Chapter Seventeen
IHEARD HER BEDROOM door close behind her, and I glanced at her front door, then back at the hallway she’d vanished down.
I knew what I wanted, but I was also afraid of going for it, in case she changed her mind.
Not about sex, but about me. I was no catch.
I was a biker in his thirties, with average looks, and that pervasive ‘cologne’ of bike shop. What she saw in me, I had no idea.
If I left though, if I walked away when she was putting everything out there, putting herself on the line, wasn’t I doing the exact opposite of empowering her? She’s risking it all, and if I leave, that’s like saying it wasn’t enough, or it wasn’t right. Or that I don’t want her.
My phone buzzed, and I dug it out of my pocket, idly swiping the screen.
Micro: You coming in tonight, man?
Fuck. We didn’t have anything scheduled for tonight, but I went there every night, didn’t I?
I glanced at the hallway again, and remembered who was waiting for me there, and my decision was made.
Me: Sorry, Pres. Something came up. I’ll be around tomorrow.
Something came up. I’ll say. The only question was whether or not I’d just made the right decision, or whether blue-balling it home would have been smarter.
I left my phone on the counter beside hers, and checked her front door, making sure the locks were secure, and then I turned and headed down the hall, the light peeking out from under a door telling me which room she was in.
I hesitated when I reached the door, one hand on the handle, as I rested my forehead against it, and squeezed my eyes closed.
Once I opened it, there was no going back.
Even if things went well, she’d be more than just a friend.
If it went badly, I was risking losing a person I really wanted to keep in my life.
Everything would change, regardless of what happened in this room tonight.
But it would change regardless. If I didn’t go in, she’d be embarrassed, and wouldn’t want to face me again.
I swallowed hard and turned the door handle, pushing the door open, and there she sat, not naked after all, but holding a robe closed around her.
“I should have knocked,” I said dumbly, and she shook her head.
”I was naked, but you were taking so long, I thought you’d left.”
I pushed the door closed and leaned back against it, trying to calm down my racing heart, because I was in her fucking bedroom and she was naked. The fact that she thought I just left without a word was kicking me in the stomach too.
“I’d never just walk away from you.” I had to make that clear to her, because she needed to understand that she mattered to me as a person, and nothing would change that.
“I… I realise I’m putting a lot of pressure on you here,” Caroline said quietly, holding her robe closed with trembling fingers. “I don’t mean to push you like this. I just… I’ve spent my life wishing I had this courage, and now it’s here, I don’t want to waste it.”
“So if I’d been any other guy?”
Her eyes narrowed at me. “I wouldn’t feel this brave.”
Well, fuck.
I pushed away from the door and crossed the room, dropping to my knees in front of her.
“Promise me you’ll tell me if you don’t like something, or want me to stop. Please, please don’t just stay silent and think you have to continue. I’m not that guy… If I think you’re suffering to please me, that’s gonna fucking destroy me. Okay?”
She nodded slowly, her fingers twitching on the robe, like she didn’t know what to do next.
“Want me to tell you what I’d like to do?”
Her head jerked in a sharp nod, and her bottom lip trembled. Fuck me. How the hell could I do this, and be sure she wanted it?
“I’d like to kiss you some more. Just kiss. Is that okay?”
Some of the tension drained from her posture, and she nodded, reaching for me as I raised up from sitting on my feet to kneeling as tall as I could.
“Just relax, Caroline. You have all the power here.” I cupped her face, and leaned closer, pressing my lips gently against hers.
To feel even more of the tension leave her, as I kissed her softly, took a little of the fear out of me too, because she was responding.
She was returning my kiss, and that made me feel like we were on more even footing.
I wasn’t a ‘needs to be in control’ kinda guy.
I loved the push and pull, the woman taking what she wants, as much as she gives me what I need too.
Reciprocation. That’s the dream. We both want it, and we both want to give and take at the same time.
As the kiss deepened, Caroline tentatively pressed her palms against my chest, and a simple touch shouldn’t kick a guy in the balls the way that did, but it made me feel things I never expected to feel. Strong things. Like this moment was so much more than I’d imagined.
“More,” she whispered against my lips, and that gave me the go ahead to go further.
Angling Caroline’s sweet face to the side, I lowered my lips to her throat, placing soft kisses along her warm skin, catching the floral scent she often wore.
I breathed it in, as I teased her skin with open mouthed kisses, grinning as a shiver ran down her spine.
“Still good?”
She nodded vehemently, her breathing growing more ragged at my touches. That’s when I realised she wasn’t touching me anymore at all. Her hands had fallen to the bed. I pulled back and smiled at her, at the slightly dazed look in her eyes.
“It’s okay to touch me. I even really like it, sweetheart.
” I lifted her hands from the bed, and pressed them against my chest again, and then I dragged them up, until she was cupping my face, still feeling those light trembles as she took over, stroking my cheeks.
We could both hear the slight rasp of my short beard, and smiled at each other, at this shared moment that felt like so much more than an outsider would see if they looked.
“I really like it when you touch me,” I whispered again, smiling when her thumbs brushed over my lips.
Caroline
NOW WE WERE TOUCHING, I felt an inner strength guiding me, making it possible to place my hands on him, and not panic. I couldn’t guarantee it’d last, but for right now, I wanted everything.
“More,” I whispered again, and Harley’s eyes dropped to the robe I’d forgotten about, the same robe which now gaped open and revealed more of my body than I’d ever shown a man before.
He swallowed audibly, and lifted his eyes again.
“You’re beautiful, Caroline. So much more than you’d ever see with your eyes. Let me tell you what my eyes see. Strength, beauty, soft skin, gentle curves, and fuck… I want to kiss every inch of you.”
Oh god. There was hunger in his eyes now. Need. Intensity. Butterflies flitted in my stomach, and yet, at the same time, I felt at peace. Safe. It was Harley. He’d never hurt me. Ever.
I pulled my hands away from him, and his face dropped until he saw why. I slipped the robe down over my shoulders, and he made a choked sound, as his eyes travelled over me, like the whisper of a physical touch.
“Fuck,” he whispered, standing up all of a sudden. Was he leaving?
“Harley?”
He lifted off his leather cut and set it on the dresser, then lifted his t-shirt off, revealing a firm chest, covered in a scattering of dark hair, and a slightly less firm stomach, one that said he worked out, but not to extremes.
Oh god. He was half naked already.
“Caroline? Breathe. I can put it back on if this is too much.”
“No!”
He chuckled. “Feel strongly about that, do you?”
“Can… can I touch you?”
“God yes.”
I glanced at the jeans and boots he still wore.
“But…”
“Baby steps, Caroline. If I get fully naked, that’s a whole new level of intimacy. We don’t have to rush it.”
“I want to!” I gasped out, and he laughed. He sat down and toed his boots off, his socks disappearing next, and then he reached for his jeans.
“Far be it from me to withhold what the lady wants.”
I giggled, watching eagerly as he unbuttoned and then unzipped his jeans, then stood up with a firm grip on them.
“You sure about this?”
I nodded again. “I want to see. I’m afraid, but excited. I-I want to see you.”
Harley hesitated again. “My… you want to see my cock? Is that… I can leave my boxers on?”
I stood up, and his eyes travelled over me again, hovering in the places I knew most men’s eyes would linger, and I knew I wanted to do the same to him. There was that little trail of hair working downward, and I wanted to see where it ended.
“Please, Harley. I want to see all of you.”
“Fuck. Okay, I’m doing this… I’m getting naked for you.
” He rolled his eyes and shoved his jeans and underwear down, and there it was.
He was darker skinned than me in the places that saw enough sunshine, even in a regularly overcast country like England, but the parts he’d just revealed had seen less sun, and were paler.
His cock though… that’s where my eyes stayed.
It was long, thick, stretching up from his groin, with dark hair around it.
“Oh god.”
“Want me to cover up?”
“No. I… oh my god, am I really doing this?” I stepped closer as I spoke, and my hands touched his chest again, feeling the coarse tangle of hair beneath my fingers.
“C… Caroline… I don’t want to worry you, but this… this is the most fucking edging I’ve been through in a long time, and I’m kinda primed to go off. I don’t want that happening until you’re getting what you need from me.”
I glanced down to stare at it again, my eyes being drawn there despite my conscious thoughts being more focused on what he was saying.
“It’s… it’s…”
“It’s pre-cum, babe. Nature’s lube. I uh… I just called you babe, didn’t I?”
I laughed, stepping closer until that part of him was touching my abdomen, feeling the heat emanating from it, as Harley groaned softly.
“I liked it. Call me it again if you like,” I whispered, and he grinned, cupping my cheeks and leaning down to kiss my lips.
“I really want to make love to you, babe. Do you still want that?”
I nodded, feeling the usual nerves and anxieties trying to overwhelm me, but I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted Harley. I wanted this on my terms, because we’d already come this far, and I wanted to see it through.
“Please. I… I’m scared, but I want to.”
Harley kissed me again. “I’ll be gentle, and I’ll go as slow as I can. Why don’t you get up on the bed, and lay back, so I can… are you gonna be okay with me on top?”
Why was it that it’d bother me if it was anyone but him? I nodded my head again, easing up onto the bed and watching as he crouched down, and dug something from his wallet, tossing it back down on his jeans.
“I… can I go down on you?”
I gasped, sitting up again. If he… if he put his mouth there, I wasn’t sure I’d want to kiss him. I wanted to know how it felt though.
“I… I don’t know.”
Harley smiled, tearing open the little packet in his hands, easing the condom over his cock. Oh my god. His cock. He was preparing it to go inside me.
“I said I’m on birth control, Harley?”
He nodded, approaching me slowly, one hand stroking his cock as he moved. The rhythmic motions were almost hypnotic, and I found myself watching as he moved.
“I’m not taking chances, Caroline. Remember why I have a daughter.”
Oh. Of course. Of course he’d want to be as careful as possible.
“Stop me if you need to.” He moved up on the bed onto his knees, and despite my lack of knowledge or experience, my legs instinctively parted to make room for him, and he groaned again.
“You know the first time can be uncomfortable or painful, right? I’ll do my best to make it worth it.”
He looked troubled as he focused between my legs, and dragged two fingers down over my abdomen down between my thighs. He… he was touching me. Really touching me, like intimately. As soon as he touched me there, I flinched and he stopped.
“If you’re not wet, it’ll…” he stopped speaking, sliding his fingers again as he grinned, “but that’s not a problem we’re having.”
His touch felt strange, but intoxicating.
It went from this feels odd, to oh my god, he needs to do more of it.
And the part that empowered me a little more?
He said I was wet for him. My body knew what to do, it was just my weird conflicted mind that made everything so difficult.
If I could silence my mind, I could give myself over to this.
“I…”
Harley paused and watched me for whatever the hell I was about to say. His eyes seemed to take in everything I was sure he wouldn’t be able to see, and he nodded, almost as if I’d spoken after all.
“Your mind’s getting in the way, huh?”
I nodded, forcing myself to take a slow breath. “I really want to do this, but it… it’s distracting me from feeling. I want to feel.”
He grinned slowly. “I know a great way to shut it up. Do you trust me?”
I laughed breathlessly. “Like we’d be here if I didn’t!”