Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
I sleepwalked through the next week. My body went through the motions, but my brain had gone on hiatus. I made affirmative noises when people talked to me and gave appropriate responses using simple syllables when they asked me questions. I managed to ring up customers at the pet shop and point when they needed to know where something was. That was the closest I came to being functional.
"Hey, are you feeling all right?" my coworker asked. "You've been out of it all day, and I'm about to finish my shift. Are you going to be okay by yourself until close?"
"I'll be fine," I replied, but I didn't give any more than that.
She shot me an odd look, but shrugged, taking off her store-branded apron and tossing it behind the counter. "Okay. I'll see you next shift, then."
"Right."
She left and I was finally alone in the store. Alone with my own thoughts.
I busied myself by cleaning up the cash register area, tidying and dusting, wiping down the counter, until the entire area was sparkling clean. Then I grabbed another fresh cloth and did it all over again.
The door jingled.
A small part of me panicked, the way it always did now whenever someone walked through the door. What if it was Nathan? Hadn't that happened last time around closing? He'd shown up out of the blue.
I forced myself to calm down and turn toward the entrance.
I was completely taken aback when I saw a striking young woman with dark, dramatic makeup and a leather skirt standing in the pet shop.
"Can I help you?" I asked, my customer service instinct kicking in despite my uncertainty.
She smiled at me. "Oh, good, this is the right one."
I blinked at her.
"I went to all the pet stores in the area," she said. "Of course yours ended up being the last one I checked."
I looked at the woman, befuddled, eyeing her knee-high lace-up leather boots.
"Oh!" she laughed. "I forgot. Usually I'm in jeans and t-shirts, but I just came straight from work. It's me, Jessie. Gael's girlfriend."
"Where the hell do you work to dress like that?" I blurted out.
"A dive bar," she said with a wink. "The hot biker chick thing gets me a lot of tips."
The situation was so out of the ordinary, my brain had kickstarted out of its moping.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
The smile on her face faded, turning serious. She came over to the cash register. With her on one side, me on the other and the counter in the middle, it was like an odd standoff.
"I'm here to ask what happened with Nathan," she said.
My heart thumped loudly.
"What's there to say?" I replied. "We broke up."
"You stomped on his heart," she corrected, although her tone was gentle and not accusing.
I lowered my eyes.
" But that's not why I'm here," she said. "Can I ask you about something else?"
I hesitated long enough for her to power on.
"Do you know why Nathan's been so out of it lately?" she asked. "He's always disappearing and he's cagey about where he's going. At first we thought he was sneaking off to see you, but usually when he comes back from seeing a girl he has this smug look on his face. He only looks more worried when he shows back up."
It was the same sort of questions Julian had asked me at that party. I didn't answer then, and I wasn't going to answer now. I clamped my mouth shut and darted my eyes away.
"So you do know," she said with a satisfied nod. "You know something about him that even Gael doesn't know. Which means Nathan trusts you." Jessie sighed and leaned heavily against the counter. "Look," she said. "There's something wrong with him. Even before you broke up with him, he was acting strange. We're all worried."
I bit my lip. Nathan had his reasons for not telling his band about his sick mother. He'd told me before that he didn't want to worry them, didn't want to distract them from the album.
But now I knew the real reason.
He was afraid the same thing that happened with his old band would happen with Cherry Lips. He worried they'd think he wasn't committed and they'd kick him out.
But now, without me there, Nathan had no one. He had no support. He was dealing with it all by himself.
I could still remember that time I'd seen Nathan at the hospital cafeteria. His back had been to me, but I saw his shoulders heaving, could see the shake of his hands as he clenched his coffee. I could see his red-rimmed eyes, could hear that hitch of his breath.
My heart ached for him even now.
If I hadn't shown up, how long would he have sat there, miserable and alone?
"Whatever's wrong with him," Jessie said, interrupting my thoughts, "we all just want to help. We love the guy. That band is like family."
Family.
Family wouldn't turn their backs on each other, would they?
"Do you know what happened with Nathan and his old band?" I asked.
"He left them to join Cherry Lips, didn't he? Why are you asking?" Jessie's mouth popped open in horror. "Is Nathan talking about leaving the band or something?"
"No! No, not at all."
She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. It would destroy Gael if that happened. The other guys, too. Not to mention, Cerise would be crazy upset and freaking out."
"Really?" I asked, curious now. "Why?"
"Because he's a genius," Jessie said. "Cerise looked long and hard to find someone who could play guitar better than her. She hates to admit it, but that's Nathan Walker. The band would be missing something really special if they lost him."
"He is special," I agreed.
Jessie raised an eyebrow at me. "Then why did you break up with him?"
I folded my arms over my chest defensively, feeling like I was being interrogated for committing some heinous crime.
"That's a really personal question," I said.
"I know it is," she said. "But I'm asking it anyway."
"Things were just never going to work out between us," I said. "I needed to break it off."
"Needed to?" She jumped on the words. "Why would you need to?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you."
She nodded slowly. "No. You're right. You don't. But I've never seen him act like this before. He's like a zombie. He barely speaks. Barely eats. He looks like he hadn't slept in a week. Gael's freaking out. The band's freaking out."
Guilt threatened to eat me alive.
"I'm sorry about that," I said. "I really am."
"I just need to know one thing," she said. "Was it something he did?"
"God no!" I blurted out. "No! Never. It was all me."
She raised an eyebrow. "Did you give him the, it's not you, it's me, speech?"
I looked away, unable to meet her eyes.
"I'm not saying you should reconsider," she told me. "I'm just saying, I've never seen Nathan broken up like this before."
"I'm sure he'll get over it in time."
"I don't know what your reason was for breaking up with him," she said, "but it better have been a damned good one. Because right now, it looks like he's going through hell."
Jessie gave me one last sad look before walking out the front door.
I didn't do my usual routine of scouring the store for misplaced merchandise. I stood behind the cash register, not bothering to greet customers. Only two people came in and left shortly. I was alone in the store for the next hour.
I stared at the cat-shaped clock on the opposite wall, seconds ticking away, waiting until I could close up and go home. Until I could wrap myself up in my blankets and fall into oblivion.
My phone rang.
I fumbled in my pockets, grabbing for it, looking at the caller ID expectantly.
It wasn't Nathan. Of course it wasn't. It was a good thing it hadn't been him. If I'd had to talk to him again, I had no idea what I'd say.
It was the hospital calling. I assumed it was Tracey. She'd probably ask me to come in for an extra shift. I contemplated ignoring it. But if she had a question about the party, I should probably answer it.
I cleared my throat and answered as calmly as I could.
"Hello?"
"Ms. Miller? I'm calling from Dr. Johnston's office."
I didn't even have time to wonder why they were calling when the woman continued.
"The doctor found something unusual when looking over your test results."
My entire body jolted, then froze. My hands trembled, grip loosening, almost dropping my phone to the ground.
"What… did they find?" I asked through a tight throat.
"I'm sorry, I really can't say over the phone. The doctor would like to speak to you in person."
My head went fuzzy. My stomach roiled. It was like I was stuck inside some terrible nightmare and I begged myself to wake up.
"When do you need me to come in?" I managed to choke out.
Her response sent a spike of terror shooting through me.
"As soon as possible."