Chapter 34 Nora
NORA
“You made brownies?” Nate reaches for one on the rack as they cool.
I bat his hand away. “Don’t spoil your dinner.” I serve the spaghetti Bolognese onto two plates and leave the rest in the pan with the lid on to stay warm.
Nate lifts his plate and carries it to the dining table. “You made extra again?”
I join him at the table with my plate. “I… It was just in case.”
The empty seat with a place setting glares at me. I thought he might turn up. He never gave me an excuse today, just that he didn’t think he could make it.
I wind the spaghetti around my fork, then put it into my mouth, not really tasting it or even enjoying it. “What do you think he’s doing tonight?”
Nate sucks the spaghetti into his mouth. “He didn’t say.”
“Has something happened?”
Nate shovels more spaghetti onto his fork. “Like what?”
I shrug, my breath catching in my throat. “I don’t know. Have you two had an argument?”
Nate squints at the empty chair before focusing on his plate. “He’s probably tired. We’ve been flat out lately.”
“He’s never too tired for dinner.” I hate how needy I sound. “He still has to eat.”
The kitchen clock ticks loudly on the wall.
I reach for the Parmesan. “I keep thinking I said something wrong.”
“You didn’t.” Nate’s jaw ticks before he forces another mouthful down, like eating is suddenly hard work.
“You’re worried about him too?”
He exhales through his nose. “He’ll come round.” But he doesn’t sound convinced.
We eat in silence for a few more minutes, the third plate still on the counter behind us. I keep listening for the sound of a car pulling up outside, tyres on gravel, a knock at the door. But I know deep down he’s not coming, just like last night and the night before that.
Nate reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “Don’t worry.”
I nod, even though I am worried. I’m worried he doesn’t want to do this anymore.
And I don’t mean get me pregnant. I’m worried things have gone too far, and it’s too much for him, and I’m worried we’ve lost our best friend.
More than that, I’m worried I'll never get to hold him again, kiss his lips, and feel his heart beat in rhythm with my own.
We finish eating, Nate talking to me about work, but I’m only half listening.
I clear the plates, needing to keep busy because if I sit still for too long, my mind races. I pour the leftovers from the pan into a sealed container for Ev. I’ll take it to work tomorrow. At least he can eat a proper meal at work, even if he doesn’t want to come round for dinner.
Nate folds his arms and leans against the doorway as I place the brownies in a sealed container. “You packing the brownies for Ev too?”
I pull off the lid and offer him one. “I thought I’d hand them out at work.”
Nate shakes his head. “I’m not hungry anymore.” He pats his belly. “Full up on spaghetti.”
I close the lid on the brownies and place them next to the other container.
“You can text him,” I say without turning around. “Ask if he wants to come by later and pick up dinner.”
Nate wraps his arms around me as I frantically wipe the counter. “I already texted him today. He’s busy. We don’t need to live in each other’s pockets. He probably needs space.”
I turn around in his arms as he cages me against the counter. “You sound like you need space.” My stomach twists, churning up the food I’ve just eaten.
He steps back with a sigh and drags a hand over his face. “I don’t. But you know what Ev’s like, he overthinks.”
“You think he’s overthinking what happened last week?” My stomach twists again, threatening me with nausea. The last time we were together was beautiful. It was as if the three of us connected on another level, not just physically. I thought it would bring us closer together, not tear us apart.
“Maybe.” Nate shrugs and leans back against the fridge door.
“Was it… different for him?” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Compared to before. With… you know.” I can barely say the words. Picturing Ev with any other woman now is like a knife hacking at my chest.
“Nora. It’s nothing to do with you.” He steps forward and takes my face in his palms.
Tears swell behind my eyelids. “I just feel like I’ve done something wrong and I need to fix it. What if I didn’t live up to how it was with… her? What if he wants her instead of me? What if—”
“What if he's just busy? It wasn’t better with Emilie. Trust me, I was there.” He kisses my forehead. “You’ve done nothing wrong. I’ll grab him for a pint tomorrow. I’ll sort it.”
I wrap my arms around Nate’s middle and hold him as if I’m a young girl again, holding on by a thread to a family that I don’t deserve. “I just miss him,” I say before I can stop myself.
Nate lets out a long breath. “Me too.”
Outside, a car drives past, headlights sweeping across the window before disappearing into the dark.
Neither of us moves.
Nate’s hand rests at the back of my neck, his thumb brushing absentminded circles against my skin, but his gaze drifts towards the door like he’s listening for Evan too.