Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
‘H oly cow, not again!’ Lacie heaved herself up from the wicker chair on the patio, creaking under her weight, as she went for yet another trip to the bathroom. She was barely sleeping at all now, needing to get up every two hours, and then not being able to get comfortable in bed despite five pillows in various positions and a fluffy mattress topper. Last night her back had been aching and waking her up too.
When she returned to the patio, she opened her notebook where she was jotting down ideas for the beauty services and packages she’d offer in her new salon. It wouldn’t be for quite a while, but she thought she might as well get prepared before she had hardly any spare time. Her phone beeped with Instagram notifications and she smiled at how many likes her latest video tutorial had received. Despite Ellie only being interested in black eye liner when it came to make-up, she had agreed to be Lacie’s model for her videos. And she was building followers every day. It had given her something rewarding to do while progressing through her pregnancy, not being used to not working every day.
She added a custom make-up tutorial to her list of services, so she could analyse the client’s skin and advise on the best make-up products and colours to suit them, and instruct them on how to easily apply them at home.
She’d be offering all the usual beauty services, and each time she’d get an idea for a great pampering package, she’d add it to her list. She could have standard packages that were always available, as well as seasonal packages and special occasion packages. She’d need to think of names for her treatments too. So far, Ellie had not been the best name-thinker-upperer, preferring to give them silly names like ‘Messy Mulch Massage’, ‘Geriatric Glow Facial’, and ‘Pimple Popping Perfection’.
She giggled recalling her brainstorming session with her sister, and sighed at how much better she’d been in the last couple of months. Regular mental health appointments and following a healthy eating plan and more consistent sleep routine had helped. She was even getting up earlier than Lacie lately.
Today Lacie was on her own in the house, as Ellie and her mother were out buying baby presents and she wasn’t allowed to come. Penny was at work, and they’d invited Melina too of course, but understandably she declined. It was hard for her, having done her first round of IVF with no success, and gearing up for the next one. Chris had visited the weekend prior while she was taking the girls to their father’s, and told them how devastated they’d been when they got the negative test.
The creak of the gate opening made her lose her train of thought, and she glanced up and to the front of the yard to see Nathan walking in carrying a heap of garden things. She was about to discreetly pop inside to avoid having to speak to him, as they’d gotten used to doing the past couple of months with not much more than a polite nod or curt smile in greeting to each other. But he noticed her just as she stood, and she acknowledged him with one of those nods again. She pretended she was stretching and then sat again with her notebook.
‘Just dropping off some supplies for tomorrow’s work,’ he said, and he proceeded to deliver the items to their required locations.
She pretended to write in her notebook but was really just doodling, when he approached and stopped near her.
‘How are you?’ he asked, but not in his usual friendly way, more of a concerned way.
‘Good. Well, I’m pretty uncomfortable, and I’m aching all the time, but it’s okay. All for a good cause. How are you?’
‘Good.’
‘I’ve seen your latest videos on YouTube, looks like you’re getting more of a following.’
‘Yep.’
The air was tense and she felt like she had to hold her breath.
‘Well,’ he glanced to the front of the property, ‘I better go.’
‘Nathan.’ She went to stand.
‘It’s okay, don’t get up.’ He held his hand out and she surrendered to the chair again.
‘I really am sorry,’ she said.
Nathan diverted his gaze from her.
‘I hate to see you like this. You’re such an easy-going, friendly guy, and now you’re all tense and serious.’
He crossed his arms. ‘I just don’t like people being dishonest with me.’
‘I know, and I wish I could turn back time and just tell you. I’m annoyed at myself for not doing so.’ She lowered her head a moment, her belly obscuring her view of the ground in front of her.
‘Why was it so hard?’ he asked. ‘You didn’t feel like I was worthy of knowing your secret, or you didn’t think I was important enough in your life to share things with?’ He looked her in the eye with a rawness she hadn’t seen before.
She gripped the armrests. ‘It was because I felt such a strong connection to you that I didn’t tell you, it was because I liked you so much and didn’t want to lose what we had that I didn’t tell you.’ She sighed. ‘Okay, so that was selfish of me, I know, and I’m sorry, I just, it just… all got out of hand. I could blame the lack of judgement on the pregnancy hormones, but I know that’s a cop out. Honestly, I thought it would just fizzle out and you’d lose interest anyway, with me being so far away.’
‘I was becoming more interested each day,’ he said, his voice slightly louder than before.
‘But if you knew I was having a baby, well, I assumed that’d kill the mood and be the end of our amazing chats and special connection, at least in the same form.’ She locked her gaze with his, and it was like she could see deep into his heart, and feel the hurt there, but also the connection they’d had. ‘I wasn’t ready to let go of what we had so soon. It was special, and unique, and easy, and exciting. And honestly, talking to you was like talking to my best friend, but more than that. It felt like… it felt like…’ She looked up at the sky, then down at the ground, and rubbed an ache in her lower belly. ‘Oh, it doesn’t matter.’
Lacie closed her notebook, no longer in the mood for business planning. She pushed on the armrests and lifted herself up. ‘Nathan, if you can ever forgive me, please know you can trust me. I promise, I’m not a deceitful person. I am honest and trustworthy. I just… made a mistake, that’s all. I’m only human.’ She shrugged, and felt like she needed the bathroom yet again, until an unusual warmth spread below and trickled down her legs, a puddle forming on the patio tiles. She gasped. She looked up at Nathan, her mouth open, humiliated that she’d peed herself in front of him.
‘Is that… your waters breaking?’ he asked, looking as shocked as she felt.
‘Oh!’ Relieved, she laughed. ‘Yes. Phew. It’s just my waters breaking.’ She placed her hands over her belly, then realisation hit her. ‘Oh my God. It’s my waters breaking. My waters broke!’
‘I thought you weren’t due for a while?’
‘A few weeks. Oh my God.’ She swivelled side to side, disoriented. ‘What do I do?’
‘Towel?’
‘Okay. I’ll go get one. And I’ll change my clothes.’
‘And then you should maybe get to hospital,’ he added. ‘Your mum’s car’s not out front, no one home?’
She shook her head. ‘No, just me. They’ve gone shopping in Welston.’
‘I’ll drive you then,’ he said.
‘Are you sure? Should I wait till they get home? Labour can take ages to start and even longer to finish. I’m not even in any pain. Although I have been… achy, I guess.’
‘Ah…’ He scratched his head. ‘I think if you’re going to have to get there eventually, you might as well go. I can stay in the waiting room, I guess, till your mum comes.’
Lacie’s heart rate rose and blood pumped forcefully through her chest, her legs becoming weak and wobbly. ‘I’ll, ah, go do those things I said.’ She gestured to the house. ‘And get my hospital bag. And lock up. And I’ll meet you at your car.’
‘Do you need me to help with anything?’
She shook her head.
Nathan lowered his head a little. ‘I should have left you in peace to relax. I hope our conversation didn’t set things off somehow.’
Her nerves had been heightened, talking to him, explaining with heartfelt intent why she’d avoided telling him she was pregnant. But she didn’t think a bit of stress would trigger labour. ‘No, it’s okay. Don’t worry. See you out front. Oh, would you be able to wheel my hospital bag out?’
She went back inside with him and he took it out the patio doors, then she cleaned herself up, changing into a loose-fitting, knee-length maternity dress so that if anything happened, well, she wouldn’t have to deal with a pair of pants. She grabbed her phone from its charger and packed them both in her handbag, then took a towel from the bathroom, and made her way to his Ute out front.
‘I better call the hospital too, let them know I’m coming.’ She called and they said if the waters had broken it was a good idea that she come straight in, even if she wasn’t having regular contractions. Then she called her mum and told her not to rush, but whenever they finished their shopping they should come to the hospital. She texted Penny who was still at work, and Chris and Matt, to let them know their niece or nephew would probably be arriving soon. ‘Am I forgetting anything?’ Lacie asked, her nerves jittery and her voice shaky.
‘To take a breath?’ he suggested, and she thought she saw a hint of a smile on his face. She had no idea if her words had gotten through to him and if they meant anything, they hadn’t been able to continue and now the moment was gone. All she could think about was getting to hospital and trying to remember all she’d learned about breathing and movement and affirmations and helping labour to progress as well as possible.
Lacie practised some breathing techniques she’d learned, and her muscles relaxed a little. The ache in her lower belly and back appeared every so often, and she rubbed her abdomen.
Nathan drove carefully and kept to the left lane on the highway, allowing people to overtake. He pushed the radio button and changed the station to classical music. ‘Will this do?’
‘Yeah, thanks.’
On arrival, Lacie gave her details and situation, and the nurse tried to usher Nathan through as well.
‘Oh, I’m not the father,’ he said. ‘I’ll just wait here until your mum comes.’ He took a seat in the waiting area. ‘Good luck, Lacie.’
She smiled a nervous thank you and entered the room, hopping onto the bed. This was it. She didn’t know how long it would take, but soon a real, live baby would be in her arms. Her heart fluttered and her hands shook a little.
She was asked a series of questions and then a cuff was inflated around her arm. ‘Blood pressure is good,’ the midwife said, ‘pulse is a little racy but I guess that’s just nerves.’ She offered a smile. ‘It’ll be okay. You’re in the right place.’ She checked her cervix and was told she was two centimetres dilated, then attached a thick, wide strap with some kind of device on it to her abdomen. ‘The CTG will record the baby’s heart rate and we’ll be able to see if there are any contractions,’ the midwife said.
Lacie nodded. It was all a blur. Surreal and a little scary. Her belly continued to feel achy but nothing major yet.
‘No pain?’ the midwife asked.
‘Nope. If it stays like this, it’ll be a breeze!’ she joked, and the midwife gave an… interesting smile.
‘Agghhhhh! Ohhhhh my Godddd,’ Lacie exclaimed several hours later, another contraction gripping her abdomen like a vice.
‘Breathe through it, in and out,’ the midwife encouraged.
She exaggerated an inhalation and exhalation, trying to push away the pain.
‘Work with the pain, not against it, sweetheart,’ her mother said, holding her hand, while Ellie stood behind, rubbing her back.
‘Owwwwww, ohhhhhh,’ she moaned. Her belly felt like it had a giant rock inside it, pushing against her skin. Heat overtook her body with each contraction, and she begged for another cold cloth for her forehead and an ice cube to suck on as the contraction subsided. She knew she’d only have seconds until the next one hit, and the anticipation was daunting.
She took some slower breaths in preparation as the next wave of pain rolled through her, verbalising her pain with primal sounds as it increased in intensity. She felt like an animal in the wild, her body doing this enormous feat all by itself and all she could do was go through it.
At the next break between contractions, she vaguely heard the midwife say she was fully dilated. Soon enough, a pressure she could not resist weighed down on her pelvis, and an unstoppable urge to push had her clenching her jaw.
‘With the next contraction, bear down and push but slowly, allow time for everything to stretch.’
The pain overtook her and she focused all her energy downwards, pushing, taking a breath, then pushing some more. A stinging sensation intensified and she tried to stop pushing from the pain, but the urge persisted.
‘I know this part hurts, but it means your baby is on its way out. Keep going!’
She pushed again and again, the stinging, burning pain getting worse, but the urge getting stronger each time. She felt like she was pushing for hours, and she had no awareness of how much time had gone past. Push after push, she thought she’d have to keep going for much longer, until with the next push, her mother gasped and said, ‘Almost there, sweetheart!’
More pain and another push. ‘The head is out,’ the midwife exclaimed. ‘One more big, gradual push to get the shoulders out carefully, okay?’
Lacie followed the instructions as best she could, trying to control the urge not to push too hard and fast all at once, letting it build so she could reduce the risk of tearing.
She took a breath as though she was getting ready to dive underwater, then scrunched up her face and with an almighty effort gave a massive but controlled push. She felt a sudden pop and a release of pressure, a slippery sensation easing her pain.
‘Baby’s out!’ her mum exclaimed.
A second later, a beautiful, high-pitched cry filled the room, and Ellie said, ‘Ohh!’
Before she could process it all, the midwife placed the baby on her chest and Lacie’s mouth opened wide in awe, her heart swelling with love at the sweet little scrunched-up face. She held out her finger and the baby gripped it with tiny fingers.
‘Oh my, it’s a beautiful baby girl,’ Martha said, leaning in close and giving Lacie a kiss on the cheek, Ellie leaning over her shoulder.
Lacie’s heart melted in an instant, all memory of pain forgotten, the angelic little face of her daughter right in front of her. The love was immediate and immense, filling her whole body. She held her baby close to her skin, chest to chest, the midwife placing a blanket over them. She traced the outline of her baby’s lips with a gentle finger, then her cheek, her head with a soft coating of blonde hair, and returned it to her baby’s hand and surprisingly strong grip. Lacie’s eyes welled with happy tears. If this moment lasted forever, it still wouldn’t be long enough.