Chapter 11 #2
“Okay,” he laughed softly, then eased me back down to the mattress and grabbed both my hands, pulling them over my head. “Hold like this. If you can’t, I will tie you.”
Fear raced through me, but I wasn’t afraid of him. I was terrified of letting go. Of putting myself and my trust into someone else. “I…I need my hands.”
“No.”
“Vanya! It’s how I fucking see, okay?”
“Yes, I know.” He dipped low and licked a stripe over my hammering pulse. “And if you don’t want, is okay. But let me blindfold you, Micah. I will keep you safe, and I will make you feel so, so good.”
Oh god, oh fuck. My cock was dribbling between my legs, hard and aching to be touched. Vanya rocked himself down against me once, then twice before rolling away.
“Wait,” I gasped.
“It’s okay, pretty goalie.” He grazed a touch down my neck, trailing it down my torso before cupping my dick. “I’m just getting what I need.”
I curled my fingers into the sheets above my head, using them to keep myself grounded as I listened to him slip away, padding across the room before the sound of his feet disappeared.
Then I was left with my hammering heartbeat in my ears and the fear that I was going to regret all of this.
Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I was letting all of this get to me—forcing me to ask for something that really would ruin me. Because he might be good, but then he had power.
He had the ability to tell everyone what he did. What I allowed him to do.
“You’re breathing too fast.”
I hadn’t heard him come back. The bed jostled as he slid beside me, and something hit the pillow to my left. His body pressed against mine, but instead of taking me into another kiss, he took me by the chin, then traced a finger from between my brows, down to my lower lip.
“Breathe.”
I sucked in a breath and let it out a little too fast.
“I make you panic?”
Shaking my head, I tried to regain my composure. “I…nothing’s changed, right? You won’t tell anyone about this?”
“That we fucked?” Vanya asked.
I swallowed heavily. “That I…that I let you pin me down and…” And nothing else. Yet. But what I wanted was so much more than that.
“I see.” He huffed a small sigh, then swung his leg back over me. The weight of him on top of me was exactly what I needed. I just hadn’t realized it. But it allowed me to take a full breath as he fell down to his elbows.
I could sense his face hovering right in front of mine. It would only take the smallest lift of my head before I was kissing him.
“You want things. Things you’re afraid to say.”
I swallowed but said nothing.
“Did you ask Hunter for these things?”
My face went white-hot. “I…we didn’t get that far.”
“But you asked?”
The truth was, I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember what I’d said to him in the heat of the moment. I was babbling because I was nervous and afraid of him and confused about where I was and why I’d let myself be talked into another date with a man I clearly had no business being around.
And when I got nervous, I said shit that was meant to be kept deep inside.
“Is that the video?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“Okay.” Vanya’s hand traced up my side, and then his palm pressed to the front of my throat. With the barest pressure, all the ugly, buzzing-bees feeling in my head suddenly stopped.
“Oh.”
Vanya murmured something in Russian, then leaned in and smudged kisses along my jaw. “You are safe. I am here. No one will ever know what we do. No one will ever know what you ask me. We are friends, Micah.”
I swallowed thickly. “Just friends?”
“Whatever you need me to be.”
His words sounded like a promise. Like a vow.
Like a hymn.
“I want you to make it all stop for tonight.”
He chuckled softly. “Yes. I think I can do this. Now, kiss me, then roll over, and I will make it all go quiet.”
I lost time. I lost all sense of myself.
The only thing I knew in that moment was Vanya’s tongue deep in my hole, my hips in the air, one of his hands massaging my dick and balls, the other giving me occasional slaps on the globes of my ass.
It was just enough to sting, nowhere near enough to bruise. But somehow, the juxtaposition between pain and pleasure crashed together, morphing into the perfect wave of ecstasy.
I was in fucking heaven. For a moment, I thought maybe I really was dead, and this was how I’d get to spend my eternity. Then he pulled his tongue out seconds away from when I was about to spill, and I let out a choked cry.
“No! I want…fuck. Please. I need to come.”
“I know. But not yet, pretty goalie. Spread your legs for me.”
I could do that. I would do a full fucking split if it meant he was going to get back to work and let me fucking orgasm. I had no idea how long we’d been going at it, only that I’d come close to letting go three times and had been cruelly denied.
But I wasn’t feeling mocked or used, and the fear was gone, replaced by the knowledge that Vanya was going to give me exactly what I wanted in the exact way I needed it.
I had to trust he knew me, because I sure as fuck didn’t know myself.
“Good. Yes.” Vanya shifted back as I spread my bent legs, my thighs burning as he pressed down on my hips. My hard, aching dick hit the sheets, and he grunted as he wrapped around me, dragging a hand down my torso. “So pretty.”
“What,” I started, but then he began to rock his hips against me, making me hump the bed. Jesus. My face went hot. “Vanya,” I gasped.
“Just a moment. Just…let me watch you.” He did it a little longer, until I was almost at the edge again, and then he pulled back and flipped me until I was on my back once more.
“You’re a fucking menace! God, let me come, you absolute dickhead—”
“Enough.” He silenced me with words first and then a kiss. “Be good for me, and I will give you exactly what you want.”
Groaning, my entire body went lax as he began to kiss along my neck, then down my chest. Then lower—lower—until his tongue was teasing at my slit.
“God, Vanya. Please,” I begged.
He chuckled softly, but not in a way that made me feel like he was mocking me. The sound was low and rich and joyful. He took my dick in his hand, swirling his tongue around the head before sucking it all the way into his mouth.
When he hummed, I damn near lost it. My dick kicked hard, spilling a thick dribble of precome, and I dug my fingers into the mattress as my hips bucked upward against his face.
“I’m—shit, I’m,” I gasped.
I was going to come.
I was going to—
He pulled off, and the rapidly spreading warmth receded almost immediately.
“Fuck! No!”
He kissed the inside of my thigh. “Almost, pretty goalie. Almost there.” He murmured something else in Russian as his big hands turned me onto my stomach, and then he lifted my hips.
He parted my cheeks with his hands, the pressure against the tender spots where he’d smacked my ass stinging, but it was a delicious pain. It shot up my spine and made my face go hot with need.
“You want me to fuck you, yes?”
“Yes,” I muttered into the pillow. I wanted that. I wanted to feel stretched around him. I wanted to feel entirely possessed by him. I wanted to know nothing but the sound of my name on his lips and the taste of his on my own.
Vanya reached past me, and then I heard the sound of paper tearing and the crinkle of a condom packet. He shifted, and I knew he was rolling it on, but before I could reach back to feel for myself, I heard the sound of the lube cap snapping open.
I braced myself for his fingers, sucking in a breath, and I let it out on a sharp, sobbing moan as two breached my hole without any warning. The sting was profound and gorgeous. Pushing up on my elbows, I rocked down on him as he thrust in so hard, his skin slapped against mine.
My balls hung heavily between my legs, too full, desperate to be emptied. I wanted to spill on him. To mark him.
To keep him.
“I need you,” I gasped.
“I know.” He removed his fingers, then reached around and lifted me by the chest, pulling me until my back hit his chest. He used his free hand to spread my legs over his bent thighs, and then that same hand shoved between us to position his dick against me. “Deep breath.”
I obeyed, and he kissed my neck for that as he let me go and let gravity do the work. His fat cock slipped past the first ring of muscle, and then I took him deeper and deeper as I sank down.
My body felt weak, helpless, fragile as I dropped my head against his shoulder. He turned my head and took an awkward, filthy kiss just as he lifted up on his knees, taking me with him.
My own hit the mattress as he tipped me forward, and my arm flew backward, wrapping around the back of his neck to keep myself steady as he gripped me by the hips and began to fuck me in earnest.
I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’t breathe.
Pleasure rocketed through me as his dick grazed my prostate with every thrust. He kept it slow at first—a firm, heavy rolling of his hips.
Then he pulled out further, pushed in harder until all I knew was the sound of his skin against mine and the feeling that I was going to lose my mind entirely if I didn’t get to come.
“Vanya,” I choked out.
“Tell me,” he murmured against my ear. His arm moved to my front, and his fingertips grazed my too-sensitive cock, making it jump. “What you need, Micah? My pretty goalie.”
His.
I was his.
“More. I need…I need to feel…more.” I couldn’t form the words. I didn’t know if it was because I wasn’t ready, or if I was afraid, or if I was lost.
But he understood me anyway because he let go with one hand, and then suddenly, on the next thrust, it made sharp, stinging contact with the right side of my ass.
The burn spread just as the pleasure did, and I sobbed.
Fuck, how did he know? And why did I like it so much? Why did I need the pain?
Was I broken?
I didn’t want to think too hard. I just wanted this. I rocked down against him as he fucked me into pure oblivion, and I was almost unaware of anything except the ecstasy of it all as I started to come.
The heat rose in me again, but this time, it didn’t stop. This time, he took my dick and began to stroke me hard and fast, yanking my climax from my body like it was his to take.
I came hard, my cry nothing more than a raspy, aching sob. I felt myself spilling over his hand as he continued to jerk me off, and then I felt him thicken inside of me. And somewhere between ragged breaths, I felt him let go.
He stuttered up inside me sharply, one, two, three hard thrusts before he cried out and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I was unaware of anything after that. For a moment, it felt like I was falling, and then his warm hands were there, easing me down to a pillow that smelled like him.
His body curled around me, and then he began to rock me gently. “Shh. Is okay. You are safe,” he was whispering.
It took me another moment to understand why. To realize that I was quietly sobbing into the sheets. The moment I became aware of it, I cried harder, my chest tight, stomach aching as I let go.
It was freeing and painful all at the same time. Humiliation teased at my edges because why the fuck did I have to fall apart like this? It was just sex.
It was just fucking.
Only I knew that wasn’t true. It was so much more. I had given him power and control over me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to take it back.
I believed him that I was safe. That he would take care of me. That I had nothing to worry about. But how long would that last? How long until he was just like the others, using what I’d given away to try and ruin me?
The thoughts were quieted by a soft kiss as Vanya began to paint soothing lines over my body, and in spite of myself and the fear now replacing the pleasure, I felt myself drifting into a quiet void of nothingness.