Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AIDEN
I watch Sawyer move around the bakery. Though he may technically be my boss, and I am technically fucking around with him, while we’re working Sawyer is professional. And stressed. So stressed.
I swear, for everything he’s checked off his list he’s added three more.
All the while I’ve sat here confused as ever.
My mind is still on the other night—Sawyer in my arms and not having any strength to bring him home. We lay there for hours, kissing, touching, and talking. Then last night. That phone call.
I wish I could blame sex for this feeling, but it’s not what we did in the car that plays on a loop.
It’s seeing his face in the crowd at my match.
Watching me. Supporting me.
I need to get rid of this feeling. It’s awful and I don’t like it. It makes my skin feel tight. My stomach drops whenever I think about him. “Aiden?”
“Huh?”
“You okay?”
No, I’m not. I’m horrible. “Yeah.”
“You’ve been kind of quiet.”
“Just tired.” Tired of all this.
Sawyer is quiet, looking at me. Or am I staring at him? I really need to get a hold on this bullshit. Still no closer. I know Ivan’s going to be breathing down my neck. Maybe he doesn’t have it. What then?
For years Ivan thought this thing was gone, but something happened in the last year that made him manic about it again. I’m not sure why or how the fuck Sawyer is even involved. Those are questions I don’t have the privilege of getting answers to.
All I know is that if you’re in Ivan’s sights, it’s never a good thing.
The bell chimes, and my heart instantly plummets to my fucking feet.
No.
What the fuck is he doing?
“Aiden!” Katya runs up to me, and I’m helpless to do anything but catch her in my arms.
“Hey, Kitty Kat.” I glare at Koda. She’s practically choking me. “What are you doing?”
“I was taking her to get ice cream. Dad asked me to watch her for a bit. I don’t know what’s going on, but he needs her out of the house. I have an emergency, though, so I just need you to watch her for a few.”
“Are you fucking serious!?” I hiss. “I’m not supposed to.”
“Give me like half an hour, alright? She can’t be there. Just half an hour. I need to take her home at four.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?!”
“I’ll be back to grab her. Promise. Dad will skin me alive if I don’t.” I look up at the clock. My shift is nearly over. “Please. It’s important or I wouldn’t do this.”
There’s some sort of mischief in Koda’s eyes that catches me. What is he up to? “Fine. But you need to meet me at my fucking car by four. I’ll be out of here soon.”
“You got it. Don’t worry.” My sister has folded herself around me, looping her arms around my neck and hugging me so tight she may as well be strangling me. She’s no stranger to swearing or anger, but I hate when it comes from me. Before I can threaten him, he’s out the door and gone.
“Are you mad I’m here?” Katya says softly against my neck with her head lying on my shoulder. She’s squeezing me tight, as if I’m going to let go.
I fucking hate this.
My hand lands on the back of her head as I lower my voice. “No. Hey, no. I’m just wondering what Koda is doing. I love that you’re here.” I remember I have an audience, and turn to Sawyer who’s staring at us. “Um, is it alright if she hangs out for a bit? Koda has something he needs to do.”
Sawyer watches us, then blinks out of his trance. “Yeah. Of course.” Katya scrambles off me, walking over to Sawyer. “Are you the cute baker man who gave Aiden cupcakes?”
“Katya!”
“What! That’s what you said.” She stands on her toes, looking in the glass. “Where’s the dessert? Can I have a cupcake please?”
Sawyer laughs. “I don’t have any in the case right now, but why don’t you come back here, and you can help me.”
“Really? Can I?” she asks me.
My eyes flit to Sawyer’s briefly. It’s unnerving. “Yeah, go ahead, but use your manners and listen to his directions.”
I follow them both behind the counter. Sawyer puts her on a stool to wash her hands, and when she hops off, he hands her a towel then grabs one of his aprons. “Can I put this on you?” She beams, nodding as he fits and folds it to her smaller frame.
“What are we making?”
He smiles, heading over to her. “My mother is from a country called Thailand. Do you know where that is?”
She thinks for a moment. “Asia.” She beams, bouncing a little on the step stool. I stand behind her in case she bounces her way off it.
“That’s right. My mother used to make these Thai tea cream puffs, and I’m trying out one of her recipes.” Sawyer grabs the piping bag and tray of puffs he’s baked. “Can you help me fill them?”
“Don’t you need them perfect?” I ask.
Sawyer waves me away. “These are just test ones. I want to make sure they work out well.”
“Is that the frosting?” She points to the bag.
He nods, stuffing the bag full. “It’s called a diplomat cream. It’s made with Thai tea pastry cream and heavy whipping cream.” He fits the tip onto the end of the bag. “Now, I’m going to show you how it’s done, and then I’ll have you try, okay?”
She nods, watching him intently, and maybe I am too.
He gently takes the top of the puff off and carefully pipes filling into the hollow space until it reaches the top.
“Now put the top back on. Just like wearing a hat.” Katya, with the most care I’ve ever seen, gently places the top back on. “Are you ready to try?”
She thinks a moment. “You do a few more.” He laughs, nodding and letting her take the tops off before he fills them, then she puts the tops back on. “I want to try.”
“Please.” I remind her.
“Please.”
Sawyer smiles softly, moving around to her side and helping her lift the heavy bag of cream. He lets her squeeze it. “Gently.” She nods, squeezing the cream to the top. “Very good. Now put the hat on.”
I watch them until all the puffs are filled. “Now the sugar.” He hands her the bowl with a smaller sifter. “We need to put powdered sugar on top.”
“What’s in there?”
“Powdered sugar and a little cinnamon.” He shows her how to sift the sugar over the puffs.
“Can we try one?” She keeps bouncing on the stool. She’s making me nervous.
“Kat—”
“Of course. A good pastry chef always eats their own desserts.” She giggles. He looks for a plate, bringing a pink one over. “Choose any one you want.” She thinks then gently grabs one. “Come on, Aiden. You try too.”
Carefully, I pick up one of the puffs. My mind is a mess. I don’t like this feeling. It’s squeezing my chest.
Then I take a bite and nearly moan. Goddamn. Who even thinks of something like this? Katya squeals when she takes a bite. “It’s amazing!” She’s not wrong. “Your mom made these?”
Sawyer nods, his eyes going far away. “Yeah, she did.”
“Where’s your mommy now?”
“Katya!”
Her brown eyes turn up at me. “It’s okay.” Sawyer smiles. “She passed away a couple of months ago.”
“Oh.” She looks apologetic. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He smiles a bit through the tension.
“Our mommy died too,” she says softly. “Maybe our mommies are friends now.” I know what she means, but the thought of our hateful mother befriending anyone in any afterlife is funny to me.
I didn’t know Sawyer’s mother, but if she’s anything like her son, I’m sure she was incredible and kind.
“Come on, Kitty Kat. We need to find Koda and get you back home.” I look up at the clock.
He better meet me soon. What the hell is he even doing?
“Is it alright if I leave a bit early and take her back?”
“Oh yeah, no problem.” He smiles down at Katya. He’s so handsome it hurts. “Thank you for your help today.”
“Thank you again. Sorry about this.” Why am I apologizing? This isn’t a real job.
“It’s fine. She reminds me a bit of Jane when she was that little.”
“She’s older, right?”
“Yeah. By a year. My mom had us back to back.”
Something comes over me. Some sort of déjà vu I don’t understand. “Tell him thank you.”
She runs up to him, hugging his knees. “Thank you. I had fun.”
Sawyer’s warm eyes smile at her then lift to me. “Me too.”
We wait for almost half an hour in the woods. “Why can’t you take me in? Why are we waiting for Koda?”
I love my sister, but this endless string of questions is only spiking my blood pressure. I bite back my temper and soften my tone. “Because you know Ivan doesn’t want me in the house.”
I don’t tell her he’s keeping me from her. For some reason I don’t want her to realize how horrible her father truly is. She’s lucky in this way to be a girl. If she were his son, she would have been broken already. Molded into a system of soldiers. At least she doesn’t have to go through that.
Speaking of Ivan’s soldiers, where the fuck is Koda?
It’s nearly four, and I’d have no chance of sneaking her into the house now even if I wanted to.
I wait a few more minutes. What if Koda forgot?
Shit, what if something happened? I’m not sure what the hell he’s gotten himself into lately, but I don’t like it.
I stare at the clock as it turns four, and I make up my mind. I could wait a few moments, but if Katya isn’t in the house soon, that might cause a different kind of panic. What if Koda is in there now and he forgot?
Or what if he’s dead in some ditch?
Shit.
I get out of the car. “Katya.” She looks up at me. “Don’t tell anyone where my car is, okay?” Her little face pinches before understanding dawns far above what her age range should comprehend. “It’s our secret.”
“Okay,” she says quietly. We come out onto the path to the house and walk toward it. Each step gets heavier. I spot Ivan’s SUV outside, then Tagar’s. Koda doesn’t drive, so I want to know who the hell brought him to the bakery.
We walk into the farmhouse. Tagar lifts his head then shakes it.
“Where’s Koda?” I ask.
Understanding hits him.
Out of all of them, he’s not the worst. He doesn’t rat me out like the others when I see her. “He’s not here. What did he do now?”
“Nothing. Where’s Ivan?”
“You got a death wish, kid?” He stands up then follows me down the hall. I turn to Katya.
I crouch down to her and give her a hug. A tiny whine slips past her lips as she pushes me away. “What’s wrong?”
I know she’s scared, but I need her to listen. “Do me a favor, okay?” She sniffs with a nod. “Go upstairs and do not come out of your room until Koda comes up there.”
“What’s wrong? Aiden!” Her big brown eyes fill with tears, and I swallow the lump forming in my throat.
I hate that I can’t comfort her right now. I hate what I’m about to do. “Go! Now,” I snap. She looks at me a moment, her eyes shocked with fear before running down the hall. I hear her Mary Jane’s thump up the stairs. “What the fuck has Koda gotten up to?”
Tagar looks uneasy, but I see it. He knows something. What’s going on in this house lately?
“He had business.” He stands by Ivan’s door. “Good luck, kid.”
I open the door and step inside. Ivan is sitting at his desk.
I can feel him seething as I step inside.
The door shuts. He glares at me for a breath-stealing second, then he stands, walking around the desk.
“Do you want to tell me why you have Katya?” I open my mouth.
“I don’t remember giving you permission. ”
“I didn’t—” The door barrels open and Koda runs through. He looks between us.
“Dad, I—”
Ivan removes his belt from his pants. “Do you want to tell me why the fuck Aiden had your sister when she was in your care?” The way he says your and not our pisses me off.
Koda’s eyes dart between us. “I didn’t. I mean I—”
“I took her,” I rush out. “I saw them together and I wanted to take her.”
“Aiden—”
I ignore Koda. “He’s been trying to find me. I took her.” He looks at me with confusion. “I took her.” I glare understanding into him.
His eyes pass between Ivan and me. “Take off your shirt.” I look back briefly at Koda before slowly taking my shirt off.
“Aiden, no—”
“Is he lying?” Ivan’s nostrils flare.
“Shut up,” I snap. “Get out of here.”
“No.” Ivan smirks down at me then his eyes slide to Koda. “You do it.”
“What?!” we say in unison.
“I’m tired of your weakness. Get over here. You let him take her.” Fear flashes in his eyes as he slowly walks toward us. “Here.”
He drops the belt in Koda’s hands. I watch the way his chest rises. I kneel on the ground. “It’s okay,” I whisper. I turn around and put my hands up behind my head. I hear him step closer.
I can imagine his hand shaking.
Koda’s a dumbass, but he’s also a kid. A kid who shouldn’t have to live this life. He’s mischievous. Not violent. I look to the side and catch him in my periphery. “It’s okay, Koda.”
“Aiden, I—”
“Now. Or I’ll have you bent over and bloody with him.”
“Do it.” My jaw clenches.
I swallow and give him a slight nod before looking forward.
I flinch with the first lash across my back, and I buckle even though I’ve been trained not to. No matter how many times this happens, I’m never prepared for the slicing burn on my skin. He does it again. And again.
I’m dizzy and nauseous. I’m starting to fall forward a bit, unsteady. “Enough,” Ivan shouts.
I’m shaking. I’m trying so hard to quiet my body, but I can’t.
And as bad as I hurt, I know he didn’t do it his hardest. “Ah!” Pain slices my skull as Ivan wrenches me up onto my feet.
He stares at me a moment before he slaps my face.
“You have one week. If I don’t have that statue here, I’ll kill both of you. ” My eyes go to Koda. “One week.”
Dismissed, I grab my shirt on the way out, using all my strength to pull it over my head. My back burns, but I push it away. Even the soft cotton feels like it’s soaked in gasoline. “Aiden.” I ignore him as I break, piece by piece. With every step, I feel the swelling.
I need to make it to the car.
I think I’m bleeding.
“Aiden!”
I whirl on him. “Go to her. Stay with her. She’s upset.” I don’t look at him as I rush out the door and head to the woods.
Every movement is soaked in pain, but my brain is numb. I make it to my car and get in, putting the seat back so I don’t press against it. I swallow. My skin is hot. I feel trickles as blood drips down my back.
I put the car in drive and head out of the woods.
My hands move, steering on autopilot, knowing exactly where I need to go.