Chapter 8
8
“ I don’t feel so good, Mama.”
Erin woke with a start to see Parker standing beside her bed. The hair around his face was wet with sweat, and he looked unsteady on his feet. She pushed the covers off as she sat up and pushed the wet hair back from his face.
His skin was hot beneath her fingertips.
In an instant, the remaining bits of sleep fell away.
“Come here.” She scooped Parker up and placed him sideways over her lap, placing the back of her hand against his forehead. She didn’t have a thermometer upstairs, but she’d guess he was well over a hundred degrees. She tried to keep her voice even and free from alarm when she asked, “What doesn’t feel good, sweetie?”
“My head and my throat and my tummy and—” He broke off in a fit of coughing. It didn’t sound like it was in Parker’s chest, thank goodness, but by the way he winced, Erin knew it hurt him.
She rubbed his back, hoping to soothe him while she tried to puzzle out the situation. It didn’t make sense how sick Parker was. He seemed totally fine earlier that day. They’d gone to the park, he’d played outside, eaten dinner, and gone to bed without a fight. She looked at the clock on her nightstand.
Just after midnight.
It had been several hours since she’d put him in bed. It was possible that he’d gone downhill in that time, but it still felt like it came out of nowhere.
Erin stood, still holding Parker in her arms. “Okay. Let’s go downstairs to get a drink and some medicine.” Carefully, she walked down the stairs toward the kitchen. She opened the cabinets until she found a thermometer and children’s fever reducer. After confirming that Parker did, in fact, have a dangerously high fever, she gave him some medicine and a glass of water.
She sat down at the dining room table and rocked him back and forth, humming one of his favorite songs as she did. Her shirt was wet from the sweat pouring off Parker, and it scared her. Erin’s children were young, and they’d gotten their share of colds and stomach bugs over the years. Dealing with sickness was part of raising children, she knew that.
But what if this wasn’t just a run-of-the-mill cold? Hadn’t they thought Jake just had a weird bug, until it wouldn’t go away? After it lingered for longer than something normal, he’d finally gone in and gotten some testing done. He was already stage three.
What if there was something more to Parker’s symptoms? Could he have gotten some kind of rare bacteria in the water at the park? Could it be a brain amoeba? She’d heard the horror stories of kids swimming in warm lakes and something awful happening after.
Erin closed her eyes tightly, forcing a deep breath into her lungs. She needed to get her racing thoughts under control. Parker was sick. With what, she didn’t know, but she could not panic. She would not spiral. Right now, Erin needed to keep a level head.
After some time had passed, she asked, “How are you feeling, sweetie?”
He coughed again. “I hurt.”
Erin stopped her rocking. “What hurts?”
Parker groaned. His voice was weak when he said, “Everything.”
The fever reducer should have helped with the pain as well. If he was still hurting, Erin didn’t know what else to do.
It was the middle of the night, and the pediatrician’s office wouldn’t open until eight in the morning. Erin started rocking again as she tried to decide whether this was worth calling the after-hours number.
It was moments like this that she wished Jake were still here. When she wasn’t sure what to do, he’d always had an answer. He helped her calm down when she was freaking out. Without him, she had no anchor to keep her from going off in the wrong direction.
God, please help me know what to do. She pressed her lips against Parker’s forehead.
“I want Mr. West.”
Erin pulled back. She was sure he’d misheard Parker. It was the middle of the night, she was tired, and was freaking out about Parker being sick. That was the only explanation for what she thought she’d heard.
She smiled down at him. “What did you say?”
Logan looked up at Erin with pitiful eyes. “I want Mr. West to sit with me.”
Erin’s breath caught in her chest. She couldn’t understand why Parker would be asking for Logan. Her children weren’t even allowed to call him by his first name. Why did he want Logan when his mom was right here?
“I’m sure Mr. West is sleeping. But you can come cuddle with me in my bed.” That would make it easier for Erin to keep an eye on him while she decided whether this was worth calling Dr. Peterson.
He shook his head. The movement was slower than usual, but no less stubborn. Parker came by it honestly. Neither she nor Jake were easily dissuaded. It wasn’t a terrible quality to have, but it made dealing with a sick four-year-old more difficult than Erin would have liked .
She sighed. “What about Rock Man?” He always made Parker feel better.
“No. Mr. West.”
This was the second time Parker had pushed Rock Man aside in favor of Logan, and Erin was in no position to think about what that might mean for her sweet boy.
Erin could feel the sting of tears in her eyes. She didn’t want to ask Logan for one more thing, but the way Parker looked up at her, she didn’t feel like she had a choice. There wasn’t anything that Erin wouldn’t do for her children, and that included asking Logan to come sit with Parker.
She walked Parker back upstairs to her room and tucked him into her bed. After putting on a robe, she told him she’d be right back and raced out to the guesthouse. She pulled the robe tightly over her chest as she knocked on the door. She held her breath as she waited for Logan to answer. Would he answer?
She felt strange, and slightly nervous, as she stood outside his bedroom in the dark.
A light came on inside the building, and she heard the lock turning. Soon, the door swung open and a sleepy Logan greeted her. His dark hair stuck up in several directions, and the white shirt he wore was crumpled.
He rubbed his hand over his eyes. “Erin?”
Now that she was face-to-face with him, she felt silly for coming here. “Hey. ”
His eyes seemed to focus, and his body stiffened. “Is everything okay?”
When Erin closed her eyes, the tears she’d been fighting back started streaming down her cheeks. “It’s Parker.”
Logan took a step toward her. “What’s wrong with Parker?”
Erin opened her eyes at the tone of his voice. She watched Logan as he looked over her shoulder and toward the house, as if he might see her son if he looked hard enough. His body was tense, like he was ready to spring into action at any second.
“He’s sick.”
His eyes found hers again. “What kind of sick?”
Erin shook her head. “I ... I don’t know. I just know he was fine when we went to sleep and now he’s not. He’s in my bed and he’s asking for you.” The words came out in a jumble, and she hoped they made even a little sense to Logan.
Logan’s brows lowered. “He’s asking for me?”
“Yeah.” Erin let out a puff of air. “I told him you were sleeping, but he just kept asking and I wasn’t sure what to do.”
Logan pressed his lips together. His eyes were conflicted as he spoke. “What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know.” Erin buried her head in her hands. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know you’re not his dad, and this is so much to ask, but Parker is asking for you and Jake isn’t here and sometimes I feel so ... lost without him.”
Logan’s hands covered hers and pulled them from her face. He didn’t let them go as he looked at her. “If it’s what you want, I’ll sit with him. I just need to get dressed first.”
Erin stepped back, causing Logan’s arms to fall back at his side. “He’s in my bedroom. I need to get back and check on him, but can you meet me up there?”
Logan swallowed and nodded.
With that, he closed the door and disappeared inside the guesthouse. Erin jogged back to the main house and back up the stairs to her room. Parker was right where she’d left him.
He tried to sit up in bed, but didn’t quite make it. He barely kept himself propped up on one of his elbows. “Mr. West?”
“No, sweetie. It’s Mama.” Erin sat down on the edge of the bed. She reached out and gently squeezed Parker’s hands. “Mr. West will be here in just a minute.”
Satisfied with her answer, Parker fell back against the pillow.
“Do you want anything else? More water? An ice pack for your head?”
Parker shook his head and his eyelids drooped closed. “Just Mr. West.”
Erin continued to hold Parker’s hand as she waited for Logan to come. She still wasn’t sure why Parker wanted him, of all people, but she was happy that Logan, once again, was willing to help her out.
The Lord seemed to bring Logan back into her life at the right moment when it came to her children. He’d done so much for them and Erin truly was grateful for the way he continued to sacrifice for them. But not only for them, Logan had gone out of his way to help Erin time and time again. She was thankful, she really was, but Erin also couldn’t help but question what the Lord was doing. In so many ways, it felt like Erin was being set up for another crushing disappointment. If the Lord loved her, He wouldn’t do that to her, would He?
Erin dwelling on these thoughts when she heard the heavy thud of Logan’s footsteps on the stairs. He hesitated in the doorway, illuminated by the light in the hallway.
Erin stood. She wiped her hands on the front of her robe.
“Mr. West.” Parker’s eyes cracked open.
“I’m here,” Logan said, moving toward the bed. He crouched down beside it so that his face was even with the young boy’s. “What do you need?”
Erin stood completely still, not even breathing, as she waited for Parker to answer.
“Will you read me a story?” Parker asked, looking at Logan with wide eyes.
Erin’s breath came out in a whoosh. She wrapped her arms across her chest. She could have read him a story and avoided waking Logan up. She started to move toward them, to apologize for waking him, but Logan spoke before she’d made it more than a step in their direction.
“Sure, buddy. What story would you like me to read?”
“Will you read Love You Forever ?”
Erin’s hand went to her mouth to stop the sob that threatened to come from her chest. Jake used to read that book to the children after his diagnosis. It was his way of telling them that he’d always love them, even after he was gone. The idea of Logan reading that story to Parker was unsettling, to say the least.
Of course, Logan had no idea the significance of the story to their family—to her. He stood up and looked at Erin. “Do you have that book?”
Unable to speak, Erin pointed to the bookshelf on the far wall of her bedroom. Logan walked over and ran his fingers over the spines until he spotted the hardback with the blue cover. He pulled it from the shelf.
He grabbed a chair that faced Erin’s window and dragged it next to the bed. There was a small lamp on her nightstand, and Logan turned it on. Once he settled back at Parker’s side, he began to read.
Erin relaxed as she stood by and watched the scene unfolding in front of her. Parker listened to Logan’s deep, soothing voice as he read from the book—taking care to stop and show Parker the pictures each time before he turned the page. As Logan neared the end of the story, Parker’s eyes drifted closed again, and he didn’t look at the last few pictures.
As for Erin, she couldn’t see them either, but for a very different reason. The tears that formed in her eyes made everything blurry. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe as Logan finished the last page.
He closed the book and set it on the nightstand beside Erin’s bed.
The room was silent apart from the steady breaths that came from Parker. He’d fallen asleep to the story and his face looked peaceful as he lay in Erin’s bed.
As difficult as this situation was, there was also a peace that filled Erin as she realized that Logan had taken charge of the situation, just like Erin had needed. It just didn’t look like she expected.
Logan’s gaze stayed trained on Parker for some time before he turned toward Erin. By then, she’d been able to stop the tears that had been streaming down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure if her eyes were red, but she hoped that the dimness of the room would make it difficult to see.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked. “Should I ... stay? Do you want me to leave?”
Erin wasn’t sure how to answer that. Now that Parker was asleep, he wouldn’t know if Logan was here. If he woke up in the night, as children often did when they were sick, and found that Logan was gone, he might be upset. “I don’t know. ”
All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and fall asleep, something she obviously couldn’t do if Logan stayed.
He stood and walked toward her. “You look exhausted.”
Her shoulders sagged. She was so tired. It felt like she was sleeping on her feet.
“Do you want to go lie down in his bed in their room? I can stay with Parker.”
Erin shook her head quickly. “No, I couldn’t possibly?—”
His hand reached out and touched her shoulder. “Just for a bit. An hour or two. I’ll stay right here and make sure he’s okay.”
Erin looked at Logan, then the chair next to the bed, and finally, to the door that led to the hallway. Would an hour really be so bad? Even though he’d been gone for all those years, Erin knew Logan. The more time they’d spent together, the more she could see her best friend. She trusted him to stay here and protect Parker. She was just so tired.
“Just an hour.” She yawned loudly.
A corner of his mouth lifted into a knowing smile. “Maybe two.”
“Maybe two. But then you need to go back to your house and get some rest too.”
“I’m fine, Erin. Really.” His eyes were earnest.
Erin nodded, and with one last glance at Parker, she walked toward the children’s room. She stumbled into his bed, and her head barely hit the pillow before she fell asleep.
Logan sat in the chair next to Erin’s bed.
Parker was sleeping peacefully. The young boy looked so tiny in Erin’s bed. The pillow his head rested on was too big, the covers too fluffy. Parker looked so small and defenseless and that terrified Logan. He couldn’t just sit here and stare at the sick boy, making sure he didn’t get worse. He needed to do something with his hands.
He spotted a basket of towels in a laundry basket on top of Erin’s dresser. Trying to determine whether they were clean, he lifted one to his face. The clean scent of lavender hit his nose, so he shook out the towel and started folding it into a tidy square. He grabbed another one and did the same thing. He continued until the basket was empty and all the towels were folded. He looked around for something else to do.
When Erin had asked him to come up to sit with Parker, Logan hadn’t hesitated to say yes. He wanted to help Erin; he wanted to be there for the kids. But once she’d gone back into the house to wait for him to get dressed, Logan had been hit with countless doubts about whether it was the right thing to do.
What did he know about taking care of kids?
The desire might be there, but Logan was lacking in wisdom when it came to cuts and bruises and fevers. Still, he was grateful that Erin trusted him enough to take him up on his offer and went to sleep. The way she swayed on her feet, he knew she needed some rest.
Not seeing anything else in the room that he was willing to mess with, Logan’s attention went back to Parker. Did he take his temperature with the thermometer Erin left on the nightstand? Did he get more water in case he woke up and was thirsty? Was he supposed to watch his chest and make sure he kept breathing?
Logan’s thoughts raced until a single thought came to his mind and stopped all the others.
Pray.
It seemed so simple, but was that really the answer? It had been a long time since Logan had prayed. He never stopped believing that God was up there, but he doubted the Lord wanted to hear anything he had to say. There was no way He wanted to hear any of Logan’s excuses of why he’d messed up so much.
The memory of his and Aunt Betty’s conversation came crashing back to him. She’d said he needed to ask for forgiveness and move on. For him, that meant taking responsibility for the things he’d skipped out on. He wanted to be there for Erin and the children. Watching over Parker so she could get some much-needed rest seemed like a great place to start.
Logan sighed as he looked out the window into the dark night sky. He needed to start with prayer. The thought still scared him, evidenced by the pounding of his heart, but he knew in this moment that this was where he needed to start.
Giving Parker one more look to make sure he was okay, Logan closed his eyes and prayed. Logan started with the way he disappeared ten years ago. He asked the Lord to forgive him for not being there for Jake, for Erin and the children, and for Aunt Betty. He asked for forgiveness for not coming back because he was too stubborn to look past his own broken heart. As he brought all of his shortcomings to the Lord, the weight he’d carried for so long lifted. His entire body felt lighter, and Logan was surprised that something so powerful could happen so quickly.
Aunt Betty had been right to point him in this direction, and Logan was sad that it had taken him so long to see the joy that could come from repenting of his sin. The relief. He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked at Parker once more.
The young boy was still sleeping, but he tossed and turned in the bed. Logan put his hand to Parker’s forehead. It was warm, but it didn’t feel terribly hot to him. He didn’t think restlessness was an emergency, and he really didn’t want to disturb Erin yet since a quick glance at the clock showed that it had only been an hour since she had left.
Pray.
Logan didn’t think praying for Parker’s fever would give instant results like his previous one had, but it couldn’t hurt either. He bowed his head once more, praying for Parker this time. He prayed for the sickness in his body to go away, hoping for healing for the immediate needs. But Logan also prayed that Parker wouldn’t be too broken over the loss of his father. Those kinds of scars were deep and unseen. Logan prayed that Parker wouldn’t have the rebellious streak he’d had.
He continued to pray for Parker’s future. That the Lord would make it clear what kind of role he should play in the little boy’s life. Logan could never take the place of Jake, in the same way Aunt Betty couldn’t take the place of his own parents. And he was moving to Florida soon. What could he do for Parker from so far away? He wasn’t sure. That didn’t mean he couldn’t show unconditional love to Parker and Samantha while he was here or that he couldn’t support Erin as she strove to be a single parent to them both.
Parker whimpered as he kicked the blankets off himself. His sleepy eyes found Logan. “Dad?”
Logan’s breath caught. No, not Dad. Never Dad. But hopefully something more than Mr. West. He shook his head. His voice was soft when he said, “No, it’s ... ” He wasn’t sure what he should call himself to this boy who had asked him to come read a story to him. Logan finally settled on, “Me.”
Parker blinked several times. “Mr. Logan?”
A small smile touched Logan’s lips at the name. There was still a level of formality in it that Logan wished wasn’t there, but the fact that Parker had exchanged his last name for his first made him happy. More than happy. “Yes.”
“Where’s Mama?”
“Mama is in your bed right now. She was very tired, and I told her I would watch you so she could sleep.” Logan leaned forward in his seat. “Is that okay?”
Parker nodded. “I think that’s okay.”
“Are you thirsty? Do you want a drink of water?” Logan reached for the glass of water Erin had left on the nightstand.
Another nod.
Logan gave the cup to Parker and watched as he gulped the water down in a matter of seconds. He chuckled. “Would you like some more?”
“Yes, please.”
Logan took the cup back and stood, his muscles ached from sitting in the chair for the last hour or so. He stretched his arms over his head. When he dropped them, he looked down at Parker. “I’ll be right back.”
Logan left the door wide open as he left the room so that he would be able to hear Parker if he called out. As he walked down the hall, he stopped at the children’s room. He peeked inside. Erin was lying on top of the covers, her body still facing the ceiling like she hadn’t moved a muscle the entire time she slept. She had to be wiped out. He’d promised her two hours. Would it be so horrible to give her another as long as Parker seemed to be doing okay?
Logan pondered this as he tip-toed down the stairs to the kitchen. He refilled the cup with cold water from the fridge and quietly made his way back to Erin’s room. Parker was still sitting up in the bed when Logan returned.
He handed the water to Parker, and once again, Parker drained the cup quickly. Logan wasn’t sure what to think of that, but at least he didn’t have to worry about the young boy getting dehydrated.
He sat down in the seat and quietly patted his hands against his thighs. “Is there anything else you need? More water?” He hoped not. “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”
Parker yawned. “I think I want to lie back down.”
“Then you should do that.” Logan helped pull the covers back while Parker got situated on the bed. Once he seemed comfortable, he pulled them over the boy’s shoulders.
Parker looked at Logan with wide eyes. “Will you stay?”
Logan’s thoughts went to the vow he just made. His throat was tight, and he said, “Yes.”