. Some skinny teenager comes on stage and pulls out a violin. The crowd was so confused. I mean, I didn't get booed off stage or anything, but—" He shrugged. "It just wasn't their thing."
"It was a bust?"
"Not completely. That's where I met Kell."
Ren hadn't told me how he met the band. "Was he there to play, too?"
"He was there to drink. Apparently he was a regular at the place. After I left with my tail tucked between my legs, he came chasing after me."
"What did he want? Was he trying to recruit you to the band?"
"There was no band back then. Kell just saw some naive kid. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was probably something like what the hell did I think I was doing, showing up in my designer clothes and playing some classical instrument at a dive bar like that one."
"What'd you tell him?"
"I told him it was a last resort. I couldn't think of anything else to do. He told me about a few small gigs, nothing big, just enough to help me get back on my feet. We kept in touch."
I almost couldn't believe someone as self-centered as Kell could have such a soft spot for a random street kid. Looks could be deceiving.
"That's where the title of the song came from," Ren added.
" Out of the Darkness … It sounds sort of hopeful. What's it mean?"
"I left the bar when I realized I wouldn't win. It was late at night. Kell called out to me. He called me kid . I turned around and there he was, standing in the streetlight." Ren had a soft smile on his face. "It was like he'd appeared out of the darkness. A blond angel come to save me." Ren laughed and shook his head. "Of course, I've never told him that. It would just make his head swell up even more if he thought I looked up to him like some savior."
I was touched by Ren's story. It made me want to get to know Kell. There must have been more to him than his playful antics suggested.
"So this is the one, then?" Ren asked, bringing the conversation back around.
"Yes. I like this one."
"Alright. Let's get to work."