Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Walker
Itry not to watch her feed my daughter and let it get to my head, thinking I could have everything I want.
I just gave in to my desires, but that doesn’t mean I know what the hell I’m doing.
For a minute, I convinced myself that maybe, secret be damned, I could still be with her and live with the consequences, silently knowing what I know.
But I know I can’t do that. An entire life of keeping that in would probably send me to an early grave, and now I have a daughter to put first.
A sharp rap at the door shatters the silence.
Jessie meets my eyes. “Are you expecting anyone?”
I shake my head as I get up. “No, I’m not. Sunday morning at this hour, I’m normally at work.”
I catch her eye roll but choose to ignore it. I open the door, and Eva pushes through the door while Roman walks in with the stroller and a sleeping Addie.
“Don’t get mad at me,” he warns as I close the door behind him. “I’m just following my wife’s lead.”
Fear turns in my gut. What does Eva have up her sleeve?
I turn my attention to her, but she’s busy with her jaw on the floor.
It takes me a second to put it together until I see the stunned look on Jessie’s face, who is sitting on my couch at nine in the morning on a Sunday, feeding my daughter … in nothing but my T-shirt.
“Eva, why are you just standing there like that? You—” Roman stops in his tracks as he walks farther into my place and spots Jessie. A big grin spreads across his face. “I told you!” he shouts.
“I can’t believe it. I mean, I kind of thought maybe it was true after yesterday, but I didn’t think they would give in so easily.”
I step in between them. “Hold up. What the hell are you two talking about? And”—I turn to my sister—“what are you doing here?”
She folds her arms in front of her and pops out a hip. “What? I’m not allowed to visit my brother?”
I narrow my eyes at her, daring her to continue with her bullshit.
She throws her arms in the air. “Fine! I called Mom and Dad. We’re going to Sunday brunch with them. I knew you’d drag your feet, telling them, so I’m helping you rip off the Band-Aid.”
I clench my fists, and my nails bite into my palms.
I can’t believe she did that. She has completely overstepped so far that she’s in another damn zip code.
Roman just pushes his hands in the air like he had nothing to do with this.
“Eva”—my words cut through thick waves of rage—“that is—”
She holds up her hand. “I don’t want to hear it. You have known you have a daughter for two weeks now. At this point, you’re just hiding her. You’re doing this. You know you have to. It’s the right thing. Eli has grandparents, and they deserve to know, despite how cold they can be.”
She checks the time on her watch. “Now, we have to leave in thirty minutes if we want to get there on time. We’ll watch Eli if you two”—she smiles—“want to get ready.”
Jessie continues to feed Eli while her cheeks turn pink.
“Fine. Come on, Jessie.”
I’ve already learned that fighting with Eva is useless. She’ll just keep going until she gets what she wants.
Jessie’s eyes dance between mine and Eva’s like ping-pong balls. “Ugh, I don’t … have anything to wear. And … I don’t think this is a brunch that I should be attending.”
Eva joins her on the couch just as Eli is done sucking down the bottle.
Eva smiles down at my daughter. “Good morning, sweetie. Can Auntie Eva burp you?”
She takes Eli from Jessie and puts her over her shoulder. She begins to pat her back lightly, then shifts on the couch toward Jessie. “Just go put your clothes on from yesterday. I assume you at least have those. We can stop at your place on the way. We have the Escalade so it will fit everyone.”
“Um …” Jessie looks over at me for help.
I shrug my shoulders. I know she’s looking for an out, but the selfish prick in me needs her with me. “I’m cool with you coming.”
Eva’s head spins. “Walker, don’t be a dick. What do you mean, you’re fine with her coming? How about … you’d love for her to come?”
“Fine. I’d love for you to come, Jessie. Is that better, sis?” I ask sarcastically.
I don’t miss the wink and smile that Roman gives Jessie, who is now biting her bottom lip as she tries to hide her own smile.
“Jessie,” I continue, “come on. We’ll stop at your place so you can change. I’m sure my parents would love to see you.”
“Can we, um, like, address the fact that my best friend just caught me spending the night at her brother’s place?” She catches Eva’s eyes. “Are you okay with this?” Then she turns to me. “Whatever this is.”
Eva’s now shooting daggers at me. “Why the hell does my best friend not know what’s going on between you two? Are you stringing her along? I swear to God, Walker.”
I hold up my hands. “Hold on. With all due respect, Eva, I’m going to have to stop you right there. When it comes to me and Jessie, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Please don’t you dare pretend like you understand the depths of my feelings for her.”
The panic spikes hot in my chest—a reminder of the truth I’ve been burying.
Eva catching Jessie here is a glimpse of how fast this could all unravel, and the thought of it nearly guts me.
But then Jessie shifts, her eyes darting to mine like I’m the only one who matters. And just like that, the fear dulls.
I know the secret’s still there, waiting to explode, but for now? I can’t stay away from her. I don’t want to. If these moments are borrowed time, then I’ll take every second I can get.
Jessie stands up and begins to walk toward me, pulling my shirt down as far as it can go.
As soon as she steps into my room, I close the door.
I follow her into the bathroom, where she grabs her clothes from yesterday, discarding my shirt.
She seems to be deep in thought, barely noticing my presence.
The warmth between us from a moment ago is already fading, replaced by an ache that makes her feel a thousand miles away, even as my eyes stay locked on her.
She catches me in the mirror and turns around, standing in nothing but her black lace panties. Beautiful. Perfect. My heart flutters in my chest, making me wonder if there’s something wrong with me.
The thought fades away as my body moves of its own accord to her. I take her in my arms. My lips find hers in a hungry kiss, and I put everything that I can’t say into it. Her hands find my bare shoulders, and she clutches on to me and kisses me back with just as much urgency.
Before I get too carried away, I pull back and look down at her. “I just needed to feel close to you again,” I tell her honestly.
“I’m right here,” she replies softly.
My fingers trace her lower back, just above her thong. “But your heart felt a million miles away from me.”
“My heart is trying to protect itself.”
“So is mine,” I whisper. “Every. Damn. Day.”
A cry from the other room reminds me that there are two babies out there that are ticking time bombs. I kiss her forehead and let her go, the warmth of her presence replaced with cold air that seeps into my heart.
I dress in record time, forgoing my shower so we aren’t late.
We stop at Jessie’s apartment on the way and are pulling up to my parents’ house around eleven.
My mother opens the door, dressed to the nines in a white suit with gold jewelry and a full face of makeup, like she’s going for brunch at the country club.
She smiles, though it’s controlled, like always. “Oh, my children are finally visiting. I was beginning to wonder when you two were going to grace us with your presence. How’s my darling granddaughter?”
Roman carries the car seat up to the front door, where Mother peeks inside and smiles down at Addie, who is still sleeping.
“Oh dear. Is she wearing cotton to brunch?”
Eva smiles through clenched teeth. “Yes, Mother. My six-week-old does not need to be uncomfortable while we eat in your house.”
Mother waves her hand. “I guess it’s fine. At least we’re not at the club. Everyone’s grandchildren come in designer clothing, even if they’re only six weeks old.”
“Hi, Mrs. Harlow.” Jessie steps forward and gives her a hug, giving Eva the chance to beeline it into the house.
“Oh, Jessie,” she responds enthusiastically. “I’m so happy you’re here. What a wonderful surprise.”
My mother is a mix of contradictions. Sometimes, when her brain forgets she needs to compete with everybody around her, I feel like I get a glimpse of who she was before my parents became such socialites. I can see the genuine happiness she feels in seeing Jessie.
Though that joy doesn’t last long when I step forward and kiss her on the cheek. Before she speaks, her eyes settle on the car seat in my hand.
“Walker, why do you have a baby?” Her tone turns cold.
Jessie stands next to me, a pillar of strength that keeps me from running out the door.
“Mother, this is Eli. My daughter.”
Her complexion turns ghostly, and the horror in her eyes tells me exactly how she feels. I take a deep breath as I try to remember I didn’t have much better of a reaction myself.
She smooths an invisible wrinkle from her sleeve as she looks over at Jessie, no doubt remembering Jessie’s parents run in the same circle as hers, composure settling like armor. “Well, I suppose congratulations are in order. Though I can’t say I’m impressed with your timing—or your secrecy.”
That’s it. Congratulations. No questions. Not even wondering who the mother is.
“What are you three doing, standing at the door?” my father jokes as he joins in the foyer. “Jessie! How wonderful to see you.” He leans in and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “I just golfed with your father the other day.”
She smiles brightly at the mere mention of her father. Just another reason I know I have to keep my secret buried deep inside of me.
“He did text me about golfing with some buddies,” she says awkwardly, realizing my father has yet to pick up on the fact that I have a baby in my hands.
“Dear.” My mother takes over as she moves her eyes toward my daughter.