Chapter 31
31
KYLIE
I hear his voice from my desk as he talks to Roy. It sounds hard and void of any emotion, giving my body chills. His eyes remain glued to the ground as he walks past my desk. No acknowledgment of my existence. It tears up the remaining shreds of my heart. A heart that is broken—proof that what I feel for him is far more than what I even realized.
I spent most of last night lying awake as my mind raced with an endless number of thoughts. An entire range of emotions was felt—from anger to regret. I still can’t get the look on his face as I tossed out my accusations out of my mind. I don’t know what had come over me.
Perhaps it was a way of protecting my heart, which was clearly already so entangled in the relationship, that it exposed more than it should have.
One second, I cursed the man for putting me in the position to feel so vulnerable and doubtful of where we stood. His mood swings and blunt shutdown of any questions I’d asked about his family sowed a seed of doubt that just kept growing. It was only a matter of time before that doubt took hold and became too much for me to hide away. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.
But I was willing to give him the time to explain himself. I didn’t start with an accusation when I went into that office. Of course, he had to go and ask me to send flowers—the one thing he used to have me do after his dates. If it wasn’t for that little action, all of this could have been avoided.
I hear the familiar footsteps walk past my desk. This time, I refuse to look up. I just keep my eyes on my computer screen. I blink away my tears as the wedge that has been driven between us makes me feel lonelier than I ever have before.
It doesn’t make sense. I’ve been alone since I was sixteen. I’m used to being alone. How does a couple of months with someone change that?
“Hey.” Roy approaches my desk slowly. “You doing all right?”
I sit up tall. “I’m okay,” I reply with the best smile I can muster.
He doesn’t seem to be buying it. He just looks at me like I’m a lost little puppy. “I’ve known Lincoln for over a decade now. He’s not as tough as he looks or even as he likes to think.”
I’m not sure what to say back to him. I squirm awkwardly in my seat.
“What I’m trying to say is,” he continues, “give it some time. He isn’t the greatest with processing his feelings.”
I nod my head with a thin smile. “Thank you for saying that.”
“How are those spreadsheets treating you?” he says, veering the topic to safer ground.
“It’s a lot of numbers,” I reply without thinking.
He laughs loudly. It’s kind of a relief to see how easygoing he is. “That’s accounting for you. You’ll get used to it. If you have any questions, just let me know. If you can impress Lincoln with your work, you’ll pick this up in no time.”
“I impressed him?”
“Of course you did. He’s given you more compliments than any other assistant he’s had combined.”
He walks back into his office, leaving me with that feeling of regret that made its appearance several times last night.
What if I ruined the best thing that could have ever happened to me? I let my doubts and fears cloud my mind and let my stubbornness get in the way. Now I’m alone, and the only reason I still have a job is likely because he took pity on my situation.
Not because I actually deserve to be here.
I’m just a high school dropout who was in the right place at the right time to snatch an opportunity up from someone else who probably deserved it.
When it comes time for lunch, Morgan and Paris meet me at my desk.
“Let’s go,” Morgan says abruptly.
“Go where?” I ask.
“We’re taking you to lunch. I’m sensing you need to get out of this building for a bit. You don’t have to tell us anything if you’re not ready. We can all eat in silence if that is what you need.”
I smile softly with an overwhelming sense of appreciation. “Thank you. I think I could use a break from being here.”
Fifteen minutes later, we’re seated in a nearby restaurant, placing our orders.
They’ve been great, filling up the time with random topics. There’s no pressure for me to talk about any of the drama in my life. As much as I appreciate that, I don’t have any other adult in my life to talk to. It might be helpful to get someone else’s perspective.
That’s how I find myself telling the two of them everything. They know about my background, how I got this job, and exactly what went down with me and Lincoln. Instead of seeing judgmental eyes on me, I see them looking at me kindly.
“That’s about it,” I say, then take a deep breath.
“Wow,” Paris whispers. “That’s a lot. Thank you for being so open with us.”
“Agreed. Thank you,” Morgan starts. “How are you feeling about all of it now?”
My shoulders slump in defeat. “Awful. I can’t stop replaying it in my head. I go from anger to regret, back to anger, to sadness in the span of minutes. I’m all over the place.”
“That makes sense. From what I heard, it’s not an easy situation. Can I be honest?” Morgan asks cautiously.
“Yes. I think I need that right now.”
“Okay. Well, did you overreact and say some harsh things to him? Yes.”
I settle back in my seat. “I know,” I say as tears find their way down my cheeks.
“But I do see where you were coming from. He didn’t exactly go into it giving you much confidence. He told you up front that it was only a hookup, called it off abruptly, then decided he still wanted you. He made it seem like he wanted something real. And to anyone else, something real means letting the other person in. Of course, you were going to start feeling confused when he pushed you away like that.”
“Absolutely,” Paris chimes in. “And don’t forget, he knew he was your first. He should have been more careful with your heart. He’s not innocent in all of this.”
I let their words sink in.
On the way back to the office, I contemplate how I feel about them. Paris has a point. He had to know when I gave him my virginity that it was a big deal to me. I thought it meant we were moving toward something bigger. So, to feel pushed away and locked out of his heart left me feeling extremely insecure.
Now I’m feeling all fueled up again. Maybe I handled that one situation wrong, but at the end of the day, he wasn’t treating me right. I deserved better than that.