Chapter 48 #2
She stares at me long and hard.
“You’re staring at me.”
“I’m not staring.” She stares.
“Yes, you are.” I inch closer.
“No, I’m not. I’m trying to understand.”
I carefully slide my arms around her, pulling her closer. “Let me help. Can I kiss you?”
“Cole. . . ”
“I like it when you say my name as if you’re warning me.”
Her hands grip my shirt like she’s afraid, but she doesn’t have to be.
“Can I kiss you?” I ask, needing permission.
Deep lines form between her brows, her eyes searching mine. “Yes.”
I lower my head. “I’m going to need you to participate.”
She huffs out a laugh, and I see it does the trick.
I surround her with one arm, pulling her flush against me. I push her hair behind her ear as she catalogs my every move. I nudge her chin with my finger, lifting her face to mine.
I bring my forehead to hers, feeling her chest rise and fall a little quicker.
“This is what I need. You with me, whatever that means. There was a time when you wouldn’t even let me touch you.
We will take it one day at a time. I will never ask you for anything you aren’t one hundred percent comfortable with. ”
Tears gather in her eyes. “But don’t you—”
“Yes, I want you. I want you so badly it hurts. But I want you even if that means just sleeping in my bed. Just kissing, maybe someday making out.” Her eyes inspect for the truth. “Sex is only one part of a relationship.”
She huffs. “I may be severely broken in that department, but I know it’s a really big part.”
I shrug one shoulder. “I’ve fallen in love with you without it. When we get there, it will only make it that much better.”
“When?” She’s doubtful, but I’m not.
I know how strong and brave she is, and I’ll wait as long as she needs.
“What about kids? I mean, that’s like way in the future, but there’s no point—”
“You and I both know families come in all shapes and sizes. I want to do that with someone I love more than anything. That’s how you make a family. Besides, if I didn’t already know that with my own family, Matt has shown me that.”
She studies me for one quick second, but then her mouth crushes against mine, taking me by surprise, but I catch up quickly.
Her arm moves around my neck, pulling herself to me with the other still tucked between us. I spread my hand over the small of her back, keeping her there.
Her lips part, seeking more, and I slowly glide my tongue across hers, needing the taste I’ve been longing for since she let me kiss her the last time.
A quiet moan escapes her, and I angle her head to do it again. Her fingers dig into my neck as her mouth moves over mine again and again.
I release her, running my lips over her cheek and down her neck. “You smell so damn good, and I’ve missed you so much.”
She lets out a breathy laugh. “I’ve worn your sweatshirt every day. I think it might stink.”
I grin, pressing my lips to hers softly. “There’s more where that came from.”
Her chin dips. “I’m sorry. All I’ve wanted was to talk to you. . .be with you, but I. . . ”
I take her face in my hands. “Ryder, it’s ok to be scared. I want you to trust me enough to believe that.”
Her voice is soft. “It’s gonna take time, but I’ll try really hard.”
I lean down, pressing my forehead to hers. “I love you.”
She lifts her chin, her lips a centimeter from mine. “I love you, too.” She presses to her toes, closing the distance, her mouth moving in sync with mine, slow and careful, but then angling her head, and I take it.
I wrap my arms around her, and she winces, her arm getting smushed between us.
“You ok?”
She presses her puffy lips together, hiding a smile, and nods.
“We keep doing that, and we won’t have any problem tipping into make-out territory.”
She shoves me away but flinches, holding her shoulder.
“Here.” I help her remove her jacket.
She carefully pulls one arm out, then the other.
I set it aside, and she stares at me.
“What?” I move closer, letting my hands fall to her hips.
“Nothing.” She bites her bottom lip, and I want to kiss her breathless all over again. Maybe later.
I push my fingers into her hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
Her hand tugs at my T-shirt. “What now, Matthews?”
I inhale through my nose and hold it, thinking of all the possibilities. “Stay with me. Better yet, move back in. I can’t stand another night of wondering where you are, if you’re safe, or if you’re out slaying dragons.”
Her lips push to the side. “I’m on the injured list for the foreseeable future.”
I hear her complete lack of enthusiasm.
“Good.” I glance at the boxes piled throughout the room. “How do you feel about traveling?”
She peeks at me from under her light eyelashes. “Where are you going?”
I link my hands behind her back. “Well, first, I was going to check out London and watch a couple of Hank’s matches. Then, maybe soak up the cabin life for a while.” I pause, studying her this time. “Come with me. Or I can stay here—”
“I want to go with you,” she blurts. “At least for part of it.”
I grin. “Well, that’s good because I wasn’t going without you.”
“What about this place?”
“Are you hungry?” I ask, dodging her question. I need a minute before I tell her about my options with the Stingrays.
“Uh. . .sure.”
She moves to the counter. I give her a boost, and she sits on the edge, watching me rummage through my empty refrigerator.
I turn back to her. “Take out ok?” I grab my phone.
“Why are you avoiding my question?”
I set my phone down, knowing it’s only fair to tell her what’s up since she just laid all her walls down for me.
I brace my hands on either side of her. “With everything that happened, the Stingrays offered to let me out of my contract or look at a trade. They can’t do anything until the season is officially over, but I have to decide.”
She stiffens a little. “So, if you move to another team, you’d be living somewhere else.”
I nod. “Yeah, at least during the season.”
She fists my shirt and pulls me to her.
I straighten, and her head falls to the center of my chest. “You’re too good to stay with those clowns.”
“But you’re here, and—”
She lifts her head. “You can’t stay with this team for me. They’re a mess. Besides, kids are trafficked all over the world, and Tracker has connections everywhere.” Her eyes drop to her hands. “I actually have a job offer I’m considering. It’s temporary but could involve some travel and time away.”
“Really?”
Her good shoulder rises and falls. “Yeah, remember that guy we saw at the SportsElite event?”
“Yeah.”
“The FBI wants me to help them get inside his dealings.”
“The FBI?”
She leans back. “Listen, Hotshot. This is top-secret information.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Are you going to have an alias and do all kinds of undercover stuff?”
She tugs me to her. “It’s kind of an off-the-record arrangement. I’m thinking about it. I’m not great at taking orders.”
I grin. “You don’t say.”
She flattens her palm against the center of my chest. “Yeah. See, I had this assignment, and there are rules about not getting personally involved.”
“Oh, really?” I grip her hips.
“Uh-huh, but then I broke the biggest rule of all.”
I lower my head, brushing my lips against her neck. “What rule is that?”
“It’s a personal rule. To never let anyone get too close.” Her nose pushes into my cheek, inhaling as her lips run along my jaw.
I love it when she smells me. I kiss her neck.
“But then, you and all your smiley, self-assured ways had to go and stir things inside me that I didn’t know existed.” She stops at the corner of my mouth. “You woke everything I thought was dead and gone. Everything I thought I’d never feel or want to feel.” Her words are so soft.
I wrap my arms around her. “You know, Jones. You told me once that rules are made to be broken. So, what other rules do you have that we need to break?”
She pulls away, her eyes meeting mine, that feistiness appearing. “Careful, Matthews, you’re a rule follower.”
I tug her back to me. “I think your rebel ways are rubbing off on me.”
Her arm slides around my back. “Oh, really.”
“You lay them out, and we’ll tackle them one at a time.”
Her lips press against mine, soft but sure. “It’s not gonna be easy.”
I kiss her back. “Good. It’ll give me plenty of opportunity to practice my fight stance.”
She laughs, and I wait only long enough for the beautiful sound to fade before I kiss her perfect smile.