Chapter 22
Oakley
What was wrong with me?
Never before had I wanted another human’s touch. Never had I wanted to be held, to be told promises that would be broken.
Yet, I couldn’t pull myself away from Sabastian. I couldn’t force my body away from his warmth.
I wanted to crawl into him, and I was pretty sure I tried to do just that.
When I was in his arms, I forgot about the worries; forgot about the fears that plagued me.
Against his chest, everything in my little world was right.
No harm could come to me. He promised that the monsters wouldn’t be able to ever get to me again.
For once in my life, I believed him. I had to. Because I didn’t want those cold claws getting to me again. Ever. I didn’t want them to come and paw at my brain like it was something they could experiment on.
Sniffing, I sucked harder at the item in my mouth, teeth slightly clamping around it. When a pained grunt came from the chest I was lying against, I froze.
“No biting, little one.”
No biting?
Testing it out, I gently bit whatever was in my mouth.
A small flick against my cheek got me to let go all the way.
Owe.
“I said no biting, little one. I don’t mind you suckling on me, but biting is not approved.”
Moving, I saw what I had my mouth attached to.
That wasn’t my thumb. Or a pacifier.
Sabastian’s nipple was red, and slightly swollen, from where I had been nursing him.
I hadn’t even realized what it was, but now his rule of no biting made more sense.
“’ Orry,” I muttered, snuggling back into his chest.
Sneaking my thumb to my mouth, it was stopped by one of his hands before it got halfway there. I shot his hand a glare.
“No sucking that either, until it’s healed. Remember?”
No? But I nodded anyway.
I let him wrap his fingers around my hand, keeping it squished in between us. Something told me that wasn’t the first time I tried to use it for comfort.
Laying my cheek on his chest, just resting, I listened to his steady heartbeat. It was strong, soothing, even.
Could I sleep like this all night? Would he let me?
Before this man, I was always alone to sleep.
I opened and closed my mouth, trying to find a way to ask, but no words came out. Instead, as if he knew, both arms wrapped around me again, keeping a tight hold on me.
“Green or blue?
The question was random, and paused whatever was going through my head. Actually, I wasn’t sure anything was going through my thoughts.
“Blue?”
“Cookies or cake?” he asked next.
That was hard. “Cookies.” My voice was soft, unsure of answering. I didn’t get either of those often and when I did, the treats weren’t the best anyways.
“Cartoons or real people?”
I shrugged.
“Disney movies or reality shows?”
Another shrug. I didn’t know what those two were.
“Did Donny let you watch TV?”
I shook my head, feeling his nipple poking me in the cheek. I was tempted to wrap my mouth around it again but refrained. For the moment.
Sir didn’t let me watch things unless it was out the windows. He’d have the device on, but I wasn’t allowed to let my eyes travel to it. Even when I was forced to kneel beside him.
“That’s just sad,” Sabastian said softly. “I guess we’ll find out what types of things you’d like to watch.”
I didn’t bother to reply because I couldn’t miss something I didn’t have to begin with. There were a few glimpses of memories when I watched things, but they were too faded for me to recall clearly.
“Are you still up for some pizza?”
Uh, yeah.
I lifted my head, unsure if I did get it though. I hadn’t been good. If it was Sir, I’d be getting a beating and left hungry.
“I’m not entirely in the mood to cook, and second of all, you want it.” As if he could read my thoughts, he spoke softly. “I will never hold food from you. Ever. Food is not to be used as punishment in this house.”
All I could manage was to blink, keeping eye contact for the longest I’ve ever done so with another human.
“You’re a good boy, Oakley. So good. After this week, you definitely deserve pizza.”
I wasn’t sure I deserved it, or anything good, but I wasn’t going to argue with him. Not when my stomach growled, causing him to smile a tiny little smile at me.
That look, though, was filled with something I couldn’t name. Something that made heat pull to my cheeks.
Ducking my head back to his chest, I didn’t bother to try to figure out what these feelings were, or why he was being so kind.
No one had been kind to me before. No one liked me enough, and I was never good enough, or perfect enough.
“A small snack while I order, I think.” He went on. “It’s past lunchtime.”
“I can wait,” I muttered, remembering last minute to not put my thumb in my mouth.
“I know you can, but you don’t have to. Things are going to change here. You aren’t to go hungry. You aren’t to ignore your needs. If you need something from me, you’ll tell me, or ask, and I’ll do my best to give you everything you need.”
I nodded, even though I knew I wouldn’t go to him. Today had to be a fluke. Maybe he was just trying to give me a false sense of security to make me open up, then use it all against me.
Either way, I was going to take it. Take it all, so I could pay the price later.
***
After an early dinner, I was back in Sabastian’s hold. The pizza, full of cheese and pepperoni, was the best thing I had ever had for a very long time.
I was surprised I ate a piece and a half and would have eaten more if I hadn’t been so full form that much. My stomach wasn’t too pleased with me, for many reasons now.
Sabastian turned on the TV, picking something to watch. I didn’t need to watch a screen when I had his arms around me.
“I haven’t seen this movie in a while,” he mused. While the opening credits began to roll, he pulled a blanket up over us, and if possible, pulled me closer to his chest.
I wasn’t sure I could get any closer, though. I sat across his lap, leaning against his chest. The pacifier laid not too far away on the bed, within his reach.
Tomorrow, I told myself, I wouldn’t be so clingy. Having this type of touch was new; something I didn’t want to give up again, either. But I would have to.
I sighed, relaxing against him, blinking tiredly. I could so easily fall asleep right here in his hold, and I most likely would. But for now, I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to put it off for as long as I could. Although, I highly doubted that’d be too much longer.
“Tomorrow, I have to be out of the house. But as long as you can be a good boy, I won’t chain you up.”
“I can be good,” I yawned.
“I know you will be.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “The books on that shelf are still off-limits. As is anything that is locked.”
I nodded.
“So, if there happens to be any stray books that should be on that shelf, I hope they magically appear there tomorrow while I’m out.”
My eyes widen. But the words were out before I could stop them. “I don’t have any books.” Which, technically, was true.
“Hmm,” he hummed, most likely seeing right through my lie. “I didn’t notice any missing, but I am also not entirely sure what books I do have. A lot of them have been given as gifts as jokes from friends.”
Then why’d he keep them? It wasn’t my place to ask.
“When I’m out tomorrow, I’ll pick you up some books that you can read. And some other things.”
I didn’t need anything, though. I had enough clothes, a bed, and food.
“I have another question,” Sabastian said as I just started to doze off, and I made some sort of unhappy noise at the back of my throat. “Do you like wearing skirts? I’ll happily get you something else. Don’t give me the answer you think I want,” he reminded me.
I huffed. “Don’t care.” I really didn’t. I’d wear whatever he bought. I’d put on whatever he wanted. I’d be pretty if he wanted me to be.
“So, if I wanted you to wear a silky nightgown to bed, would you?”
Uh….yeah. I nodded slowly. I did have to wonder what the material would feel like against my skin.
“What if I wanted you to wear a sweater and sweatpants, and three pairs of socks?”
I huffed a breath. “I’d wear it. Just…I’ve never had socks.” At least, not ones that hadn’t been filled with holes.
“Oh, little one,” Sabastian sighed, pressing another kiss to the top of my head.
“Just because something is bought for you doesn’t mean you have to like it.
Especially not something that isn’t comfortable.
I want you to be comfortable here, so please, wear what you want. Just…don’t go around naked.”
“I won’t,” I muttered, happy to know that that option was off the table.
“One more,” he spoke, which caused me to huff out a breath. What was with all the questions tonight? His body moved as he laughed, most likely hearing my thoughts. “Can you give me a chance to help you grow into a person you should have been all along?”
I was beyond help. “I don’t know.” I finally answered. How would he possibly help me? I was nothing to this world. I’d die as nothing, too.
“I guess I couldn’t expect anything different. I, after all, need to earn your trust.”