Chapter 26 #2
“It’s all built off the soil tests and last year’s yield,” he says.
“We use that information to divide the field into zones based on how it actually performed. Once that map’s loaded, the planter’s GPS always knows where it is within those zones.
So when you cross from one into another, it automatically changes the seed rate to match what that section’s set for.
” He taps the screen again, and thin lines appear over everything else.
“You can still see how it’ll respond, even though we don’t have the planter hooked up.
When we cross zones, you’ll see the rate change here. ”
My eyes move across the screen, trying to take in the field I thought I knew, but is now split into small sections and labelled with colours.
I know this field, and I’m used to seeing maps of all of them on the displays… but not like this.
This is different.
Too different.
I swallow and shift in my seat, letting out a slow breath as I lower my hand and press it against the inside of the tractor beside me, feeling the vibration of the engine through my palm. The rumble is solid and predictable, and something I can understand.
Levi doesn’t continue, so I shift my eyes to him again to see him watching me. But he just flicks his gaze back to the screen and taps to zoom into a section of the field with a single, straight line.
“The same one you’ve always used to keep you straight and show where you’ve been.” He looks at me again. “You’re still the one running it. This system doesn’t change that. All this does is handle the transitions. It takes care of the adjustments and the hard stuff, so you don’t have to.”
I bite the inside of my cheek as I’m suddenly overcome with so much emotion, I feel like I’m going to burst out crying right here. And I don’t know why.
Or maybe I do.
Maybe it’s because this all feels so familiar. Because I notice the way he’s teaching me like he always used to. He never made me feel like an idiot, and he had more patience for me than I deserved. And now, after everything… he’s still doing it.
I thought I’d be pissed about it. But I’m not. I appreciate it. And even though part of my brain is trying so hard to fight it, I’m thankful he’s taking the time to do this for me.
Tears blur my vision, and I quickly turn my head to look out the side window so he doesn’t see.
“You ok?” Levi asks gently.
I just nod and try to blink back the tears, but they won’t go away. They just keep building and threatening to spill over.
Levi’s hand lands on my shoulder, and I close my eyes as a tear finally breaks free and rolls down my cheek.
That touch alone feels like it just undid so much inside me, and I don’t even know what it is.
So I turn to face him and let him see it.
His gaze follows the path the tear left on my skin, and he nods softly. “A lot has changed.”
I nod, unable to find any words.
“And a lot hasn’t,” he says.
I nod again, and I notice he hasn’t removed his hand from my shoulder.
I hope he doesn’t.
My eyes stay locked on his as I take in all the details of his eyes, from the dark ring around the brown, and the honey-coloured flecks near the centre.
My eyes start to dry, and my breathing evens out as I look into them, and I let this comfortable feeling settle inside me.
I always thought his eyes were beautiful.
Something about them always made me want to study every movement, fleck, and shift in colour.
And now, sitting this close to him again…
they might be more beautiful than they were before.
The part of me that’s been trying so hard to hold on to my anger towards him suddenly feels really small. And I think that right now, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t be mad at him.
His eyes drop to my lips, and I watch his chest rise and fall before he quickly looks away.
But when he meets my gaze again with a small smile, the corners of my lips tilt up just a little, as a weight seems to lift from my shoulders.
His eyes flick between mine for a moment before he awkwardly shifts his weight in his seat. “Do you…” he starts, then gives a small one-shoulder shrug, “want to grab a beer tonight?”
My eyes widen, and I just stare back at him, completely frozen and unable to move, think, or speak as my heart fucking riots, and I press my hand harder to the side of the tractor.
Levi winces as he drops his gaze, and guilt slams into me.
Fuck…
Why does something so small and… normal… feel so fucking big?
He shakes his head and forces a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s ok,” he says. “Sorry.”
I see the flicker of disappointment he tries to hide before he turns back to the screen and taps something.
But I keep my eyes on him.
I don’t want this. I don’t want fear and anxiety around him. I don’t want to hate him.
And I don’t. I know I don’t.
I want him back in my life. I just don’t know how to do that while everything inside me is trying to tell me it’s not safe.
Why does it keep telling me it’s not safe…?
I nod, even though he’s not looking at me. Then I pull my hand from the side of the tractor and pull in a breath. “Yeah.”
His head turns towards me so fast I lean back a bit.
“Really?” he asks with wide eyes.
And I can’t help but huff out a small laugh at how surprised he is. And I guess I am too.
I nod, and Levi’s smile grows, the sun hitting him just right to light up his entire face.
Fuck, I missed him.