Chapter 14
JED
Erin and Zack returned to university, Lucy started the new term at the TEC and that first week passed with no sign of Aaron or Ingrid.
As we moved into the following week, I assumed Aaron had listened to her and accepted that he couldn’t have art lessons from me.
Wally the wombat sat on his chair in my studio and, every time I looked at him, a wave of sadness washed over me.
I missed Aaron, but I had done from the moment I was cut out of his life so nothing had changed there.
The overriding sadness for me right now was Ingrid’s refusal to let me help him nurture his talent.
It was plausible that she hadn’t realised how much drawing meant to him, especially as he’d had to do it in secret, but she knew now and it seemed she still wasn’t supporting his passion.
Or maybe she was and it was just that she didn’t want me to be involved.
Thursday was a quiet day for the gallery, intermittent rain showers and a blustery wind keeping the customers away, so I spent most of the day in my studio while Anastasia kept shop.
We were an hour from closing when she called up the stairs that I had a visitor.
One of the local crafters whose products I stocked had said she’d stop by with a new range at some point this week so I assumed it would be her but I was stunned to see it was Aaron.
It was so strange seeing him looking all grown up in his senior school uniform that I just stared at him for a moment, lost for words.
‘Can I still have art lessons from you?’ he asked.
Ingrid’s voice was in my head telling me to stay away from him but I hushed it. This wasn’t about her.
‘Of course you can. Now?’
‘Yeah, or next Tuesday after school.’
‘Now’s fine. Come upstairs.’ I led him into my studio. Even though I knew what the answer would be, I had to ask. ‘Does your mum know you’re here?’
Aaron hesitated and I suspected he was debating whether or not to lie. ‘No,’ he said eventually. ‘She told me I wasn’t allowed to visit you again and that I had to come up with a sensible career choice.’
That comment made me smart. Throughout our relationship, she’d belittled my interest in drawing, had been dismissive of any compliments from others and had given me no encouragement when I’d wanted to open my own gallery.
Fortunately, I’d believed in myself in my thirties in a way I hadn’t previously and I’d refused to let someone push me off the path I was clearly destined to follow.
If Aaron had dreams, I wasn’t going to stand by and let them be squashed.
‘It’s not ideal that she’s not on board,’ I said, ‘but you’ve got real potential so I’d like to help you. What would you like to work on first?’
‘Animal eyes.’
‘Okay. You look in that cupboard for a sketchpad and pencils while I make a coffee, then we’ll go down to the gallery and I’ll show you examples from some of my artwork before you have a go.’
I’d been a rule-follower all my life and it didn’t sit comfortably with me spending time with Aaron when Ingrid had explicitly said I couldn’t.
But it made me even more uncomfortable thinking of him having a talent and a dream to do something with it but with no support or encouragement.
He deserved better so I was going to break Ingrid’s rule and enjoy every moment of having my boy back with me, united by a shared passion.
I wasn’t able to be his dad but I was damned if Ingrid was going to stop me from being his teacher and his cheerleader.
We took a break after an hour and Aaron wandered over to Wally the wombat and picked him up.
‘Mum flipped when she saw him.’
‘I know. She threw him at me.’
‘She didn’t tell me that part. Sorry. I should have hidden him.’
‘No worries. If you want to smuggle him home and hide him, you’re welcome. If not, he’s here any time you want to drop by.’
He hesitated before placing Wally back on his chair. ‘I’ll keep him here for my art lessons.’
I wished he could take his old friend home but I was equally glad that keeping him here gave an incentive for Aaron to return. And he’d just said he would be returning. Surely that had to indicate a thaw towards me.
‘Did you talk much?’ Tara asked as we took Doris for a walk round The Headland that evening.
‘Only about art. I tried a few questions but he either ignored me or gave me a really short answer. He’s clearly torn between hating me for my alleged abandonment and wanting my help so there was this awkward undercurrent.’
‘If he comes regularly, I’m sure he’ll start opening up.’
‘That’s what I’m hoping for. It has to be at his pace but at least I know he’s going to be around for a few months so we have time to take it slowly.’
Surely that was enough time to find a way to ease his pain without dropping Ingrid and Declan in it.
‘And how are you finding it all?’ Tara asked.
‘A bit unsettling. I helped Erin and Lucy with their techniques and I always assumed I’d be able to do the same for Aaron one day.
Now I’ve finally got that chance but I know how easy it’ll be to get carried away, forgetting that he’s not my son and that I don’t have the right to feel like a proud parent with each improvement he makes. ’
Tara took my hand and pulled me towards the sea wall, out of anyone’s path.
‘Why don’t you have that right?’
‘Because I’m not his parent.’
‘Do you still feel like his dad?’
‘Completely.’
‘Then you are his dad, no matter what biology says, in the same way that Kirsten and Tim are my parents even though we’re not blood relations. Being a parent isn’t just about biology. It’s about behaviour and it’s about love and you tick all the boxes.’
Tara’s support was gratefully received and nobody understood the importance of family who weren’t blood relations better than she did but the two scenarios were different.
Aaron still had both of his biological parents and neither of them wanted me in his life so, much as I was loving the time spent with him, I hated that it was clandestine.
I was trying to stay positive but I couldn’t shake the feeling that, when Ingrid found out – which I was convinced she would at some point soon – me defying her wishes would have serious repercussions.