14 - Dominic
June 4, 2022
A sharp pain in my abdomen woke me. My first thought was oh no, not again. It was pitch dark outside. The clock on the bedroom wall told me it was only 1 am. Once the disorientation of sleep lifted, I ran to the nursery and found Penelope sitting on her bed, looking somewhat pale.
“Is it time?” I asked, trying to sound calmer than I felt.
The look she shot me reminded me that it was in vain. I still wasn’t always aware she knew what I was feeling now.
“I think so. We’ll get a better picture of the regularity of the pain as time goes on,” she said.
“Are you scared?”
She looked at the tiny crib attached to her bed.
“I am. But I’m also really excited to hold him in my arms.”
“Me too.”
I sat down next to her and held her hand. This was a moment we could share, regardless of what was standing between us.
Two wolves on the threshold of becoming someone’s parents. A family that was about to welcome a new member. My chest felt funny; it felt like when your leg falls asleep or as if a million ants were crawling inside it.
Soon, the pain became more regular and more frequent.
“Can you mind-link Alicia for me?” Penelope asked.
“Do I need to prepare anything?”
“No, she’ll bring her kit with her. When it’s done, you can mind-link Isaac and my friends to let them know.”
“Will you use the nursery or our bedroom?”
She looked away.
“Alicia thinks the bedroom is better because I’ll have more space to walk around, and the master bathroom has a big tub I can use.”
I nodded.
“I’ll go tidy it up a bit, then. Do you want me in the room with you?”
My heart pounded as I waited for her response. I’d respect her wishes, but damn, I wanted to be there with her.
“Being with your mate during labor lessens pain,” she shrugged.
I grabbed onto the peace offering with both hands.
“I’ll be right next to you, then.”
As I tidied up, I decided to hide my feelings from her while she was in labor. Every time I had to stop cleaning because the pain made it impossible to go on, I was simultaneously assaulted by anxiety and a deep fear for Penelope’s life.
Yes, giving birth was normal and natural for she-wolves, a process as old as time, but didn’t Penelope’s mother lose her life in the process? Yeah, no way I’d subject my mate to my paranoia while she was bringing our son into the world. Our son . Tears filled my eyes as I clutched the sponge I was using to scrub the already clean tub.
Alicia was the perfect person to help two wolves navigate labor. She was direct and forceful in her instructions, and we were never left with a moment of idleness or hesitation that could breed insecurity or fear. She sat in the driver’s seat of this car, and she knew what she was doing.
She had Penelope walk, soak, and squat; she had me massage, press, and sway with my mate, and I enjoyed every moment of my hands on her beautiful new body. It was in these moments that I opened my mind to her again, to let her feel my awe and adoration as I gripped her hips or pressed at her lower back, to let her feel my love for every inch of her strong, resilient skin.
I felt her wolf pace impatiently, wishing to help her host as much as I did, but my wolf was surprisingly calm. He was where he was supposed to be – with his family, helping, supporting, and loving the three of them. With one last forceful exhale, our son slid out of Penelope and into Alicia’s competent hands around six in the morning.
The sun was already up, and the whole room was bathed in a magical glow. It was one of those moments during which your mind whispers, “Watch carefully, because you’ll remember this for the rest of your life”.
I took in Penelope’s exhausted but relieved face, the hair sticking to her sweaty forehead as I kissed her temple in gratitude and appreciation, her naked body that started shaking uncontrollably now that the main part of birth was over.
As Alicia put the pup on Penelope’s chest and did whatever else she needed to do downstairs, we both looked at him, touched his warm, wet skin, and then nuzzled our noses and faces into his neck. I stroked her hair and arms as I murmured loving, calming words into her ear to slow her shaking. And we both cried.
She must have been too exhausted and weak to mask her feelings because I was flooded with her love, pride, and joy as she looked at our pup and his head full of dark hair.
His face was red and scrunched up, and he was crying in a weak but adorable voice.
“Let’s get him to latch, mama,” Alicia said, and Penelope’s expression brightened at being called a mom for the first time.
The pup greedily grabbed her nipple, and I flinched but felt no pain from Penelope. Instead, I got awe and wholeness, a sense of being complete. She looked up at me with gentle eyes but then felt a pang of sadness that caused me to hang my head in shame.
“His name is Gabriel Hugo Hedge,” she said in a soft voice, tracing the pup’s nose with her finger as he nursed.
She’d chosen my dad’s name as his middle name. My eyes and nose were stinging again.
“It’s a beautiful name, you’ve chosen well. Thank you, Penelope, thank you for our son.”
I kissed her forehead and then dared sneak a brief kiss to her lips before putting my forehead to hers.
“I love you, Penelope. Thank you for our family,” I said.
She just closed her eyes, and we stayed like that for a while, our foreheads pressed to each other, my hand on the back of her neck, and our son in her arms.
“Remember what I told you, Luna,” Alicia said later as she packed her things up. “Whenever he’s crying or fussy, if his diaper is clean, put him on the breast. Feed on demand. If that means breastfeeding 20 times a day, so be it, alright?”
“Understood,” Penelope smiled.
“I’ll be by every day to check on you and him, but for now – rest.”
We set up Penelope and Gabriel in the nursery. She was under strict orders to stay in bed for at least two full days, and I was to be at her beck and call.
I mind-linked my mom, Isaac, and Charlotte to tell them Gabriel was here. I also mind-linked Elliot and told him to call the Utah Alpha and let him know.
The very next morning, all her friends came by with food for our freezer and fridge. Then, my mother’s friends came carrying their offerings. Soon, there’d be no space left in our kitchen. We wouldn’t be accepting visitors for at least ten days. Wolves were notoriously territorial and easy to provoke when they had newborn pups, so it was always better to be careful.
Seeing this, my wolf was proud of how his pack took care of their Luna and their future Alpha, and I was reminded of just how loved Penelope was. She seemed to inspire the emotion in everyone who got to know her.
I went into the nursery every hour to see if they needed something, and I slept in front of their door every night – in case Penelope needed me to help her walk to the bathroom or if Gabriel’s diaper needed changing. I didn’t want Penelope to get up if she didn’t have to.
On the third day, I found her sobbing in bed as Gabriel slept in the crib-thing attached to it.
“What’s wrong?” my claws were immediately out.
Had something happened?
“Nothing,” she cried. “It’s nothing.”
“Please, just to calm my wolf, please tell me why you’re crying,” I begged as I sat down next to her.
She looked at me with red, swollen eyes.
“I just wish my mother was alive to meet him. And maybe be there for me.”
“I think I understand that better than you think,” I admitted as I gazed at Gabriel’s tiny hand. “Gabriel has me thinking about my dad more than I have in years. I miss him, and he would have loved being a grandfather.”
She nodded, seeming relieved at not being the only one who felt that way.
“What’s your favorite memory of your mom?” I asked.
“Her hugs. I was small, and she was big, and it felt like she’d wrap her entire body around me and hug me so tightly that I felt like I was in a cocoon of love, safety, and happiness. Like nothing could harm me. I haven’t felt that way since she died,” she explained as tears streamed down her face.
“Can I try and give you a big hug?” I asked, and she nodded.
I looked at her from different angles as I figured out the best way to do this without jostling her body too much. I lifted my legs on the bed and leaned against the headboard. Then I gently lifted her onto my lap, pulled her knees up so she was scrunched into a neat small ball of a female, and enveloped her in a hug. Her face was in my neck, so I imagined she was held tight in warm, loving darkness, which I hoped at least partly replicated what she remembered.
Five minutes later, she lifted her head and moved off my lap.
“Thank you, Dominic. That was a great hug.”
“Any time. It was my pleasure. And thank you for sharing that memory with me.”
“You’re welcome,” she smiled a genuine smile.
“I actually came in to talk to you about something,” I remembered.
“Oh?”
“I wanted to get you a present after you gave birth, and I spent a lot of time thinking about what it could be. In the end, I decided to buy a plot of land where we’d build a new house for us, for our family,” I managed to explain despite the sudden self-consciousness I felt.
Her eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. She was surprised.
“I’d like your input on everything, and once you’ve healed we’ll set up meetings with the architect and the interior designer so you can describe your vision to them if that’s alright with you?”
I desperately wanted her to say something.
“That is a wonderful present, thank you,” she said shyly. “I can’t wait.”
I smiled, relieved.
“Great. That’s settled then.” Nice going, idiot. “I’ll bring you some lunch soon, okay?”
“Sure, thanks.”
I was making progress.
◆◆◆
Over the next week, we fell into a comfortable routine with Gabriel. Penelope informed me that he wouldn’t always be this calm, that it was only when they were newborns that they slept this much and were, frankly, this unresponsive. I couldn’t wait for him to become more aware of his surroundings. Although he didn’t in any way indicate that he heard or understood her, Penelope kept chatting at him, and it was my new favorite thing in the world.
“Who is this tiny pup that has peed so much? Gabriel, that is who! You must have drunk a looot of Mommy’s milk, haven’t you? Yes, Mommy has the best and most delicious milk in the whole world. Yes, she does, she does,” she cooed as she nuzzled his belly after changing his diaper.
His umbilical cord stump had fallen off recently, so his belly was fair game now. The stump falling off almost gave me a heart attack in the process because it happened during a diaper change I was conducting.
Newborn pups were as vulnerable as newborn humans. My panic and fear were so strong that Penelope jumped out of bed and rushed to our aid with a silver dagger she apparently kept hidden under the bed. My mate was truly unpredictable sometimes.
I just listened to their conversation from the hallway with the biggest smile on my face. Her example had led me to also talk to Gabriel like he could understand every word out of my mouth, and more often than not, I found myself talking to him about all kinds of things – the contents of his diaper, the world, his Mom, being a wolf, and how much fun I used to have with my Dad.
Maybe I missed my appointments with Vera now that I had taken two weeks off from everything that wasn’t a pack emergency, but talking at Gabriel helped me a lot. Not to mention, Penelope was always listening to it, although she liked to pretend she wasn’t.
◆◆◆
“Oh, Pen, he’s beautiful,” a very emotional Isaac said as Penelope gently put Gabriel into his arms. We were all sitting downstairs on the amazing sofa Penelope had bought. Our wolves had calmed down enough that we could start receiving visitors, and my mother and Isaac were the first ones to meet Gabriel.
My mom mostly cried for the whole hour as she continuously expressed her love for Gabriel and Penelope and kept promising to spoil him beyond belief and to babysit whenever we wanted. Judging by the seven gift bags she brought with her, she was well on her way. Penelope had an amused look on her face, but I could tell that she loved my mom a lot and was grateful that Gabriel would have at least one grandmother.
“Thank you. He must take after his uncle Isaac,” Penelope joked, and Isaac puffed out his chest, which caused my wolf to growl.
“Sorry, too soon,” Penelope grinned.
“And what a beautiful outfit you have,” Isaac continued, talking to Gabriel, ignoring me completely.
“His mom made it. She’s really talented,” I said proudly, and Isaac shot me a look that I interpreted as a who-are-you-to-tell-me-about-my-twin look.
“Since you two are with him, and he ate 20 minutes ago, I’ll go take a shower,” Penelope announced. “You don’t mind, Isaac, do you?”
“Are you kidding? My wolf just wants to nuzzle and smell my nephew. Go!” Isaac smiled at her.
Once she was out of earshot, he turned to me and frowned, “Nice to see you’ve gotten your head out of your behind.”
I couldn’t take him seriously, not when he said behind instead of ass . Penelope probably never let him curse while they were growing up. The notion caused a warm, tender feeling towards both of them to take root in my chest.
“Yeah. I was an ass.”
He chuckled, “Yeah.”
A few moments later, he continued.
“I’m not an idiot, you know. She never complained about you, but I could tell. She just never looked like she was loved the way she deserves to be.”
I swallowed the lump of regret that threatened to choke me, and I gently ran my finger over the soft spot on my son’s head. I was fascinated by it, especially when it pulsed.
“I hope I’m not too late.”
Isaac, the dick, just hummed noncommittally.
◆◆◆
The next morning, he was back on our doorstep, disheveled and grinning.
“I met my mate!”
Penelope let out a squeal, and I lifted an eyebrow.
“Who is it? When? How? Tell us everything!” Penelope pulled him into the house.
“Yes, do tell us, Isaac,” I drawled as I set Gabriel down on his tummy time blanket on the floor.
He hated it, poor pup. I glanced at the clock. Perfect, in a minute, he’d start crying, and then I could take him to the nursery while the twins continued their heart-to-heart.
“Her name is Ekaterina,” he said with a dazed expression on his face, “her parents are pack members here, Sonya and Nikolay. I met her on the street after I left your place yesterday.”
“Smirnova? Sonya’s daughter?” Penelope turned to me with her hands clasped together in excitement.
She loved Sonya.
“I know her, she studies in Russia, doesn’t she?” I asked Isaac, and he nodded.
“Physics, in Tomsk. Luckily, she only has her thesis left. I don’t know what I’d do if she needed to go back to Russia,” he shuddered.
“Sonya kept calling her Katya when she mentioned her in the past,” Penelope frowned.
“Yeah, that’s her nickname. It’s like a Catherine being called Kate.”
“Oh. Interesting. Just remember what we talked about, Isaac,” she shot him a pointed look, and he lifted his palms in defense.
“I know. I’ll do my best. Besides, we don’t have to live in Utah yet.”
Penelope shook her head, and I got an idea of what they were talking about. Sonya was a very independent, headstrong female, and I suspected that her daughter was very similar.
Isaac and Penelope’s pack was traditional, and they would expect a certain kind of Luna. There’d be some growing pains, but nothing they couldn’t manage if they wanted to.
Luckily, my pup didn’t let me down and soon started wailing like he was being murdered.
“I’ll change him and try to get him to nap a bit,” I said and, with a nod at Isaac, went upstairs, leaving the twins to their conversation.
◆◆◆
Now that I was back at work, Penelope had her friends spend the entire day with her and Gabriel. My wolf didn’t like all their smells on our pup, so we gave him a bath as soon as I came home. Penelope was oddly quiet the whole evening, not even talking to Gabriel like she normally did.
“Is everything alright?” I asked as I was dressing him while she combed her hair.
Her eyes refocused as if my question had pulled her out of deep thought.
“Yeah, I... ” she blew out a breath. “A friend is having a situation, and I just can’t stop thinking about it.”
“If you want to talk about it, I’m here,” I said and hoped she’d take me up on it.
“Without betraying her confidence, I can give you a general overview – she’s unmated and is being pursued by a colleague, who is also unmated. We all told her it’s not a good idea, but she wants to be with someone so much that I think she might do something she’ll eventually regret,” Penelope said, clearly worried.
I handed Gabriel to her, and she deftly got him to latch without flashing me the slightest bit of her breast. I hated these clever nursing shirts. I sat down next to them and touched his tiny foot.
“I can speak only from the perspective of her future mate,” I said, and Penelope lifted her eyes from Gabriel’s to look at me. “I assume you still haven’t read my letters,” I said gently, and she shyly shook her head. “I’ll tell you this part, then.”
“Cassandra’s pack in California didn’t exactly have the same values as mine while she was growing up,” I said, and Penelope looked away. “So when I got mated to her, I discovered that she hadn’t waited for her mate. On the contrary, she used her unmated years to live and explore, ” I said with the same obnoxious air quotes that Vera had used. “It hurt me a lot, and our mating definitely got off on the wrong foot. Can you imagine giving someone a box of letters that you had spent years writing with them in mind, pouring your heart out to them, expressing your impatience and yearning for that she-wolf, only to find out that you weren’t even a thought in her head prior to the day she met you? Actually, you were, but you signified the end of fun, apparently,” I shook my head, not wanting to dwell on that further.
“I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine,” Penelope said, and I could tell she truly meant it.
I reached over to squeeze her knee.
“It’s fine. Took me a long time, but I made peace with it.”
“It’s just... You both looked so happy in the pictures.”
“Ah, the pictures. Yes, those were the rare times she was happy and smiling, as she posed in places where we’d be seen, where we could flaunt our money and status for others to envy. At home, she was withdrawn and petulant at best, and I always came up short somehow. She painted me as her jailer,” I said bitterly, but it all drained from me as I listened to Gabriel’s little gulps while he nursed.
I decided that was enough Cassie for one night.
“I hope your friend will listen to you,” I said and gave her a kiss that she briefly returned since she was lost in thought again.
I smiled against her mouth.
“Good night, Penelope.”
“Thank you for telling me that,” she said seriously, and her eyes were softer than they’d been in a long time. “It must be difficult to talk about.”
“It is,” I nodded. “Well, the little male is out. So, I’ll let you both rest.”
“Good night,” she said as I closed the door, and I knew sleep would take its sweet time claiming me tonight.
◆◆◆
“Just one more, Gabriel,” Anthony said, and I was about ready to rip his throat out.
He was torturing my pup!
Penelope had a front-row seat to my irritation, so she took Gabriel from the blanket and said, “Maybe a few family shots now, Anthony?” while tilting her head at me.
“Oh,” Anthony finally lifted his head from his camera long enough to notice how pissed off I was. “Sure.”
I took my pup in my arms and tried consoling him, but he was too upset. Soon, both Penelope and I were cooing above him, trying to get him to smile, which was his latest accomplishment that we were both obsessed with. He did, and then the two of us looked at each other in triumph.
“These are going to be beautiful,” Anthony remarked, ruining the moment.
While Penelope was bringing out the snacks and the rest of her friends were getting ready for their own photos with Gabriel, I pulled Anthony aside.
“Develop those prints for me as soon as possible. And any other shots of me and Penelope you might have from previous pack functions. I’ll pay you.”
The little prick laughed, “I got you. I have a lot of great photos of Pen. And you looking at Pen,” he winked and went back to the living room.
“How was the rest of today with your friends?” I asked Penelope that evening after we’d given Gabriel his bath.
“It was great. The females offered me two weekly visits for the next two months while you’re at work, and I can choose what I want each time – sleep, cleaning, company, or babysitting. Isn’t that great?”
I thought about it for a second, and I had to agree.
“With his behavior during his last growth spurt, that is the best gift anyone could have given you. I honestly don’t know how you did it.”
During those few days, he was latched onto her breast for what felt like hours at a time. She once even went to the bathroom with him still latched onto her breast.
“What about you? Did you have a good session with Vera?”
“I’m sorry about that. My offer to block my feelings during that stuff still stands.“
“It doesn’t bother me. It surprises me, and it hurts – but only because you are hurting. And I’d rather know, I already told you that.”
“I know.”
“As difficult as the anguish is, the love you feel when you are with Gabriel makes up for it all,” she said dreamily.
“I’m obsessed with him. Let’s not tell other parents, but our pup is by far the best.”
“No contest,” she laughed. “You’re a surprisingly involved dad.”
“I’m not surprised you’re surprised, based on what you know of me as a mate. But my dad was the best. He was always doing things with me, indulging my need for tinkering with things by teaching me about cars. I want to be like him, but I’m also terrified of repeating history.”
“What do you mean?” she frowned.
I swallowed.
“I’m terrified I’m gonna die and leave Gabriel fatherless. I know what that did to me.”
“I can understand that,” she started saying, and then her face shuttered like she suddenly remembered who she was talking to.
As wonderful as these late-night conversations were for me, for her they were probably reminders of what our life had lacked before. Or rather, what I had denied her before. Maybe now she was the one who had to protect herself from the hurt. I could understand that. So I stood up.
“Well, I’ll let you rest. Sleep tight,” I said and returned to my empty room.