Chapter 46
FORTY-SIX
“Keigan, what are you doing?”
I turn at Mom’s voice and catch Keigan lowering his phone, way too late to pretend he wasn’t just taking a picture of me.
“Nothing,” he says, shoving it back in his pocket.
“Subtle,” Jade chuckles, and takes a sip of her wine.
I just shift my attention back to the yard where Winston is running around with his toy, tossing it in the air and running after it. I don’t even want to bother with any of that right now.
“Did everyone get salad?” Mom asks, placing the bowl in the middle of the outdoor dining table and scanning everyone’s plates. Then her eyes lock on Keigan. “Keigan. Salad.”
He sighs and holds his plate out, and she loads it up with a large portion of salad. His face twists in disgust, and Dad lets out a low chuckle beside me.
I lean forward and pick up my fork, trying to shake off the nagging sadness I’m feeling. My family is all here, in Mom and Dad’s backyard, with the sun shining, enjoying a delicious meal that Mom cooked. I should be happy.
But I’m not.
I’m worried. Because I just keep thinking about Silas. And us.
After talking to Brock last night, I could see it and feel it in him.
How he panicked and spiralled, and his deep-rooted beliefs took over.
I don’t know if I managed to convince him that our families are not going to act that way, but I was able to calm him down and keep him from disappearing.
But… he was still distant and hard to reach.
I hate how much it’s hard-wired into him that people will abandon him for him simply being himself.
And I hate that Brock had to say that shit when Silas could hear it.
I’m not even upset that Brock said those things to me, because I don’t care what he thinks.
He can go fuck himself. We weren’t even close.
He was just one of those people to grab a drink with and stand next to at a concert. I didn’t lose anything there.
Which only makes everything so much clearer.
Life in Toronto never meant anything. It was a placeholder, and nothing more. I have no desire to return, and I haven’t even thought about it since I’ve been back.
Because I’m meant to be here. This is my home.
I’m meant to be on red sand beaches and open farm fields… with Silas.
My gaze shifts around the table, taking in my family wearing smiles and laughing as Keigan shares a story about his recent adventures waterskiing.
And it’s perfect. This is perfect. Sitting here with my family, just being together and being ourselves… exactly who we need to be, in a safe space, with safe people. These people I love with my entire heart.
And who I know would accept me no matter what.
“So, I’m bi.”
Everyone stops talking, and all eyes land on me.
For fuck’s sake. I could have said that better.
Actually. No.
Fuck the filter.
This is me.
I look between Mom, Dad, Jade, and Keigan as they all share glances, and silence stretches over the table.
Keigan sets his fork down and draws his brows together as he looks at me. “So… that’s why you don’t want a dating profile?” he asks. Then he throws his hands in the air. “Well, shit, dude, that’s fine. We can jazz it up a bit for the fellas. No worries there.”
Jade bursts out laughing, and Mom turns to Keigan with confusion written all over her face.
“Dating profile?” she asks him.
“We’re trying to hook him up,” Keigan says simply, gesturing towards me.
Dad huffs and shakes his head, lifting his beer to his mouth. “Let him live.”
My eyes dart between all of them as I just sit here like a useless lump, and my brain takes its time to catch up to what’s happening.
Even though I knew they would be ok with this, intense relief flows through me that they are, in fact, ok with this.
“So, you don’t…” I flick my eyes between Mom and Dad. “You don’t have anything you want to say, or…?”
“Oh, yes, of course.” Mom sets her fork down and reaches across the table, placing her hand over mine. “Thank you for telling us, Levi.”
I stare back at her, and Dad just claps me on the shoulder.
That’s it? I mean, I really appreciate how supportive they’re being, but I kinda expected some questions or hesitation, or… something.
Jade smirks at me across the table and shrugs one shoulder. “Honestly, I’m not surprised. I always kinda got that vibe from you.”
My gaze narrows on her. “What does that mean?”
She just shrugs again. “I don’t know.”
Keigan leans forward with an eager smile. “So, you said you were taken… by a dude?”
Every head turns towards me, and heat creeps up the back of my neck as I try not to blush.
Silas didn’t want to tell our families yet, so I’m not going to out him. And I would never put that out into the open without him here, and without him choosing it for himself.
But also, after how it all went down with Brock, I don’t even know where we stand now on anything.
“Still the same one,” I say, forcing a smile. “Curvy graphs and all.”
Keigan rolls his eyes and spears a piece of chicken with his fork, while Jade just huffs and lifts her wineglass to her lips.
I glance between my parents, as they just smile softly at me.
“So this doesn’t change anything?” I ask.
Mom’s brow furrows immediately. “Of course not. Why would it?”
Dad eyes me, then crosses his arms on the table. “Is there a reason you’re telling us now?”
I let that question sit for a moment as I try to understand why I chose to blurt that out right now.
And I think it was for a few reasons. And not only to finally get it off my chest and subconsciously ease any doubts that my family may not be ok with it.
But also… to take our power back.
Redwave flashes through my mind, and a swirl of emotions rolls through me.
Life stripped our power away from us. And together, we’ve been fighting to take it back, piece by piece, and end the destruction and pain.
But our hearts were never taken from us. I always had Silas’s, and he always had mine. From the day we met.
And nothing can ever change that. Ever.
Together, we can walk right into the fire and come out stronger.
My love for him has only grown, and now I know, without a doubt, I am in love with him. And I will do everything I can to prove to him that I will protect him, fight for him, and always, always turn on the light.
I nod and pull in a breath. “Yeah. But...” I shrug. “I need a bit more time with that reason.”
Dad nods slowly as he observes me for a moment. Then he reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “We’re always here for you, Levi.”
I smile at him and at the rest of my family around the table. I know that once they find out it’s Silas who has my heart, they’ll still be here. They’ll love us just the same.
And I’ll be standing right next to him as we walk through the fire together. Whenever he’s ready.