35. Chapter Thirty-five
Chapter Thirty-five
Deacon
“You’re messing up, Deke!” Hailey screeched.
Startled, I looked up from the trim I was about to nail to the front of a drawer. “What’re you talking about?”
She hopped down from the stool she’d parked herself on in my shed and stalked over to the wood I’d just cut. Bending down, she picked up a strip and waved it at me.
“This one goes there. The one you have belongs on the other drawer.”
I frowned, glancing between the trim in my hand and the one in hers. Dammit. She was right. If I’d nailed the wrong piece, I would’ve set myself back even further on a project that was already running late.
“You’re right, kid. Thanks for looking out.”
Dropping the trim and my nail gun on my workbench, I blew out a heavy breath and swiped my forehead with my forearm. When I turned back, Hailey stood with her hands on her hips, her sharp gaze locked onto me.
“What gives?” she demanded.
“What do you mean?”
She gestured wildly around the shed. “This place is kind of a mess. You’re kind of a mess. Last weekend, you were focused. Now, you’re all over the place. What gives?”
Linda had dropped Hailey off again today, same as last weekend. She’d wanted to see more of my carpentry projects, and I figured having an assistant wouldn’t hurt. The difference was, last time, I’d had my head on straight. Now? My thoughts were scattered to the winds.
More specifically, they were on the Kelly Ranch and how badly I was screwing up by not being there. Phoebe had gracefully accepted me turning her down, but I’d have to be blind not to notice she had been disappointed.
When we’d parted this morning, she’d told me she’d probably be home late. And it was there between us, the divide I’d caused—space that hadn’t been there before.
It worried me.
No, it was consuming my brain.
Where Phoebe was concerned, space was my enemy. We were close, tight—hell, we slept joined together.
“I’ve got some things on my mind,” I said.
“Like what?”
My brows pulled together as I looked at her. One trait she shared with Richie was her sheer determination. She did not back down when she wanted something, and I saw from the stubborn tilt of her chin she’d latched onto this and wouldn’t let go until I answered her.
Propping myself on my workbench, I exhaled a long breath. “The Kellys are having an engagement party for Hannah and Remi today.”
“Okay…so what’s the problem?”
“I’m not going.”
Her jaw dropped. “They didn’t invite you?”
I hesitated, and her eyes flared. “They did.”
“ What ?” she cried. “Why are you here instead of putting on your fanciest jeans and getting your butt to the ranch?”
“It’s complicated, buddy.” My sister didn’t need to know the ins and outs of what went on inside my head. Hell, I didn’t even want to know.
Hailey threw her arms out wide. “This doesn’t make sense, Deke. Clearly you’re upset not to be with Phoebe, and I know Phoebe wants you with her. I mean, I’ve seen you guys together. It’s like little lovebirds tweet around your head. It’s sort of gross but pretty cute and obviously true love. So, why in the heck are you here and not there?”
I folded my arms and looked at her. Her freckles were almost glowing from how pink her cheeks had gotten. I didn’t want her disappointed in me, and I didn’t know how to explain without letting her down. There was no way I was getting out of this without giving her something .
“This relationship business is new to me, buddy, but it seems like taking part in a big family event is a huge milestone.” That was the truth, but only a sliver of it.
And Hailey wasn’t buying it. Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Come on, Deke. If you were invited, that means you’re supposed to be there.”
“I’m hanging with you.” The tips of my fingers dug into my ribs. “There will be other events for me to go to.”
“You could have canceled on me. I would have understood.” She slowly shook her head. “I don’t believe you’re telling me the whole truth. Do you think I’m a little kid who can’t handle knowing everything? I’m not. I probably have more relationship experience than you do.”
“ What ?” That had me standing straight. “The Spellmans let you date?”
“Well, ‘let’ isn’t the word I would use. But what they don’t know won’t hurt them, and they really don’t know I had two boyfriends freshman year and went to homecoming with Kyle Thomas this year.” She waved that bomb off like it was nothing. “I’m taking a break from boys for a while, though. They’re all pretty dumb. I just didn’t realize you were one of them. My own brother, pfft .”
“Two boyfriends and Kyle Thomas at homecoming?”
She flicked her hand again. “Not important. The point is, you’re being dumb by not being there for your girlfriend. Don’t you think she wants a guy who’s going to be there when it’s important? Are you trying to get her to dump you?”
I jerked hard. If my worktable hadn’t been behind me, I would have staggered back.
“I don’t—” I shook my head, clearing the fog. “I’m not trying for that. When it comes time for her to end it, it won’t be because I wanted it. She’ll realize—”
I cut myself off before I said something that couldn’t be taken back. I wasn’t about to tell my sister it was the blood in my veins, my last name, my history. Besides, the more I went over that list in my head, the less it made sense. Being in this shed while Phoebe was on the other side of town without me was nonsensical.
My sister was too damn smart for her own good.
“You think Phoebe’s going to end it with you? Like, it’s a sure thing?” she asked.
I lowered my chin in the affirmative. In my mind, it was a foregone conclusion.
“Because…why? Does this have to do with the Kellys being rich or something? If it does, you’re just as bad as all the people who give us a hard time for being Slaters.”
My shoulders bunched. “People give you a hard time?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, of course they do. That’s why I used the Spellmans’ last name on my job applications. But that doesn’t matter right now. You know what Phoebe said when she found out? She said she knows the town can be close-minded, but she’d never be one of them. And guess what, Deke? You’re being one of them!”
“I love you, buddy, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Although some of what she was saying rang true. “I haven’t even told you why I’m not at the ranch. Like I said, it’s complicated. I have a past that doesn’t exactly make me the kind of man parents want their daughter to end up with.”
“I’m not stupid. I can see you love Phoebe and kind of worship the ground she walks on. The only reason I think you believe she’d be doing the dumping is because you think you’re not good enough for her. She doesn’t think that. That’s all you, being a close-minded dummy.”
I chuffed. “Tell me what you really think.”
“Fine, I will.” She threw her arms out wide. “Phoebe and her family know you’re a Slater. They know you went to prison, and you were still invited to their party. What else are they going to find out about you that will make them turn their backs? Come on, Deke, use some critical thinking skills here.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Critical thinking skills?”
“Yeah. Mr. Rosen, my English teacher, is always telling us that. Analyze the story and use the information we’ve been given to formulate our thesis. We’re not to put our own thoughts and feelings into it. You’re using selective perception to jump to a false conclusion. Mr. Rosen would not be impressed with you, Deke. In fact, he’d give you an F .”
Dropping my hand, I stared at my sister, both impressed and horrified. She’d clearly been paying attention in school, had taken those skills she’d learned and used them against me. Appreciated that. But damn if she wasn’t right. That was all there was to it.
Phoebe knew all the bad about me. No doubt her family did too. She’d known it going in, and she still wanted me. She showed it in her unabashed joy every time I walked into Sugar Rush. Her constant curiosity about every detail of my life. Warm hugs. Sweet kisses. Her cooking, sharing her interests and wanting to be a part of mine. Her quiet, easy acceptance of my ongoing struggles with my past.
Yet, with all the acceptance she’d given me, I’d still assigned her this unearned judgment when it was me being the judgmental one.
If I kept my head stuck in my ass, losing her would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
God knew that was the last thing I wanted to happen.
So, what was I doing here when she was all the way out at the ranch?
“What am I doing?” I uttered.
Hailey hmphed. “That’s what I’ve been asking!”
I straightened and slid my phone from my pocket, handing it to her. “Call Linda. Make sure it’s okay that you come with me to the ranch.”
Hailey squealed. “I’m on it.” Then she stopped and looked me up and down. “You’re not going like that, are you?”
I didn’t have to look at myself to know I was a mess. “Nope. Going to do like my wise sister said and change into my best jeans.”
I just had to hope I wasn’t too late.