Chapter 18
Levi
It’s my Nan’s birthday today. And every year we throw this big family barbecue. Sadly, I missed the past two years, just like every other holiday.
I’m excited for it, but also feel beyond guilty that I’ve picked work and extra money over family. I was blind to it back then because my family understood, but now that I think about it, it was selfish of me.
You’re not guaranteed forever with the ones you love, and you should spend as much time as you can with them before they’re gone.
It’s sad that it took spending time with my fake boyfriend to actually start enjoying and living my life.
Speaking of my fake boyfriend, the whole family thinks we’re together. This is the first time we’re going to be around my family since my sister’s wedding. I’m not sure how we’re supposed to act. I didn’t ask Austin about it because I didn’t want to make things weird.
Maybe I’m overthinking it. Honestly, how Austin acts with me, even when people aren't around, it’s like we’re actually dating. The touches, the kisses, the smiles that make me melt. So, he’s already got that spot on.
The only things I’m dreading are the questions. We’ve gotten a few at the wedding, like how long we were dating, but it was my sister’s wedding, and all the attention was spent on her, as it should have been.
Now, there’s more time for questions, and it’s been two months now, so I know we’re going to get even more questions.
And I don’t know how to answer them. Because they’re going to be lies, only they’re not?
Austin and I are fake-dating. But at this point, is it even fake anymore? Everything about the connection between us feels real. I see the way he looks at me, and I know it’s not how just a friend looks at another friend.
Only, I don’t want to ask or bring the conversation of feelings up, just in case I’m wrong and mess up the good thing we have going on.
This little bubble I’ve built with Austin is perfect, and I don’t want anything to pop it.
I’ve never felt so loved and wanted in my life. No, he doesn’t outright say he loves me, but he shows me. And I’m not stupid, I know it’s not just for the act because he does it when we’re at home. Where no one is around to keep up the ruse.
I believe Austin likes me more than a friend. And I sure as hell know I’m in love with that man. I want to ask him if we can stop lying to ourselves and make this official.
We can’t keep playing pretend. We will have to have that adult conversation. Just not today. Or tomorrow. Maybe next week. Or next month.
Okay, I’m letting fear control my real-life issues, but that's tomorrow's problem.
“Do you think Nan will like it?” Austin asks, staring down at the gift he bought my grandmother.
“I think she will love it.” I smile. My Nan’s favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast, so Austin found this stunning forever rose. It looks exactly like the one from the movie.
He wouldn’t tell me how much he spent on it, but from the look of it, it’s a lot. There’s some sort of clear coating over the rose to preserve it, and the dome it’s in is real crystal. I’m pretty sure there are even some diamonds on it from the look of it.
My Nan is going to freak out, in the best way, and I can’t wait to see the look on her face.
“Alright, let's get in there.” Austin looks over at me with that smile that melts my heart.
Smiling back, I nod my head and go to get out. “Wait!”
“What?” I look over at him with confusion.
“Just wait,” he says, getting out of the car and running around to the other side. He opens my door, and I laugh.
“Really?” I smile wide.
“I’m a gentleman, Levi,” he huffs. “Opening the car door for my boyfriend is the least I can do.”
And it’s things like this, where no one is around, that have me believing this could be something real, something long-term.
Shaking my head, with the grin still on my face, I take his hand and let him pull me from the car.
As we head around to my parents' backyard, I can hear the sounds of my cousins screaming their heads off and laughing. Excitement fills me, and I’m glad I came this year already.
“Hey!” Austin greets everyone like he’s part of the family. Because he is. Hell, at this point, he’s probably more part of the family than I am. And I’m not even mad about it.
I stand back and watch as my mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all come over to greet him. Austin places the present down on the table with the rest of them before coming back over to me.
“And look who I brought,” he wraps his arm around my shoulder.
“Levi.” My Nan’s face lights up, and tears sting my eyes as she rushes over and cups my face.
“My darling Levi. Oh, I’ve missed you.” She pulls me down and peppers kisses all over my face.
I pull her in for a hug and try not to cry because fuck, I missed her.
I missed all of them. I can’t believe I’ve let work take over my life so much.
No more missing family events. They’re more important than money.
“Hey, Nan,” I whisper, my voice cracking. Nan hugs me for a good, long moment before letting me go. I say my hello’s to the rest of the family and give my mom a kiss on the cheek.
For the next little while, we all mix and mingle. Charlie is here, but I notice Claire isn’t with him. He seems fine, but I’m noticing that as soon as he finishes a beer, he’s already onto the next one.
“Austin.” I look up at him. “What’s going on with Charlie?”
Austin frowns. “I don’t know.” He sighs heavily. “Honestly, things between us have been different for a while.”
“How so?” I frown.
“I’ve kind of been preoccupied with life,” he says with a guilty look. “And anytime I try to talk to him, he insists he’s fine. I know he and Claire have been going through some ups and downs. I’m guessing by her not being here, they’re fighting again.”
My brother and I used to be so close growing up. But since I’ve made school and work my whole life, he’s been pushed to the back like the rest of my family.
I’m a shitty brother. I need to try harder with him. With my whole family, actually.
Today is a good start. It’s been amazing just talking and catching up with everyone. I don’t think I’ve laughed and smiled so much in such a long time.
“I’m gonna go talk to him,” Austin says, drinking the last of his beer and kissing my cheek.
He leaves me and heads over to Charlie. I stand and talk to Mom, filling her in about Peanut and what Austin did. She might not be a fan of dogs, but she thinks it’s so damn cute what Austin did for me. Her words exactly too.
Eventually, I make my way over to where my Nan is sitting next to my Pop, who’s in a very deep conversation about hockey with my uncles and dad.
“Hey, Nan.” I smile over at her.
“How are you doing, my love?” she asks. She’s in her late seventies but has the spirit of a thirty-year-old. Her health is amazing for her age, too. Gives me hope she’s gonna be around for a while longer.
“I’m good,” I tell her honestly. “School is good, I’m set to graduate with good grades, and I have a job waiting for me at the vet clinic I work at.
” I’m looking forward to working there full-time on the weekdays.
I’ll miss working at O'Connell's, and I appreciate everything Eddie’s done for me, but my time there is coming to an end.
“That's good, my ducky. But how are you doing?”
I blink at her, not sure what she means.
She smiles and pats my hand. “I see how happy you are with him.” Nan looks over to where Austin is.
He’s hanging out with my younger cousins now, playing some sort of monster game and letting them climb all over him.
He doesn’t care at all, a big smile on his face, and fuck, it melts my damn heart.
“I’m glad. He’s good for you. You're good for him, too.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, emotion clogging my throat.
“I’m proud of you,” Nan says, surprising me.
“What for?”
“For seeing your worth.” She smiles. “That ex of yours.” She shakes her head. “He was a real wicked man. I saw how he drained you. How he put my grandson down.” She looks pissed. “I never liked the fucker.”
My eyes widen, and I snort out a laugh. “Nan!” I gasp.
“Oh, hush.” She waves me off. “You can’t deny that man was a piece of shit.”
“Well, no.” I agree. “He was. It’s you swearing that has me so shocked.”
“I’m not just some sweet old lady, Levi,” she laughs. “I still have some bite in me, too.”
“I can see that.” I laugh.
“Austin. He’s what you need. He brought back that shine in you. That smile. All I’ve ever wanted for you, for all my family, was to be happy. And that goes for Austin, too. That boy is just as much a grandson to me as you and your brother are.”
Ugh. That means the world to hear. I know it would mean a lot to Austin, too.
“So, when are the two of you getting married?” she outright asks.
“Uhh.” My eyes widen.
“I’m not getting any younger either. I want me some great-grandbabies. So, get started on that.”
“Right. I’ll go out and get pregnant.” I snicker.
“Don’t be a smart ass.” She swats at me.
“Austin and I have only been dating for a few months now. I think marriage is something that’s too soon to be thinking about. Same with kids. Hell, I don’t even know if he wants kids.”
“Look at him and tell me he doesn’t?” Nan nods her head towards Austin.
“He’s always loved kids. And I’ve talked to him myself before.
He wants kids. A big family. To get married and start a life.
He might come off as what you kids call a playboy,” she scoffs.
“But underneath, he’s a sweetheart, and a romantic. ”
I want to ask my Nan just how much she knows about Austin. How close are they? But I’m too busy watching him with the kids.
He wants a family?
Would he want that with me?
I know I want kids. Lots of them. I love kids.
Could that be something we could have together?
No. Because you’re not actually together. And until you have that conversation, you’re going to be living in limbo of what the fuck is going on and where your life is going.
Ugh. I really do need to talk to him.
The longer we keep this going, the harder I fall. And if this is something Austin doesn’t want, I need to know now, because if I get in too deep, I won’t find a way out.
The thing is, I’m already halfway there.