Chapter Twelve
Lucky
I don’t deserve her. I never did. -Lucky
“Is this a solo pity party or can I join?” Nitro asks as he comes up behind me at the bar.
I barely spare him a glance. “It’s solo, but I guess you can sit where you want.
” I reach for my beer and take another big gulp.
I’ve already plowed my way through four others.
I haven’t reached drunk yet. Hell, I’ve barely hit tipsy.
I’m waiting for that warm feeling of alcohol to take over so I can just revel in it and forget all my troubles.
Forget that damn look on Rose’s face as I absolutely destroyed her.
“That’s quite a welcome. Why the long face, Lucky? Somethin’ go down I need to know about?” Nitro questions warily. “I can get my bike ready in five seconds if we need to go kick ass.” He cracks his knuckles. “In fact, it’s been too long since I’ve roughed anyone up.”
I snort. “No one needs to be beat up. But good to know you’re ready to defend my honor.” I give a humorless chuckle. “No, right now I’m the bad guy.” I slump down again, tracing the moisture on the bottle with my finger. “I’m an asshole, haven’t you heard?”
Nitro raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. Blaze stops in front of us. “You two need anything? Nitro, what can I get you?” He swings his blue-eyed gaze to me. “Lucky, you still doing okay?”
“I’ll have my usual,” Nitro replies.
“Keep ‘em comin’,” I murmur. “I need to wipe my memory tonight.”
Nitro and Blaze exchange a look. “What’s his problem?” Blaze queries in a dry voice. “Did some girl piss him off or somethin’?”
Nitro chuckles. “Nah, man. I have the feelin’ he’s got it bad for a chick and she told him to get lost. He’s sulkin’ in his beer.”
Blaze clamps a hand down on my shoulder. “Oh man, Lucky got rejected. I gotta hear this story.”
I grit my teeth. “Don’t you have customers to serve?”
Blaze glances around. “I can take a minute.”
I tell them both my woeful story, right up to the moment I pushed Rose away. So that she’ll never want me again. So that she’ll never love me.
“Fuck man, why did you do that? This girl sounds great. And her dad is a dick. I’ve met him before. But that ain’t no reason to push her away.” Nitro sends me a disgusted look. “Did you push her away because she’s been sick? ‘Cause that’s weak, bro. Real weak.”
I sigh and take another long swig of my beer.
Blaze gives me a thoughtful look. “No way. Lucky wouldn’t do that. This goes deeper. Much deeper.” Someone yells out his name and he turns to look. He waves at them and then turns back to me. “You’re being stupid, aren’t you Lucky? Punishing yourself for somethin’ maybe?”
Fuck. One night after way too many beers, I made the mistake of getting drunk and telling Blaze way too much about my past.
“You gotta let that shit go, man. You’re a good man, Lucky.”
Nitro narrows his eyes. “Is that what this about? You think you’re not good enough for this girl?”
I shrug. “Maybe.” My throat grows tight. “She’s an amazing woman. She deserves better than a washed-up old biker. A lot better.”
“Fuck that,” Blaze says through clenched teeth. “You’re gonna piss me off if you say that again. You deserve the best, Lucky. You may be a bit of a schmuck but you’re always ready to help anyone out in the club who needs it. You’re always there to help your brothers.”
“That’s right, Lucky. You can’t go around thinkin’ like that. And you should give this woman a chance to decide if you’re the right person. Not decide it for her.” He shakes his head. “That’s what you did wrong, man. She needs to make her own choices.”
I push my beer away and bury my head in my hands. This is so easy for them to say. But they don’t carry the guilt I do. It’s fuckin’ heavy and I’m tired. So fuckin’ tired.
“Look at me, brother,” Blaze says in a commanding voice.
I listen and look up at my close friend.
His face has a hard look, but I see sympathy in his eyes.
“You see that woman right there?” He points across the bar to where his wife Elsie stands, laughing at something.
As if she can sense his gaze, she turns to look at him and winks.
He winks back and a smile crosses his face.
“She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
You think I deserve her?” He shakes his head.
“Hell, I know I don’t. She’s an angel. But she picked me.
And I’m going to earn that every day from now on.
I’m going to love her like no one else could.
That’s what you’ve got to give this woman.
All the love you can. If she’s the one, then you need to put aside your own issues and be there for her. It’s not about you, man.”
It’s not about me. It’s about how much I can love her. How I can treat her now. I’ve never thought of it that way.
I nod, feeling my heart lift a little. “Thank you.” I glance between them. “Thank you both.”
Blaze’s face breaks into a wide smile. “No problem, brother. And I’ll let y’all in on a little secret. We’re telling everyone soon anyway.” He leans forward. “I’m gonna be a father in about seven months.”
Nitro lets out a whoop and I can’t help but smile myself. “You’re gonna be a good dad, man. A really good dad.”
He grins. “I hope so. I’m sure as hell going to try to be.” He sobers for a second. “And you would be too, Lucky. Like I said before, you’re a good man. You got nothin’ to feel guilty about. You deserve happiness. We all do.”
I just nod again, but inside I still feel uncertain. Could he be right? More importantly, have I been a dumbass by pushing Rose away? And how do I make things right again?