18. Always
Always
Willa
A fter an informative breakfast, we are back in my cabin with awkward silence. Not sure where and what we do next; the only thing I do know for sure is I need to go for a run and practice with Ringo. Leaving Nash on the couch, I head to my room to change, only to come back and notice he has not moved.
“Hey, I am heading out for a run and then practice. Feel free to hang out.”
“Run, that's a good idea. I think I need to head back to my apartment. My parents are back in town, and I need to work on some things.”
“Okaayy…Yeah, just call me later.” Nash comes over and kisses me on the forehead then walks out with Fletcher hot on his heels. After a few minutes of me just standing there like a dumbfounded buffoon, I groan in frustration. He just fuckin’ left. What the actual hell?”
I walk out on my front porch, popping my headphones in and stretching my legs. Looking up, I see Nash sitting in his truck, staring at me. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me. Because I have no idea what is going on that handsome head of his nor does he want to share. So placing my shades on, I take off running down my usual path, blaring music in my ears to tune out all else.
* * *
NASH
Frozen in the truck, not able to think straight or move. It is not like any of the news was earth shattering, but enough to make me look over my childhood and past with a different lens. Willa just walked out on her porch, and I have a good sense she is not happy with me. I’m such an asshole just leaving her here with not much to go on. The scary glare I am receiving back through my windshield is not promising, but before I can think of what to do, she takes off running. Just as I am about to chuck my phone across the truck because I have the urge to break something, it rings. It’s Clint.
“Hey, brother.”
“Hi.”
“How did breakfast go?”
“It was fine. Now Willa is pissed at me.”
“Bro, what did you do?”
“Honestly…fuck…I completely shut down on her.”
“Start from the beginning.”
So I do, filling him in on all this family nonsense, photographs, the feeling of being impaired to the point of not being able to process anything, and that I felt I was just approved by her pa to marry her.
“Damn, bro. There is a lot to impact there, so let me break it down. Past is past, and it seems her side of the family is willing to move on. You need to break the news to Dad, Holdings will no longer be pursuing the Crenshaw land then share the news of Willa with both parents. That's if she does not leave your ass.”
“Agree.”
“Looking at the pictures, and thinking about your encounters with Willa, has it not clicked that she has always been the one? The reason why you only had one girlfriend who was the complete opposite of Willa in looks and personality. Why no other woman makes it past a one night stand with you? Come on, man!”
“Shit, Clint. Hearing her mom earlier, it made everything so clear on why we seem so connected. My draw to her. Then her dad mentioned the Army, and my mind went back to all the missions and the one that sent me home.” Tears are welling up, and I'm not sure I am in a place to control my emotions anymore. “Willa deserves someone who is not broken. Someone strong. Not who leads his soldiers to death, who fights mentally to live every day because I should have died with them or instead of them. I can’t put her through this.”
“Brother, you listen to me and get out of your fucking head. You are not responsible for those deaths, those terrorists are. Those that created the mission have that blood on their hands, not you. You deserve to live just as much as any of them. You want to screw this up with Willa, be my guest, but if you feel shitty about your life right now, I can only imagine how you are going to feel once she is gone. This whole week has been a whirlwind of crazy shit, but you have been my old brother again and happy. And dammit, I am going to be selfish. I need you to be selfish and not fuck this up and live your life. I know you were close to them, and I cannot imagine the messed up shit you saw on your tours, but they would not want you mourning their lives year after year without moving on. You went through your own horrors and shit. You paid your dues.”
“I get it. I am just tired of putting up this front, and you’re right. I have been more of myself in the past week than I have in the last several years.”
“You have to let the choice be hers, brother. You cannot make this decision for her, or you will break her heart, and there will be no taking you back. And from what you have told me. she has been through her fair share of shit also. So take all the damn signs, call it fate, whatever and just man up and tell her.”
“I see her running down the hill now. Let me talk to her, and I’ll see you later at dinner.”
“Good luck, bro.”