25. An Invite
25
AN INVITE
Sarah
It might have been the right thing to do, but there really was no getting rid of him.
“Hey there,” he said, looking absolutely gorgeous in his shades, tight jeans stretched around tree trunk legs, a pristine white t-shirt, and an open button-up shirt flowing around him in the sunlight.
I blushed and smiled back uncomfortably, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Hi,” Maiden waved at me cheerfully.
I smiled at him as he ran off into the classroom with Marvin and went straight up to Matthew Locklear. It was heartwarming to see how they’d become friends now.
“So… Um, about last night…” It was strange seeing such a big intimidating man looking so worried about choosing his words.
“It’s okay Hayden, we had a few drinks and got a bit carried away. You don’t have to explain. I mean The Bodyguard does things to people. ”
He smiled at that, but in a sad kind of way. Those big eyes looked so real. I wanted him to be real, but he couldn’t be.
When there were no more words from either of us, he frowned and said, “Okay, sure.”
He turned to leave and then stopped, looking back to tell me, “Sarah, it’s a great movie, and the wine was nice and all, but I don’t think that’s what last night was about.”
His face was deeply serious and there was something new and intense in his look, a longing maybe?
“It was nice Hayden, we can leave it at that.”
“Orrr…” His eyebrow climbed up his forehead as he dragged out the sound.
I looked back at him, narrowing my eyes and trying to read what he was about to say. “Or?”
“Crazy thought. I could use a date for this thing on Wednesday.”
Was he serious? Hayden Raynor, the man who didn’t date, was asking me on a date.
It was ludicrous, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “What thing?”
“It’s like a Mayor’s Ball thing, probably a bit stuffy. I don’t know if it’s your thing.” He stroked the back of his neck and looked up at me nervously.
I half-scoffed. It had to be a joke. It was the socialite soiree of the year, the kind that you looked at all the photos of the next day to see who wore what.
“You mean the Mayor’s Ball!”
“Uh, yeah. I think there’s only one Mayor,” he said, before adding, “Oh, there’s free drinks!”
“Hayden, I know what the Mayor’s Ball is!”
“Oh, so what do you think?”
I’d made my mind up already. This was going too far, getting too deep. I could only see myself being embarrassed, abandoned, and probably humiliated again if I let myself do this.
“Um, I’m sorry, Hayden. I can’t do Wednesday.”
“Gotcha,” he said sadly, trying to sound as if he wasn’t disappointed. Was he actually disappointed? “Well, hey, see you around then, Sarah.”
“Yeah. See you around Hayden.”
And with that, he turned on his heels as the school bell rang out. He went back to his glamorous life, and I went back to my… Life.
“You did what!?”
Kensy and I had holed up at Denny’s after work. I’d have preferred cocktails, but at least the coffee was good, and their lava cake was a dream.
“C’mon Kensy. He’s a fantasy. It’s not real. Let’s not forget the two dates before that.”
“Hayden fucking Raynor threw himself at you and you, YOU, turned him out.”
Kensy was staring at me with shocked bemusement. “What did he say?”
“Oh. Well,” I avoided Kensy’s eyes, “This morning he invited me to the Mayor’s Ball, if you can believe that!”
I thought for a moment she was going to faint, “The Mayors… OH MY GOD!”
“I mean, I said no.”
“You said… No!?”
“Well, it is quiz night,” I added weakly, knowing how poor that sounded.
“QUIZ NIGHT! …Okay. What the hell, Sarah! ”
I stared back at her, shrugged my shoulders, and pulled a face that said what-ya-gonna-do?
Kensy looked at me furiously. I’d never seen her look like this. I mean, I’d seen her doing her stern teacher act when faced with boisterous kids, but this was something else. It was actually pretty intimidating. I wondered if she was about to punch me square in the face in sheer rage.
As I stared helplessly at her, she took a long sigh, preparing herself to say the next words.
“Sarah. Look. I can handle this. The school, Hicks, the teacher-parent evenings, quiz night . I fit here. This is my happy. But I’ve known you for five years now and I keep waiting - waiting and goddamn hoping - for the day that you finally tell me you’re leaving.”
I watched her, frowning.
“This,” and she signaled to the room we were in, “This is not where your story ends, Sarah, we both know it. You want more than this, you deserve more than this, and I know you know it,” she leaned in and eyeballed me, “Stop worrying about falling and go and fucking jump.”
Fuck . I didn’t like being told off. I also hated that Kensy might be right.
When I’d come back to Merryville, I didn’t know how I would ever move forward. Happiness and love was the last thing on my mind. It was just how can I stop feeling so bloody miserable? And the only answer I could find that worked was to just turn it all off. To reject love. All those feelings and hopes. Those silly girlish dreams. It all got locked away.
I was so convinced that I didn’t deserve anything else that I just gave up and settled for the easy option, because it didn’t come packaged up with all that potential for being hurt again. I’d felt so weak and vulnerable that I couldn’t even face the idea of it. Then I simply forgot what else there was. It was just easier to be alone.
Kensy put her hand on mine and stared at me intensely. “I’m serious Sarah, you can’t pass this up. Do you really not want to find out?”
I looked back at her doubtfully, playing with the chocolaty crumbs on the plate in front of me.
“I mean, maybe ?”
“Sarah, for the love of God! Go and get him!”
The violence of her words shook me up. Feelings in me that had been long buried were unceremoniously dug up and emerged from dark, hidden corners. For the first time in years, I felt the vague possibility of the chains loosening around my trapped heart. The person I’d once loved being, who was once so hopeful and excited for love, she was still there, waiting behind the mask I’d hidden her under.
It wouldn’t be all that easy, but letting myself feel free of the sadness and letting in some hope for just a moment, was a breath of fresh air. Of course, it also came loaded with the horrifying idea that the fresh air might just as easily be poisonous and deadly and choke me.
Kensy saw my expression change as the realization slowly dawned on me.
“We’ll take my car!” She said with a burst of excitement.
There was a moment as we looked at each other, making sure we were both on the same page. Then we jumped to our feet.
Out on the highway, my stomach felt sick. Not because of what I was about to do, but because Kensy was swerving like a maniac through traffic, like we were racing toward the emergency room .
“Kensy, slow down! Jeez!”
The excitement might have got the better of her, but I was still unsure about all this.
“I don’t know, Kensy,” I really didn’t. I felt sick with nerves. “I can just text him.”
“No! You gotta do it face to face.” She yelled as she careered between cars again, smashing her horn at them. Yeah, if we even make it there , I thought.
Hayden
I put the car in drive and took off for Tommy’s. A cold beer and a dark spot were exactly what I needed right now. Anything but pining and feeling like this. I didn’t take rejection well, but Sarah had made it perfectly clear how she felt, and fuck , if it didn’t hurt like hell. That woman had wounded me and, as much as I tried to put it out of my mind, I couldn’t.
Jimmy was already there, lounging in a booth and leafing through the sports section of the paper.
“Hayden, you look like shit.”
“Yeah, well, at least I don’t smell like it.”
“Except, you do.”
We slapped each other on the back with a grin and I eyed the half-empty pitcher of beer waiting on the table. “Couldn’t wait, huh?”
Jimmy sighed as he sat back down - One of those long, fuck my life kind of sighs - and I filled a glass for myself.
“I’m tired, Hay,” he told me, rubbing his face. “I hardly see my kids or Gina, and the attitude on these young wannabe stars, they think they know it all. Like, they tell me what to do! Used to be the other way round, but no one listens anymore. ”
“Like this kid,” he stabbed his finger at a photo in the paper of Logan Hunter, America’s latest loud-mouthed track athlete, “We’re in a meeting with K-Sports, and I swear to God, right in the middle of it, he turns to me and tells me to go get him a cup of coffee.”
“Damn Jimmy, I’m sorry, that sounds rough. Hey, you ever want to get out and come to Merryville, maybe open an antiques store, do some fishing, eat and drink ourselves fat, I’m right behind you.”
“Few more years to go yet. Then I’m out, Hay.”
“Same for me Jimmy, except I don’t think I have much choice in the matter. It gets harder every year.”
“You remember in college, that girl, Betty?”
“Bet-sy,” I corrected him, while nodding as the memory flooded back.
“Yeah, she was sweet on you, and you sent her my way.”
“Yup, got bored with giving her the pork sandwich and needed somewhere else for her to go.”
“You… What?” Jimmy looked incredulous.
“Relax, I’m fucking kidding Jimmy! Never touched the girl. I swear I didn’t.”
“Uh-huh. ‘Course you didn’t!” He laughed. “Sometimes I think that maybe if I’d got with Betsy and taken a job in her dad’s hardware store, all this would be different.”
“You know she’s in jail, right?”
“Really? I did not know that.”
“Tried to stab her husband with a screwdriver, if I recall rightly.”
Jimmy’s eyes got wider. “Huh, guess it ain’t so bad then.”
We both took a moment to think about Betsy and being on the end of that screwdriver, before Jimmy got to what he really wanted to know about .
“So, you gonna tell me what all that was about last night?”
“Ah, Jimmy, I would, but it’s nothing. Didn’t really pan out.”
“You gotta be careful mixing with the locals, Hay. Before you know it, they’re a bleeding heart telling every news station and glossy magazine in town their story.”
“This one’s not like that.”
Jimmy looked at me, trying to read my expression. If anyone knew me, it was this guy. He could’ve laughed at me, called me out, but he could tell it was a sensitive topic and to respect it.
“So, you like this one, huh?”
“I don’t know Jimmy. It doesn’t matter anyway, she’s not interested, and…”
Jimmy said it for me, “I don’t date.”
“Exactly,” I nodded at him.
We sipped our beers for a reflective moment before Jimmy spoke again.
“Hay, I’ve never seen you give up on anything in your life, even when it got real goddamn hard. Nothing, except for one thing.”
I looked at him doubtfully. Was everyone my fucking shrink these days?
“Please don’t tell me you’re about to say love , Jimmy?”
He smiled into his glass, gently nodding, and I groaned and rolled my eyes.
“Hay. You can pretend it doesn’t matter, but one look at you and I can see it does. You got the bug. It’s in your eyes.”
Normally, I’d shut it down, make a joke, and move things along. Thing is, Jimmy always had a way of getting people to say what he somehow already knew. He could just read people like that .
“Okay, cards on the table.”
“Deal me in.”
“It’s Maiden’s teacher.” I waited for a reaction, but Jimmy’s eyebrows only lifted a little and he waited patiently for me to continue.
“Sarah. I don’t remember meeting anyone like that. I mean, she’s not like anyone else. She’s kind, even when she’s mad at me, and I’ve done that to her enough. Even then, I just love her looking at me… Usually, it’s just animal attraction, but with her… It’s… It’s like I just want to scoop her up and make her safe and warm and happy.”
“And that would make you happy?”
“Feels like it. But then again, my feelings go all batshit crazy around her. I keep fucking it up and I hate myself for it, but…”
“Hay, from experience, you and self-sabotaging anyone who gets close to you is pretty standard.”
He was right of course, but it still felt bad to hear.
“Hayden!”
I turned in the direction that my name came from and saw a girl approaching.
“Er, yeah, hi there.”
“It’s Kelly! We were at Worship together the other night.” Then to illustrate further, she rolled out her tongue, crossing her eyes at the same time in a cartoonish way.
Ah yes, the girl with the tongue piercing. Was she following me?
“Cool. So Kelsy…”
“Kelly,” she corrected me.
“Got it. I’m just catching up with my agent here.”
“Oh, okay! Just wanted to say hi. Hey, let’s take a selfie!”
“Nah, I think… ”
But she was already draped across me with her phone held out and giggling. “Say peaches !”
I gave a weak half-smile as she threw up the obligatory selfie fingers.
“Thanks. Hey, you wanna go to Inferno tonight? It’s going to be wild !”
“Nope. Can’t tonight, sorry.”
“Aw,” she pouted, then her wide not-a-care-in-the-world smile came back, like it was on a rubber band. “Well, see you around then!”
“Jeez,” Jimmy said as she walked away, tapping on her phone.
“Yeah, I don’t know where they get their weird energy from, honestly.”
“So, what?” Jimmy wasn’t about to let me off the hook. “You ask her out again? The teacher?”
“Actually, I kind of asked her to the Mayor’s Ball, but she said no.”
“Oh,” a serious expression darkened on Jimmy’s face. “Hayden, that’s probably for the best.”
Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows at him.
“Cara’s already been on the phone with me about that.”
Goddamnit, Cara couldn’t keep her fingers out of anything.
“And what does Cara want now, Jimmy?” My head was beginning to throb.
“Hay, you think she just happened to be in town at the same time? That woman’s always got an agenda. She’s got some bespoke Marc Jacobs dress that apparently, I have to pick up for her. She’s expecting to go with you.”
Or if not me, then Solly , I thought. So that was her game.
“What’s that look, Hay? I get you don’t like it, but you know Cara. ”
“Jimmy, I gotta tell you. Solly’s been staying at mine after another drama with Maria. Also, him and Cara hooked up.”
“Oh hell, no!”
“Yeah. I don’t like it either.”
“Hay, Maria can be a nightmare, but she’s a good lady. They’ll figure it out. She’s not going to shut out the father of her kids. Then again, she is one hell of a jealous woman, so if that comes out…”
Jimmy pulled an uncomfortable face.
“Uh-huh. So I don’t really have a choice, do I? Cara gets her designer dress to show off at the ball, Solly gets off the hook, and I have to play nice so those two can be happy.”
“Sorry Hay. Sometimes you don’t see the play until it’s too late.”
Sarah
As Kensy pulled up outside Hayden’s place, I had a newly found energy bubbling inside me. I thought I’d be anxious as hell, and I was after Kensy’s unsettling driving, but not about this.
She was right. He’d already asked me. All I had to do was walk up to the door and tell him, Hayden, forget what I said. I want to come with you. Take me to the ball. My heart danced a little just at the thought of what that might be like, all dressed up and out at an exclusive soiree with the captain of the Ice-Hawks on my arm.
“You ready?” Kensy asked.
“I’m ready, Kensy. Thank you. For everything.” We hugged each other, and she gave me a sweet, encouraging smile.
It felt like a long walk up to Hayden’s door, the seconds somehow stretching into an eternity, my legs feeling heavier with every step. Keep your cool Sarah, this is going to be a good moment. When I finally got there, I took a deep breath to compose myself, shook my hair out, rang the doorbell, and then looked down.
Oh, what the hell was I wearing? In all the excitement, I hadn’t even thought about it. I looked like I’d just stepped out of a secretarial college in the 80s. I quickly removed my glasses as I heard someone coming.
The door opened. But, instead of his looming figure appearing, two pale blue eyes stared out at me. And they looked annoyed.
“Er, yeah. Can I help you?”
I knew Cara from her photos, but up close she was something else, wearing a short blue-gray silk gown with embroidered dragons, showing off her perfectly toned and tanned legs. Damn, she was pretty. I felt ridiculous in comparison. How could I compare to a creature like that?
“Well?”
“Oh,” I stumbled, losing some of my nerve under her fierce gaze, “Well… Um… Is Hayden home?”
“What are you, a reporter?” She scowled at me and started to close the door.
“Oh, no, no! I’m Maiden’s teacher.”
“Huh. Is that right?” Then she hollered over her shoulder, “MAIDEN!”
Quiet footsteps padded over to the door and Maiden peeked his head out.
“Is this your teacher?”
He looked afraid of her. That made two of us . Maiden smiled at me, then it slipped from his face as he turned back to Cara and nodded, before running off.
“Okay. What is it then?”
“Oh, I just wanted to talk to Hayden for a moment. ”
“He’s not here. If it’s about Maiden, you can just tell me.”
“No, it’s about Wednesday, I just… Well, I’ll come back, maybe.”
“Wednesday,” she thinned her eyes at me. “You mean the ball? What are you babysitting or something?”
“No… I mean, he invited me and I just wanted to tell him…”
She laughed cruelly.
“Yeah. I don’t know what you think is happening, but Hayden has a date for the ball. Me. It’s not for…” She looked me up and down. “Well, people like you. What would you even wear? Something from Sears!?”
Her lips were thick with a sickly mocking smile, as if I disgusted her.
In return, I just stood there with my mouth flapping like a salmon out of water.
“Okay then. Good chat. BYE!” she said when I didn’t speak. Then the door was unceremoniously closed on me as I stood there frozen, red-faced, and embarrassed.
As I trudged back to the car, my expression told Kensy everything.
“I guess that didn’t go… well?” Kensy asked.
My phone pinged. It was Bernard.
Haven’t heard from you in a while. Dinner at mine later?
“Let’s just get out of here, Kensy,” I told her.
As I unlocked my phone, Hayden’s Instagram flashed up. There was a newly tagged post from @hotttbunnygirl , the two of them grinning as she splayed across his knee in a bar. Below was the comment Love my Hellraiser , followed by several skulls, aubergines, and fire engine emojis. Whatever picture they were painting, it made my mood darken even more.
I’d let myself get carried away, and I hated myself for it. I didn’t fit into this world of glamorous influencers, models, and bunnies. I barely even fit into my own world of grubby kids, sad teachers, and cheap wine. Hell, I was the kind of person who couldn’t even afford a car, having my best friend driving me around instead.
My sadness turned into annoyance, then to anger, which quickly gathered pace as I let my feelings bubble up. Since Hayden Raynor had arrived in my life, things had been getting worse and worse. I had to let it go, before I spiraled any further into my own personal quagmire.