Matt
MATT
By the time he was through, felt drained. Sliced open but purged of the festering guilt, regret, frustration, and sorrow. Ethan never let him go the whole time, letting him get every ugly feeling out.
Once he was done, embarrassment came next, but it was a dull and distant feeling. Instead, he focused on the feeling of Ethan’s body against him, as well as his warmth and strength. Ethan’s fingers continued to play through his hair as knelt, keeping his head in his lap.
He breathed deeply, smelling Ethan’s detergent and the faint whiff of soap. Keeping his eyes closed, he pressed into the touch of Ethan’s fingers in his hair. A sense of protection and comfort filled him, and the only thing he could hear was the soft ticking of the clock and their breathing.
“Sorry,” he finally murmured. “That kind of came out of nowhere.”
Ethan rubbed a soothing hand over the back of his neck. “Never apologize for needing a moment to break, . It’s only human, and it’s good for you. You’ve been taking a lot onto your shoulders for so long, it’s only right you take a moment to let yourself feel it.”
“I guess,” murmured.
“If anything, I should be sorry for knowing I was part of the problem,” Ethan said.
snorted gently. “No, you weren’t. Nothing that happened recently was your fault. I wish you’d stop blaming yourself.”
“Am I allowed to take a little blame for how bad things got that day with you and Keith?”
sighed. “Only if I’m allowed to forgive you, and you stop kicking yourself over it.”
There was a pause followed by Ethan’s soft chuckle. “Deal.”
finally picked his head up to look Ethan in the face. “Thank you.”
Ethan ran his fingers down ’s jaw, smiling. “Anytime.”
His face was dry, but wiped it anyway. “Haven’t even been dating that long, and I’ve drooled on you and now cried on you. That’s got to be a new record.”
Ethan smiled hesitantly. “Dating, as in the present, currently still are dating?”
blinked, only then realizing what he’d said. In truth, he had thought the two of them done and over with. Considering everything that had happened, he’d been working on the assumption that Ethan wouldn’t want anything to do with him. The fact that the man was in his living room, helping him pick up the pieces of his life as it broke apart, made him realize he had to work off a new assumption.
smiled at him. “Honestly, I thought you were walking away from everything.”
Ethan winced. “I shouldn’t have walked away like that.”
shook his head. “Don’t start beating yourself up for that either. You needed space to get your head on straight. I just meant...because of what happened.”
“No, ,” Ethan said, pulling him to his feet. “I never thought...I wasn’t mad at you for what happened.”
“Even though it totally outed you to your brother?”
“It had to happen eventually.”
“It could have been done in a better way.”
Ethan laughed, though it sounded a little shaky. “Yeah, that’s, uh, definitely not the way I would have chosen to have him find out. Then again, I wasn’t thinking of ways to tell him, so any way is better than no way.”
wasn’t so sure, but he wouldn’t argue. If Ethan were willing to roll with the punches, wouldn’t heap his own guilt on the man. And maybe there was some truth to what he said.
Taking Ethan’s hand, squeezed. “Well, we’ve established that neither of us was mad at the other for what happened. I guess the only thing left to establish is whether or not we’re going to continue as before.”
“You mean, keep dating?”
“That’s exactly what I mean.”
“Then,” said, twining their fingers together. “I’d love to continue. I know it’s only been a while since we’ve known one another, and we managed to slip in some major drama early on. But that aside, I’d love to find out where we were heading.”
“And where’s that?” Ethan asked.
laughed. “I think that’s the point of finding out.”
Privately, he had a very good idea where he could end up if they kept going as they were. Ethan was strong but gentle, sharp but kind, and couldn’t think of any other person he’d ever dated who made him feel as comfortable and protected as Ethan.
Ethan pulled closer until he was pressing their lips together. melted against him, wrapping his arms around the man’s broad shoulders. A sigh rippled through him, and the kiss tasted like relief.
“I’d like to find out too,” Ethan murmured against his lips.
“Okay,” said softly.
Ethan ran a hand through his hair. “Crazy as this is going to sound, I think I could go for a nap right now.”
snorted. “I’m feeling a little tired myself. C’mon, we can crawl into bed and pretend all the crap in our life isn’t happening.”
“Mmm,” Ethan hummed as they made for the stairs. “Your bed is the safe place from the rest of the world, huh?”
“Until we have to leave it again, yeah,” said, pulling him up the stairs behind him.
“I’m all for that idea.”
smiled as they entered his room, closing the door behind him. They managed to pull off most of their clothes before flopped on the bed. Ethan was far more careful as he slid beside him. Rather than showing him his back, rolled over, facing Ethan, and buried his face in the man’s chest. Without missing a beat, Ethan wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.
breathed in the clean smell of soap, closing his eyes and letting himself bask in the warmth of Ethan’s body. He’d never realized how comforting it could be to have someone else there with him, in his bed, in his home. For as long as he and his father lived, would stay in the house and care for him. There was no question.
Yet, for the first time, he realized he’d found someone who could be there with him. Not someone who tolerated or avoided it, but someone who was happy to be in ’s life, completely and utterly.
The thought carried him into a warm doze, sinking into a peaceful sleep as he listened to the steady thump of Ethan’s heart.
* * *
He awoke, still pressed against Ethan’s front. Careful not to wake him, pulled away. Ethan’s handsome face pinched when moved, almost becoming a pout. smiled at the expression, pulling his phone from his pocket to check the time. He discovered that not only had they been sleeping for almost two hours, but he had a text message from his father.
Frowning, he opened it. Beside him, Ethan stirred, eyes opening slowly as he gazed blurrily up at .
“What is it?” Ethan asked, voice rough.
’s stomach tightened, excitement shooting through him at the man’s voice. “It’s my dad. He called Kelly and got her to take him out for a few hours. Said he wants to see the sun and people.”
“Is that a good thing?” Ethan asked, yawning heavily.
tossed his phone onto the bed beside him. “Yeah. It means he’s feeling better and out of the fog.”
Ethan rolled into him, laying his face against ’s chest. “That’s good.”
“Lazy,” told him affectionately, running his hand over his short hair.
Ethan grumbled, his hand tightening around ’s waist. “You feel good.”
“Funny, I was going to say the same of you,” said as he ran a hand down Ethan’s back.
He felt the solid muscles, and traced them with his fingers. He knew how they rippled and shifted gracefully when Ethan moved and how strong they were. A shiver ran through him as he ran his hands over the broad shoulders, the thick upper arms, and then down Ethan’s forearms.
“I feel that,” Ethan murmured.
“What?” asked.
Ethan shifted his body so his stomach pressed against ’s growing erection. “That.”
“Your fault,” said simply.
“Or you’re just a horndog when you first wake up.”
“Also a valid interpretation of the text.”
Ethan pressed his hips forward, his own straining cock pushed against ’s legs. “And now look what you’ve done.”
grinned, pushing the man onto his back, something he knew he was allowed to do rather than just capable of. Before Ethan could say anything else, straddled his waist and shoved his ass down against the thick but covered length of Ethan’s cock. A flash of hunger quickly replaced the sleepy expression on Ethan’s face as he ran his big hands over ’s thighs.
“Those ‘supplies’ of yours are still here,” informed him.
Ethan licked his lips, eyes roaming over ’s bare torso. “Then I guess you’d better get them. Because I’m suddenly not feeling as lazy as I was a moment ago.”
needed no further encouragement. Though he hated to leave the warmth of Ethan’s body, he hopped off and went to the desk where he’d stored the condoms and lube. When he turned around to head back to the bed, he stopped short, unable to help but stare.
In the few seconds it had taken him to retrieve their supplies, Ethan had shucked off his underwear, leaving him naked and on display. In the sunlight streaming through the windows, every inch of muscle was displayed, the light glinting off the hairs on his stomach, chest, and groin. His cock was too heavy to stick up straight, instead hanging low to brush against his flat stomach.
“Fuck me,” murmured as he approached, unable to keep the awe out of his voice.
“That was kind of the point,” Ethan said, tugging at ’s underwear.
snapped out of his haze, tugging his underwear off. He opened the condom and cracked open the lube. Lubing his fingers, he straddled Ethan’s waist, shivering as the thick press of Ethan’s cock lay against his thighs again.
“I see we’re impatient today,” Ethan murmured, though it didn’t sound like a complaint.
reached behind him. “Damn right.”
Ethan’s eyes widened. “Are you going to...oh shit .”
The man’s words turned to a low growl as pushed two fingers into himself, sucking in his bottom lip. It was nothing like the stretch of Ethan deep inside him, but oh, how it made him ache for it. A moan escaped at the thought, hips rolling eagerly as he prepped himself as quickly as possible.
“Baby,” Ethan breathed desperately, reaching to take hold of ’s cock.
swore softly, bucking into Ethan’s touch as he added a third finger. Maybe one day, they might be able to fuck without prep, but one weekend almost a week ago was not enough. knew that. But he could feel Ethan’s cock throbbing against his leg eagerly, feel his grip on his cock, and the look in the other man’s eyes was driving him crazy.
Three fingers would have to be enough.
He scooted backward, pulling his fingers free to use the lube to prep Ethan. That, at least, was quick enough as he rolled the condom over the man’s throbbing shaft and used as much lube as he dared to make it slick.
“Jesus, ,” Ethan groaned as he watched him reposition himself.
had felt sorrow, pain, and comfort, but now he wanted to feel alive. He wanted to feel Ethan inside him, a man who cared about him, watched over him and accepted everything there was about him. He would accept being called impatient. He just wanted it now .
He barely noticed the burn as he pushed Ethan’s cock inside him. It was there, of course, but secondary to the feeling of being filled and the low groan that rumbled out of Ethan’s chest. Rocking his hips, focused on every expression that ran across Ethan’s face as he drove him deeper with each downward movement.
And then, Ethan was sheathed entirely inside him, and let out a low sigh of pleasure.
“Fuck,” Ethan muttered, breath coming out sharp. “You’re going to be the death of me. You know that, right?”
kissed his chest gently. “We’re home alone. We don’t have to hold back.”
And with that, he raised his hips, feeling the stretch of his muscles around Ethan’s cock before pushing himself down. Ethan bucked up, growling fiercely, hands slapping against ’s hips and squeezing tight.
“Do it,” hissed, arching his back.
Ethan kept his grip, pulling up but thrusting his hips as well. Another thrust and cried out, electric pleasure shooting through him. Ethan shoved up again and again, the sharp sound of flesh meeting flesh mingling with the cries from ’s lips.
His head spun as the pleasure mounted, building inside him until he could barely hold himself upright. Bowing forward, he held himself up using Ethan’s chest, groaning encouragement as the man below him fucked up into him. ’s breath came in gasps and pants, the sensations almost too much. Yet the words pouring from his lips were only encouragement, begging, pleading, wanting more.
“I’m gonna come,” Ethan groaned, holding himself steady deep inside .
“Don’t stop,” groaned, rolling his hips to make his point.
Ethan growled, and suddenly, his hips pulled back and shoved hard into . With renewed vigor, Ethan hammered up into him. cried out, pushing down into the thrusts and bearing down around the other man as best he could.
Ethan’s thrusts became erratic, and he buried himself deep with one final thrust. moaned as he felt the thick shaft throb inside him. One day, he knew he would feel the man come inside him without something in the way. He was already Ethan’s, he knew that, but one day, he would know what it felt like to be claimed and marked.
reached down, wrapping his fingers around his cock, pumping erratically. It took half a dozen strokes before his back arched, ecstasy flooding his body as his cock pulsed in his grip. He coated Ethan’s stomach and chest, crying out the man’s name as he clung to him with his free hand.
He barely remembered pulling Ethan free and collapsing onto the bed beside him. His breathing came in bursts, heart hammering, and warmth followed the void left by the pleasure.
And then Ethan was there, at his side, throwing an arm around his middle to pull him close. His lips were on his, the taste of him still relief, but something much kinder and sweeter.
“The death of me,” Ethan repeated in a low voice, burying his face in ’s neck.
chuckled weakly. “Maybe the death of us both.”
“I’m glad we get another chance,” Ethan said, voice low and thoughtful.
“You’re just saying that because you got a decent orgasm,” teased.
Ethan laughed, nuzzling him. “There was nothing decent about it. That about gave me a stroke. It was so good.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”
“I meant it as one.”
“I guess I can accept that.”
Ethan smiled against the skin of ’s neck. “And it’s so much more than the sex. I’m glad I get to be here, with you. And I hope we find so much more than what we already have. Being here, with you, feels like coming to a new life, a new home.”
fell silent, finding he could only hold onto Ethan in response.
For , that was more than enough.