Chapter 22
After Lady Wynn left, a strange quiet descended on the house.
Adelaide knew that something had happened between Iris and Cassian, but neither seemed to want to explain, so she did not pry. Had she had an argument with her mother, she would have preferred for it to remain private, too.
And yet, in the silence, she truly began to see just how dreadful her new home looked. It was miserable; dark and cold and too immaculate.
It did not feel like a home, and she desperately wanted that to change. Irish had told her that she could change whatever she pleased, everything if she wanted, and she decided to do exactly that.
“Mrs. Johnson,” she called that morning, “might you and I make some changes before my friends arrive?”
She watched as the housekeeper’s face lit up. They set about it in an instant, making a list of what they would need, and servants were sent out in search of it all.
Adelaide thought that either her husband or her mother-in-law would notice what she was doing and ask about it, but they never appeared. It was strange, but welcome.
If they did not know what she was doing, they would not be able to stop her, for it would be too late.
“Are they happy for you to do this?” Mrs. Johnson asked. “I know that I am, but they might not be so pleased about it.”
“In all honesty, I never know what either of them wants, but the Dowager Duchess told me that she wanted this, so I am going to do it. If it turns out that she did not mean it, she is welcome to change it back. But if I have to stare at the plain white walls any longer, I shall go mad.”
Mrs. Johnson chuckled.
Adelaide knew that was how they all felt. It felt like they were living in a hospital, and regardless of how they would both feel about it, she knew that she could not take it any longer. Changes had to be made, and if she was the one who had to make them, then so be it.
“So,” Mrs. Johnson asked, “what are your plans?”
“Color. I want color everywhere. I want this house to be utterly unrecognizable. If it resembles how it looks now, then not enough has been done.”
By the end of the day, the drawing room was pale blue, with floral wallpaper on one wall. The settee was replaced by a pale blue one, and the wooden furniture was replaced by a darker oak for contrast. When Adelaide sat down, she felt like she was in a different house entirely, just as she wanted.
“Will you come to dinner?” Mrs. Johnson asked. “His Grace should be home soon.”
“I will. Is it ready?”
“Indeed, and you will like it. It is my new favorite room.”
Adelaide practically leaped from her seat. She followed the housekeeper, and when she entered the room, her breath caught in her throat. It was light green, filled with candles to create soft light.
Suddenly, she was ravenous. She took her seat at the table and tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in her chest. At last, she would be joined by Cassian and Iris, and they would tell her how they felt about what she had done.
It had been her choice alone, but she did want them to like it. It was vital to her that they were appreciative, for they had already told her it was what they wanted, but she knew that they could easily change their minds.
Iris arrived first, looking around the room in wonder. She took her seat tentatively, studying it all.
“Do you like it?” Adelaide asked.
“It is perfect. When did you do all of this?”
She sighed at the compliment, relieved that the one more difficult to please was satisfied. “It was all done today. I did wonder if you or Cassian might notice, but you were absent.”
“Yes, I… I went to the village today. Since the ball, I thought it might be nice to spend more time away. I have not done it in so long.”
“That is brilliant. You are doing so well.”
The compliment was genuine, but before anything more could be said, Cassian entered the room. Unlike his mother, the look on his face was one of utter displeasure.
“Adelaide, what is all of this?”
“Excuse me?”
“All of this,” he repeated. “What have you done?”
“Cassian, you told me that I could make changes. I thought it might be good to have it done before my friends arrived. If you changed your mind, you should have told me.”
“That is beside the point. I told you you could make changes, but I still expected you to tell me when you planned to do it.”
“And when could I have discussed it with you? I do not even know where you were today.”
At that, he quieted. His silence made her nervous.
He took his seat, and the first course was served. But her appetite had already vanished. They ate in silence for a while, before Iris cleared her throat.
“Well, I like what she has done. It makes me feel at home again.”
“Mother, you were the one who insisted on not making any changes.”
“Yes, and I see now that it was wrong of me. I like what she has done. Do you not like it, too?”
“I—yes, it is lovely, but I still should have been consulted. If I were absent, it should have waited.”
Adelaide bit down on her tongue. She did not want to have an argument at the table, but it all felt unfair. She had already explained that it needed to be done and why she had not told him, but of course, it was not enough for him.
“My friends will arrive within the week,” she reminded him. “I want everything to be ready for them. When my mother arrived, I did not know how to explain why everything looked so clinical. I did not want to do that again with my friends.”
“And I understand that, but—”
“So you understand, given your continued absence, why I had to do what I thought was best, yes?”
But instead of answering, Cassian resumed his dinner.
It was a small victory, but Adelaide was pleased all the same. She was not going to be a meek little thing who let him do as he pleased, even if his presence did intimidate her.
When dinner was over, Iris retired for bed, leaving the two of them alone.
Adelaide could not quite look at him, but when she did glance in his direction, he was watching her.
“You should not speak to me in that manner,” he said firmly.
“I tried to reason with you, Cassian. It is not my fault that you could not see reason. The truth is, I had permission from both of you, so I did what I wanted to do. This is my home too, and I do not need to ask you if I can do what is expected of a duchess.”
He straightened at that. She could have sworn she saw respect in his eyes.
“Yes, well, make sure that you do not speak to me in that manner again.”
“And will you do the same for me?”
“I will.”
Satisfied, she bit back a smile.
Soon enough, the tension eased, and a far more comfortable silence settled between them.
“Where were you today?” she asked. “I told Iris that I had expected one of you to watch what I was doing, but she was out in the village.”
“I do not think you will be pleased with me if I tell you.”
A chill ran down her spine, and her eyes searched his. She knew that husbands took mistresses, but she had not thought him that sort of man. She tried to hide the hurt, for she knew she was not supposed to care much, but it was in vain. It was as though Cassian could read her thoughts.
His face contorted in panic. “No,” he said quickly. “No, it is not what you think. You see, I received a letter this morning, and I had to pay someone a visit. But I knew how you feel about me handling this sort of thing, so I thought it best that you did not know about it.”
“I see, and what was this letter about?”
He took the letter out of his pocket and handed it to her. She unfolded it while looking at him curiously, then lowered her gaze to it.
Your Grace,
I am writing to invite you for tea this afternoon. I am aware that you and I have had our troubles, but I do not want them to continue.
I admit that I am a different man when I indulge, and that is a flaw that I must mend. Hence, I would like to put all of this to rest with you, so that we might both engage with society in a more respectable manner.
As gentlemen, we know that matters of the heart can get in the way far more than we might like to admit, but you are a sensible man. We can handle this with dignity, I am certain of it. I look forward to seeing you, and it is my hope that we can put aside our differences for your wife’s sake.
Sincerely,
Mr. Edmund Hargrave.
Her fingers trembled as she held the letter. It sounded polite, but that was not what worried her. What caused her great concern was where he had been that day.
“So, perhaps I was not in the best mood upon my return,” he acknowledged. “I apologize for that. The changes you have made are lovely.”
“Hargrave put you in a bad mood,” she muttered. “Is that to say that it did not go well?”
“On the contrary. Since you mentioned that he would have taken offense to what I said, I thought it best to appease him. I have apologized for my actions and made it clear that I only did it to protect you. He has accepted that. So, he should not provoke you again, and I will not need to be involved.”
“Then why were you unhappy?”
“Because he is infuriating.” He gave a small smile. “I suppose you have seen that ridiculous clock of his?”
“The one in the drawing room? It was his great-great-grandfather’s, if I recall correctly.”
“Precisely that. And do you know how I know? Because he told me four times. Four. Truly, Adelaide, I do not know why you ever thought he would make a good suitor.” He laughed.
Adelaide knew he was not trying to be unkind, but the memory of her engagement to Hargrave made her heart ache.
She wished that she had never met the man, for he had caused her so much misery that she believed it would never be undone.
But it was a choice that she had allowed to be made, and therefore she had to accept it.
Cassian stopped laughing when he saw her expression. “I did not mean to cause offense.”
“I know,” she replied, laughing sadly. “You see, I never really chose him. I was liked well enough, but no gentleman showed a genuine interest in me. Fortunately—or at least I saw it that way at the time—my father had made an arrangement when I was a child. The agreement was that I would marry Hargrave when I came of age, should he want me as his wife.”
“I see. I did not know that.”
“Nobody does, except myself and Hargrave. My mother, too, of course, but she would never admit it. I thought it would make everything simple, for I knew he was a respected man, but… he would probably make a different lady very happy, but not me. He does not interest me.”
“Why not? Aside from your history, of course.”
“You have met him,” she pointed out with a wry smile.
“All he seems capable of is talking about himself and his accomplishments. He does not do anything particularly interesting, yet he speaks only of what he does. I do not find it at all interesting, and I knew from our second outing that he was not the man I wanted to marry.”
“So you were in a courtship with him for a year.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“He told me rather a lot, but since I do not believe a word of it, I shall spare you the details.”
“Well, the courtship part is true. I let it continue for a year, for I did not know how to end it. My mother wanted stability for me, and it was my father’s wish that I marry him.
I could not change my mind when I considered that.
At least, until we got engaged. I do not know what happened, but something inside of me protested it all. ”
“And you could not go through with it. Is that right?”
“Precisely. So, in a way, you are fundamentally better than him. I did not feel the same dread at the thought of marrying you.”
He chuckled, moving to a seat closer to her.
They were sitting beside one another, and he was studying her intently. It was in such moments that Adelaide wondered if he might like her more than he was leading her to believe, but she knew the truth. She was a mere convenience to him, and she had to consider him as the same.
“Do I not frighten you?” he asked.
“Do you want to?”
“No, and I never will. I never plan to hurt anyone, yet the ton seems to think I want them all dead.”
“That is because you intimidate them. Surely you know that?”
“And do I intimidate you?” he asked. “I would not blame you if you said I did.”
“Well, you do not. You told me that you would never hurt me, so I am taking you at your word.”
“Good, for it is the truth.”
“And,” she continued playfully, “should you go back on your word, then perhaps it is you who should be frightened.”
For a fleeting moment, she was convinced that she saw fear in his eyes.