Chapter 40
FORTY
INDY
Ilove the way she smiles at me.
I love the way she wakes up in the morning and gets breakfast going—well, not since we’ve been staying with Mama and Papa, but before.
There are so many things about her that I love. I’m bursting with it, but when she told me she loved me in the barn, I froze.
I was afraid to say it back, out loud. It’s scary, even knowing it in my head… How is it possible to have only just met someone, but feel like you can’t breathe without them? To love someone so much, but not be able to get the words past your lips to tell them?
My phone pings with a text, and I’m almost tempted to ignore it. But I pull it from my pocket, and look down to find my best friend’s nickname on the screen.
BUTTERCUP: Got plans on Saturday??
ME: Not that I know of, why?
BUTTERCUP: You’re with me after the market, deal?
ME: Since you asked so nicely…
I don’t know what she’s got in her head, but I could use some quality best friend time. I’m sure Summer can find something to do without me.
“Good news?” She asks, walking over and scooping me up in her arms.
With a squeal, and wrapping my arms around her neck, I nod and place a kiss on her lips.
“Lucy asked me out Saturday,” kicking my feet as she walks us to the buggy, she pouts, a playful tilt of her lips, and deposits me into the driver’s seat. It occurs to me then that she’s never driven it before.
“Hey, you get in here.” I shout, making her pause at the front of the machine.
She points to herself and then to the driver’s seat I’ve crawled out of. I nod, and she tilts her head as if asking if I’m sure.
“Come on, it ain’t that hard,” I taunt.
She relents and climbs into the driver’s seat, and with her hands on the steering wheel she looks down at the three pedals. “I haven’t driven a stick shift in years.”
“It’s like ridin’ a bike,” I assure her, waiting for her to crank up the engine. She pushes in the clutch and brake then turns the key. “See! You already remember one of the hardest parts!”
I’m so excited I lean over to tap her knee. She rolls her eyes and places her hand on the gear shift.
“Okay put it in first, then ease off the clutch and press the gas.” Guiding her through a driving lesson shouldn’t be funny, but the way she stalls the buggy the first couple times and gets frustrated, is.
“Stop laughing!” She says, laying her head on the wheel.
“I’m not,” I say, just as more giggles burst out of me.
She tilts her head to peek at me and lifts an eyebrow.
“I can’t help it. I’ve never seen you so discombobulated. You’re always so cool and sure of yourself. This new side of you is… sweet.”
“Sweet is your MO, Honey,” she grumbles and sits back up. Determination hardens her face and she starts the buggy again. This time she gets all the way to second gear before stalling. Our bodies jolt in the seats, and my giggles continue.
“Like riding a bike, my ass.”
“It is like ridin’ a bike!” My stomach hurts with how much I’m enjoying this.
“It most certainly is not,” she says under her breath while I attempt to hold in my laughter. I’ve never seen her so frazzled, it really is cute.
“Stop overthinkin’ it, and just trust your instincts,” I encourage at exactly the moment we stall again.
“That’s it. Nope I’ve had it,” she declares, turning toward me with a glare that doesn’t reach her eyes while she pokes me in the side making me laugh harder. “Did you enjoy yourself, Honey?”
“Stop it. God–” I swat at her to make her stop tickling me, but she doesn’t relent. “My face hurts, I give. Please, no more.”
“Mhmm. That’ll teach you,” then she’s turning in her seat and pointing a menacing finger at the steering wheel, “Now, behave.”
Once she gets the hang of the buggy, out of sheer will, we park in front of Mama and Papa’s house and climb out. I’ve got to get some work done in the Honey Hut, and I’m sure she’ll want to come with me.
Once we get there, it doesn’t take long before she falls into step beside me, and soon we’ve got six dozen jars filled with golden liquid and I’m sweating up a storm.
“Let’s call it a night, Honey,” she says, reaching for my hand and pulling me into her front. “I’m sure your Mama’s got a whole feast ready.”
She’s not wrong, Mama tends to over cook, but with all the work people are putting in around here, I think it’s warranted. We hardly ever have any leftovers, and when we do, Mama manages to make the counselors take them back to their cabin for snacks.
Stepping back and grabbing her hand, we walk toward the house, but Summer stops me at the swing and nods toward it. “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone use this.”
“Probably because we’re too busy…” I know that must sound like we don’t enjoy anything outside of working on the ranch, but that’s not it. We just love what we do, and it doesn’t leave much time for swinging. “Plus, it’s probably rotten by now.”
“It doesn’t look rotten to me,” she puts her hands in her pockets and waits for me to sit. When I do she walks behind me, gently pressing her hands into my shoulders and swinging me. “I think the counselors were talking about going to The Raven this weekend, do you want to join them?”
Thinking about the first place we kissed makes my body bloom with heat, and I bite my lip thinking about how far we’ve come since then. “Actually, Lucy asked me to do somethin’ after the farmers market this Saturday.”
“Right, you mentioned that, it sounds like fun,” she says, and I can hear in her voice that she means it.
“But with everythin’ goin’ on, I just don’t know, I mean–”
“Honey,” she says, interrupting my verbal thoughts, and coming to stand in front of me. “You want to go, so why are you talking yourself out of it?”
I hadn’t realized she could read me so well. Then again, we’ve spent a lot of time together and I’ve been told I don’t have the best poker face. “I’m not–”
“You are,” she interrupts, stopping me from trying to come up with an excuse. “Why do you do that? Why do you think what you want doesn’t matter?”
What a loaded question.
Looking down at my feet, I kick the dirt under the swing I could have sworn was rotting just a few weeks before. There are so many things I would have done for myself, had I not been worried about the ranch.
So many things I’d still like to do.
“My family comes first,” I whisper, “the ranch comes first.”
“Going out with your friend won’t change all the work you’ve done on this ranch,” she says, kneeling down so we’re face to face and I have no choice but to look at her. “You can still live your own life, Indy.”
“Can I?” I scoff.
“Why wouldn’t you be able to?”
“Well for starters, I just barely got this ranch back from the edge of bankruptcy, and now with whoever’s coming after you, vandalizin’ everything I saved, settin’ my cabin–that I worked so hard on with my Papa–on fire…
I’m afraid that if I’m not here somethin’ worse will happen, and this time we won’t recover. ”
She sits back on her heels and her chin drops to her chest. “Honey…”
“I didn’t mean–I know it’s not your fault, it’s just–” I quickly try pulling all those words back into my mouth.
“I knew this was comin’,” she says, looking up at me with shiny eyes.
“If I were a less selfish person I would’ve left long before anything escalated, but I had to know you, and I’m not sorry I stayed.
I wish I knew what the hell this person wants, I’ve never prayed for anything more, but we’ve done everything we can.
You’re going to have to learn to trust someone else to look after this place. ”
Taking a deep breath, I bite the inside of my lip to not lash out but the words escape anyway, “Like who? You?”
The echo of my anger sits between us, heavy, and loud. I don’t know why I said that. I’ve never been the kind of person that hurts the people she loves, but I can see that’s exactly what I’ve just done.
“You can’t be everything all at once, Honey.” Summer whispers, before she stands and walks to the house, leaving me there on the swing.